Chris Pine Says D&D Sequel is Likely Happening As Soon as Everyone is Free, Definitely Soon Though

Posted on by Brendan Osorio

Fans of the film, Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, recently got some good news when Chris Pine commented about the possibility of a sequel. While he didn’t come right out and say it, he did hint at the desire to make another movie as long as everyone is available at the same time.

“We’re really excited about the idea of doing another film, but we’re having a little trouble with scheduling right now,” Pine said when pressed for an update. “It’s just super tough with everyone being so busy. Like, I’m super swamped with family stuff and I know Justice Smith has his bowling league on Wednesday nights so we can’t film then.”

There was some concern as to whether or not the studio would even greenlight a sequel after a lackluster Box office performance. However, fan support and potential streaming revenue have been enough for the studio to consider it, though finding a location has proved quite the obstacle.

“It’s just hard finding a space and time that works for everyone,” said a source from Paramount. “We have one studio in Los Angeles that works most days but not on Thursdays and Fridays, and we can’t film on Mondays because Michelle Rodriquez has her quilting club on Monday nights, and Monday mornings are no good either because Chris Pine actually takes the early shift at a local soup kitchen. We could film in Atlanta but the studio over there actually doubles as a roller derby rink half the week so…”

These obstacles haven’t seemed to discourage the cast as they’re all in high spirits about making a sequel at all–ideally after the holiday season.

“Yeah, it’s really tough to get going anytime soon, what with the holidays and all,” Chris Pine said with a melancholy smile. “We couldn’t start filming last month because everyone was all over the country seeing family and the soup kitchen was packed for Thanksgiving so I was putting in extra time there, not to mention how busy it’ll be for Christmas. 

“We’ll definitely start filming again–at least I’m pretty sure we will–once schedules align. Worst case scenario we’ll just start over Zoom or Discord. Ah, wait, Regé-Jean Page doesn’t have a computer right now.”

We asked Director Jonathan Goldstein for a comment and he just told us he’d give us an official start date as soon as he was back from vacation, his online Spanish classes are over, and he doesn’t have to dog sit his neighbor’s Schnauzer anymore.

Sean Murray Swears Off Interviews As New Year’s Resolution

Posted on by Myles Conlon

GUILDFORD, UK – After announcing a new game called Light No Fire at The Game Awards, Sean Murray saw fans online begin to get hyped for this new project. Unfortunately, this was promptly followed by Sean experiencing flashbacks to No Man’s Sky’s launch and its less-than-positive reaction. To prevent any similar incidents, Sean has said he will be swearing off Twitter as his New Year’s resolution.

“Look I am very happy to see people getting interested in what we’re working on but at the same time all of us here at Hello Games agree with Sean that it’s best he step away from interviews,” says one Hello Games employee. 

“It’s not that we doubt his abilities to promote the game, as a matter of fact there have been more than a few times we wished it was the opposite. We just want what’s best for everyone, Sean included, and I don’t think death threats are included in that.”

Many other employees expressed similar sentiments while also assuring us that Sean came to this decision completely on his own with no coercion from the team. But some fans seem to be upset with the decision. Saying that a lack of news may lead to them losing interest in the game.

“The game looks great from the tiny teaser we got but there’s still so much more I want to know before I commit to this. Sure I could just wait for them to release it and then buy it after seeing reviews but I want it ASAP. 

So if I can’t get it on release day obviously my only choice is to threaten this man’s life and say nasty things online like ‘there’s no butterflies in the game and if you don’t put them in, you’re gonna be in a cocoon of pain!’ like I proudly did for No Man’s Sky.”

With so many opinions going around on this topic, Sean Murray took it upon himself to comment on it and the game in general. Unfortunately, the second he got close to a microphone multiple Hello Games employees immediately rushed at Sean and tackled him to the ground. He was then promptly and swiftly carried away before he could utter a single word.

