LOS ANGELES — Animators working on 2012 comedy film 21 Jump Street came forward anonymously to detail the grueling work they had to do to create Jonah Hill, according to a new report.
“There’s no doubt that 21 Jump Street is one of the most important films in animation history; Jonah Hill is such a fully realized and realistic-looking CGI character that pushed the medium forward further than any film since Toy Story,” said one of the animators who worked on the film. “But when we were working on scenes that included Jonah, we were working around the clock — 80 hour weeks, crunching, for months — to get him finished. It was the most grueling work I’ve ever done as an animator. For some reason, though, the Channing Tatum animations only took us like 20 minutes to make.”
According to those familiar with the situation, many of the issues came from co-director Phil Lord.
“Phil [Lord] always had notes for us that came way too late in the process,” said another animator. “We would come to him early in the process, with Jonah Hill storyboards and rough animations, and they’d say it was fine. Then we’d spend the next three months rendering all of his skin, hair, facial expressions, etc. and Phil would come by and be like, ‘hmmm, can we actually have Jonah go a little bigger with his reaction to Ice Cube yelling at him?’ and we’d literally have to start the whole scene from scratch. It was like constructing and demolishing a building over and over again. Except the building is Jonah Hill.”
“I’m honored I got to work on such a critically acclaimed animated project,” they said. “But I think the power has gone to Phil’s head. Jonah Hill was nearly impossible to make; who knows what he’ll try to do next?”
Animators around the world have pushed for stronger unions and collective bargaining to protect their rights.
“The reason productions like this go to Canada is because they know they can pay smaller rates for animators to construct fully CGI characters like Jonah,” said a third animator. “When a movie looks really bad, that’s not because the animators are bad. It’s because they are being rushed in order to save money and they’re desperate to finish their work while crunching. I don’t even want to know what the production schedule for that Netflix movie You People looked like, holy shit.”
Despite the concerns about 21 Jump Street, animators admitted to having a much easier time working on its 2014 sequel 22 Jump Street, due to the fact that an animatronic Jonah Hill was used for the filming of that movie.
LOS ANGELES — Actor and musician Jared Leto has made a shocking claim that the Grimace Shake meme, which portrays disastrous results for McDonald’s customers that drink their latest dessert menu offering, really happened to him, like seriously.
“Oh man, it was so twisted,” said Leto, to gathered reporters outside of his house earlier today, after requesting that they all appear there. “I had that new Grimace shake and then, uh, boom, I was like waking up in a river or something. It was the middle of the night, and it was seriously sick and twisted, like so dark. I lot of people couldn’t handle it, but I just found my cup, stared into the abyss, and kept drinking. This kind of fucked up shit happens to me every day.”
Leto’s claims were largely met with skepticism.
“This guy doesn’t understand anything, does he?” asked Simone Parker, who’s enjoyed several Grimace videos on TikTok. “No one likes the Joker because he smears shit on his face or whatever, and no one thinks this Grimace thing is actually happening. I would tell him what people really thought about Morbius, but I’m not sure he’s ready for that conversation.”
As of press time, Leto also claimed that he was on the Titan submersible but “got out at the last minute.”
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Colleen Balinger, known by her YouTube moniker Miranda Sings, responded to her controversial YouTube apology ukulele song in a recently posted video, in which the media personality and accused groomer expressed regret for the tone deaf video in a heartfelt banjo number.
“My ukulele song was an ill-conceived, insincere apology, and I wanted to set the record straight,” Ballinger began, jauntily plucking banjo strings in her bedroom. “While that video does make some valid points, I wanted to sit down and give a genuine, contrite video clearing my name and atoning for my actions, and what better way to do that than a cutesy little ditty in which I admit no fault whatsoever. I thought it would be best if I took some responsibility, did the adult thing, and sang an incredibly long song about how you, the viewer, are actually the problem.”
Miranda Sings fans have already begun to forgive the YouTuber for her previous video.
“When I saw the ukulele song video, I thought there was no way anyone would ever let her forget how terrible it was, but I have to give her credit, this new one is so bad it will probably eclipse the other one entirely. Even the song is worse!” Miranda Sings subscriber Elaine Rentill said. “I’m a little worried though, because at one point in the video, I saw a Melodica on her desk. I really hope this video goes over well.”
