Carlos Cadorniga, Author at Hard Drive

Metal Gear Solid Convention Proves There’s Life for the Series After Kojima

Posted on July 20, 2023 by Seth Finkelstein

I did not expect to ever spend a Saturday in a hotel basement surrounded by people wearing camouflage while a man in an ill-fitting suit stood addressed an audience, bellowing “Make America Great Again!”

That was before I found myself watching the Cosplay Contest at the first-ever MGSCon at the Los Angeles Airport Hilton on July 15th as a man dressed as Senator Armstrong from Metal Gear Rising Revengence took the stage, sandwiched between a Sunny Gurlukovich and a full-sized recreation of the D-Walker portable mech.

Metal Gear has had a rough go of it recently. It has been years since the release of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, the last major release in the series, and that game’s contentious development led to the departure of series creator Hideo Kojima from his longtime home at Konami. Kojima went on to form his own independent studio, releasing Death Stranding with the help of Sony, while Metal Gear has laid dormant since the release of Metal Gear Survive in 2018 to middling critical and fan reception. But judging from the energy in the room during the convention, this drought of content has not tempered the passion of the fan community.

Funded via Kickstarter in March 2023, MGSCON was the brainchild of content creator Amanda Lemon and a small team of four. “Amanda really saw how much the community was still around even though there hasn’t been a game released in eight years,” said organizer Joe Vella. “We really wanted to do something to bring that community together.”

The crowd at the convention showed off the breadth of that community. Series veterans who have been online trying to decipher the Metal Gear storyline since the first game’s release mingled with younger fans who just started dipping their toes in this year, while young families attempted to get their babies to look at the camera as they posed for pictures with their favorite voice actors. “It’s not just your average shooting game,” said cosplayer Landon as they stood next to a large customized cardboard box. “There’s a deeper message to the stories.”

If there can be things like an annual Lebowski Fest, there’s definitely room for a Metal Gear Solid convention to grow.

It’s not just the fans who share such a deep bond over these games. Mid-afternoon’s Voice Over Q&A panel took on the energy of a Great British Bake Off finale as cast members from across the series came together to share their genuine love for the series. Starting initially as a conversation between actors Vanessa Marshall (Olga Gurlukovich) and Cam Clarke (Liquid Snake), more and more actors joined the stage as the panel went on (While the Hilton had been warned ahead of time to expect a copious amount of military personnel, even putting up pictures of MGS cosplay in the service corridors so staff would know what to look out for, the lobby cafe clearly wasn’t keeping up with the lunch rush). Halfway through the panel, the telltale sound of an incoming codec transmission revealed an unannounced Zoom appearance by Jennifer Hale (Naomi Hunter) and Solid Snake himself, David Hayter.

The cast comfortably traded jokes back and forth while also speaking candidly about the struggles they face as actors in a field with no residuals whatsoever. Greg Eagles (Grey Fox) spoke passionately about SAG and the WGA’s fight for a fair deal, while Hale said “We’re all boiling frogs” in regards to the disparity between worker and CEO pay across all industries. Many of the panelists thanked Hayter for fighting for higher wages for his fellow actors as the series went on. The crowd was receptive, with several audience questions ending with a call of support to the actors and writers.

So what is it about the series that has made so many people, from casual gamers to professional voice actors, want to throw on a tuxedo or chicken hat and spend the day in an extremely hot function hall? Nitroid, one of the hosts of the Kojima Frequency podcast, says that the community has embraced the series’ silly side, coming together over the deeper themes wrapped in an overcomplicated shell. “People from all over the political spectrum can make an argument that Metal Gear reflects their ideology,” he said.

Vella says the team hasn’t yet discussed the potential of making MGSCON an annual convention, but it’s clear that the affection the community has for the series’s story, characters, and overall weirdness shows no sign of slowing down. Even without the hand of Hideo Kojima guiding the franchise, people still love and care for these games. Vella notes the coincidence that Konami announced a full-on remake of Metal Gear Solid 3 just months before the convention. It remains to be seen if Konami can hold onto those elements that make the series so beloved to these fans, but one thing’s for sure. They’ll be there day one.

