FRESNO, Calif. — A 33-year old millennial is reportedly joining Bluesky in order to relive their fond memories of Tumblr’s peak, not-quite-middle-aged sources have confirmed.
“I know everyone said Tumblr died a long time ago, but I was hoping it’d still make a comeback,” said Alex Dalton, who said they have had several accounts on the platform starting as early as 2007. “I think it’s finally time to move on, though. I was always afraid of Twitter and Instagram because they were so different. I mean, how am I supposed to read a thread if its replies aren’t awkwardly nested from right to left? At least Bluesky obfuscates the quote-post chains, so they’re similarly impossible to read. It’s not quite home, yet, but it’s familiar.”
Bluesky CEO Jay Graber confirmed that providing a place for aging millennials to safely post was the entire point of the platform.
“We knew that Bluesky had to be a modern social media site,” said Graber, “but it needed to have a similar vibe to Tumblr or else it would scare and confuse our core users. It’s like how Alzheimer’s wards have their nurses dress in uniforms from the 1960s and play oldies on the radio. Our version of that was seeding the platform with a bunch of posts about ‘Doctor Who’ and ‘Homestuck’ that turn on caps lock in the middle of a sentence for no reason. It provides a certain level of comfort that allows our audience to post through the horrors of the changing world around them.”
Social media expert Matthew Phillips noted that generational migrations such as this are not uncommon.
“You see this with every website,” said Phillips. “Gen X had Friendster. Friendster is gone. Now, they’ve happily adopted Facebook ever since the Boomers flooded in and ruined it. I can only imagine where all the Zoomers will end up in a few years, once TikTok has faded. Maybe some venture capitalist is seeding the very start-up that will create it right now. Only time will tell.”
At press time, Dalton was seen wearing a dream-like smile as they read a poorly-organized thread about the gender politics of “Supernatural.”
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 24.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An object or a part of an object that has survived from an earlier time, often with historical or cultural significance.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“C”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“I”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“R”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 526 days straight! So here goes nothing:
I’m something of a Pokémon superfan, and the recent Palworld discourse had me wondering something; have any other major properties been secretly plagiarizing from Game Freak this entire time? I had to do some classic investigative journalism in order to get to the bottom of this. Nintendo is clearly helpless in this matter and needs someone like me to protect them from further copyright infringement.
I started with looking for any obvious Pokémon clones. You know, your electric rats, or birds made out of fire, or suspiciously hot rabbits. I did learn about something called a “phoenix” during my research, but that seems to be a couple years older than Moltres, so those get a pass.
Then I noticed something I can’t believe I had never seen before: there’s this animal called a “sheep” that looks way too similar to Wooloo to be a coincidence.
Almost everything about them is copied directly from Wooloo. They have fluffy white wool, which primarily covers their torso and not their limbs. Their ears stick way out from the sides of their heads, and they sometimes have horns! You can even occasionally find ones with black wool, just like a shiny Wooloo. This is all clearly taken directly from Pokémon.
The worst part has got to be the eyes, though. As if the rest of that wasn’t enough, it’s like the eyes were traced; they’re yellow on the outside, with a horizontal, rectangular pupil. It’s so shameless! Pokémon came up with such a unique and original design just for it to be ripped off like this.
Right about now you may be asking how a real animal is copied from a video game, and I do not have the answer to that. But I have to ask you a question: Had you ever even seen – no, had you ever even heard of a sheep before 2019? That’s right, you hadn’t. Nobody had ever seen a sheep before PokémonSword and Shield came out when – you guessed it – Wooloo was introduced.
Upon further research, I believe I know who is responsible for this blatant plagiarism: New Zealand. They have five times as many sheep as they do people. It’s the perfect place to manufacture and release these bootlegs. The New Zealand government needs to be stopped!
I suggest that Nintendo and The Pokemon Company pursue legal action in order to right this obvious copyright infringement before they do it again. I suspect they already have, by copying Game Freak’s other original designs such as Pidgey and Magikarp.
