Officially a Gamer: Mom’s Face Registers a Flicker of Recognition at the Word ‘Nintendo’

Posted on by Camden Brazile

ST. LOUIS — Another gamer has just joined the ranks now that local mom Helen Schmidtt registered a flicked of recognition when her son said the word “Nintendo.” 

“I said ‘Nintendo’ and for a brief, fleeting instant her face lit up, as if she remembered hearing that word before. It’s official boys: she’s one of us,” said Helen’s son Elliot Schmidtt. “After years of explaining to her in intimate detail every aspect of all the games I play, she now knows that not only is Nintendo a gaming thing, but they’re the people who do Mario. I can’t express my joy that I can finally connect with my mom on a gaming level.”

According to those familiar with the situation, Helen Schmidtt is excited to finally become a real gamer.

“Yes, Nintendo. That’s what’s on the little screen that Elliot’s always playing. The thing, the little box, oh I know this, the Switch!” Helen Schmidtt told reporters. “I see Elliot playing his little games and it’s very nice. Sometimes he makes me play with him, but I’m not very good. Sometimes he says things like ‘Ness’ or ‘Valorant’ and I just smile and nod. But when we talk about Mario, I can finally say something. I like that cute little guy, I think he’s funny and I think he’s nice.”

Legendary Nintendo game designer Shigeru Miyamoto said he was humbled by Helen’s extensive knowledge of his craft.

“I’m glad to hear of Mrs. Schmidtt’s initiation into our fold,” Miyamoto said. “Many mothers and fathers take decades to recognize the word ‘Nintendo’ in conversation, some never do. I’m glad to see a mother show such unrelenting devotion to her son’s interest. It warms my heart to think of the synapses in her brain firing when she sees her son holding his Nintendo console.”

At press time, sources close to the situation reported that Helen may be more of a gamer than many realize, as she has an Overwatch 2 account with over 6,000 hours and ranked in Grand Master.

Finished Hi-Fi Rush? Play This Underrated Rhythm Game Next

Posted on by Parker Johnson

Hi-Fi Rush was a great surprise game to start off the year. Shadow dropping after the Xbox Developer_Direct, the brilliant rhythm-action hybrid is a great time (and available on Xbox Game Pass!). However, most players are likely starting to finish the game since its release on January 25. For players looking to keep the rhythm game high going, you’re in luck! You may have overlooked one of 2022’s most overlooked games: Melatonin.

Inspired by the Rhythm Heaven franchise, Melatonin is a fantastic homage to an underrated series. As the name implies, Melatonin’s levels and minigames are inspired by dreams. Each one provides a fantastic theme and fun minigames. The main character dreams about things from shopping & working to anxiety & the future. These provide both fun backdrops as levels, and great themes for the fun and catchy songs that back them.

Another thing that makes the game great is the short length of both the total game and individual game sessions. HowLongToBeat lists Melatonin as a 2 ½ hour game. This falls slightly below my playtime, as I would go back to get higher ranks on levels I enjoyed. In addition to this total length, individual sessions are also able to be cut pretty short. The game is split into 20 total levels, each one consisting of a practice phase, then a real song, then an optional hard mode. Because of this, you could easily play the game for a short 10-minute session, or its entirety in a single session. This flexibility makes Melatonin perfect for the portable Steam Deck & Nintendo Switch for commute, before-bed gaming, or during a break at work.

To recap, Melatonin is a perfect game for players who:

  • Played Hi-Fi Rush and want another burst of rhythm game fun that’s a bit different.
  • Want a new game in the style of the Rhythm Heaven franchise.
  • Want to fill a weekend with a small-scale game.
  • Want something with short bursts to play before bed, on a commute, etc.

It may not be for you if:

  • You have played games like Rhythm Heaven before and not liked them. It does things differently than other rhythm games, but not enough to change your mind on the genre.
  • Players who liked Hi-Fi Rush, but weren’t a fan of rhythm timing mechanics.

Melatonin is available on Steam & Nintendo Switch. If possible, I’d highly recommend playing portably on Steam Deck or Nintendo Switch. You can purchase it for Steam here, and Switch here.

