Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League Delayed Until Everyone Forgets It Sucks

Posted on by Ryan Fleishman

Warner Bros. is delaying Rocksteady’s Suicide Squad: Kill The Justice League from its current May 2023 release date until the latter half of 2023. While Bloomberg’s Jason Schreier believes the delay is for adding polish, I would argue the delay is for people to forget that the game totally sucks.

This delay comes after Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League‘s presentation during February’s Sony State of Play, which included gameplay footage and an extended look into the game’s microtransaction system. The game received major backlash from fans post-presentation, on the grounds that it blew chunks.

6 months isn’t enough time for Suicide Squad to change any major gameplay aspects. Unfortunately, Captain Boomerang will still be using a gun instead of, well, a BOOMERANG. It is, however, the perfect length of time for people to forget the crappy battle pass, or that you need constant internet connection to play this single player game.

Warner Bros. is hoping that if they release Suicide Squad at the end of 2023, more people will be thinking “I want to play as the big shark guy!” instead of “why is the big shark guy equipping an orange-tier assault rifle with 5106 damage and +16.7% critical damage instead of biting people like, you know, a shark?”

While Suicide Squad is a live service game at its core, I would hope Rocksteady can do something in the next half a year to ameliorate fan concerns after the recent presentation. However, the game will likely still cater to the superhero power fantasy of shooting glowing purple weak spots with your +2 Minigun of the Eagle as Harley Quinn. And that sucks – don’t forget it.

Sony Shocks Courtroom by Declaring Itself Rubber, Microsoft Glue, in Ongoing Battle Over Activision Merger

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

TOKYO — A stunning turn of events occurred in the ongoing dispute between Sony and Microsoft over the latter’s acquisition of Call of Duty publisher Activision today, when Sony declared itself rubber and its opponents glue for the remainder of their legal dispute over the controversial merger. 

“Your honor, if it pleases the court, I would like to point out that henceforth, anything [Microsoft] says will bounce off of us and will stick to them,” said Sony lawyer Chuck Holder in a hearing held today as part of the ongoing lawsuit concerning the potential deal. 

“Not only would this merger give Microsoft an unfair advantage over the entire market, with its control over the most popular franchise in gaming and the ability to give us poopoo versions of it,” he continued. “It would also constitute a major violation of a previous ‘no takebacks’ agreement we all agreed to over pizza one night.” 

Microsoft, in turn, offered a stark rebuttal to the latest allegation. 

“Objection, your honor!” interjected Microsoft lawyer Brian Spearman. “Hearsay! Also, it takes one to know one!” 

As of press time, the judge had ruled in Sony’s favor and ordered a short recess so that Microsoft could adjust to being made out of glue for the remainder of the proceedings. 

 

5 Characters Who Could Be Next in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe DLC

Posted on by Parker Johnson

After the first three waves consisted solely of tracks, Wave 4 of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe DLC introduced the first character to be added in the Booster Course Pass, Birdo. Aside from the fact that it’s weird as hell that Birdo is the first character they thought to add, something else interesting came in this update. A new character select screen featuring Birdo… and five question marks.

So now it may no longer a question of “if,” but of who. With the wide Mario universe (and even wider Nintendo universe) to choose from, there’s plenty of characters who could be making their way to the racetrack. Here’s 5 characters that we think could be making their way to upcoming Mario Kart 8 Deluxe DLC packs.

Funky Kong is a Shoo-In For The Next Mario Kart Character

Absent since Mario Kart Wii, players of that game might remember Funky as the character sweeping across many online games. Whether it was for his immense talent or a different unknown reason, Funky hasn’t been allowed to race since 2008. It’s time Nintendo lets him back on the track with the next wave of DLC. You could even feature him alongside a new Tropical Freeze-themed map, like how Birdo came with Yoshi’s Island.

Kirby is the Nintendo Rep People Want

Kirby’s always been a perfect fit for the Mario Kart roster. He got his own racing game on Gamecube with Kirby Air Ride (a game that also needs its own sequel), but nothing quite beats seeing a character in Mario Kart. Plus, in the trailer above, they literally showed Kirby on Rainbow Road. Even the Smash team know he’s a perfect fit for the game!

Get Diddy Kong Back in the Kart

Speaking of Kongs that have been absent from Mario Kart (and racing games that need sequels), it’s about time we get Diddy Kong back into Mario Kart. All the other racers get their entire family, complete with babies and metallic versions of themselves, yet Donkey Kong is left all alone? Come on now. Don’t do DK like that. Get Funky and Diddy back on the roster to have a happy Kong family.

