We Rewatched All 11 Hours and 36 Minutes of the Lord of the Rings Extended Edition Because Our Dad Is Visiting and It’s That or Have an Actual Conversation

This December marks the 20th anniversary of the release of Peter Jackson’s epic conclusion to the Lord of the Ring trilogy Return of the King. What better way to celebrate than to break out our blu-ray extended edition of the films whose run time clocks in just under twelve hours. It is just a coincidence that our father happens to be visiting for the holidays.

Sure, the Lord of the Rings is one of the few things that my father and I have in common and the one thing he doesn’t seem to find “woke” lately. So it is either engage with my father in the perilous journey that is a normal conversation that will almost surely devolve into a yelling contest or we can sit in silence, slowly getting drunker and drunker, while we watch Frodo and Sam carry the Ring of Power to Mount Doom.

My family has always been known for our inventive ways of dodging interpersonal connection, this year choosing to face the daunting trilogy marathon as a united front. Much like the Council of Elrond, my family will be united under the one cause to make it to the end of the holidays without physically fighting on the front lawn. As the opening credits roll, my entire family will collectively sign in relief, knowing that the next half-day of their lives is spoken for, and there is no need to engage in awkward small talk about politics, relationships, or my dad’s new “suspicious” African-American neighbors.

I can really only listen to my dad talk about his new tankless water heater for so long. Middle Earth, on the other hand, is an expansive world where we can escape the minefield of our traumatic relationship and, instead, bask in the glory of epic battles, wizards, and Ents. We got a 24-case of Labatt Blue, two bottles of Wild Turkey, a Kroger cheese sampler, and about six dozen chicken wings to carry us through the marathon.

The only major challenge will be avoiding talking while changing discs and any necessary bathroom breaks. I do worry that my wife or my mother might attempt to disturb that delicate balance that my father and I have created but my wife is just as afraid of talking to that man as I am and my mom, well, mom keeps everything bottled up.

By the time we say goodbye to my parents and watch their car disappear in the distance like the Elves leaving for the Halls of Mandos on Valinor, we know that we will have fought a battle just as hard as the brave men and women of Helm’s Deep. This will truly be a holiday to remember.

How To Turn On Visual Sound Effects In Fortnite

Competitive Fortnite can be very sweaty, and players must seek out every possible advantage they possibly can, including the feature to visualize sound effects, so find out how in this Fortnite guide.

 

Wordle Today – Answer And Hint For #937 January 12, 2024

 

How To Turn On Visual Audio In Fortnite

In order to turn on Visualize Sound Effects in Fortnite, open the Menu from the top-left, and then the Settings near the bottom of this side panel. Next, at the top, navigate all the way to the right, to the Audio tab. On this page, in the second section titled Sound, you will find the toggle for Visualize Sound Effects. This is set to off by default, so simply turn it on, hit Apply, and you are done.

Why Are Visual Sound Effects Not Showing In Fortnite

This is an uncommonly reported bug, and is not an issue with the effect itself. It seems that game audio can bug out and cause this problem to arise. The first thing you can try is turning the Visualize Sound Effects setting off and back on again. If the problem persists, restarting the game is your ultimate solution to this issue.

MORE IN FORTNITE:

Why Use Visual Sound Effects In Fortnite

Emote close to an opponent in this Fortnite My Hero Academia challenge in Week 2.Visual sound effects add helpful onscreen indicator icons to a color-coded radial placed in the center of the screen around the aim reticle. This can be a helpful accessibility feature for folks that are hard of hearing or deaf, as well as people that either do not want to or cannot wear headphones while playing the game. It can also prove useful in tournaments when there is just so much blaring on over both game audio and voice chat, that you miss actually vital audio cues.

Visual sound effects can give users an unfair advantage over players that use audio exclusively, as the range at which the visual audio system picks up and displays events is longer than what players would normally hear it from, even after the last nerf.

Fortnite Guardian Shield Item Guide: All Locations & How to Use it

Among the icons you will see are:

  • Gunfire
  • Footsteps
  • Crouched Footsteps
  • Driving
  • Chests
  • Player Healing
  • Ziplines
  • Gliders

Why Use Visual Sound Effects In LEGO Fortnite

In LEGO Fortnite, visual sound effects are especially useful for hunting particular enemies, be they Skeletons or Brutes. Just like in regular Fortnite, you will be able to locate and identify threats from much further away, instead of just relying on audio cues.

