The famed Max Rebo Band announced via social media today the group will finally reunite for a headlining set at Coachella music festival this April.
According to the announcement the band is getting back together for one show only after years apart following the tragedy at Jabba’s Palace (4ABY).
“I know our fans will be happy to hear we’re finally back together again,” said the Ortolan himself, Max Rebo. “After some pretty traumatic events it’s been really hard. Once you see multiple men fall into a sarlaac pit doomed to be digested for a thousand years it’s hard to think about music.”
Rebo went on to talk about his hesitancy to do another big gig and fear of a similar situation happening again. This hasn’t been the only hangup however, as the band almost didn’t agree to perform at this year’s Coachella due to personal disagreements with the event’s owner.
“I didn’t want to support that bigoted bastard that runs the festival!” said gay icon Droopy McCool. “I didn’t feel comfortable performing for someone who doesn’t respect the LGBTQ community, but when I heard how much they were paying us I couldn’t say no. You wouldn’t believe rent prices on Coruscant these days.”
According to reports The Max Rebo Band is set to take the stage on the same night as 90’s legendary ska group, No Doubt. But due to well-known tension between the two groups they will be taking place on opposite main stages to eliminate the risk of interaction, sources confirmed.
After Rebo and No Doubt lead singer Gwen Stefani’s well publicized broken engagement, she left the group and refused to play the infamous Jabba’s palace gig.
Stefani was unavailable for comment however has recently confirmed that the song “Don’t Speak” is in fact about her relationship with Max Rebo.
VICTORIA, BC – At sixteen minutes into his latest video, YouTuber Ryan James begins the dreaded ambiguous pointing around the top of the screen to get you to watch a video he has done about this same topic previously, not knowing what to call the button, or not even where the button is.
“If you want to know more about the treehouse we built in 2021, click over here,” said James, blindly flailing around the top third of the video frame, “I think… yea, I think over here?”
A long time phenomena since the feature was introduced in 2020, James is just the latest YouTuber to succumb to not knowing where the button is, what it’s name is, or how it works.
“It’s just called a fucking info card,” YouTube released in a statement, “We label the feature in the app, we tell people where the button is, but they just won’t fucking LISTEN.”
Despite YouTube’s direct message, there is still confusion about how to refer to the feature when speaking like a normal human being.
“I can’t call it a recommended video, that’s it’s own thing,” says Alvin Mills, a 23-year-old up-and-coming YouTuber. “It’s not a related video either, that’s what they call a Recommended Video that a company paid to be recommended, I just want my annotations back!”
Despite the feature being years old, and always being in the exact same spot the entire time, internet marketing researchers estimate YouTubers will collectively decide on how to refer to it by 2030, three years after researchers estimate YouTube will make the feature obsolete.
WASHINGTON, DC – A shockwave rippled across Capitol Hill today as the White House announced a federal buyback program for Shure SM7B microphones, the preferred microphone by deranged podcasters in mass-cringe events that have been sharply increasing in recent years.
“Today, Americans across the country can sleep better knowing that their families, their children, and themselves are safer from random acts of podcasting,” Joe Biden said in a conference on Friday. “While this is an incredible first step on getting podcasts off of the street, we know more work is needed to keep our citizens safe from men having a quarter-life crisis and deciding the world needs to hear them and their equally unfunny friends.”
Negative reactions to this news come overwhelmingly from podcasters and their families, claiming that it is their first amendment right for four lifelong best friends to sit around for an hour every week “roasting” the worst movies ever released.
“It was the microphone Thriller was recorded on,” declared Kyle Webb, a 28-year-old podcaster from Milwaukee, “I can’t believe that our oppressive government would find any issue with a legal citizen recording 30 minutes of comparing the hottest women of history every Tuesday morning. My podcast has been climbing the charts, and now Biden and the crooks in DC are stomping on my dream of reaching 10 active monthly listeners.”
While the Shure SM7B is by far the most popular microphone for podcasting, there are alternatives that many fear will just fill in the gaps.