Kamek Needs His Time in The Spotlight

The character select screen from Mario Kart 64‘s beta is the closest Kamek’s gotten to being a playable character in the Mario Kart franchise. The guy does all of Bowser’s bidding, just to never be invited to the fun stuff. It’s about time Kamek finally gets his time to drift around the Mushroom Kingdom. Plus, he’s featured in the upcoming Mario movie, so it makes perfect sense. Let Kamek have his time to shine!

Rabbid Mario Might Be A Left Field Inclusion

Look, I hate to be the bearer of what might be bad news, but Rabbid Mario could make his way over to Mario Kart. The star of one of the most slept on games of 2022, it makes too much sense for him to cross over. Nintendo hates making new characters for Mario Kart, but loves it when it’s different variations of Mario (Tanooki Mario, Baby Mario, Gold & Metal Mario). Plus, based on what’s been revealed about the Rabbids’ low sales numbers, Nintendo might try to juice up those sales with an inclusion in their current best-selling game on Switch.

Those are our picks for the next Mario Kart 8 Deluxe DLC characters! Think we’re wrong? Go ahead & yell about it in the comments! [lasso ref=”mario-kart-8-deluxe-booster-course-pass-nintendo-switch-digital-code” id=”22869″ link_id=”686″]

Mario’s Stepdad Lewis Joining Mario Kart 8 Cast

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

REDMOND, Wash — Nintendo confirmed online speculation this morning by announcing that Mario’s former stepdad, a man named Lewis, is going to be joining the cast of characters in the latest wave of Mario Kart 8 DLC. 

“Lewis was this guy that Mario’s mom was fucking for a while,” said legendary game designer Shigeru Miyamoto in a surprise Nintendo Direct outlining the popular racing game’s newest content. “They were married for 18 months before he hocked some of Mrs. Mario’s jewelry to bet on a baseball game, so it didn’t last very long. But we think his connection to Mario and his history as a truck driver make him a great addition to the roster!” 

While some players were confused about the seemingly brand new addition to the cast of Mario characters, dedicated fans were elated at the inclusion of an oft-forgotten part of his lore. 

“A lot of people don’t know this, but Lewis actually was in an early build of Super Mario World as a playable character” said Mario superfan Megan Barnes. “But he wasn’t very athletic compared to Mario and Luigi and he just couldn’t do a lot of the same moves, so they ended up cutting him out.” 

“Plus, people didn’t like how he talked to Yoshi,” she added. 

As of press time, fans were still speculating as to who would be joining Mario’s stepdad Lewis in the newest addition to Mario Kart 8, with popular candidates including Samus, Petey Piranha, and Mario’s old boss from the pizza place that used to buy beer for him.

Microsoft Proudly Announces Bing Has Surpassed a Dozen Daily Users

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft announced today that the company’s Bing search engine was celebrating the milestone of having a dozen simultaneous users for the first time since its release in 2009. 

“Many people laughed when we said we’d reach this milestone within the first 20 years, and look at us now,” said Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella. “Six years to spare! Who’s laughing now? We think we can use this tremendous momentum and continue growing into the new year. We have our sights set on the big 2-0 come 2024. Let’s go, Bing!”

Nadella thanked Bing users repeatedly and insisted this milestone was impossible without the search engine’s dedicated fanbase.

“Between the people using it because it’s built-in to a device they don’t fully understand and the people that misspelled the word ‘binge’ in their Google search,” he continued.  “We have built a strong network of loyal users, and we look forward to providing them with search results that are more or less what you’d see on Google. No, seriously.” 

As of press time, Microsoft offices had digressed into a raucous party atmosphere after it was discovered a user in Duluth, Minnesota had uninstalled Google Chrome in order to use Microsoft Edge as their internet browser of choice. 

Ben Shapiro Tossed In Landfill After Being Mistaken for a Young Sheldon Funko Pop

Posted on by Dan Bookbinder

BUCKEYE, Ariz. — Right-wing pundit Ben Shapiro was found in an Arizona landfill after company Funko accidentally included him in their disposal of $30 million worth of collectibles, mistaking him for a toy designed to look like the titular character from the TV show Young Sheldon, according to those familiar with the situation.

“I was protesting the leftist bullies at Funko for their changing the skin tone of the Disney 100th Anniversary Edition of the Minnie Mouse Pop to make her more acceptable to the Woke Mob, when I got pushed into the pile of trash,” recounted Shapiro. “I was standing on a stack of boxes on a truck bed, so I could be properly seen, and as I was lamenting the lack of cleavage on Minnie, some liberal bully drove off with me standing there! They’ll play the victim, claiming I looked like a toy, but honestly, an alpha like me looks nothing like a Funko figure.”