Overall, visual sound effects are a highly effective Fortnite gameplay feature that players should definitely turn on and make use of, regardless of whether they can hear well or not. If there is one reason to keep it off, that would be because of how distracting it can be, especially in firefights, as it clutters up the screen around targets.

We Broke Into the Office of the Lies of P Developer to Discover What the “P” Stands For

When the soulslike game Lies of P was released to the masses on September 19th, 2023, it was met with critical acclaim and financial success. For many, this was great news. A well made game without any microtransactions or live-service nonsense for gamers to enjoy. But for us dedicated journalists at Hard Drive, we had received a mystery to solve: What does the P stand for? What does the title even mean? Lies of P? Who or what is “P”? And what does this “P” have to lie about?

The first step of solving the mystery was to, of course, play the game. Now, we here at Hard Drive take great pride in our gaming abilities. Why would we write about video games if we couldn’t play them? However, after 3 long hours of throwing our generic brand Timothée Chalamet protagonist at this giant carnival robot boss, it became clear to us that the game was specifically designed to be unfair and impossible to beat.

It would have been of no use for us to look up gaming guides or walkthroughs. After all, the Hard Drive team couldn’t get through it, who could? Clearly everyone else had gotten stuck on the exact same point as us and was clearly pretending to love the game out of embarrassment. That was when we realized we had to go even further to uncover the truth. 

Sure, we could have called or emailed the developers responsible for Lies of P and asked them what the “P” stood for, but that would have made them suspicious. Any game company willing to put such a brutal, unforgiving boss fight right at the beginning of their game in order to keep even the most skilled gamers alive (us) from progressing clearly has something to hide. If we were to discover the truth, we were going to have to take drastic measures – investigative journalism. And so, after waiting until the stroke of midnight and wearing our investigative journalist uniforms (ski masks and gloves), we set out to do our duty.

Believe it or not, there was actually not much in the way of security at the Lies of P developer’s office. No spike traps, electrified fences, sniper nests, sleeping guard dogs on chain leashes, or (thankfully) giant murderous carnival robots. While on the outside it may have looked like any regular office, we could tell with our journalist instincts that this was simply a front. Inside this rather plain looking building hides the true secret behind the “P.” If we wanted answers, we would have to get inside. 

We were pretty confident in our abilities to use a credit card to pick the door lock after watching some YouTube tutorials. Unfortunately, it seems that those videos, much like the game we were trying to expose, were based on lies. One snapped credit card later and we realized we would have to take a more drastic measure. A measure that involved a brick, a window, and the throwing of said brick through said window. 

The inside of the building was just as unremarkable looking as the outside. It appeared to be a very typical game developer’s office, filled with cubicles, computers, and potted plants. We worked our way through the office looking for any clues we could find, but we found nothing notable as we rummaged through each and every cubicle. Pens and papers. Knick knacks. Stress balls. Pictures of smiling families, blissfully unaware that their loved one works for a clandestine operation (we would change that soon, of course). On one desk we found a pink stapler and played around with that as the solution, but the theory was slowly discarded. Lies of Pink Stapler? Wouldn’t that make it Lies of PS? It was a ridiculous notion. 

On several of the desks, oddly enough, we found copies of The Adventures of Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi. We assumed that meant the employees were doing some sort of book club, but leafed through the pages in order to be thorough. Some of the books were highlighted throughout, clearly by the overachievers of the book club. Looking inside what looked to be a conference room, we found the whiteboard filled with the word “PINOCCHIO” written in capital letters in the center, surrounded by other character names, locations from the book, excerpts and questions. It all began to make sense. This conference room was clearly where the book club was held.

Frustrated, we pieced together what we could. This office seemed more interested in the story of Pinnochio than the story of their own game. So much so that the story in the game seemed to outright plagiarize the story in the book. We cleverly noticed that the man in the story, Geppetto, had the same name as the man mentioned at the beginning of the game, and that both stories heavily featured puppets that came to life. While admittedly the story of Lies of P was way more violent and cool than this rather boring book, we wondered what Carlo Collodi would have to say about this act of piracy.

