COLUMBUS – Local gamer Daniel Thomas has reportedly achieved the impossible, flawlessly balancing work, school, and a vibrant social life in Persona by being one of the most unreliable people you’ve ever met.
According to reports, the Persona series is renowned for its unique blend of role-playing, social simulation, and dungeon-crawling gameplay. The most dedicated players, like Thomas, navigate the protagonist’s life, attending school, building relationships, and engaging in various activities to the extreme detriment of their actual responsibilities.
“I’ve amassed a small fortune by juggling multiple part-time jobs,” Thomas said of his in-game net worth. “I put in solid hours every day – even weekends. No days off.”
Family and ex-friends say Thomas excels academically, diligently maximizing study time within the Persona 5 universe by withdrawing from community college after the first semester.
“I hadn’t heard from him in months. He wouldn’t respond to any texts,” an ex-friend said on condition of anonymity. “Then he texts me about some new class he’s taking and he needs help with it. A few minutes into our Discord voice chat I noticed he was referencing a class in Persona.”
Thomas has assured concerned family he is doing well and spends most of his free time socializing, making friends, and going on romantic dates with the love of his life.
“He posts on Instagram celebrating all these life milestones like ‘happy six months babe,’” the ex-friend said. “I thought it was a filter at first but nope, it’s just a screenshot from the game.”
As of press time Thomas had not returned any of our additional calls and was nearly unreachable despite reports he was shown as active on Discord.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 26.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adjective that describes someone who is emotionally or physically distant, reserved, or indifferent in their social interactions.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“F”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“O”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“O”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 622 days straight! So here goes nothing:
After a thorough investigation we’ve compiled a list of gaming industry CEOs who reduced their own pay in an effort to curb the number of people impacted by 2024 mass layoffs. Like any good leader, they explored every other avenue before resorting to mass layoffs. According to our research CEOs oftentimes make up to 344 times the salary of their workers, so we know there was room in their personal budgets to stand by their team and share the burden.
Please remember these names, and know they did all they could to keep thousands of people from having their lives turned inside out.
IRVINE, Calif. — Activision Blizzard announced in a recent press release that they would be laying off all Overwatch healers in an effort to cut costs.
“Financially we’re not doing as well as we hoped we would when we first announced this admittedly unnecessary sequel. We thought fans would eat it up and it’d be easy money, but they were too smart and saw right through us. Unfortunately we need to cut costs, but we believe this will be much better for the future of the game,” said lead gameplay designer Tom Phillips. “This is a shooting game and our data shows that players would much rather go in guns blazing to get play of the game instead of having to stick close to another player to stay alive. So we’re making it slightly easier for them to do that.”
Support mains are shocked and saddened at this news. Many have reported that they were never respected as much as they should have been, and this round of layoffs solidifies what they feel is years of disrespect.
“No one ever really appreciated what we did. If it wasn’t for us, most of our teams would be dead! But did we ever get play of the game? No. it was always the DPS players who go Leroy Jenkins right into the enemy who got all the glory, while we sweat to keep them alive. I’m pissed!” said one support main.
Players of other roles have taken the news rather well, believing that this change will positively affect their enjoyment of the game.
“I do feel bad for the healers but at the same time it’ll be nice not to have to be babysat by another player while I get play of the game.” said one damage player, who had plenty of time to draft their response during their queue for a match. “My healers have barely been able to keep me alive when it really matters anyway, like when I flank the enemy team to use my ult without telling them. Good riddance.”
At press time, Blizzard was reportedly planning to bring back healers for Overwatch Classic, which will be the exact same game as the original Overwatch and retail for seventy dollars.
LOS ANGELES — Local internet user Johnathan Von Pess was recently confronted with a photo of himself in a CAPTCHA image authentication puzzle titled “select all tiles containing LOSERS,” Von Pess confirmed in an interview.
“I’m not happy,” said Von Pess. “First of all, who was the person that made this thing? I want to know who to be mad at. Someone decided to take that Street View photo of me leaving a Burger King wearing my favorite Chinese Democracy tee-shirt—I have several, by the way—then someone else made the captcha out of it, and then someone else had the nerve to put this in front of me and make me call myself a loser. All so I could log back into my reddit account? That was not my day. I was the only person in the photo, too, though I don’t know if that would have made things any better or worse.”