Pokemon GO Zorua Guide: How to Get & Catch Zorua

Posted on July 20, 2023 by Christian Dawson

Want to know how to find and catch Zorua in Pokemon GO? Then look no further, as we’ve got you covered. Zorua is a dark-type Pokemon from the Unova region that was introduced in 2022. It’s a particularly difficult Pokemon to track down. Fortunately, we’ve got all the ways to subvert and capture it.

Where To Find Zorua In Pokemon GO

Zorua in Pokemon GO is a tricky devil. It spawns in the wild but doesn’t appear as itself. Instead, Zorua will take on the appearance of the trainer’s Buddy Pokemon. This is similar to how Ditto works in the game where upon capture, the screen will say “Oh?” instead of “Gotcha!.” From there the transformation will play out and reveal the sneaky little fox wolf dog thing.

There are a couple of ways to make tracking down Zorua a bit easier. The first is to swap your Buddy to an uncommon, rare, or legendary Pokemon. The reason for this is that these Pokemon will seldom, if ever, spawn in the wild. So, when you see one pop up in the overworld, you know it’s a Zorua.

That same trick also works with setting a shadow or shiny Pokemon as your Buddy. Shadow Pokemon only appear in select raids or upon beating a Team GO Rocket opponent. Shiny Pokemon do not appear on the overworld and only reveal themselves when going to the capture screen. However, if your Buddy is a shiny Pokemon, the hidden Zorua will also take on that appearance.

When you suspect you have a Zorua on the line, make sure to use a Pinap Berry or Silver Pinap Berry to increase the number of candies obtained when capturing the Zorua. It will take 50 candies to evolve into a Zoroark.

Zorua Stats, Moves, and Bonuses

Zorua is a dark-type Pokemon and the bulk of its moves utilize dark attacks. It can learn the flying-type Aerial Ace Charged Attack, but for raw damage output, we recommend Dark Pulse.

Base Stats

Attack: 153
Defense: 78
Stamina: 120

Possible Moves

Fast Attacks:
- Feint Attack – Dark – 10 Power
- Scratch – Normal – 6 Power
Charged Attacks:
- Aerie Ace – Flying – 55 Power
- Dark Pulse – Dark – 80 Power
- Foul Play – Dark – 70 Power

Elemental Bonuses

Resistant To:
- Dark
- Ghost
- Psychic
Weak To:
- Bug
- Fairy
- Fighting

That’s all there is to spotting and capturing a wild Zorua. If you’re looking to add a contrasting to your roster, check out our guide on evolving a Sylveon!

Destiny 2 In the Hot Seat Solstice 2023 Challenge Guide

Posted on July 20, 2023 by Eddie De Santiago

The Destiny 2 “In the Hot Seat” challenge has arrived with Solstice 2023! It’s summertime and that means all the live service games are rolling out their summer events. Destiny 2 is no exception, with the Solstice event going live with the latest Tuesday update. This event involves completing challenges in order to earn kindling, which is used to upgrade your Solstice armor to really make it stand out. One of these challenges, In the Hot Seat, might be giving you some trouble, so we’re here to help!

How to Unlock “In the Hot Seat” Destiny 2

First of all, make sure you’ve started the event by speaking to Eva Levante. She can be found at the tower, and she’ll be right in front of you if you land at the Courtyard. Follow her quest instructions to receive your Solstice armor, then complete your first run in the EAZ. Once you’ve completed this quest, you’ll gain access to the rest of the event challenges, including “In the Hot Seat.”

In the Hot Seat is an Solstice 2023 event challenge which requires players to “Complete activities on Neptune to earn Silver Leaves.” The description seems pretty straightforward, but not every activity seems to contribute to your progress. Additionally, your progress doesn’t seem to be tied directly to the number of Silver Leaves you earn, so we’ll clear up any confusion.

How to Earn Silver Leaves

On Neptune, there are numerous activities that will earn you Silver Leaves. Through trial and error, we’ve discovered that you can complete Public Events, Lost Sectors, and Strikes to earn progress toward the challenge “In the Hot Seat.” Patrols will not earn you any progress toward the challenge. It’s important to remember that you need to be wearing Solstice Armor in order to earn Silver Leaves for completing activities.