Bloons TD 6 is the Perfect Addicting Co-Op Game for Couples

Posted on by Phil Matthews

If you’re looking for a new game that’s perfect for couples, you’ve found it. Bloons TD 6 is the ultimate co-op tower defense game for couples with differing skillsets. With its addicting gameplay, simple mechanics, and deep complexity, this is an excellent game for players of all levels. Plus, the monkeys are simply too cute to resist. Just look at the Dart Monkey and tell me you don’t want one to cuddle for yourself.

Bloons TD 6 is a tower defense game with a cartoonish art style and vibrant colors. In the game, you must defend your base from invading balloons (bloons) by strategically placing towers along their path. As each bloon passes through your defenses, they get more difficult to destroy. To win, simply protect your base with towers run by various monkeys.

A big part of Bloons TD 6’s appeal is its accessibility. It’s easy enough for casual players to pick up and play, but it also has enough depth to satisfy more hardcore gamers. There are several difficulty levels to choose from, so even if you or your partner struggle at first, you can still find a challenge that suits your skillset.

The co-op mode in Bloons TD 6 is another great feature that makes it ideal for couples. As you play together, you can combine different towers and upgrades to create powerful strategies against the bloons. You can also use special strategies that involve both players working together to eliminate waves of enemies faster. You can even gift each other money to push your partner’s tower to the ultimate upgrade. The cooperative nature of this mode makes it great fun for couples who want to work together as a team to defeat the bloons.

The strategic aspect of Bloons TD 6 is incredibly satisfying and rewarding. As you progress through each level, there’s loads of different towers & upgrades to choose from. The ability to customize your defenses means that no two games will ever be alike – each level will be unique and full of surprises! It’s this depth that makes the game so much fun – there’s always something new to discover and master as you play through each level.

Bloons TD 6 also offers plenty of replay value thanks to its various challenges and achievements. For instance, if you want to test your skills against more powerful enemies, you can take on special challenges where you must complete objectives under specific conditions or in limited amounts of time. These challenges will provide hours of extra content for those who want a deeper experience with the game.

Overall, Bloons TD 6 is an excellent choice for couples looking for a fun co-op tower defense experience. Its colorful art style and simple mechanics make it easy to pick up and play, while its depth ensures that there’s always something new to master as you progress through the levels. A surprisingly deep strategy game, Bloons is able to provide hours of entertainment for both casual players and hardcore players alike – making it one of the best co-op games for couples out there!

Bloons TD 6 is definitely for you if:

  • You want to play a game with a significant other or friend who is a more casual gamer
  • You miss classic Flash games
  • You want a casual game to play while listening to a podcast or watching TV

It may not be for you if:

  • You want highly involved, action-packed gameplay

Bloons TD 6 is available for mobile and PC. You can buy it for Android devices here, on Steam or the Epic Games Store for PC, or on the App Store for Apple devices.

AMC Now Charging Extra for Tickets Further Away From Shooter

Posted on by Camden Brazile

LEAWOOD, Kan. —  AMC Entertainment, the world’s largest cinema chain, announced it will be adjusting ticket prices based on proximity to the theater shooter.

“We want to provide more control over the moviegoing experience, starting with patrons choosing the price of their ticket based on how close they want to be by the white man attending the movie alone in a hoodie,” said AMC Vice President of Marketing Eliot Hamlisch. “Cheaper seats will be allotted to the dangerous, riskier seats right next to the prospective shooter whereas seats by the exit, which are almost guaranteed survival, are a bit pricier. For those wanting us to crack down on the shooters themselves, trust us, it’s in your best interest to keep these guys happy.”

Regular AMC customers were upset by the sudden change in prices.

“I have just become accustomed to the risk of being shot to death anytime I go see a movie, but charging me a bit more is outright unamerican,” said AMC patron Emily Lentz. “I don’t see why I should have to pay more just to sit as far away from the quiet, shady man seeing a huge movie opening night by himself and keeps shifting around, focused on his large backpack. I just hope that I’ll be reimbursed for my ticket price if I do end up being shot in one of the exit-adjacent seats.”

Even movie theater shooters have voiced their concern about the increase in ticket cost.