Shapiro was discovered shortly before being buried alive amid the dead-eyed figures with oversized heads.

“I was about to dump 4 tons of dirt on the latest batch, when I heard one of these dolls saying something about ‘indoctrination,’” explained bulldozer operator Michael Bao. “Something didn’t sit right, I didn’t think these were the types of toys that made noise, but I had never seen The Big Bang Theory, so I figured it had to do with that. I lifted him out and he just sort of scurried off.” 

Funko’s stock prices dove 25% after the initial announcement, but skyrocketed when the news broke that they might have rid the world of Ben Shapiro. With the revelation that Shapiro is unscathed, Funko is at an all-time low, looking for other ways to make cuts.

Despite the extraordinary circumstances that lead to this error, it is not the first time an individual was included in the dumping of excess inventory. According to close sources, in 1983, unsold copies of the Atari game, “E.T. the Extra Terrestrial” were buried in the New Mexico desert, along with First Lady Nancy Reagan, who was mistaken for the alien creature after slipping into a hole during a “Just Say No” rally.

Destiny 2 Lightfall Best Weapons Guide: Best PvP Weapons

Posted on by Tarun Sayal

Picking up the best weapons when playing PvP in Destiny 2 Lightfall can drastically increase your winning odds. However, with a massive collection of weapons, it’s a time-consuming and daunting task to hand-pick the best firearms. With that said, we’ll highlight some of the best Destiny 2 best PvP Weapons for Lightfall to help you make an informed decision.

Best Destiny 2 PvP Weapons – No Time to Explain (Pulse Rifle)

Debuted in Beyond Light expansion, the No Time To Explain is an exotic pulse rifle in Destiny 2 which is an improved version of The Stranger’s Rifle. It features a slow firing rate and bears a striking resemblance which unlocks after completing the game’s main campaign. With a special perk that restores precision shots to the magazine, the weapon allows for near-endless firing against enemies with significant precision hitboxes.

Rewind Again, which is the exotic perk of the No Time To Explain, refills bullets to the magazine upon hitting precision shots or shots against slowed or frozen targets. With each refill, a stack is gained, and when ten stacks are accumulated, the “Time-Slip” perk is activated. This creates a small portal that shoots bullets from other versions of the gun at different times.

Overall, the No Time To Explain is a top-tier PvP weapon in Destiny 2 Lightfall due to its unique exotic perks. With its slow firing rate and precise hitboxes, this exotic pulse rifle has proven to be a formidable weapon in the hands of skilled players.

Le Monarque (Combat Bow)

The combat bow, one of the best weapons in Destiny 2.

Bows are one of the most reliable weapons in Destiny 2, mainly due to their ability to quickly deal a significant amount of damage. This is especially true for Le Monarque, which can take out opponents in a split second without using special ammo. The lingering burn from the poison arrow can also be detrimental to the opposing team, forcing them to stay out of the battle for five to six seconds. 

Therefore, Le Monarque is a powerful bow in Destiny 2 that only needs one shot to defeat an opponent. However, it’s worth noting that the recent nerf to this weapon has caused some changes in the gameplay. The damage from the poison arrow has been reduced, which has made it less effective for quick swaps. Yet, the top-tier bow players using Le Monarque in Desinty 2 Lightfall are tough to beat.

Best Destiny 2 PvP Weapons – Hawkmoon (Hand Canon)

Hawkmoon, one of the best weapons in Lightfall.

The Hawkmoon is an incredible exotic hand cannon with a range of amazing perks to choose from. With each headshot, the Paracausal stack increases, providing bonus damage to the final bullet, making it similar to Luck in the Chamber from Destiny 1. 

The Catalyst increases the weapon’s range and handling, making it even more deadly. Moreover, holster mods can reload the gun without losing your stacks, so you can keep your momentum going. While Ace of Spades and Thorn are still strong choices, the skill gap of timing that final bullet with Hawkmoon makes it a top-tier PvP weapon.

Dead Man’s Tale (Scout Rifle)

Despite its recent nerf, Dead Man’s Tale is still a force to be reckoned with. The weapon’s significant damage output, combined with its exceptional range, can enable you to take out opponents without giving them a chance to react.

On top of that, its ability to land critical hits at extreme ranges and stack up damage with headshots makes it incredibly powerful. This weapon allows players to hip-fire more accurately and quickly, reducing the need for ADS.

While the hip-fire headshot percentage may have decreased, it’s still a formidable weapon, even when shooting from the hip. Overall, the Dead Man’s Tale is an excellent addition to any arsenal, and its peak shot capability is among the best.