At press time, sources close to Ballinger reported that the YouTuber was working on a response to the backlash from her banjo song with a tearful bagpipes number.
Licensed video games are rightfully associated with being the absolute bottom tier of the medium, total trash with the occasional GoldenEye or Spider-Man 2 being the exception that proves the rule. Certainly at least part of the reason GoldenEye blew us away was that no one expected anything out of it, right?
I’ve always been and remain fascinated by these licensed games. I don’t think it’s very complicated, I think I just like more of the stuff and characters that I like. Before they were making TV shows about Batman’s butler, these games were often some of the only expanded adventures you’d get from a favorite tv show or movie, sometimes joining a paperback book that featured a dubious retelling of the story.
Now, it’s not a coincidence that these games are mostly bad. Good games are often delayed to be fine tuned, and movie tie-in games usually have an immovable deadline to hit. Also, they’re basically commercials! It’s not a coincidence that most of the OCEAN games based on movies stink, it’s like being surprised that Call of Duty is violent. It’s just in the DNA.
With this all being said, could there be another problem, the source material? A bevy of cinematic adaptation video games are based on kids movies and summer blockbusters. Highly consumable pieces of entertainment for sure, but genres known for their wide appeal, not the quality of the scripted material.
Despite this trend, there have been five video games made out of films that won Best Picture at the Academy Awards: Platoon, Rocky, The Godfather Parts I and II, and The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Even if these aren’t the best five movie tie-in games you’ll find, there at least has to be some artistic merit here, right? Would having more scholarly source material than the makers of Brother Bear for the Game Boy Advance lend itself to a more sophisticated gaming experience? Or was Roger Ebert right, and games aren’t art, and we all ought to bury our consoles in the backyard? (I’m not sure what Roger Ebert said exactly.) I wanted to find out.
Join me as I determine the Best Game Based on a Best Picture Winner!
And now, the nominees…
Platoon (NES, Commodore 64, Amiga)
This take on Oliver Stone’s Vietnam saga is a tough game to navigate. An optimistic read would be that the developers did a good job of simulating the density of the jungle, the rampant confusion that must have permeated through the cracks in the leaves. Instead of running from left to right, point A to point B, Platoon players must explore a jungle, each path seemingly identical to the last. Substandard level design or brilliant employment of primitive technology to paint a grim picture of an unjust war?
The cynical read would be that this is a clunky, overly difficult release that (like pretty much every NES game) doesn’t do enough to warn you of oncoming danger, inserting cold brutality in place of challenges a skilled player could navigate.
But I think this all begs a fair question; how fun should the Platoon game be? There was no way we were going to get a direct adaptation, not in 1987. Sure, if they made a gritty PS5 Platoon game today, we’d get a photorealistic Willem Dafoe insisting you smoke opium out of a shotgun (and you probably couldn’t jump over enemy bullets anymore), but this is a 30 year old Nintendo cartridge. Perhaps the best that could be done in the era of the NES was a thematically appropriate experience that did what it could to invoke the anxiety and fear portrayed in the movie. Let’s see what Adrian Lee from Hoboken thought about it when she got to try it in 1988.
Okay, yeah, that’s fair
If the graphics and gameplay were enough to have me on the fence as to whether this adaptation of Oliver Stone’s Vietnam opus was artistically esoteric or ineptly designed, the music swayed me to the former. This soundtrack not only goes hard as fuck, but its as atmospheric as anything you’re going to hear on the NES. The melodies, the sustained notes, it’s really, really good. It doesn’t appear to be based on the Platoon score, but it did remind me more of a film score than a video game soundtrack a lot of the time, except, you know, with beeps and boops. It’s simultaneously catchy like a great Nintendo soundtrack while still being appropriately morose. I love it.
Honestly, this is art in the way that it’s more admirable than it is actually fun to engage with. There are points to be made about Platoon‘s ambition, for sure, but if I’d rather listen to the soundtrack than play the game itself, that’s probably not great. Poignant or not, I don’t think this is the best we’re going to find.
Rocky (GC, PS2, Xbox, GBA)
“Yo Adrian, they say it’s a cube but this disc is like, a circle.”
The rest of these games were released on discs, in the 21st century. I’m going to try my damndest to evaluate everything fairly, but do you know what these four disc games can do that Platoon can’t? Play video clips!