“Today is step one in a long battle to keep Americans safe from men with no notable life experience or unique perspective broadcasting their ‘takes,’’” VP Harris said in a statement, “We expect a long battle ahead of us in the Upper House, but we trust that Senators around the country will do the right thing for their state’s citizens.”
At press time several podcasters announced their intentions to return to their stand up comedy roots, which they have performed approximately 10 times in their life but still somehow consider their identity.
REDMOND, Wash. — Xbox announced at a recent Developer_Direct that they were planning to capitalize on the extreme success of Game Pass and add literally anything and everything they could get their fucking hands on to the platform.
“We’re planning on aggressively expanding Game Pass even more in the coming months,” said Phil Spencer, head of the Xbox brand. “We’re talking movies, TV shows, books, those little comics you get with Bazooka gum. I don’t give a shit what it is, as long as the consumer ties all of their digital media to Xbox so they can’t go anywhere else.”
Some subscribers have expressed concern over the growing number of games on the service.
“I love Game Pass, but honestly the huge amount of choices just stresses me out. There are more games on there than I could ever play, and even though I’ve never even considered half of them I don’t want to cancel my subscription, just in case I want to play Hi-Fi Rush eventually.” said Taylor Montgomery, a Game Pass subscriber for the past three years. “I usually end up just getting high and replaying Powerwash Simulator, and that’s cost me about $612 so far.”
Several indie developers are sharing their experiences with Microsoft’s aggressive push for new games to release on Game Pass.
“I’d been in a rut creatively for a little while, until I finally had an idea of what to do next,” said Lyle Finnegan, a solo game developer. “Before I had even moved, someone from Xbox crashed through my window and offered me $200k to put it on Game Pass. I tried saying no and they upped it to $250k, I tried saying no again and they pointed a gun at my chest and said $300k. So look out for my next project on Game Pass day one!”
As of press time, there are currently eighteen million five hundred six thousand three hundred seventy-five games on Game Pass, with eight more being added next month.
Genshin Impact is a gacha grindfest, and if you want to ease things up with some free stuff, we’ve got the guide with all the Genshin Impact codes you can actively redeem.
While the list of Genshin Impact codes is ever-rotating, there are also a handful of somewhat evergreen codes that have been active for a long time, and can be reliably used no matter what. Regardless, you should redeem codes as soon as possible, as there are no guarantees with regards to their expiry date.
Tip: You can use the Easy Claim Links below to redeem the code directly on Hoyoverse.com in your browser without having to type it in manually, or copy/paste it.
Livestream codes are not just extremely time-limited, but are also available in very limited numbers, and can only be redeemed once per account, as opposed to once per character, so redeem them as soon as possible.
BQ8AZHUH2CZ
100 Primogems
10 Mystic Enhancement Ores
Livestream 4.4 code. Expires January 20, 2024 04:00 UTC.
If a code doesn’t work for you despite never having used it before, simply contact Genshin Impact’s Customer Service for help.
How To Redeem Codes In Genshin Impact In A Browser
Your character needs to be leveled to at least Adventure Rank 10 in order to redeem codes. Next, go to the redemption page on the official website for Genshin Impact and login to your account with the email address and password you used previously to sign up. Be sure you’re logging-in to the correct account, if you have multiple accounts. Input your character’s name, select server region, and proceed with the Redeem button. A prompt will appear if the redemption is successful.
Successful redemptions cannot be revoked, so be attentive.
How To Redeem Codes In Genshin Impact In-Game
When in-game, go to Settings, then Account, and select Redeem now using the code. Successful redemptions will appear right away in your in-game mail.
Redemption codes are one-time only, per character, which effectively means you can still use it again on another character. Codes are also reusable on a completely different account linked to a separate email address.
How To Check Redeemed Items In Genshin Impact
Once in-game, simply open up your Mail by selecting the letter icon in the main menu, and use the Claim buttons to get your rewards. Bear in mind that in-game mail has an expiry date as well, so complete the claims process as soon as possible.
Forgot Genshin Impact User ID Or Linked Email Address
Click the cogwheel in the main menu for Settings, and then Account at the bottom. Under the User Center you’ll find your User ID as well as your email address.