The only statement Hello Games allowed him to make was very brief and simply read: ‘Light No Fire will be a good game. Please buy it when it comes out. -Sean’

How To Make Greek Pizza Recipe In Disney Dreamlight Valley

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

Greek Pizza is one of dozens of foods you can cook up in Disney Dreamlight Valley, but what goes into making it? Well this guide has the recipe, as well as the locations for every single one of the ingredients needed to make Greek Pizza in Disney Dreamlight Valley.

How To Make Greek Pizza In Disney Dreamlight Valley

There are forty complex 5-Star meals that can be whipped up in Disney Dreamlight Valley. Greek Pizza being a 5-star recipe, you can expect it to obviously have five ingredients which you will need to gather before you begin making this Entree. Those ingredients are:

  • 1 Cheese
  • 1 Spice or Herb, which can be anything from Basil to Oregano
  • 1 Onion
  • 1 Tomato
  • 1 Wheat
  • A Cooking Station

MORE IN DISNEY DREAMLIGHT VALLEY:

Cheese is easy enough to acquire: just unlock Remy and open up Chez Remy again to the public, by completing the quest “A Restaurant Makeover”.

Among Spices and Herbs, Basil can be foraged right off of the ground in Peaceful Meadow, while Garlic can be foraged in the Forest of Valor in the same way. Oregano can be found in the Plaza, Ginger in the Forgotten Lands, and Mint in the Frosted Heights. Bear in mind, you only need one of any these Spices and Herbs to make Greek Pizza, not every single one, so get a hold of whatever is most convenient.

Onion is a vegetable grown from Onion Seeds, both of which you can purchase from Goofy’s Stall in the Forest of Valor.

Tomato is another vegetable, and Tomato Seeds can be bought from Goofy’s Stall in Dazzle Beach.

And finally, Wheat is a grain grown from Wheat Seeds, and both can be purchased from Goofy’s Stall in the Peaceful Meadow.

Disney Dreamlight Valley Fishing Guide: How to Catch Kingfish

Once you have gathered all five of the basic ingredients required, simply head to a Cooking Station. These can be found at the following locations, aside from player placed stoves:

  • Goofy’s House
  • Kristoff’s House
  • Mickey’s House
  • Minnie’s House
  • Remy’s House
  • Chez Remy alongside Remy
  • Ratatouille Realm alongside Remy
  • Sunlit Plateau Campsite
  • Forgotten Lands Campsite

Greek Pizza sells for 630 Star Coins, and restores 1152 Energy.

 

Gamer Resolves to Spend More Quality Time With Romanceable NPC This New Years

Posted on by Maggie D’Isa-Hogan

LOS ANGELES — This New Year’s Eve local Gamer, Ronan Barbier, 39, has resolved to waste less of his short time on this earth level-grinding and spend more quality time with the people who matter: NPCs you can kiss. 

 

“Diet, exercise, and career goals all came up when we discussed potential New Year’s resolutions,” reported Barbier’s life coach, Dr. Neil Mcnamara, 34. “In the end, we decided that his relationship with Odessa was what needed the most attention this year.

 

“Our loved ones are the most important part of a fulfilling life” Explained Dr. Mcnamara smugly, who at press time was still unaware that “Odessa” is not Barbier’s long term girlfriend, but in fact the earliest Romanceable NPC in the 2018 open world RPG Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey.  

 

“I know a lot of people are making lifestyle changes this time of year, and love is the most important part of my life,” said Barbier, while tenderly stroking his Xbox controller. “Sure, she joined my crew as a lieutenant, and I’m loyal, I didn’t even do that rad side quest where you cuck a grandpa to save his marriage, but is that all a relationship is?

 

“When was the last time we just talked? This is the area where I can improve the most this year” Barbier’s statement was cut short by a coughing fit brought on by his 2 pack a day smoking habit. 

 

Maria Barbier, Ronan Barbier’s wife of 16 years, added that “His resolution last year was to finally finish the main story line, but he has problems prioritizing.” After pausing to take a Valium, M. Barbier continued, “I bought him Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla for Christmas and suggested we play it together, but he really wants to finish Odes- Odyssey first.

 

At this point the glass of red wine that Maria used to wash down the Valium shattered in her bare hand, yet she continued, “Maybe next year I’ll get him a vape. Then I can force him to have dinner with me by hiding it. I haven’t had a meal with my husband since 2018.” 