Now, obviously fancy cutscenes don’t do shit if the levels between them are no fun, but do you know what? When I’m playing a video game adaptation of some of cinema’s finest work, it fucking rules to have the MGM lion roar at me before the game. It’s a fairly common experience while watching a movie, but when you boot up a GameCube game and are greeted with the same bumper that prefaced Ben-Hur and North by Northwest? Get ready for some art, dude.
Much like The Italian Stallion when we first meet him in the film, Rocky the game is in a tough, thankless spot. To do this game well they had to make it feel like Rocky, and also a decent boxing title. Boxing, fighting, and wrestling games are often perfected over several years and iterations of a game before they arrive at the most lauded version of themselves. Coming out of the gate to compete with the Fight Night’s and Punch-Out’s of the world is an unenviable spot, but they also had an advantage: they were tasked with adapting not real boxing, but Rocky boxing. And Oscars or not, has anything ever been more ridiculous and over the top than the fighting in a Rocky movie? Maybe the movie Over the Top, I guess.
As a boxing game, Rocky is a lightweight. As a Rocky game, however, I think itworks. This is Rocky boxing. You work the jab and the body until you see a window and think “Oh shit! Now’s my chance to land eight straight uppercuts.” Additionally, working your way up through dingy venues and fighting bums and eventually seeing Apollo Creed’s incredible entrance for the big fight, these things all work tremendously in the game’s favor as far as feeling like you are in the movie.
Actually, that’s a bit of an understatement. Rocky makes you feel like you are in all of the movies, and therein lies its shortcomings as far as feeling like a sound adaptation of an Academy Award winning film (in the game’s defense, that’s just a thing I just made up an hour ago). This sumbitch has you blazing through Rocky 1-5’s iconic fights, and while that makes for a lot of content for players, it also means that this is an adaptation of Rocky, the blockbuster sports movie franchise, not Rocky, the little movie about a scrappy nobody from Philly that shocks the world (which won Best Picture). I get it, but in jamming the game with content, the video game sadly perpetuates the failings of the Rocky sequels, which diluted the original’s power. In my opinion, the first five Rocky films were a series that threw a lot of punches, but only ever landed that one haymaker.
This game is fan service first, boxing second, and succeeds quite well at those things, in that order. It’s not really fair to criticize it for lacking depth, but I feel like I should point out it lacks some elements you might expect. It’s fun to see clips from the movies, and Apollo Creed’s larger than life entrances, However, if we’re grading this thing on its fan service merits, the omission of Hulk Hogan as Thunder Lips from the Rocky III stuff is a crippling body blow, sure to make players piss disappointment the next day. In the parlance of the thespian that portrayed him, the exclusion of Thunder Lips doesn’t work for me, brother.
The Acid Lab is one of the more recent additions to GTA Online. It was added during the Los Santos Drug Wars Update as a business for players to invest in. It is basically a drug business set up inside a Brickade 6×6 truck. It provides players with even more opportunities to build their criminal empire. So, with that in mind, let’s look at how you can get and start your Acid Lab in Grand Theft Auto Online.
How to Get the Acid Lab in GTA Online
There are two ways in which you can get the Acid Lab in GTA Online: playing the First Dose, or purchasing a 6×6 Brickade truck.
Playing Through the First Dose Missions
The first way is to play through the Los Santos Drug Wars storyline and complete the first set of missions collectively known as the First Dose. The last First Dose mission, “Off The Rails,” tasks you with stealing a 6×6 Brickade truck from Merryweather Security and delivering it to the Freakshop. Then you’ll have to do a free-roam setup mission to steal the necessary equipment to turn the truck into an Acid Lab. Now, with everything ready, you’ll have to talk to Mutt in the Freakshop and pay $750,000 to set up the Acid Lab business and start off. If you have a GTA+ membership, you don’t need to pay to set up the business. You’ll also receive the Malibatsu Manchez Scout C that can be used for product deliveries. It can also be used in free roam.
Purchasing the 6×6 Brickade
The second way is to purchase the 6×6 Brickade directly from the Warstock Cache & Carry website. The truck will cost you $1,450,000. After buying it, Mutt will call you and introduce himself and the business. The good thing here is that you won’t need to do the initial setup mission, or the First Dose missions to make the Acid Lab operational. You can then spawn the Acid Lab from the Interaction Menu and start off your business.