“I just want to make humanity pay for its sins, I never meant to inconvenience people financially,” said prospective shooter Alan Hartnet. “Call me old fashioned, but I think everyone should have an even chance of being judged by my AR-15, not just the people who don’t want to spend more than twelve bucks on a ticket.”

At press time, AMC announced it would also be cracking down on cell phone usage and loud talking that disrupts honest customers from trying to shoot up the theater.

Overwatch 2 Ramattra Unlock Guide: How to Unlock Ramattra

Posted on by Richard Tammaro

Overwatch 2 Season Two introduced a new tank hero to the roster: Ramattra. This hero was unlocked just by playing Season Two and leveling up the Season Two Battle Pass; however, now that Season Three has launched, they are no longer unlocked that way. Here is how to unlock Ramattra in Season Three of Overwatch 2.

Overwatch 2 – How to Unlock Ramattra in Season 3

If you own the first Overwatch, Ramattra will automatically unlock for you at the start of Season 3. If you don’t, though, there are two methods to unlock Ramattra in Season Three of Overwatch 2. 

Ramattra is available for purchase in the in-game shop. They will be available as a purchase on their own, along with “Starter Packs” that include the Hero and some Skins or other cosmetics. If you don’t want to dish out the cash to unlock this Hero, they can also be unlocked by completing their Hero Challenges. There is a set of 7 Challenges to complete to unlock them.

Below is a list of all of Ramattra’s Hero challenges:

Ramattra Hero Challenges
Wins For Ramattra Win 35 games queued as All Roles or playing Tank heroes in Quick Play, Competitive, or No Limits
Practice Void Accelerator Eliminate 3 bots with Void Accelerator in the Practice Range as Ramattra
Practice Ravenous Vortex Use Ravenous Vortex during Omnic Form and Nemesis Form in the Practice Range as Ramattra
Practice Pummel Damage 2 bot simultaneously with Pummel during Nemesis Form in the Practice Range as Ramattra
Practice Barrier Absorb 30 damage with void Barrier in the Practice Range as Ramattra
Practice Block Block 30 damage during Nemesis Form in the Practice Range as Ramattra
Practice Annihilation Extend the duration of Annihilation for 6 seconds or more in the Practice Range as Ramattra

That’s everything you need to know regarding how to unlock Ramattra in Overwatch 2! Looking to unlock other new characters? Here’s a guide on how to unlock Sojourn, Kiriko, & Junker Queen in Overwatch 2.

New Pop-Up Asks Hentai Watchers If They Even Read the Manga First

Posted on by Hard Drive Staff

ROCHESTER, N.Y. — A new pop-up software for popular hentai website SkimpyWaifus.Filth debuted Wednesday, with the new message pestering watchers if they’ve read the manga the porn is based on first.

“People should really read the manga novels the porns are based on to really appreciate the animation and the storytelling,” said SkimpyWaifus.Filth moderator Larry Cromwell. “Sure, I can jack it to an anime woman with physically-impossible tits, but knowing the context of her journey and her powerset improve the overall process of my masturbation tenfold. It’s not fair that these bandwagon fans can just log on and start cranking one out to the girls without even reading the seven thousand poorly translated pages of plot beforehand.”

Many users felt the pop-up was intrusive and unnecessary.

“It’s just like anime fans to be incredibly annoying and pedantic about which anime porns I watch,” said site visitor Brian Fellows. “The pop-up is so belligerent, insisting that I click off the hentai I’m trying to watch and go read a long, intensely graphic manga that the porn is loosely based on. I don’t know if you’ve tried, but it’s already mentally difficult to rub one out to an ill-proportioned drawing of a fictional woman, so trying to do that with the physical challenge of holding a tiny booklet up is just too much.”

While many don’t appreciate the recommendation, other visitors have seen positive results from reading the source material prior.

“I really enjoy having the context of the manga so I know what to expect from the porn,” said user Michael Ryler. “So often there are these cliffhangers in the animated format: will the man cum? Will the girl take her schoolgirl uniform off? Will the alien tentacle be satisfied? By reading the manga first, I don’t have to wait expectantly. Also, the manga is a lot farther along than the hentai, so I know about cumshots from penises that haven’t even been introduced in the hentai yet.”