We would have dug further, but by then the police must have been notified. When we saw the red and blue lights coming down the street and heard the sirens, we cleared out quickly, before any of us thought to take any photos.

And so our investigation was cut short before we could discover the truth behind the absurd title. What could the “P” possibly stand for? And what does the game have to do with The Adventures of Pinocchio? If you ask us, we would say the “P” stands for “Plagiarism.”

We have since attempted to find Carlo Collodi to report that his story has been stolen, but have had no luck so far. Clearly this author is a J.D. Salinger-esque recluse. Until then, we must bide our time and plan for the next opportunity to blow the cover off this whole scheme, finally revealing to the world what Lies of P really means. 

As soon as the charges are dropped, of course.

Playstation Wrap-Up Data Reveals Gamers Spent 64% of Time Managing Console Storage

SAN MATEO, Calif. — Sony PlayStation’s Wrap-Up 2023 data reveals that gamers spent 64% of their time managing storage on their PlayStation 4 and 5 consoles.

“2023 was a banner year for Sony Interactive Entertainment and its essential consumers. With many exclusive titles and third-party content, competition was fierce,” said CEO and President Jim Ryan in a press release. 

“But the data doesn’t lie – and the data shows, time and time again, that our core base loved maneuvering their data between consoles and hard drives more than anything else. This says a lot for how we’ll approach our 2024.”

Gamers’ online reactions to the data ran the gamut of emotions, from shrugged resignation to frustrated confusion.

“I thought I played a lot of games this year. Spider-Man 2, Baldur’s Gate 3, even just Fortnite,” said PS5 owner Caitlin Sims.

“But when I think about it, I did spend a lot of time figuring out how to make room for all the install files and updates of these games. Hell, I might’ve even deleted Fortnite for Spider-Man. I’m glad there are games on my phone, cause I would play those while I waited for the data transfers to be done.”

Retail employees at game stores also noticed the trend shifting away from playing actual video games toward maximizing storage efficiency.

“During Black Friday, nobody wanted to buy the new Call of Duty or pre-order that Avatar game,” said GameStop assistant manager Joe Teneman. 

“All anyone could talk about were the hard drives we had for sale – how HDDs can’t play PS5 games, how you have to install internal drives yourself, how to change your default installation location. I saw a mom literally say, ‘This M.2 2TB SSD will make my son’s Christmas,’” continued Teneman. “That was surreal.”

Nintendo also put out an end-of-year 2023 summary of consumers’ Switch habits, but players need 17 SD cards to access the data.

Bomberman Arrested in Rural Montana Cabin

MISSOULA, MONTANA — After a four-decade manhunt, the FBI’s search for the notorious “Bomberman” came to an explosive conclusion this Tuesday when a daring midnight raid on a rural Missoula Cabin led to the arrest of prime suspect John Bomberman.

The arrest ended a string of bombings that have baffled authorities and delighted gamers since the late 1980s. Though the frequency of these attacks has decreased greatly since their peak in the 1990’s, authorities were glad to have the perpetrator in handcuffs.

“We had various leads indicating our suspect was some kind of small robot in a white gimp suit,” said senior FBI agent Judith Delecto, “but what really closed the case was a tip-off from the suspect’s close friend Black Bomberman”.

The bombing spree, which originally began in Peace Town but later shifted north to Diamond City, caused cataclysmic damage. Forensic specialist Guillermo Sanchez recounts, “The bombing spree killed dozens of these strange cycloptic ball monsters, and animated balloons, as well as destroying millions of dollars worth of brick walls covering hidden doors. This guy was a real sick puppy.”

A search of the terrorist’s cabin revealed several bombs, a manifesto, and several illegal items like the Skull powerup, which indicates the 10 year old Japanese expat had machinations of bioterrorism. They also found correspondence with someone he referred to as ‘Dr. Ein’ who seems to be the one supplying him with some of these items. Police sent out an APB for this man, describing him as “a short rotund older man with spiky white hair, usually wearing glasses and a lab coat”

The FBI released a snippet of the manifesto, which read “Bomberman can only rely on bombs of his own production for his defense. Will Bomberman ever make it to the surface? Once there, will he really become human?”