HYRULE— Evil sorcerer-turned-demon Vaati has suspended his campaign to conquer and dominate Hyrule just days before the crucial Lanayru primary, monstrous sources have confirmed.
“The number one priority has always been taking down Drowsy Daphnes,” said Vaati at a press conference, referring to King Daphnes by a pejorative nickname. “The time has come for us to unite behind one leader, and that leader is Ganondorf. I’ve always respected him, as evidenced by my pledge to pardon him for his so-called ‘crimes.’ Now, I must to return to my duties as an entity sealed inside the Four Sword. I doubt that old blade has been functioning well without me.”
Vaati’s supporters were dismayed at the news.
“He seemed like a more sane Ganondorf,” said Purlo, a resident of Hyrule Castle Town. “Like, they have the same political goals, Vaati just has a veneer of respectability. He wasn’t involved in the storming of the Sacred Realm, even though that was actually a false flag op by the Seven Sages and wasn’t really a big deal, anyway. He’s just got less baggage, you know? I do think it was weird how he used the Light Force to make himself look taller, but there’s no such thing as a perfect candidate.”
Demon King Ganondorf welcomed the support of his former rival.
“We love Vaati, don’t we, folks?” said the Gerudo thief, despite referring to Vaati as, “Mr. Eyeball,” and, “Faati,” as recently as Monday morning. “We love him and he said some very nice things about me. Very nice. He’s got this thing called the Light Force — not as nice as the Triforce, not as nice, but not too shabby. But he said some nice things, not like Meatball Malladus, who’s been very mean. But that’s okay, folks, it’s okay. We’re gonna — and let me just say, I’ve got nothing against Malladus. Nothing against him. Never said anything mean or bad about Malladus. But he’s a one-game villain, isn’t he, folks? Is that who you want taking on Drowsy Daphnes and the do-nothing sages?”
At press time, Ganondorf appeared to confuse Malladus and Princess Zelda, claiming that the attack on the fabled Sacred Realm had occurred under the former’s watch rather than the latter.
NOVATO, CALIFORNIA – 2K Games has announced in a press release that Cody Rhodes will be the cover athlete for the upcoming WWE 2K24, provided that Dwayne Johnson does not become available prior to the game’s release.
“Cody Rhodes is a beloved WWE superstar with an inspirational journey, and we can think of nobody better suited to be the face of 2K24,” the statement reads. “Unless The Rock is down for it, obviously, in which case we’ll readily throw away a year and a half of planning in order to give a 51 year-old Hollywood star the spotlight that he deserves. But until then yeah, Cody. We loooove Cody.”
At a promotional event for the game, Rhodes expressed how honored he was to be selected as the (presumptive) cover star.
“I remember when I got the call, I was shocked,” the WWE star told the crowd. “I never would have thought in my first run in WWE that I would ever be on the cover of one of these games. But I’ve always believed that if you bet on yourself and do the work, you can make your dreams a reality. And this cover is proof of that,” Rhodes said with tears in his eyes. “Also, on the off chance that Dwayne does come back, WWE and 2K have assured me that I can be the guy he’s giving the Rock Bottom to. So I’ll still be on the cover and that’s…that’s cool, right?”
While taking questions from the audience, Cody was asked whether he was nervous about the possibility of having this moment taken away from him at the last minute by an aging former wrestler.
“I’m not too worried about it,” he assured the crowd after a passionate 20-minute promo about how America is the greatest country in the world. “Around this time every year there are rumors that The Rock is going to take someone’s spot on the WWE 2K cover, and it never happens. Honestly I was a lot more worried when Punk came back, but thankfully I guess the 2K team felt I’d done more to earn th-”
“Wait a second,” interrupted a 2K representative seated next to Rhodes, “…CM Punk came back? Oh wow, this changes everything!” They then quickly dismissed the attendees before beginning to scrawl a rough CM Punk WWE 2K24 cover on the back of the press release.
At press time, Cody Rhodes had just been announced as the cover star for AEW Fight Forever 2.