How Much Progress Does Each Activity Grant?

Heroic Public Events and Lost Sectors both grant 10% progress (standard Public Events are only worth 6%, despite giving the same number of Silver Leaves), while the only strike on Neptune, Hypernet Current, awards 30%.

Public Events and Lost Sectors may take less time, but they can also become tedious. Either way, you’re free to mix up exactly how you want to earn the Silver Leaves to complete this challenge. Once it’s complete, you can go into the event card and interact with the challenge to receive your rewards!

Destiny 2 Solstice 2023: In the Hot Seat Rewards

For completing In the Hot Seat you’ll receive 2 Kindling, an enhancement prism, and an event ticket which can be redeemed for further rewards if you upgrade your event card.

Diablo 4 Season 1 Start Date & Time: When is D4 Season 1?

Posted on July 19, 2023 by Parker Johnson

The start date of Diablo 4 Season 1, also known as Season of the Malignant, is just around the corner! This first season of D4 will be players’ first true taste of Diablo as a live-service game. New quests, new monsters, and a battle pass are among some of the new content that players can expect to get in the first season. However, keep in mind that to play the new content, you’ll want to have cleared the base game’s campaign. You’ll also need to be ready to start a different character to play the game as.

As long as you’ve met this condition, though, read on to find out the D4 Season 1 start time & date!

What Time Does Diablo 4 Season 1 Start?

Season of the Malignant (Season 1) of Diablo 4 will start on July 20 at 10 AM PDT/1 PM PDT. As is to be expected with live service content, this time is the same worldwide. Be ready to log in once that time hits, and cross your fingers that the servers don’t go down. Though, let’s be honest, you’re going to want to keep an eye on the Blizzard Customer Support Twitter account.

Once you get in after the Diablo 4 Season 1 start date, this new update brings plenty of new content to grind through and equipment to earn. This includes Malignant Hearts, a piece of equipment that provides “build-altering bonuses,” and come in both class-specific and class-agnostic forms. You can check out the full list on Blizzard’s official news post. There’s a total of 32 hearts for players to generate and take advantage of.

That’s all you need to know about the Diablo 4 season 1 start date! Get grinding so that you can take advantage of all the new content that’s on its way. Check out our Paragon Glyph guide and Nightmare Sigil guide to be as prepared as possible.

Every Smash Bros Character Ranked by How Likely They Are to Fall for an Insurance Scam

Posted on July 19, 2023 by Hard Drive Staff

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate has collected a force of famous video game fighters unmatched by any other game. But who cares about the tier lists ranking their powers and tournament viability? Here’s every Smash Bros. character ranked by how likely they are to fall for a big dumb insurance scam.

#86 — Yoshi

Yoshi is the one pulling the insurance scams. He is not falling for his own shit. He is out here pulling scams, committing tax fraud, spitting out eggs, and shoplifting small items that he doesn’t need just for the thrill of it.

#85 — Dr. Mario

This is a doctor we’re talking about here. He’d stop a salesman halfway through their pitch and say, “You and-a me, we’re on the same-a side of this thing!”

#84 — Wario

Wario has been pulling a workers comp scam at his job for the last 20 years, after running shoulder-first into a brick wall on purpose. You’re not gonna trick him with this kinda shit, he practically invented it.

#83 — Pokémon Trainer

I guess I just find it interesting that Professor Oak’s Laboratory “accidentally” went up in flames right after he “gave” a child a charmander — which is basically a living flamethrower. And what’s that? The kid now has ₽100,000 and 400 rare candies? Very interesting indeed.

#82 — Olimar

Similar to Yoshi, Olimar is the one pulling the jobs, not falling for the scams. Ask a Pikmin about working off the clock if you don’t believe us. In fact, for years Olimar’s payroll numbers have been wildly underreported, but he seems to get a free pass in the media because he’s so stinkin’ cute.

#81 — Ganondorf

“Hey, that first payment didn’t go through. Can you just send it agai—” dash attack → up air → neutral air → down air off stage

#80 — Kazuya Mishima

You would have to be literally insane to try to pull a little scammy scam on this evil CEO who can turn into The Devil. Like best case scenario, he kills you in demon form. But if you’re unlucky, he will come after you in CEO form. That’s when you should really be afraid.