If you’ve used the universal registration/login system that is in place, you could also login using the associated IDs of either Google, Apple, Facebook, or X (formerly Twitter). Be sure to allow the website to use cookies if the browser prompt pops up.
WALLA WALLA, WASHINGTON – Gamer Ian Wilde is reportedly heartbroken after learning that the companion he romanced in Baldur’s Gate 3, Shadowheart, has also been romanced by other gamers.
“Shadowheart, how could you?” wept Wilde. “I hear you’ve been running around, getting romanced by other gamers left and right. All the dialogues we had together. All the quests we went on. Freeing you from the pod. Finding the Nightsong. That night we shared in the lake. Did all of that mean nothing to you? Now I see why you worship the goddess of secrets.”
According to stunned sources, Wilde found out about Shadowheart being romanced by another gamer after he had a friend over who was also playing Baldur’s Gate 3. As the two talked about the game and Wilde brought up his romance with Shadowheart, his friend mentioned that they had also romanced the NPC. According to eyewitnesses, at that time Wilde became distraught, pacing around the room, crying and shouting at his friend and demanding he get out of his house.
“He exploded,” said Ian’s friend, Jacob Patrick. “He was throwing things around the house and yelling ‘How could you?’ I couldn’t tell if he was joking at first but then he started sobbing and it was not a joke. Very loud.”
After kicking out Jacob, Ian spent hours browsing internet forums and YouTube comment sections, where he saw hundreds of comments and posts by gamers talking about their romance with Shadowheart. After gathering this “evidence” as he called, he reportedly booted up Baldur’s Gate 3, where he attempted to confront Shadowheart over her numerous “affairs.” However, as Baldur’s Gate 3 had no dialogue options relevant to his situation, he resorted to shouting at Shadowheart on his computer screen.
“He woke me up screaming at his computer,” said Anna Wilde, Ian’s mom. “I had work in the morning. Are other boys his age like this?”
As of press time Shadowheart did not respond to an immediate request for comment about the situation, but did seem potentially open for romancing.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 19.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A broad and versatile term that is used to refer to an object, concept, or entity.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“G”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“N”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“I”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“H”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 456 days straight! So here goes nothing:
After decades of public debate and extensive, wide-ranging studies, the data has finally aligned with common sense to present one clear conclusion: Guns don’t kill people. Pokemon with guns kill people.
I’ve been saying this for years and no one would listen. Well maybe now that this nightmare has come to life people will start to listen – military-style assault rifles only belong in the hands of basically anyone who feels like owning one, not Pokemon.
I’m sick of pretending that’s not the case. I don’t care who I offend.
Many online commenters have criticized the new game Palworld as a dumb gimmick or a pathetic cash grab. I think it’s something far worse than that, a warning. A glimpse into what our future will become as the core values of what once made this country great disappear daily.
Imagine taking your kids to the park for a nice little picnic, the sun is shining, there’s not a cloud in the sky. You’ve got two or three concealed carry weapons on you – maybe a few hidden away on your kids too. A beautiful, perfect day. Wait, what’s that? A Gengar with a machine gun! That bastard is already creepy enough with his long-ass tongue. Now he has a gun, think about it. Is that the kind of country you want to live in?
I have nightmares daily of Pikachu with a bump stock. I gave bump stocks to all of my family as stocking stuffers this year but really… Pikachu? You’ve got to be kidding me.
Look, I know some Pokemon basically already have guns. You look at Blastoise though and all he can shoot at you is a little bit of water. Super fast hydro pumped water, but still water. We’re not talking about .50 caliber, armor-piercing rounds coming out of those cannons.
What use does a Pokemon have for an AR-15 anyways? Those only belong in the hands of unstable teenagers and any other American shopper who just kinda feels like it that day.
To be clear: I do agree if someone can only say their own name over and over again they should be allowed to purchase a weapon without delay. But if that name is an un-American as “Snorlax” – no way.