Investigators were able to track down the person responsible for the CAPTCHA, a software engineer at Google who wished to remain anonymous. The employee claims that the “loser” example was part of a larger effort to make the ubiquitous anti-scraping puzzles less ambiguous.
“We’ve gotten a lot of complaints from users not sure about which tiles to click on if the partitions on the image are placed awkwardly,” said the anonymous source. “My boss was really on our case to make something that was easier for people to solve. We may have been in a bad mood because of that, but when the team saw this guy’s photo we all were like, ‘ugh, this guy sucks.’ He was wearing espadrilles with the playboy bunny logo on them. He had to have made those himself, right?”
Though Von Pess, in his own words, does not “know who to be mad at,” he had decided to sue Google for defamation.
In the interview, Von Pess rhetorically asked “I don’t think a loser would bring a multibillion-dollar multinational company to court, do you? Would a loser stick up for himself like that? I didn’t think so,” he said while putting on a pair of sunglasses and leaning back into his chair, quickly catching himself as his elbow slid off the side of his left armrest.
Despite Von Pess’ apparent confidence, LA county judge Robert George has dismissed the case in a statement saying, “get a load of this guy.”
TEMECULA, CA — A local VFW has become a hotbed of controversy after self-proclaimed “Console War Veteran” Jason Karmanski, was denied membership to the organization.
“It just doesn’t make sense to me. I put in years of service, just like any other member of the VFW, and now I just want to contribute to the organization,” said Karmanski. “At this point, it’s a principal thing. If I’m denied entry, who will they deny next? It’s not right.”
Karmanski, a member of the Facebook group The 5th Playstation Regiment of California, claims he meets all the eligibility requirements for VFW membership.
“My years of service were honorable and I was the Commanding Officer of the Canadian Best Buy Blockade. That alone should qualify me for membership.”
Other members of The 5th Playstation Regiment of California have started their own campaign online to help Karmanski.
“He is the best Officer I’ve ever served under,” said Carl Santos, a Lieutenant in the SoCal Brigade of The 5th Playstation Regiment. “I’ve personally seen Officer Karmanski hide every Xbox game at a local GameStop without being detected. He’s a true hero.”
Current members of the VFW share a less favorable opinion of Karmanski, who they’ve claimed has been harassing them ever since they denied his membership.
“Look, Jason is a good kid, and we’d be happy to let him join if he was an actual veteran,” said VFW member Nick Harbon. “But this Console War thing is just made up. We have members who have made real sacrifices for their country. Telling people they shouldn’t buy one video game console or the other isn’t a sacrifice. Although I will say if you buy an Xbox you’re a moron.”
At press time, Karmanski was still being denied entry into the VFW, but had not given up his fight to join.
“The PS5 didn’t sell 50 million units because we gave up. I won’t give up until my service is fully recognized.”
Netflix recently started a big push for their Netflix Games to try and capture some of the gaming market. We were eager to try them out, but then we remembered none of us have a Netflix subscription. That’s why we asked our gamer friends to try out the games available on the service and then report back with their recommendations.
Unfortunately none of them wanted to play a single game through Netflix and they all got distracted by Netflix’s endless library of mediocre television and movies. Here’s what they watched instead of actually playing the games like we asked them to.
Maren: ‘Ozark’
“Look, when it comes to Netflix games I can appreciate the odd drinking game for Peaky Blinders or Squid Game, but I don’t drink, and I’m much more of an Ozark gal myself. You seen Ozark yet? It’s kinda like if Netflix made Breaking Bad but tinted everything kinda blue. I just love how Jason Bateman draws from the cold, detached persona he honed in the Arrested Development reboots.”
Joseph: ‘Scott Pilgrim Takes Off’
“When I heard you ask me to play Netflix Games, I figured you must have misspoke somehow. I still don’t know what exactly you meant by that, but you did get me thinking about video games, and that led me to an absolute banger that’s streaming right now: Scott Pilgrim Takes Off.”