 

M. Barbier excused herself from the interview to feed her son, Odie, 4, but not before removing the shattered pieces of glass from her hand and placing them into the vent of her husband’s Xbox. Odie was unavailable to comment on his father’s New Year’s resolutions, but is probably very proud. 

 

“The game is called Odyssey because it was supposed to be a dating simulator for romancing Odessa,” a representative from Ubisoft commented.

10 Games to Play Alone on New Year’s Eve While You’re Alone and No One Is Coming Over Because You’re Alone

Posted on by Brendan Osorio

Well it’s New Year’s Eve and you’re alone once again, just like you were last year, and the year before that. I know at times like this it’s tempting to let the inescapable loneliness consume you until you’re on the floor crying in the fetal position, but perhaps there’s another option.

Here’s a list of ten games you could play into the new year to help ease that pain of being forever alone. I intend to finally play Digimon Survive tonight, a game I was gifted long ago and completely forgot I had. I think the following games though will really help you embrace that solitary feeling you’re experiencing and make the most out of it.

Bioshock

Now while you may not be alone in the underground city of rapture it sure feels like it. No spoilers for this increasingly old game, but as you walk around and try to keep your cool you may find that it’s not unlike navigating a rowdy NYE party. It’s dark, all kinds of insane people are jumping out at you possibly trying to kiss you. Whether you’re out at a party tonight or at home staring at your television in the dark while a Big Daddy lurks around the corner, keep that head on a swivel!

Portal

A classic game for a sad sap like yourself. At least the portal games have fun quirky robots to keep you company. Sure they really just want you to die in the end, but so do your ‘so called’ friends who are out partying right now. Instead of going out and dealing with other people competing with you to kiss that special someone you wish you had, why not stay safe at home while trying to complete puzzles for GLaDOS? Who knows, you might just be able to steal a kiss at the end!

Luigi’s Mansion

 

Sure you’ll feel pretty isolated walking around this big mansion trying to bust some ghosts, but it’s a noble mission you’re on! You gotta save your brother! What better way to ring in the new year than with family? Virtual animated Nintendo family I mean. You don’t need a real family. You’re real brother is probably out right now getting hammered on tequila sunrises, screw that guy! Mario needs you!

Minesweeper

Minesweeper is endless entertainment. It’s also always been there for you, unlike a former lover. We both know who I’m talking about. Minesweeper never left, it’s waiting for you to come back to it. Let those little colored numbers count down your new year, you won’t regret it.

Hitman

Let’s face it, you’re home right now because you hate people, and know one hates people quite like Agent 47. The Hitman games allow you to act out your fantasies of going to lavish or exotic locations and subtly murdering people. Imagine that party you’re not going to and think of how you could show up, sneak around, and kill that guy Trent you hate!

L.A. Noire

The bad news is that you don’t have any friends, the good news is that in L.A. Noire you’re assigned a friend! Well sort of, you get a partner though and that’s better than a friend. It’s their job to keep you company and make sure you don’t go off the deep end. Boy do you need it too! Just like Cole Phelps, no one understands you, no one knows the horrors you’ve seen and what you’ve had to sacrifice. This city is a cesspool of crime and violence, you’re better off staying inside and trying to crack some cases while cheating on your wife with a German jazz singer.

The Forest

Sure you can play the Forest with other people, but you’re not going to, are you? You’re going to wander around looking for your son before giving up after an hour and then just building yourself a nice cabin, maybe even build yourself your own little Times Square with a ball that drops! Happy new year!

Sports Betting

We’ve established that your life sucks and is bad, yes? So how do we make it better? By putting our faith in strangers playing a child’s game. Maybe you were hoping to throw your own party this year and didn’t have the money. Well once you hit this 15 leg parlay on the football games, basketball, and swedish women’s soccer, you’re going to be so rich you can throw a new years party every month this year!