At press time, the FBI announced another manhunt, as the terrorist somehow put a large hole in the wall of his holding cell and escaped.

Google Maps Introduces New Fog of War Feature

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — Tech giant Google is planning a revolutionary new feature named “Fog of War” to their Maps app, according to a product announcement video from executives including CEO Sundar Pichai.

“With Google Maps people can search and view their next big trip, walk to the park, or even spy on your former employer with street view. The possibilities are endless,” said Pichai.

“But we want Google Maps to be something even bigger. The video game industry is rapidly expanding, but we don’t want to step on any toes by creating our own games. Instead we aim to make everyday life feel like a video game.” 

Lorraine Twohill, Chief Marketing Officer at Google, then explained the thought process behind the new feature.

“People that play video games find that getting from point A to point B can be trivial and boring. Most people that use Google Maps will also agree that the app just shows you a destination with surrounding landmarks, and it feels like an endless fetch quest,” said Twohill.

“Our Maps app has helped people get around since 2005, but if someone knows where they’re going they don’t even look at the app. We figured, why not add an element of surprise? With the launch of Maps 2.0, we’ll now save every location a user has ever visited and cover everywhere else with fog, so every day users can feel like adventurers.”

The new feature is currently in the beta phase, but some testers voiced concerns online, including Bill Drake.

“As a big fan of Silent Hill I was very excited to try this feature. Unfortunately during my first test run I was driving to work and thought I was taking a shortcut but I was actually driving through someone’s farm,” said Drake.

“I’ve told Google about that but they’re fully committed to launch the Fog of War feature by the end of this quarter. Issues aside, it’s a great feature. You can be out grocery shopping and discover a new dive bar, or suddenly drive through a waterfall on your way to work.”

According to reporters who were present at the announcement, Google is changing Maps’ tagline from “Getting people from point A to point B” to “figure it out yourself.”

Ranking Every Resident Evil Game So We Can Write Them Off as a Business Expense

Resident Evil launched in 1996, kickstarting a beloved franchise with fixed camera angles, claustrophobic hallways, and resource/inventory management that hooked me from the first moments I played the game. Unfortunately, all of these games cost money to buy and I don’t see why the IRS should get any of that, especially because I really need the money a lot more than the government does.

So, here’s a ranking of every Resident Evil game so I can write them off as a business expense.

#18 – Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles

Umbrella Chronicles was the first of the light gun games on the Wii, retelling the events of Resident Evil, Resident Evil Zero, and Resident Evil 3. There is added context added to these events, but it still feels like a better use of time to just play the originals. I honestly wasn’t even going to put the light gun games on this list, but I did spend money on them and I need to salvage every penny I can from this.

#17 – Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles

Darkside Chronicles is the sequel to Umbrella Chronicles, and the reason I was so damn confused when I played Resident Evil 4 as a kid. Resident Evil 4 acts like the player already knows who Major Krauser is, but his backstory is only explained in Darkside, which wouldn’t be released until four years later. This much needed telling of Operation Javier is the only reason to ever play this game, so I’d recommend you skip it and watch the cutscenes on Youtube or something.

#16 – Resident Evil 3 Remake

On its own, the remake of Resident Evil 3 is a perfectly fine game that I genuinely enjoyed my time with. The dodge mechanic is extremely satisfying to pull off once you’ve mastered it, and it’s short enough that I can beat it in an afternoon, which has led me to replay it far more than some of the other entries. Unfortunately, a lot of content was cut here. Nemesis encounters feel a little bit too scripted, Uptown Raccoon City and the clocktower both got gutted, and the removal of the live selection mechanic seriously hurts replayability in an already rather short game from a franchise known for replay value.

#15 – Resident Evil: Revelations 2

I’ve only played Revelations 2 a single time, and I don’t remember a damn thing about it. I suppose that means it couldn’t have been all that bad, but it certainly wasn’t particularly good. If anything, being forgettable is worse for a game than being good, and the only thing I remember about this one is that I spent my hard earned money on it.