At press time, sources reported that another pop-up was being implemented on the site, relentlessly badgering masturbaters to switch from the English moans to the more accurate Japanese ones.

BREAKING: E3 2023 Has Been Moved to Dave’s Garage (Have You Met Dave Before?)

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

Hey everybody, I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but now that Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo have all officially pulled out of this year’s E3 conference, we’re finally just gonna say “To heck with it,” and move it to Dave’s garage. Have you guys all met Dave? You’ll like him, he’s a really great guy. He’s got a pretty nice garage, too. I wish it didn’t have to come to this, but here we are. Please try not to take it out on Dave when you meet him.

First, let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room; no, we are not happy that this year’s installment of this legendary gaming show has been reduced to one of our guy’s garages on a Sunday afternoon once his kids and their friends are done playing hockey in there. But for what it’s worth, Dave said he’ll sweep it out and also that he’s gonna bring a couple TV’s out there and get them set up. One will even be hooked up to YouTube! Probably get some pizzas too, Dave said. So that’ll be nice. 

Dave is really cool, you’re gonna like him. I know it’s weird to fly across the country to go to an entertainment expo in a stranger’s garage, but it’s actually in a really great part of town, so there’s nothing to worry about there. And I mean, if any big shit goes down, you’re all gonna be right there in the same garage. Not a bad seat in the place.

I’m surprised none of you have even been in a Slack or anything with Dave? Oh well, you’ll get along with him, I’m sure of it. Dave’s the best. 

There’s an old futon in Dave’s garage, too. I don’t think anyone’s called dibs on it yet, so that’ll be up for grabs in case anyone that’s reading this can’t find a reasonable hotel room. Dave said he’s got coffee too, he’ll make a pot in the morning. This is the biggest gaming expo of the year, after all. It’s just a little smaller this year is the only thing. We still have plenty to offer, though. Wait ‘til you see Dave’s lawn. He works really hard on it. 

Thank you in advance for coming to E3 2023. We’re really thinking we can bounce back next year, and get this thing either back into a hall or convention center, or at least get into that great big basement Dave has. It’s finished and has a bathroom and fridge and everything. We think it would be perfect for next year’s E3. 

I’ll have Dave send you guys friend requests on Facebook. 

  • Wayne Dooley
    E3 Director of Communications. 

Call of Duty Warzone 2 Text Chat: How to Type in Game Chat

Posted on by Noah Hunter

Text chat is a very fun feature of Call of Duty: Warzone 2, as it allows the entire lobby to type in chat and mess around throughout the match, even without a headset. While this can be annoying for some, this feature is quite neat and you might be wondering how you can utilize it. The feature can be turned off sometimes by default, so we’ll walk you through how to type in Warzone 2 and how to make sure text chat is enabled.

How to Type in Warzone 2

To type in Warzone 2, you’ll want to simply follow the below steps. These will differ depending on what platform you are playing on!

Console (PlayStation/Xbox)

  • Press the options button to enter the side menu screen.
  • Move over one tab with RB or R1 (depending on platform) and select Game Channels.
  • Again, press R1 or RB in this menu to move to the text tab, where you will find the ability to message!
  • To message in chat, simply just select the text box and press A or X.
  • Type your message and send!

PC

  • Press enter on your keyboard.
  • Type your message and send!

It really is that easy to send messages and type in Warzone 2! Since there is no documented tutorial in-game on this, it might be challenging if you’re not looking in the right place. If you don’t see the text box option at all, then you must enable chat from the settings.

Steps to Enable Text Chat on Warzone 2

  • Open the Settings menu.
  • Navigate to the Account & Network section of the Settings menu page.
  • Scroll down to the Content Filters tag.
  • Select the Text Chat option and flip it to “ON”.

As long as this setting is enabled, you’ll be able to type in Warzone 2 with no issues at all. Now you can fight it out across Al Mazrah and type some ‘friendly’ messages to your opponents.