#79 — Byleth

Byleth is a teacher, which means they have to be very careful about their money, on account of the fact that they have none.

#78 — Bowser

Bowser rules a whole kingdom and is therefore skeptical of any and all insurance claims. One time he got double billed on his health insurance due to a computer error and he flew to their corporate headquarters in Nashville and burned it to the ground.

#77 — Piranha Plant

Piranha Plant eats people that get close to his property. Especially if they look like solicitors. You can’t even leave junk mail on his porch without getting hit in the face by a cloud of purple poison. Don’t even think about trying to get him to give money for a political candidate.

#76 — Steve

Steve lives out in the woods by himself and is fully self-sufficient. He’s not letting anyone touch his body or his car or his house or his whatever. He’s basically the Unabomber but square.

#75 — Ridley

Ridley is simply too large to fall for an insurance scam.

#74 — Bayonetta

Not gonna happen. The scam artist just gets all tongue tied and Bayonetta calls him a loser, which devastates the guy. He’ll spend the next few years telling anyone that will listen that she was rude to him one time, even though most people doubt his story.

#73 — Jigglypuff

Jigglypuff is part of a network of doctors telling patients they are using anesthesia, but are actually using “sing” to put people to sleep before operations and then charging them far more money.

#72 — Terry

Terry was an orphan that learned to kick ass on the streets to survive. When he was five, a local auto shop used to pay him to go key cars in nearby parking lots. He’s just too street savvy to fall for any bullshit scams, and he’ll probably tear your ass in half if you even try.

#71 — Dark Samus

Hey wait, how is Dark Samus involved in Smash Bros if they were seemingly killed at the end of Metroid Prime 3? My god, Dark Samus is running a whole insurance scam. If she’s in on the take, no way someone else is gonna fleece her.

#70 — Falco Lombardi

If Falco has been arrested no less than three times for driving without insurance, good luck to anyone trying to sell him something that requires an explanation. In fact, anytime the subject of insurance comes up around Falco, he tends to make some dark statement like, “We’re all on borrowed time anyway, why gamble on it?” Jesus, dude.

#69 — Pichu

I’m going to choose to live in a world where no one is a sick enough freak to try and scam Pichu out of money. DO NOT send me examples of people scamming cute little babies out of money, because I do not want to know. Babies don’t even have money.

#68 — Isabelle

Isabelle is the kind of person who has meticulously written down every single expense she has ever paid. If she bought a lollipop in 2003, she has the receipt saved in a file cabinet somewhere. God help whoever tries to scam her.

#67 — Shulk

Shulk is British (do not @ me with the word “Alrest”), so he’s automatically slightly less likely to get tricked into an insurance scam just because he lives in a country with a nationalized healthcare system.

#66 — Corrin

Corrin has seen far, far too much in her time to screw around with some insurance scam. Many snake oil men have attempted to rope Corrin into some hairbrained scheme, only to wind up fighting alongside Corrin. She just has that effect on people.

#65 — Solid Snake

Solid Snake doesn’t believe in insurance. You’d pitch him and then he’d just start going on about how “there’s no such thing as insurance on a battlefield.” Got it Snake. Always such a blast talking to you, dude.

#64 — Rosalina and Luma

Rosalina is like some sort of space goddess or something. She doesn’t have things that you would need insurance for. And because of that, she thinks it’s kind of silly that people complain about having to pay for it. “Health insurance? Why do you need that, silly Luigi? Just use the magic of the stars to heal your wounds!”

#63 — Lucas

More than once, a scammer has thought they had Lucas on the hook, only to see him just kind of wander off after they’ve laid out their whole plan. Not sure if he’s doing it to mess with them or not, but the guys always get really mad, and frankly that rules.

#62 — Sonic

Don’t even try. Sure, you could probably get Sonic to sign up for all sorts of dumb shit, but it’s high risk/high reward. Because if he catches you, get ready for a 20 minute PSA-style speech about how it’s wrong to try to trick people into giving you their money for no reason.