#14 – Resident Evil: Revelations

The first Revelations was originally a 3DS game and it shows. That doesn’t make it bad, but the technical limitations make it a less ambitious game than its home console peers. The parts where you play as Jill are pretty fun, but they should have made up the whole game. I’m pretty sure by putting it on the list I can also get away with not paying taxes on the 3DS I bought for this game back in the day.

#13 – Resident Evil 6

It was really hard to find a good spot on this list for Resident Evil 6. Initially I ranked it quite a bit lower because it’s a bit of an unfocused mess, but I realized I had a lot more fun playing it than any of the previous entries. Is it more of a Mission Impossible game than a Resident Evil? Sure, but the shooting is tight and the melee is satisfying as hell, and Leon Kennedy is in it which bumps it up by at least two points.

#12 – Resident Evil

The one that started it all, the original Resident Evil is still fun to play, even if it is largely eclipsed by the Gamecube remake. I’ll still play it from time to time, and enjoy every second of it’s cheesy, poorly acted dialogue and chunky PS1 goodness.

#11 – Resident Evil 5

Resident Evil 5 is an interesting game. The middle third is both poorly aged and not particularly enjoyable in the first place, and playing it single player forces you to fight against the mediocre partner AI. Despite its flaws, Resident Evil 5 is just so much fun to playthrough with a friend. I actually bought two copies of this one so it’s really important it stays on the list.

#10 – Resident Evil 3: Nemesis

The original Resident Evil 3 has a lot going for it. It has a much better blend of action and horror compared to some of the later titles, and the live selection mechanic makes it a blast to replay. Nemesis is a terrifying, near unkillable machine of death who will stop at nothing to hunt you down, except if you shoot him a few times with a shotgun or something. That will stop him, at least for a little while.

#9 – Resident Evil Village

Village contains the single most terrifying sequence in the entire series, but it also has Moreau in it so it balances out to just being pretty good. While fun to play every once in a while, it takes a little too much from Resident Evil 4, and often playing it just makes me want to play 4 instead. I bought it three times.

#8 – Resident Evil Zero

Zero would be higher on this list if it wasn’t for those damn frogs. While funny, nothing is more frustrating than a randomly spawning one hit kill enemy. It’s certainly one of the harder entries, and it’s not a given that you’ll always have the ammo you need to get through an encounter, especially because of the lack of an item box. The game’s saving grace is the relationship between Billy and Rebecca, two of the best characters in the series who will never show up in another new game again.

#7 – Resident Evil 2 Remake

The remake of Resident Evil 2 could have been a perfect game. The first of the modern remakes, it set the bar incredibly high, taking a classic game and translating it into something fresh while maintaining the core story and characters. Unfortunately, the lack of a true B scenario means the original game comes out ahead.

#6 – Resident Evil 2

The original Resident Evil 2 is just fun. It’s just as cheesy as the first game, but the Racoon City police station is a fantastic setting, and character textures are far more detailed. While still not perfect, the A and B scenarios feel more cohesive than in the remake.

#5 – Resident Evil 7: Biohazard

Less of a return to form and more of another reimagining of the series, Resident Evil 7 has you play as series newcomer Ethan “way too determined to save his insane wife” Winters, who gets trapped in a mansion in Louisiana. The first game in the series to be in first person, it’s a far more horror focused experience than the rest of the franchise. As with many Resident Evil games, the initial location of the main house is by far the best part of the game, and later areas such as the boat are a bit of a letdown in comparison. I also bought this one three times.

#4 – Resident Evil – Code: Veronica

Code: Veronica is confusing, difficult, and very likely to end your first run when you don’t have enough ammo to kill the tyrant on the plane, but still a fantastic game. The second half of the game has you play as Chris, running through the same areas you struggled through as Claire, making you feel powerful and cool as hell. Capcom, please release a remake. I’m not asking here.

#3 – Resident Evil Remake

The 2002 Gamecube remake of Resident Evil is the perfect version of the original formula. Visually, it’s one of the best looking Gamecube games and still holds up today, while the gameplay is the best it can possibly be. The only problem is that one part at the end with the explosive fuel capsule, where you will accidentally press the run button at least once and die a terrible death.