When I first came to Wavecrest Island, it seemed too good to be true. I needed a break, but I really needed an adventure, and that’s what Wavecrest has given me. It’s given me a chance to see the world without the various soft pressures of modern life.
On the other hand, everyone on the island is trying to fuck me.
Let me backup. A couple of years ago, I learned that a great-uncle I didn’t know about had passed away, and as his last living heir, I’d inherited a farmhouse on this little island in the Caribbean. When I looked it up, that island was supposedly uninhabited. That made it a mystery I couldn’t resist; I booked the next flight to the closest airport, then hired a local fisherman to take me the rest of the way.
In retrospect, I missed a lot of red flags. To be fair, my first few hours on Wavecrest involved a shipwreck and a couple of cryptid sightings, so I was distracted when I met Wavecrest’s mayor Marina. If I’d arrived on the island like a normal person, I’d have wondered why she was so friendly right away, or why she offered a cash reward if I fixed my own bathtub.
Look, I’m not used to other people treating me like a full human being, let alone a potential object of desire. I used to work retail.
That’s probably why I initially wrote everyone on Wavecrest off as “nice neighbors.” Sure, they all made sure I knew they were available. There was that incident in the changing booth, and that other one at the spring festival. I assumed they were kidding about Clothing-Optional Day, but I stayed home after I saw my mailman streak through my yard.
Besides, there were other things to occupy my attention. The soil here is supernaturally fertile; you can raise crops in days, not months. I went fishing the other day and saw a mermaid. My farmer’s almanac mentions a “Day of Flame” that’s coming up, which matches the noises from the island’s inactive volcano. Also, I learned how to make wine, which might explain the mermaid sighting.
Now it’s been almost a year. I haven’t struck up an actual relationship with anyone, but I’m well aware that the option’s on the table. There isn’t anyone on Wavecrest who isn’ta horny single in my area. It’s getting to me.
Don’t get me wrong. I could see myself staying here. Every day, I put in some honest work on my farm, then sit down with my dog for a nice meal that I made myself, from my own home-grown ingredients. The rest of my time is all mine, to read, build furniture, and more often than not, hide from somebody who “just stopped by to visit.”
I like most of my neighbors, but it’d be nice if they didn’t think eye contact was flirty. I’ve talked to the clerk at the general store five times in eleven months and she’s started to unload on me about why her marriage failed. Lady, there is a therapist on the island. He’s really unprofessional, at least around me, but he’s there. I’m not sure why you’re confusing me for him, or why you think a single chicken egg is romantic dynamite.
At this point, I’m assuming the whole island is some deep fetish thing. I got grandfathered into some exclusive club for barely functional sex addicts. I just want to live in my cozy little house, taking life at my own pace, and somehow I’ve shown up in a situation where I’m the pervert.
If this wasn’t the only way I could ever hope to own a home, I swear I’d leave.
Kissimmee, FL – Gamer Omar Thompson, wildly overconfident in his stoicism and resistance to jump scares, must’ve had something to prove this past weekend after he set his game’s settings to the recommended brightness level, concerned local sources confirmed.
“Ha! No problem!” said the self-proclaimed ‘big brave boy’ as he adjusted the sliders in Outlast 2 until the logo was barely visible. “I might even set it so I can’t see the logo — what do I care?”
Along with this, concerned neighbors have reported that Thompson has turned off all the lights in his apartment to fully immerse himself in the experience.
“Oh god not again,” said Melony Gates, Thompson’s neighbor and fellow casual gamer. “Everybody knows you set the brightness at least two or three notches above what the game tells you to. Forget the fact I’m worried about him missing an ammo depot or a crucial health upgrade, I’m not going to be able to sleep if he is shrieking all night.”
Skeptics looking to poke holes in Thompson’s courageous credibility point to the possibility that this may not be his first playthrough of the horror title, and that Omar is already familiar with the dark and spooky gameplay.