#61 — Marth

Marth’s health insurance company sent him a bogus bill for $500 in the mail and Marth saw right through it. Found a pro bono lawyer and took their ass to court. Dude can slam down-B on anything!

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New Board Game Helps Couple Rekindle Their Resentment for Each Other

Posted on July 19, 2023 by Kyle Duggan

CHICAGO — A local couple who had been getting along fine rediscovered all of the things they hate about each other after playing a single round of a new board game, sources confirm.

“It wouldn’t have been a problem at all if he hadn’t cheated,” said Eliza Ford, referring to her boyfriend’s deceptive-yet-legal strategy that resulted in her defeat. “I told him, like, five times that I didn’t want to play with him if he was going to take it so seriously. I don’t see what would be so bad about letting me win.”

On the contrary, Ford’s boyfriend Tyler Bell noted that he was glad that the couple had finally renewed their long-dormant domestic strife.

“It’s such a relief,” said Bell, who was typing “unbeatable board game strategies” into Google. “I thought we had gotten into some kind of rut where we would just love and understand each other forever, without constantly falling into petty conflicts. I don’t know how to have that kind of relationship. No one in my family is like that. As soon as Eliza agreed to play with me as long as I would take it easy on her, I was looking up YouTube videos about foolproof tactics. I’m just a born winner.”

Phillip Doyle, a mutual friend of the couple who hosts a weekly board game night, said he was flabbergasted when he heard they tried to play a new game.

“I can’t believe they’re still doing that,” said Doyle, who noted that the couple stopped attending his gatherings after their repeated conflicts became too disruptive to the rest of the group. “I was hoping they had stopped showing up because they realized that they just can’t engage in competition, like, at all. They should really try a co-op game or something. That might be the only thing that could save their relationship at this point.”

At press time, the couple had reportedly broken up after taking Doyle’s advice and trying to play Overcooked together.

Game Introduces Easy Mode Called “I’m 35 and Have One Hour to Play This”

Posted on July 19, 2023 by Andrew Muller

SEATTLE — Aging gamers were reportedly delighted to see that a new video game called Eldric Quest has accessibility features catered specifically to people their age who do not have enough time to actually play a video game.

“I came back from the office at around 7 p.m. and was so happy to see this mode implemented because holy shit am I tired,” said Jorah Watson, yawning as he looked at his watch to see it was already almost 9:30. “I’m happy I had just enough time to customize my character.”

“It’s really great, because usually I’d hop into a game, get through about half a puzzle, and then the next session, spend my entire gaming hour trying to remember what I did the time before,” he added. “Usually when I finish a video game, it means I just watched a playthrough on TV like it’s a Netflix show.”

The game’s developers said they were happy to help fans connect with the gameplay in a way that suits their needs.

“Usually developers try to shame people into choosing the higher difficulty,” said lead designer Rory Mcgrath. “They do stuff like calling the easiest difficulty ‘baby mommy get my binkie,’ but it turns out that this stuff is actually useful for people who have babies! We’re here for you and we know that being 35 is really really really old, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.”

At press time, Watson admitted that he hadn’t actually touched Eldric Quest in two weeks, though, because his wife really wanted to start watching The Bear instead.

Whoa: New Game Set In Feudal Japan

Posted on July 19, 2023 by Brad Waters

KYOTO, Japan — Gamers were ecstatic to discover that a new video game called Kyoto Sunrise is going to be set in Feudal Japan, according to excited sources.

“Wow. Feudal Japan? That’s crazy!” said Wade Roethlisberger, self-professed expert on Japanese culture. “It’s such a fresh space and setting for video games, I don’t know how more haven’t done it already. I mean sure, there’s Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice and Like a Dragon: Ishin and Ghost of Tsushima and Nioh and Nioh 2 and Monster Hunter: Rise and Trek to Yomi and Okami and Fire Emblem Fates and and the entire Onimusha series and upcoming titles like Path of the Goddess and Rise of the Ronin and Phantom Blade Zero and probably an eventual Ghost Of Tsushima 2 but still! I’m just not bored of it! More shamisen and sakura trees in my life, please!”

Kyoto Sunrise promises to have all the stuff that makes feudal Japan in video games cool, according to game director Ryoma Watanabe.