#2 – Resident Evil 4

Resident Evil 4 saved the series after several years of poor sales, thanks to the new over-the-shoulder camera and increased emphasis on action over horror. It manages to make an entire game an escort quest, a format that gamers usually hate, and keep it interesting the whole time. There’s not a single ounce of fat in this game, with every area and idea sticking around just long enough to be properly explored but never get old.

#1 – Resident Evil 4 Remake

The remake of Resident Evil 4 is just better. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. Luis’ expanded role makes him a far more likeable character, and Leon is back with a vengeance with brand new quips and one-liners, now with a side of PTSD and survivor’s guilt. While mostly faithful as far as locations, the Island has been completely reworked to fit better with the slightly more horror focused tone, and the new regenerators are a whole new type of terrifying.

The greatest improvement is in the gameplay. While it was almost perfect in the original, it’s further refined here. An evolution of the dodge from 3 Remake is the ability to parry attacks with your knife. The parry is without a doubt the best gameplay mechanic in any Resident Evil game. You can parry crossbow bolts, you can parry molotovs, you can parry a Ganado’s arm clean off. The ability to stealth your way through encounters adds a whole new layer to gameplay, and every gun is the most satisfying version in any video game I’ve played. If this game was any better I’d have to buy it again, which I really cannot afford with all of these taxes I apparently have to pay. I bet Leon Kennedy doesn’t pay his taxes.

Steam Hardware Survey Says Your Computer Is a Piece of Shit

Steam Releases a survey at the start of every month to determine the most used CPUs, GPUs, and other computer parts. This can be interesting for those curious about such things, and also helpful for game developers to know what level of hardware they need to optimize for. But according to leaked documents, the real reason is to shame you and your terrible excuse for a gaming rig.

As of this December, every user who completes the survey will now receive a personalized note written by Gabe Newell himself along with the usual results page. The intent of this change is to help those who don’t have an eye for statistics to better understand how their machine stacks up against the average. It also gives Newell something to do so he doesn’t have to make any more video games.

Several users posted screenshots of what they were sent in order to protest the change, citing concerns that being openly hostile to your customer base could potentially be bad for business. The following is a quote from one of those posts.

“Wow, you still have an 11th gen intel chip? Get with the times, man. Seriously, that shit is four years old now. And you’ve only got a 3060? Not even a TI? Shameful. It’s like Todd Howard is always saying, you need to upgrade this thing if you want to play anything from this generation on even remotely high settings.

“I can’t even believe your only SSD is 256GB and doesn’t have a single game on it. Like, what the fuck man? I guess I can excuse not having a top of the line video card, but you’re not even going to shell out the cash to save precious seconds of your one life on this earth stuck on loading screens? It honestly makes me embarrassed just thinking about it. 

“I know what kind of performance you get in Counter-Strike. I’ve been watching you play, and I didn’t even know it was possible to get such a low frame rate in that game. I’ve personally issued a VAC ban to your account until you deal with this shit, so you can’t go around ruining any more matches with your lousy excuse for a computer.

“Sincerely, Gaben.”

Top 11 Retro Games to Test Out Your Expensive New Monitor

So you just bought yourself an expensive new gaming monitor for Christmas, but have no idea what games to play on it first. The first game on a new display has to be carefully chosen in order to properly christen it, but with so many options to choose from it’s hard to know if you made the right choice.

Not every game is perfectly optimized to get the most out of your new monitor’s features, but we here at Hard Drive have got you covered with this list of the top 11 retro games to test out your shiny new gaming display.

#11 – Resident Evil (2002)

Unfortunately early GameCube games are retro now, but at least you can make the most of it by replaying the absolutely gorgeous remake of Resident Evil. Its striking visual style and pre-rendered backgrounds keep it from feeling dated, and heavy contrast makes it look stunning on higher end displays.

#10 – Tetris

You want heavy contrast? Tetris has got you covered. The visuals are crisp and utilitarian, and never sacrifice readability for flair. It isn’t ideal if you want something with more than four colors, but blue and red are for losers anyway.