You can do a resupply mission for the Acid Lab by talking to Mutt when your supplies run out or directly buy them. It will cost you $60,000 to resupply the Acid Lab fully. You can also upgrade the equipment of the acid Lab that will cost you $250,000.
So, that is everything you need to know about acquiring and starting the Acid Lab in GTA Online. Our guide for registering as a CEO in the gameis also available so be sure to check that out as well.
NORTHAMPTON, Mass. — A patron at Coinline, a local bar that hosts dozens of retro arcade cabinets, is fairly certain that Ms. Pac-Man wants to screw his brains out, sources close to the situation confirmed.
“I spent the whole night with her, man,” said Sam Allen, who noted that Ms. Pac-Man had even asked for his name after he achieved a high score. “She could’ve ended the interaction any time she wanted. We just had a connection, you know? It’s like we were cut from the same cloth. We’re both foodies. We’re both scared of ghosts. We both feel a little lost in this crazy labyrinth that we call the modern world. I don’t care what my friends say; I’m asking for her number.”
Allen’s friends had indeed cautioned him to not get emotionally involved with the video game icon.
“We’ve told him a million times: she’s just being nice because you’re a paying customer,” said Allen’s friend Craig Erwin, who said he intentionally played Rampage as either George or Ralph to avoid any awkward voyeurism. “It’s literally her job. She was set in attract mode, for God’s sake. It’s honestly super embarrassing and he’s just going to make a fool of himself, like that time he derailed our Dungeons and Dragons campaign because he wanted to, ‘settle down,’ with an NPC.”
Coinline’s manager, Orson Clyde, said that the establishment monitors situations like this very closely.
“We don’t tolerate any inappropriate behavior towards our staff,” said Clyde. “If this guy just has a crush and keeps it to himself, that’s one thing. However, if he crosses the line and harrasses Ms. Pac-Man, we will not hesitate to remove him from the premises. We’ve done it before. It’s usually men we’re asking to leave, but ever since we got that Q*bert machine…I mean, Jesus. We’ve had to ban bachelorette parties. It’s disgusting.”
At press time, Allen was seen losing his temper and making a scene after another patron began playing the Ms. Pac-Man cabinet.
GOTHAM CITY — Billionaire Bruce Wayne spoke out against a social media account dedicated to tracking and publicizing the location of the grappling hooks used by local hero, Batman.
“It’s an enormous privacy risk,” said Wayne, who kept glancing up at the sky throughout his statement. “Sure, we all want to track down this dangerous vigilante, but what’s next? Your car reporting you when you go over the speed limit after a rocket boost? Facial recognition technology that can tell who you are even if you’re wearing a mask? Your Alexa recording every time you hit three specific keys on your piano, opening a secret passageway to your underground lair? It’s madness.”
Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent spoke on the matter during an interview on CNN.
“I laud the investigative mind of the young man who created the account, but it’s really not a useful project,” said Kent. “Sure, Batman’s grappling hooks use CFC gasses, which are harmful to the ozone layer. But, ultimately, the problem doesn’t lie with individuals. It’s corporations and governments that have the largest impact on the environment. That’s where we should turn our attention.”
Edward Nygma, the college student who created the account, defended his motivations in a Twitter Space.
“I started doing this because I found it to be an interesting programming project. Kind of like a puzzle,” said Nygma. “Sure, I was kind of hoping that it would get someone like Bruce Wayne’s attention, so that I could pitch them my idea for a machine that interfaces directly with your brain, but I didn’t anticipate this reaction. If I’m being honest, this pushback is kind of making me obsessed with tracking Batman. I might take it up full time.”
At press time, Bruce Wayne announced that he was calling on Congress to introduce legislation that would end federal regulations requiring masked heroes to register all gadgets with the federal government.
MADISON, Wis. — Insisting upon the rules of his arbitrary video game ranking system, local gamer Calvin Hedges declared The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom to be a perfect 10/10 game, though not nearly as good as Red Dead Redemption 2, a game he reportedly gave the exact same score.
“Tears of the Kingdom is an utterly flawless game and I’m fully convinced Nintendo had a direct line of communication with God while making it,” remarked Hedges. “But it must’ve been a shittier god, like that one who ate his son or whatever. The point is, when you compare it to other games that are equally as brilliant, it’s worse.”