“Yeah I dunno, there’ll be a bit where a dude puts his sword back in his sheathe and it like, cuts a thousand things or some shit. I’m sure we can letterbox the screen and throw around some gods like Amaterasu or Raijin or whatever all the other ones have done,” Watanabe explained, puffing on a huge cigar.

“We’re really uh, pushing the boundaries I think. This setting, yeah. I mean weirdos — uh, I mean otakus — or, you know, gamers, are gonna love it. You kids like Japanese culture? Very cool, very cool. You’re just like a real samurai!”

Recent teaser trailers have revealed an exciting new feature that’ll “really put you in Japan” in which your character slowly dies sad and alone if they don’t get promoted at their job.

Every ‘Street Fighter 6’ Character Ranked by How Much I’d Like to Sit Next to Them On a Plane

Posted on July 18, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

Street Fighter 6 has been out over a month now, and while the fighting game community has wasted no time sorting out their strategies and tier lists, I was shocked to find one element very underreported so far: How would these characters stack up if you had to sit next to them on a plane? As always, if you want to know something, you’ve got to write the internet list yourself. So here you go, all 18 Street Fighter 6 characters ranked by how much I’d want to sit next to them on a commercial flight. One with a meal.

18. JP

Ok, so if in this thought experiment JP has to sit anywhere near anyone else, he’s gonna be grumpy about it. There’s just no way around it. But let’s just say he did just need a quick ticket to St. Louis or something and was cool with flying coach, it would still be a real bummer to hear this guy be a dick to the flight attendants the whole time. I don’t care if you’re a nihilist, dude. These people are at work right now.

17. Ken

Ken sucks and watches stupid YouTube videos on his phone the whole time without using headphones. Cool Godsmack video, Ken. You want to turn that shit down?

16. E Honda

Don’t make me say it. It’s nothing personal, E. I love you. I just don’t know how long this flight is gonna be.

15. Manon

We haven’t known Manon as long as a lot of these other characters, so forgive me for speculating a bit here, but I feel like either Manon’s gonna sit next to you with some ridiculous coat or scarf and it’s gonna annoy you the entire flight, or she will complain the whole time about how they made her check whatever bullshit thing she was trying to wear on the plane. Feels like a lose-lose here.

14. Cammy

Rumors abound on the internet that if you sit next to Cammy on a flight she’ll inevitably end up saying “I’m Special Forces, but I really can’t talk about it,” and shit like that just over and over. Even if you have headphones in. Grow up, Cammy. We’ve all got lives.

13. Luke

Luke’s weird, man. He will just sit there, not reading or sleeping or anything, just sitting there totally content. It’s objectively fine, but it’s unnerving as hell. What’s this guy’s deal?

12. Lily

Lily is the classic person you don’t want to sit by because they just have too much shit with them. Really using up more than her allotment of space, you know what I mean? Cameras, an extra poncho, and what are those? Jai lai paddles? No way you need those on the flight, Lily. That’s ridiculous.

11. Jamie

I don’t care that he’s going to talk about being a breakdancer, and I don’t care that he smuggled his special drink onboard and is being weird about it. I do care about that hair, man. If he can keep that thing out of my alfredo when the meals come, then great, but I’m skeptical as hell when he says it’s not going to be a problem.

10. Juri

Ultimately a pretty good person to sit next to on a plane! She’s mostly just gonna watch really fucked up videos on her phone and laugh about it, probably a little louder than she should, but you could do way, way worse when it comes to traveling.

9. Marisa

This is sort of a tricky one, because on a short ride Marisa will have a few beers and gossip and just be a real fun person. Too long a flight and too many drinks, however, and Lovesick Marisa comes out. Expect a lot of weeping about how hard it is to find a partner. And don’t even think about putting your headphones in while she’s pouring her heart out to you. There are better ways to die.

8. Chun Li

Quiet, almost to a creepy fault, but honestly that’s the most polite thing you can do on a plane. Show some respect and be quiet right back and the flight will go smoothly. Don’t you dare ask her about doing karate.