#9 – Final Fantasy VII

Final Fantasy VII is a classic for good reason. While character models can feel a little lacking today, the field backgrounds are beautifully made and pack so much detail into every inch. Depending on the release you choose to play, you might even have a high enough resolution to realize that the characters finally have mouths.

#8 – Starfield

You may be arguing that Starfield isn’t a retro game and that you aren’t going to buy it, but I disagree. It’s full of retro-futuristic technology, which is almost the same thing as being a retro game, right? It’s also so janky and unoptimized that it might as well have been released on the Sega Saturn.

#7 – The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Ocarina of Time actually looks fantastic with no modifications except increasing the internal resolution. Like many N64 games it’s carried by prioritizing strong art direction over raw fidelity, and it doesn’t hurt that it’s still one of the most enjoyable Zelda games to play.

#6 – Doom

If you’re any good at Doom, you’ll be moving too quickly to realize that most of the art actually looks a little weird on an HD screen. It doesn’t matter anyway, because you were going to play this every year to pretend it’s still 1992.

#5 – Super Mario World

The crisp pixel art from the SNES may have been intended to be seen on a CRT, but still looks great on an HD monitor. Super Mario World is still the best looking 2D Mario game, and your shiny 4K monitor will show you every sprite in fantastic detail.

#4 – Duck Hunt

What better game to play on your brand new monitor than one that won’t even work? That’s right, NES Zapper games do not work on modern displays! Relying on the dependable timing of a CRT television to know if you shot a duck, it will not work correctly on your new monitor, and you will be very disappointed to learn that.

#3 – Goldeneye 007

Goldeneye has some of the jankiest first person controls ever made, and it has character models that some will lovingly call ‘low-poly’ and ‘charming.’ It actually looks pretty terrible, but so do the old James Bond movies, so it’s just being accurate to the source material.

#2 – Street Fighter II

Street Fighter II is a classic fighting game that you’ll sit down to play at home and realize you weren’t actually ever any good, it’s just that all the other kids at the arcade were a little bit worse. At least the pixel art looks nice.

#1 – Chrono Trigger

Chrono Trigger is the best looking SNES game and also the best turn-based RPG ever made. It is absolutely gorgeous, with timeless pixel art that perfectly captures the personalities of the characters through animation, and a fantastic soundtrack that will sound terrible through your monitor’s built-in speakers. The Steam release got patched to remove that terrible upscaling filter, so you can play it on your PC exactly the way you remember it.

Loot Box Under Christmas Tree Contains Hideous Cosmetic You’ll Never Wear

DENVER – Eyewitness reports this morning confirmed that a festive, paper-clad loot box under the Christmas tree was found to contain an ugly cosmetic completely unsuitable for public use.

“I hope you like it, dear,” your mother reportedly said, poorly hiding the excitement in her voice. “I finally found a use for those extra Macy’s rewards points and I wanted to get you something that I knew you’d wear. It’ll go so nicely with those Doc Marvins you’re always clomping around in, though I do sometimes wish you’d wear something a little more professional. Maybe we could go to the mall soon and I can help you pick out a new outfit – I’ve got Kohl’s Cash I need to spend before January.”

Family members reportedly averted their gaze as they watched you unwrap and nervously display the brownish-green cosmetic item for everyone to see.

“Jeez dude,” said your sister under her breath. “You’re not gonna be able to wear that anywhere, at least not in public or somewhere your photo might get taken. Hell, I wouldn’t want to be caught in the background of someone else’s photos in that, let alone your own family’s. Still, though, Mom is right–you need to stop dressing like a 2000s punk that feels somehow liable for Hot Topic’s financial wellbeing.”

Friends eventually saw you begrudgingly equip your new item in family photos shared on Facebook, offering their opinions on the matter.

“That thing looks worse than the Santa cosmetics that were given out just for logging into ‘World of Warcraft’ last Christmas,” said one friend. “Sorry that you actually have to wear that–what a bad pull. Maybe next year you could spend a little more time grinding the season pass by calling your mom during peak weekend hours; I’ve heard the earned rewards are a lot better if you’re willing to put the time in.”

Your father, who remained quiet during the whole ordeal, was observed sitting through the awkward exchange in a revolting, patchwork cosmetic gifted last year.