“He probably adjusted his monitor’s brightness instead,” said Discord friend Drew Jared. “Did you hear about the time he tried to deadlift 250 lbs? Popped every disc in his back, there’s a viral video of it somewhere.”
Blissfully unaware of the controversy he sparked, Thompson has only expanded his overconfident ambitions.
“I’ll probably speed run this thing and then maybe learn how to make my own games,” he said, sipping from a glass of water which would later be spilled all over his computer in a viral video which shows him being jumpscared so badly Twitch viewers essentially performed the first-ever well-fare swatting to get police to check on his limp body splayed across the floor.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 23.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adverb that means motionless or without movement.
An adjective that means remaining in place or unchanging.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“I”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“S”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 129 days straight! So here goes nothing:
COD players are fed up with the franchise as it continues its freefall from grace, despite never changing and still being wildly popular, multiple sources have confirmed.
“The only thing they’ve ever changed about the game is that it costs $70 now,” said Denzel Riddle, dedicated COD fan and number one hater. “That doesn’t sound like a ton, but after a few years, it’s gonna run my parents’ savings account dry. If you’re gonna make me pay more, at least innovate! Here’s an idea, why don’t you add a mode where I get to be a twelve year old who’s capable of enjoying video games again?”
Riddle isn’t the only Call of Duty super fan to share this negative opinion. Absolutely cracked out 6 year old fan, Philip Braxley, shares Riddle’s sentiment.
“I liked this game better the way they made it when I wasn’t born yet. Black Ops 2 is the best game ever. It’s the same, but old. I had my dad buy me an Xbox 360 from a museum called GameStop and I like it this much,” said Braxley, stretching out his little arms as wide as he can.
Young Braxley has logged over a thousand hours into Black Ops 2 and shows no signs of wanting to move on to a different game, despite what his pediatrician has said.
“The doctor says I have something called early-onset pediatric arthritis. I didn’t learn any of those words yet at school, but my mom says it’s because of all those people I kill on the internet. Call of Duty makes me sad, but if I can’t play it or watch it for more than 15 seconds I get even more sadder.”
Reformed CoD cult member, Josie Winters, weighed in after coming to a personal discovery about the games.
“I’m happy I can finally see the light. Complaining about the new game, reminiscing about an older game that used to piss me off just as much, it just wasn’t worth it,” said Winters, levitating a few inches off the ground like Criss Angel. “COD can change as little as it wants, because I am no longer tethered to its stagnant, yet rapidly declining soul. I’m better than all of you.”
At press time, Riddle and Braxley were seen trying out Madden 24 in hopes of a different experience.
CONCORD, N.H. – Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley was asked by a New Hampshire gamer about her thoughts on the online debate surrounding Palworld, and she launched right into an on-the-spot review that didn’t mention capturing humans and selling them to vendors once, eye witnesses confirmed.
Haley praised Pocketpair’s overnight success in a town hall filled with over 200 gamers.
“The real issue, and the heart of the ethical concerns, is how Pokemon have been deprived of their Second Amendment Right to own a high-caliber rifle,” Haley said to some cheers. “When my Pals go out for a fight, I know they’re safe, because they’re carrying. Maybe one day, Pokemon can enjoy the right to bear arms as part of a well-organized militia as freely as Pals do. Until then, the ethical debates about Palworld will continue.”
Haley then reportedly took a deep breath, joking “Easy question, huh?” before continuing to review the enormously popular, but controversial game.
“Now look in Palworld, some pals do chores for you. They’re often treated well and they learn from it,” Haley said. “You throw the little ball and you can capture monsters. I’ve seen monsters captured. Mostly monsters.”
Haley redirected the question to what she felt was the most important aspect.
“I don’t want to bring it up, but these developers crossed a line that made me put the game down,” Haley teased her captive audience. “I hope you will all join me in saying ‘no’ to Palworld until they find a way to remove the roadblocks and make this game Steam Deck Verified.”
At press time, Haley was working out which of her captured human pals she would sell to a local in-game vendor.
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