Fatebringer (Legendary Hand Canon)

Destiny 2 has many weapons to choose from, but few are as iconic as the Fatebringer Legendary hand cannon. This weapon, introduced in the original Destiny game’s Vault of Glass raid, quickly gained popularity among players due to its explosive rounds and Firefly perk.

Explosive Payload is the best Hand Cannon perk for PvP, causing lots of flinches and extending the weapon’s range. Fatebringer can also roll with Eye of the Storm, which is one of the strongest consistency perks in Destiny 2. It turns the damage you take in a fight into an advantage by giving all bullets Opening Shot. Combining this with Explosive Rounds makes winning 1v1 duels very easy. 

Overall, the Fatebringer’s high impact and unique perks make it a top-tier weapon for both PvE and PvP activities. Its design, combined with its power, has made it a favorite among players, and it continues to remain a popular selection among Destiny 2 community.

That wraps up our list of the best Destiny 2 PvP Weapons for Lightfall expansion. Finally, it remains to be seen what new weapons will be introduced in future Destiny 2 expansions and how they will impact the PvP meta.

Before leaving, make sure to check our Destiny 2 Commendations guide to learn how to commend your teammates based on their performance!

Love The Witcher But Hate Your Friends, Family, Career Advancement, & Hobbies? Try Elder Scrolls Online

Posted on by Ella Gale

Can I, in good conscience, recommend that anyone play any MMORPG? It feels like telling you oxycontin and Russian Roulette are fun. I started playing ESO after moving to Los Angeles during the two worst years of my life and I would rather show you my PornHub search history than how many hours I’ve spent playing this game. But also, I own a $100 in-game boat, and they’re paying me $25 to write this, so I may as well start to climb out of the hole.

If you liked the beautiful open worlds, creatures, and magical lore of The Witcher, you’ll probably enjoy ruining your life in The Elder Scrolls Online.

In The Witcher, you stare at Geralt’s chiseled butt as he swans around the Continent stabbing monsters and bagging sorceresses. The butt you stare at in ESO is up to the race and class you choose. Will you be a Furry Khajiit assassin? Or a Nord necromancer? Mix and match at will. 

As an MMO, ESO is broader than The Witcher—there’s more content, and the storytelling is less specific. Quests and characters vary more widely in quality. ESO is also quite a bit more inclusive: you encounter equal numbers of men and women on quests, including Big Bads. Gwent-heads rejoice, ESO even has an in-game deckbuilder called Tales of Tribute now (which I like, although it has not been broadly popular).

If one of your favorite parts of The Witcher is summoning Roach and running over random hills, then you are in for a treat with ESO. Tamriel is huge and beautifully detailed, from the carnivorous swamps of Murkmire in the south to the mushroom towers of Morrowind. If the stories are sometimes broad, the places feel very specific—the world is full of hidden nooks and visual jokes.

The $10 base game will get you more content than a human with any semblance of a life could reasonably finish: save the world for a blind guy, join a guild, fight off a bunch of pirates, and slaughter a seafood buffet’s worth of mudcrabs. You can go almost anywhere with a low-level character. You can build and decorate houses (I built a comedy club during the pandemic and immediately ran out of gold).

If you think you’re going to spend any real time playing, the $15/month subscription is worth it for the improved inventory space alone. Plus it opens up the map. 

The real cost of ESO is not the money, but the time. During several years of my life when I hated everything, I didn’t hate Tamriel. Enter at your own risk.

Try ESO if:

  • You love running around huge, cool fantasy worlds
  • You hate everything else, in general

Don’t try ESO if:

  • You’re bad at moderation and don’t want to lose two years of your life
  • You have kids and are afraid they might become ESO orphans

You can purchase Elder Scrolls Online for yourself here.

How to Use Discord Voice Chat on PS5 on New Software Update

Posted on by Parker Johnson

With many games adding cross-platform multiplayer, many gamers have been wondering how to access Discord voice chat on PS5. As of today, Discord functionality has been added to PlayStation 5 for all users. This makes it easier than every for PlayStation players to communicate with friends on other platforms, like PC & Xbox. Here’s how to link your Discord account and join Discord voice chat on PS5.

How to Link Discord Account on PlayStation 5

How to link PS5 account to Discord voice chat.

Linking your Discord account on PS5 is a pretty straightforward process. First, go to your settings using the gear on the top right of your home screen. Navigate to “Users and Accounts” (indicated by your PSN profile picture) and go to the submenu “Linked Accounts.” Among other apps like Spotify & YouTube, you should now see Discord as an option. Simply go to that option, then follow the onscreen instructions. As long as you have a phone or laptop handy, you should complete this process seamlessly.