I’m a big believer that change has to start with the Gym leaders. I’ve always said that. If they want to encourage kids to go from town to town collecting badges and challenging everyone that can see them, there has to be some regulation. We certainly can’t be allowing these children to hand a firearm to their Mudkips and Chimchars.
All I’m saying is that at the very least we have to control which pokemon we’re going to let have a gun. Before you give a 60-round magazine to your Jigglypuff, why not do a background check on them? There may be a reason that little guy is always trying to get you to go to sleep.
If you take anything away from this piece let it be this: Don’t give your Dachsbun a shotgun until you know they’re a good one.
NEW YORK — Premium television channel HBO announced the upcoming release of a special Show of the Year Edition of their acclaimed series “The Last of Us” despite the show failing to win a single televised Emmy.
“We’re thrilled to offer an enhanced version of ‘The Last of Us’ that will give true fans everything they’ve asked for,” said David Zaslav, CEO of HBO’s parent company Warner Bros. Discovery. “Sure, it may have struck out at the Emmys, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t the show of the year. Video games do this all the time, right? I just held an internal poll at HBO, and guess what? ‘The Last of Us’ just won our Show of the Year award in an absolute landslide. So there.”
“The Last of US” co-creator Craig Mazin said that he had not been consulted on the decision to release a new version of the series.
“I have no goddamn clue what they’re doing,” said Mazin. “I’m hoping that they just want to slap a new sticker on the Blu-ray box set, but with my luck, they’ll ask me to add, ‘new features,’ whatever that means. And hey, I’m down to record a new commentary track or something, but that’s not what they’ll ask for. They’ll probably make me include that Bill and Frank series they’ve been bugging me about. Honestly, I would rather that than having to workshop that turd into its own show.”
Fans of the show had mixed feelings about the announcement.
“It kind of feels like bullshit to me,” said Brian Davis, who said that the original “The Last of Us” game was his favorite media of all time. “I already subscribe to both HBO and MAX, plus I bought the first season of the show on UHD, regular Blu-ray and DVD. Now they’re asking me to buy it all over again? It’s not like I have a choice — I’m a collector. Plus, they’ll definitely gate off some juicy content behind this paywall. I can only pray they don’t one day release an ultimate edition.”
At press time, Mazin released a statement explaining that the show’s second season had been delayed so that he could focus on a brand-new remaster of the first season.
SAINT PAUL, Minn. – An anonymous former Digital Café employee has come forward about a massive crunch during development of beloved cereal propaganda Chex Quest in a recent Twitter thread.
“The physical toll was brutal, but the higher ups didn’t care – all they wanted was to deepen their pockets and create the Chex Warrior. Typical executives, only caring about the sentient cereal men of their own creation,” lamented the former employee.
In a modern gaming landscape where workplace abuses are becoming all the more common, it’s up to brave developers to come forward about the corporate funded genetically modified cereal-human hybrid atrocities against God only seen behind closed doors.
“We were in development hell for over a decade – Chex Quest actually started off as an English port of this little known Japanese Famicom game Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic, but the technology for sentient chex men just wasn’t there at the time so the license ended up going to Nintendo,” commented the developer.
Many nostalgia-blind recreational propaganda consumers questioned the legitimacy of the developer’s claims, stating: “There’s no way the government would allow unregulated workplace abuses or sentient cereal-human hybrid people to roam the earth – it’s just not possible!”
The former developer went on to reminisce over the 10 year long development cycle, posting “The first batch of chex-human hybrid people were very aggressive, with a tendency to get a bit quirky during the constant never ending night shifts. It all eventually culminated in what we call ‘the bite of ‘87’ – when a bunch of the newbies got fed up with the greed of the higher ups and decided to try and eat the original Chex Warrior to assert their dominance.”
“We lost some good men that day, but the Chex Warrior ultimately survived. His wounds were mostly cranial, so the scientists behind his creation ended up repurposing the cereal-human hybrid with major brain damage into the company’s next CEO.”
Digital Café would go on to be eventually liquidated in 1998, dissolving the Chex Warrior of his role as CEO and any guilt he might have over the workplace abuses behind his creation.
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