Death Stranding

Have you ever considered just going solo in a new post apocalyptic environment? Maybe that’s all you need to feel better going into the new year. If you think about it you’re really doing more important work here than that tool Ryan Seacrest is doing in New York right now. He’s just telling a ball to drop? Meanwhile you’re escorting a special orange baby! You should be hosting Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin Eve!

Solitaire

I give you the GOAT of games to play when you have no one. Everyone knows how to play it, it’s a timeless classic. Don’t come at me saying that you don’t know how to play Solitaire because if that were true you wouldn’t be reading this list. You’d be out there getting to first base with that sexy little someone you met at your brother’s wedding. But you aren’t, you’re alone and ready to match up those spades!

See you next year, when I update this list for you, as I know you’ll need it at the end of 2024 as well.

Dozens Injured After Clock Town Ball Drop Goes Awry

Posted on by Kyle Duggan

CLOCK TOWN — Over forty attendees of Clock Town’s annual Carnival of Time were injured, some critically, when a planned “ball drop” event ended with an angry moon crashing down into the metropolitan hub, familiar-looking sources confirm.

“Tingle, Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah,” said Tingle, 35, a map salesman who witnessed the tragedy while hanging from a balloon in North Clock Town.

“These are the words that Tingle exclaimed when that furious heavenly body fell upon the city and blew up all of those people! The authorities aren’t ready to confirm any deaths, but Tingle is! I will sell you the names of those who perished at a discount, in exchange for friendship!”

Workers involved in the preparations for the carnival said that the event’s organizers were aware of the potential danger and had made efforts to address it.

“They hired an independent contractor to figure out how to stop the whole moon-fall thing,” said Jiro, a local carpenter. “Some kid. A Deku Scrub, I think. He had a weird tuba thing he’d play sometimes. I remember asking, ‘What’s he gonna do, play the moon off?’ and a bunch of guys laughed.”

“Then some other guys said, ‘No, he’s going to summon the four giants to use their very strong arms to stop the moon from falling.’ That was pretty embarrassing. I sure had egg on my face after that entirely reasonable explanation. Anyway, the kid apparently screwed up and the moon still fell on the city.”

Some Clock Town residents were eager to point figures at a well-known-yet-mysterious outsider, but the controversial figure denied any involvement.

“It’s a terrible fate, isn’t it?” said the Happy Mask Salesman, who has hosted Termina News Network’s live coverage of the Carnival of Time for eight years.

“The town has had successful carnival after successful carnival, with not so much as a hiccup until now. Funny, during all of those earlier carnivals, the network allowed my co-host and I to celebrate the occasion with a drink or two. This year, they ban alcohol on the broadcast, and look what happens: some skinny kid steals my most evil and powerful mask and sabotages the annual moon drop. It’s clearly not my fault, but I’m sure I could sort this whole situation out if I had a few whiskey sours in me.”

At press time, the Deku Scrub contractor hired to avert the disaster had returned to Clock Town brandishing its strange horn-like instrument and began playing an awkwardly-arranged song.

BREAKING: My Mom Said I Have to Get Off, Sorry Guys

Posted on by Drew Saunders

HOUSTON – Disappointing news is sweeping the city of Houston after 8-year-old Brian Thomas had to leave his PlayStation party under his mother’s commands. His friends were left betrayed and alone as his online status switched to offline.

“We were having a great time playing Fall Guys until I heard a scream in the background that I immediately recognized as Mrs. Thomas. Brian was silent for a few seconds before telling us he had to go to bed and leaving the game,” 9-year-old Eddie said. “It’s tragic that our night had to end like this, and it still bothers me today.”

Brian is hurt the most by this sudden announcement. He had this to say about the abrupt announcement of his departure:

“This is unfair. I work 8 hours a day at school and then do homework. Combine that with eating and showering, and I have no time throughout the day to unwind,” Brian continued. “People think the 2nd grade is easy, but try doing it with an 8 pm bedtime. This is textbook injustice, and I won’t stand for it any longer.”

Not everyone is standing by Brian, however. Many Houston parents are rallying behind his mother and are speaking up against young gamers playing past their bedtime.