Rian Johnson Teases Third ‘Knives Out’ Movie by Murdering Stanley Tucci

Posted on by Camden Brazile

LOS ANGELES — After the Netflix hit Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, writer/director Rian Johnson released a cryptic teaser for the upcoming untitled Knives Out 3 by murdering character actor Stanley Tucci in cold blood.

“I don’t want to give anything away just yet, I just want to show everyone that I have some exciting ideas for the next film already,” a blood-stained Johnson said. “Stanley is such a fun actor to play around with, whether improvising with him on set or toying with him bound and gagged as I slowly let the blood drain out from his head. The Netflix people have been so lenient with me, and have provided me all the creative freedom I want when conducting my methodical killing of Tucci to advertise the next installment.”

Knives Out fans are already ecstatic to see the gruesome advertisement for the third film in the franchise.

“It’s always so exciting to see the fun, random ensemble of these whodunnits, whether some of them are killed off during the movie, or before the movie even releases,” said Knives Out superfan Kenna Harbrook. “Tucci is such a perfect pick for one of these movies; you don’t know if you can trust him or not, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he won’t be the villain both because he’s a little too obvious and also his body has been dismembered before filming has even begun.”

“When I saw the announcement I was like ‘oh my god I’m dead,’” she added, “but in the emotional sense. Not in the Tucci sense — he actually is dead now.”

The series’ star detective, Daniel Craig, said that he and Johnson have already started to collaborate on the project.

“Rian and I have a lot of exciting plans, I can’t give anything away but lots of great character actors are going to die. We also have a lot of plans for the movie as well,” Craig said. “I can’t wait for everyone to see our next gory mystery unfold before their eyes. Also I’m excited for people to see the movie. We’ve already sat down and sketched out most of the deaths we’re planning, we’ve done so many that we haven’t even started planning Knives Out 3 yet.”

At press time, sources reported that although Alan Cumming had been found murdered in a quarry, Johnson reported this was unrelated to any of his upcoming projects.

Pokemon GO Umbreon Evolution Guide: How to Evolve Umbreon

Posted on by Nick Geracie

If you’re playing Pokemon GO and looking to evolve your Eevee into Umbreon, we have you covered! Long before the release of GO in 2016, Eevee had solidified its position as one of the most popular Pokémon of all time due to its unique plethora of evolutionary paths. An Eevee’s environment, encounters, and relationship with its trainer can influence which evolution takes place, and for players looking to evolve their Eevee into an Umbreon – the dark-type “eevee-lution” – in Pokemon GO, there are three ways to do do this evolution.

To evolve an Eevee, you need to feed it 25 Eevee candy, which can be obtained three at a time by catching Eevees, or even more with certain catch bonuses. Once you have enough Eevee candies to evolve your Eevee, you can leave it to chance and see if you get an Umbreon the old-fashioned way. However, if you want to guarantee your Eevee evolves into Umbreon in Pokemon GO, there are two different ways you can guarantee the specific evolution.

How to Use the Buddy System to Evolve Eevee into Umbreon

Pokemon GO’s Buddy system allows players to have one of their Pokemon follow their trainer character around on the map, which provides an avenue for specific interactions with that ‘buddy’ Pokemon that can lead to bonuses, including specific evolutions. In the Pokemon canon, Eevee evolves into Umbreon due to having a strong friendship with its trainer, so naturally, making an Eevee your buddy in Pokemon GO is a surefire way to evolve it into an Umbreon. 

Unlike other Pokemon who evolve via the Buddy mechanic, Umbreon does not require its trainer to accumulate hearts. All you need to do is walk 10 kilometers with Eevee as your buddy, and while doing so, acquire 2 candies. After both of these conditions are fulfilled, evolving the Eevee at night will result in an Umbreon.

How to Evolve Umbreon in Pokemon GO: Umbreon Evolution Nickname

You can nickname your Pokemon in Pokemon GO, and for each potential evolutionary path for Eevee, there is a nickname that will immediately evolve your Eevee into the associated evolution. Change the nickname of the Eevee that you’d like to evolve to “Tamao”, then evolve it for a guaranteed Umbreon! The nickname can be removed or changed again after the evolution. Also keep in mind that this method can only be used once per player for each of Eevee’s evolutions.

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