How to Join Discord Voice Chat on PS5

To join voice chat on the PlayStation 5, you’ll still need a mobile device handy. Go to the server or chat that you’d like to call. Then, when you tap the voice channel to join, swipe up. You should now see an option that says “Join on PS5.” It should have the ID of your PlayStation there as well, which will be familiar if you’ve casted media to your PlayStation before (it’ll most likely be the only one on your menu, anyways). You can change your audio settings as you normally would in a PlayStation party by using the party chat menu, and the microphone & speaker settings on the PlayStation menu.

Unfortunately, it seems like there’s currently no way to natively access the Discord app on PlayStation at the moment. However, considering that most players usually have their phone at the ready, joining should be a simple process anyways. And once you join on your phone, you should no longer need it to stay in the chat. Enjoy playing and chatting with friends, no matter where they play!

Looking for more guides? Check out our guide on how to use the storehouse in Wo Long: Fallen Dynasty!

Top 10 Easiest 2022 Films to Lie About Having Seen Before the Oscars

Posted on by Walker MacDonald

As we slowly crawl our way out of the damp, murky depths of 2022 into the harsh light of 2023, we are met with the same tired media discourse we encounter every year: the Academy Award nominations.

Whether you care about the Oscars or not (probably not), it’s impossible to ignore them. No matter who you are or what you do, at some point between now and March you will inevitably be asked by a coworker or friend; “Can you believe that Reddit-ass movie got a Best Picture nomination?” or “Did you see The Whale? I’m glad Fraser’s back, but it’s low-key kind of mean to fat people,” or any other myriad of unsolicited takes about a meaningless event that hasn’t held real weight in decades.

If these interactions can’t be avoided, there has to be some way to politely defuse them, right? Perhaps there’s some resource of canned responses out there capable of convincing the opposite party that you not only know what they’re talking about, but have an opinion innocuous enough to deter further prodding. 

You may be asking yourself right about now, “but Hard Drive, wouldn’t that be lying?” Does the Tin Man have a sheet metal dick? Grow up. Let’s be honest; the Oscars voting committee didn’t watch those movies either.

Here’s the top 10 easiest films of 2022 to lie about having seen before the Oscars:

 

Elvis (dir. Baz Luhrmann)

This one’s an easy layup. An indulgent, romanticised Wikipedia summary reflecting on the meteoric rise of a beloved artist: the classic musician bio-pic. You can say about this what you would about quite literally any of the rest of them.

“I wish they got into the era when he was doing the real nasty shit.”

 

Avatar: The Way of Water (dir. James Cameron)/Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (dir. Ryan Coogler)

You’re in luck folks, it’s a twofer. Basically the same movie, varying shades of blue guys therein.

“It was a visual feast, but how they portrayed the indigenous people was kinda fucked up.”

 

Everything, Everywhere All at Once (dir. Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert)

Love it, hate it, or really really hate it, Everything, Everywhere has been an unavoidable presence over the past year. Here’s a good one for the gamers out there.

“I can’t believe they got the bat sound from Melee!”

 

The Banshees of Inisherin (dir. Martin McDonagh)

This one isn’t even a lie as such.

“I had no idea what the fuck anyone was saying.”

 

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (dir. Rian Johnson)

Maybe not exactly throwing you a bone here, but if you saw The Menu, just say whatever you thought about that movie and you’d probably be dead on. Take mine, for example:

“It sucked.”

 

Top Gun: Maverick (dir. Joseph Kosinski)/The Fablemans (dir. Stephen Spielberg)

Whether you wanna grow up to make movies or bomb nebulous, faceless foreign nationals in the name of American democracy, the sentiment rings the same.

“The movies are back!”

 

The Whale (dir. Darren Aronofsky)

This one’s become a little bit off a hot button in recent weeks. Smart money is on just not touching it and letting people assume you’re either too reserved and confident in your take to engage in discourse, or that you’re so righteously offended that you refuse to waste your breath. In either case, you come out looking smart as a whip.

 

TAR (dir. Todd Field)

Feel open to freestyling with this one, either answer will fly in this case.

“She was right.” Or alternatively, “She was wrong.”

This tactic can also be applied to pretty much any other movie with a female lead.

 

Triangle of Sadness (dir. Ruben Ostlund)

It’s rich people and poor people on a boat. You figure it out, man.

“It really says a lot about society.”

 

EO (dir. Jerzy Skolimowski)

Consider EO kind of the bingo freebie of the lot. You can easily get away with this one just by sort of leaning into it as a gag.

“Eeeeooooo”

But like, you say it like a donkey braying. Because there’s a donkey in the movie. That’s kinda funny, right? Whatever. If you cared about forming a real opinion, you wouldn’t be reading this article anyway.

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