“I just think it would be nice if our child didn’t have to loudly announce that he died in Fortnite at 3 am every night,” said one Houston resident. “I stand by his mother, and we need to limit the screen time our children use. I would really prefer to watch The Wire in peace without hearing muffled slurs throughout the house.”

Tensions are steadily rising in the wake of Brian’s sudden departure. This incident is inciting mass conflict between children and their families as they try to find the right balance between recreational activities and a normal, healthy routine.

Inspiring: Gamer Willing to Consider Use of Maybe One Rare Consumable Before Final Boss

Posted on by Ian Guyette

PHOENIX – Local gamer Keith Erickson informed Discord friends today that he is considering the irreversible use of a rare item before taking on an extremely difficult final boss.

“It’s actually something I’ve been debating for a very long time, and I’m still not sure if it’s something I can go through with,” stated a conflicted Erickson. “On the one hand, using up a rare item can grant the upper hand in battle, especially at the final boss of the game.

“But on the other hand, who’s to say that this is even the final boss and not just a warmup or some underling meant to make me waste my precious resources? I didn’t spend 10 hours gathering ancient soul dust just to burn it all on a failed attempt!

“The game designers are probably just trying to trick me into wasting everything I’ve saved up and they’re wrong if they think I’ll fall for it.”

Jason Smith, one of Erickson’s longtime Steam friends, offered his thoughts on the challenging situation. 

“I don’t envy him, not one bit–though I do admire his bravery. That final boss is around the corner wielding god knows what type of weapon, and we can only guess how many health bars it’ll have. I’d wager at least two. Can you really justify using a highly rare consumable in a fight like that?

“Plus it’s a slippery slope once you start considering using something valuable from your inventory. First it’s the rare berries, then the useful elixirs, and the next thing you know you’ll be burning up a goddamned smiting scroll! Everyone knows you save that stuff for NG+ or whatever secret, way more difficult final-final boss comes after this one. Don’t forget about the bosses in DLC, too.”

NeonBlade, a popular Twitch streamer and RPG enthusiast, explained that this type of gamer’s conundrum takes an extremely delicate approach. 

“Ran into this same situation playing Elden Ring–I saved all my fire grease and boluses until the very end, even though using them would’ve made the game both more enjoyable and noticeably shorter. My advice? Save your items.”

Eyewitness reports have also confirmed that Erickson reportedly spent more time paging through his extensive inventory than actually playing the game, with the latest rumors indicating a full respec may be necessary before any items are used.

Top 10 Reasons I Didn’t Want to Get Invited to Your New Years Party Anyway

Posted on by Alex Kitsinger

I heard that you’re hosting a party for New Years, and I also heard that you specifically didn’t invite me and told everyone I couldn’t be their plus one. That’s fine. I’m not mad at all. I didn’t even want to go to your stupid party. I have so many reasons that I wouldn’t want to go, even if I was invited.

#1 — I Was Actually Invited to Another Party First

I wouldn’t be able to make it to your party anyway, because I got invited to Chad’s party and said I would go. You know Chad, right? The one who works at the record store? Yeah, that one. He’s hosting his own party that’s going to be awesome. I heard everyone will be there.

#2 — Wait, Chad Is Going to Be at Your Party? No, I Meant a Different Chad

Wait, he agreed he’d be at yours? You must be thinking of a different Chad. Or, wait, no, I’m thinking of a different Chad. I have so many friends that sometimes it’s hard to keep track.

#3 — It Is Real, but I’m Not Going to That One either, Actually

It actually is a real party, and I did get invited to it, and I am friends with multiple people named Chad who work at a record store. I don’t appreciate your assumption that I don’t have that many friends. I can’t make it to that party either, actually, and Chad was really sad to hear that. He says I’m always the life of the party and it won’t be the same without me.

#4 — I Promised My Girlfriend That We Could Hang Out

I can’t go anywhere actually, because I told my girlfriend that we could just hang out and not do anything too fancy. What? Yeah, still the same girl. Wait, who told you that we’re not talking? Oh, she did when you invited her to your party? I guess that makes sense.

#5 — If She’s at Your Party Could You Tell Her I Miss Her?