Popular video game reviewer Claire Bernard maintained that the standard “out of 10” scale is the best ranking system.
“Our rating scale is meticulously designed so that the coveted ‘perfect 10’ exclusively goes to the very best of the best,” said Bernard. “Tears of the Kingdom exemplifies everything it means for a game to be a 10, and there’s not a single thing that Nintendo could have done better. It’s undoubtedly the pinnacle of gaming — it just so happens that sometimes the pinnacle of gaming gets its face shat on by another game.”
Tears of the Kingdom director Hidemaro Fujibayashi was unsure how to feel by the reception.
“Thanks, and also not thanks? Am I the only one who knows how numbers work?” said Fujibayashi. “You can’t just tell me 10 is less than 10! It’s the same number, dammit! I’d rather receive a 2/10 because at least that would make fucking sense!”
At press time, in order to prevent confusion, reviewers decided to simply rereview both games, giving Red Dead Redemption 2 five gold stars and The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom and A+.
NEW YORK — Local anime fan Zach Hodges finally went back and read the manga that 1995 science fiction classic Neon Genesis Evangelion is based on, according to those familiar with the situation.
“I was looking up something from the show — the Dead Sea Scrolls — and stumbled across all these books called ‘The Bible.’ I was like holy shit! I had no idea that Evangelion was based on a manga,” Hodges explained. “But a lot of the story is making more sense to me now. I love Eva; I’ve watched the entire series probably fifteen times. But I’ve never actually understood literally any of the plot at all. So it’s really nice to go back and get to take in all this context from the original manga, about Moses and Jesus and all that backstory from before the Second Impact. I haven’t finished yet, but I’m almost done and I’m so excited for all these characters in The Bible to finally get into mechs and start fighting.”
Sources close to Hodges say that he is a super fan of anything he gets into and is going “all in” on Neon Genesis Evangelion and Christianity now that he discovered it’s the origin of the ’90s anime.
“We are very excited to welcome Zach into our prayer group,” said a local pastor, Jerry Jarvis. “I don’t really know what the hoot he’s talking about sometimes, what with the giant robots and human instruments or something, but he takes his Bible study very seriously, which he calls ‘learning lore.’ He’s often making a big show of pushing his glasses up with his hand and he has a lot of interesting things to say about angels, but he’s a dedicated member of the group and we’re very happy to have him! I’ve never met such a young man so interested in discovering his faith.”
“He does seem to sexualize these drawings of children, however,” Jarvis added, with concern. “That’s something we’re trying to get away from as a religion.”
Between the Summer Games Fest and a recent Nintendo Direct, gamers have so many revolutionary projects to look forward to. Here’s all the biggest gaming reveals of 2023 so far!
Geoff Keighley’s Tramp Stamp
After triumphantly raising his arms to showcase an exciting game trailer, Geoff Keighley’s shirt accidentally lifted revealing an elaborate lower back tattoo spelling out ‘WILD THANG’
Mortal Kombat 1
Netherrealm has outdone themselves by completely reinventing some of the graphics from Mortal Kombat 11
Todd Howard’s Phone Number
The Bethesda executive stressed that anyone can call or text him day or night with questions about upcoming games, walkthroughs, or even just regular things like homemade crepe recipes or podcast recommendations
Sonic Superstars
With the next Sonic installment releasing just later this year, die-hard fans are worried Sega has not left themselves enough time to fuck up the game before launch
Second Coming of Jesus Christ
Fans were ecstatic to see that the fabled Son of God made his long-awaited return to humanity to introduce his friend Hideo Kojima during the Sony showcase
Super Mario Wonder
This highly-anticipated 2D platformer is a fresh reminder from Nintendo that they are running out of ideas
The Love of a Good Woman
While not technically a game reveal, fans were elated to see Nintendo spokesperson Shinya Takahashi take time out of the Direct to speak on the power of a strong woman loving you unconditionally, how passionately cradling the neck of a beautiful lover is comparable to an amazing Open-World RPG or expansive MMO.
Silksong Finally Released
Nah we’re just fuckin with ya lol
Stay Updated on The Latest Punk News
Get the latest punk news delivered straight to your inbox