7. Guile

Sitting next to sumo wrestlers and all kinds of hosses is one thing, but I really really don’t want Guile’s hair gel poking me in the ear when I’m trying to watch Black Adam. On the plus side, Guile looks like he’d smell really good, so probably some pros and cons to the whole thing.

6. Kimberly

You’ll never see Kimberly without her headphones, and god bless her for it when it comes to riding public transportation. If you can stop yourself from worrying about whether she’s going to make fun of you, she’d be a great person to sit next to.

5. Dhalsim

Dhalsim seems like he might be kind of an intense hang, but when you’re just killing a few hours on a plane he’s a fantastic person to sit with. He doesn’t mind answering questions, and if you can get past the near-nudity, he’s got a very welcoming energy. Also is pretty cool about using his long arms to snag you an extra can of Dr. Pepper from the drink cart.

4. Blanka

Okay, picture this, you’re boarding your plane, looking for your seat, and in the one next to yours is a giant, furry, beast-man thing. Pretty horrifying, especially once you realize this animal is not here to emotionally support anyone; he’s just flying to Cincinnati the same as you! It could be pretty freaky, but then I’d probably be like “Okay, well they let this guy on the plane, right?” and I’d like to think I would give him a chance. Also, I’m thinking that since I’m kind of a dog guy, I’d probably see pretty quickly that Blanka is actually a pretty good boy. Once you embrace it, congratulations on having a pet and a buddy next to you for the next three and a half hours. Also, if your phone supports wireless charging, just have Blanka hold onto it for a few minutes!

3. Ryu

You wouldn’t know it from seeing him fight for his life, but Ryu is a real funny guy. He’ll make small talk and be totally cool about answering all of the obvious fan questions. I used to work with a guy who said his brother sat next to Ryu on a plane and they drank beers and Ryu recorded a voicemail for the guy. It might have been bullshit though. I like to think it’s not.

2. Zangief

Sure there’d be a struggle for legroom, but I think Zangief would be very polite. And I mean, I know the odds are slim, but Zangief is the guy you want to be sitting next to in case any terrorists try anything funny up there. So there’s that.

1. Dee Jay

Dee Jay snuck a vape pen on the plane and is cool about sharing it. Later when he goes to the bathroom and coughs so loud the whole plane hears it, you’ll laugh a little, knowing that he’s in there joining something I call the High Mile Club.

Gamer Who Swore to Never Spend $70 on a Game Didn’t Say Anything About a $130 Collector’s Edition That Comes With Special Little Toy

Posted on July 18, 2023 by Celeste Canady

RICHMOND, Va. — Local gamer Jessica Milton is appalled by the trend of increasing prices in video games, and has vowed never to spend $70 on a game unless it’s a $130 collector’s edition of Regiment Squad Team 5 that comes with a cool 7-inch figurine of the game’s main character, Clint Hardcastle.

“You need to have ethics as a consumer. Personally, I refuse to encourage the gaming industry’s greed. That’s why I’ve made the promise to never spend more than the standard $60,” said Milton, holding the Hardcastle figurine. “It’s just that it’s Regiment Squad Team! I bought all the games in the series so far. The developers are the only ones not trying to destroy the gaming industry with anti-consumer practices, so I have to support them. Also, it’s a collector’s item, so it will definitely be worth a lot more in the future. I’m essentially making money when you think about it.”

Milton’s friends were skeptical about her purchase, calling it hypocritical.

“I don’t get it. When I paid $70 for Tears of the Kingdom, Jessica told me I was complicit in the destruction of gaming by evil capitalists,” said Elise Sheppard, a longtime member of Milton’s Discord friend group. “How does adding a figurine, game manual and stickers for $60 extra make it better?”

The game’s developers, BattleSpit Games, announced the collector’s edition of Regiment Squad Team 5 in May alongside the standard, gold, platinum, deluxe, ultra-deluxe, and hardened editions.

“As development costs go up, we strive to make sure prices reflect the value we put into the games we make,” said a spokesperson for BattleSpit. “However, our collector’s editions bring the added value of a hunk of painted plastic to stick on your shelf and look at occasionally — and we think that’s priceless.”

When asked to comment on the game itself, Milton promised a full review as soon as she gets around to actually playing it.