If she shows up can you let her know that I’m thinking of her? I haven’t seen her in a few weeks and she hasn’t answered any of my calls. I mean, I’m not desperate or anything. You should tell her for her sake more than anything. I wouldn’t want her to miss out on this opportunity.

#6 — I Got My License Revoked for Being Too Cool

Even if I did want to go to your party, which I don’t, I can’t. You live in the poor part of town, which is really really far from where I live, and I got my driver’s license revoked for being super super drunk on the highway coming back from a party I went to last week in my very expensive car.

#7 — I Have a Doctor’s Appointment

Actually, now that I look at my very packed calendar, I just realized that I have a doctor’s appointment that starts at the same time as the party. This guy is one of the best doctors in the country so I really don’t want to miss it, and it’s expensive to reschedule. What do you mean the party starts at 9 PM?

#8 — My Extremely High-Paying Job Requires I Wake Up Early

I also see in my calendar that I have to be at my office job at 4 AM the next day, so I should probably go to bed early. If I’m not in my corner office right on time the boss gets upset, so it’s really best that I don’t go out.

#9 — I Celebrate Lunar New Year Now

And I don’t even celebrate New Years anymore. I’ve gotten in touch with the moon lately, and I believe the lunar year is a far better calendar system than whatever we have now.

#10 — I’m Actually Hosting My Own Party and You’re Not Invited

Okay, fine. You got me. I lied. None of that stuff is true. I’m hosting my own party, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings because you weren’t invited. I invited pretty much everyone else, though. Sam is going to be there. Wait, Sam is going to your party? That’s fine, I didn’t like him that much anyway. Ava is definitely going to be there – what? She’s going too? How many people do you know? Whatever. I don’t even like parties. I hope your new year sucks.

Disney Threatens to Begin Re-Remaking Their Live Action Remakes Back Into Animation

Posted on by Raven

Walt Disney Animation Studios warned via press release that unless audience and critic reactions to the studio’s recent films thaw, the company will be forced to produce a spate of animated adaptations of such live-action classics as Beauty and the Beast (2017), The Lion King (2019), and Pinocchio (2022).

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” Disney CEO Bob Iger clarified in a followup interview. “These are not going to just be the original animated versions. It should go without saying that we’re talking about CGi, not hand-drawn, but it goes beyond that. 

“Obviously we’re not going to make another Aladdin and cast someone other than Will Smith as the genie. We would never put the songs back into Mulan. Priority number one is remaining faithful to our 21st century creative sensibilities,” Iger continued. “Let’s see what you smug nerds have to say about The Little Mermaid’s color grading when we make it look exactly like Frozen.”

Indicative of the company’s commitment to preserving the vision of its past decade of live action films, filmmakers associated with several of the remakes reported that they have already been tapped to return for the re-remakes.

“I’m not gonna lie, I’m just redoing mine shot for shot,” said Tim Burton, director of Dumbo (2019). “You think Iger’s gonna notice? Nobody even watched that thing the first time. The biggest challenge comes from the studio demanding I make the elephant even uglier this time. 

It’s like, how? I didn’t hold anything back. Have you seen what Dumbo looks like in the live-action version? N… no? Not even in, like, a poster? No. Yeah. That makes sense. No, don’t worry about it, it’s fine.”

Fan reactions to the announcement were understandably mixed, but noted “Disney adult” TikToker Kate Pauley expressed optimism.

“Look, I don’t like it when people feel the need to dump on Disney all the time, but this could be a perfect opportunity to keep expanding on some of the great lore the live-action versions added to the originals. 

“Maybe the Lion King re-remake will flesh out Shenzi even more,” Pauley speculated, referring to the female hyena who played a comic relief role in the original The Lion King but was presented as a major, intimidating antagonist in 2019’s live-action remake.

“I just hope they don’t play it too safe. A new animated version of movies like Pinocchio or Lady and the Tramp would be a great venue for Disney to introduce a new first gay character.”

Disney confirmed in a subsequent announcement that an animated remake of the upcoming 2025 remake of Moana has entered pre-pre-production.