Aaron: ‘Elysium’
“Remember when Matt Damon looked weird and bald in 2017’s Downsizing? Of course you don’t, and I know you forgot about Elysium too, but it’s a Blomkamp classic up there with the ranks of Chappie. I’ll be honest with you, I tried finding that Netflix Games menu or movie or whatever it was you wanted us to watch, but when I got the homepage and Damon’s bald head was front and center I knew my mind was made up. Sorry.”
Dan: Both ‘Avatar’ Movies
“Screw you guys, I just bought a 4K Blu-ray player and got both Avatar movies on disc. I know what Netflix Games is and I’m sure as hell not wasting any of my precious free time going near that pile of garbage. Sure, my kids use it to play Bloons when I need relief from their constant moaning about being at my place for the weekend, but I myself wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.”
Rick: ‘Uncharted’
“I’m a gamer first and foremost, so I decided to watch the Uncharted movie as I was a huge fan of the games. Little did I know, this movie is terrible and makes Tom Holland look like a little kid running around in his dad’s clothes.”
Brenna: Netflix Games, Actually
“I just went online and watched a video about how to play games on Netflix and it seemed straightforward enough. You browse the Netflix app for the game you want to play, then you download said game from your phone’s app store. Really easy. Oh, what’s that? You want to know what I actually played? I didn’t, after learning all that I got distracted when I saw they had Gladiator and I just had to watch it.”
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 25.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A verb that means to obstruct, or to hinder progress.
An object that obstructs or hinders progress.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“K”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“C”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“O”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“B”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 402 days straight! So here goes nothing:
IRVINE, Calif. — Following controversy surrounding Overwatch 2’s expensive and exclusive coin-only cosmetic bundles, Activision Blizzard sought to revamp the in-game economy by adding a fifth new virtual currency in the form of a Faustian Bargain.
“We’ve heard the fans, and the Overwatch Team are working hard to bring positive changes to the Battle Pass going forward,” said Overwatch 2 Game Director Aaron Keller during a Developer Update video. “The most common request we heard from the fanbase was for more ways to unlock certain cosmetics outside of the shop. That’s why this season we’re bringing the Overwatch community new ways to play and unlock all the wonderful content we’ve been cooking up. And that starts with our brand new currency option, the Faustian Bargain.”
Along with Overwatch 2’s Legacy Credits, Competitive Points, League Tokens, and Overwatch Coins, this marks the game’s fifth virtual currency, which gives players the option of obtaining whatever their heart desires, though such a diabolical pact comes with a cost.
“We aim to provide the Overwatch player base with a greater multitude of methods for unlocking any cosmetics, heroes, gamemodes or devilish favors they see fit,” continued Keller, nervously glancing away to someone off-camera. “More currency options mean more opportunities to suit a greater variety of play styles. We’re not replacing anything, and players will still be able to grind matches for golden weapons if they like. But if for whatever reason you’re unable to invest the money or time for that new Reinhardt skin, you now have the option to sign away your immortal soul to Mephistopheles in exchange for whatever glorious prizes you seek.”
Activision Blizzard revealed more details on the infernal deal in an online ARG experience that saw players working together to decode old Latin invocations and carve abyssal runes into their flesh. While a handful of religious institutions denounced the addition, the ability to sell one’s soul to both demonic and corporate masters proved a natural fit for most Overwatch players.
“Finally! I’ve been asking for some sort of option like this for a while,” wrote one Battle.net user. “I’ve been playing Overwatch since release so I’ve got just about every cosmetic, but naturally you miss a few things. But now, I was able to trade away my divine autonomy to the great Father of Lies down below to retroactively unlock the Pink Mercy skin. I’ve only got like 6 hours on Mercy, but maybe I’ll actually start playing her more now.”
Another Overwatch player chimed in to share their experience with the new feature.
“Oh, this new ‘deal with the devil’ thing is great. I’m newer to the game, but everyone else is so experienced I was constantly getting outplayed,” wrote user iMerc20. “But with just the click of a button, an unholy succubus appeared. I signed her little ancient scroll and boom, I instantly made it to Top 500! Granted the players are VERY good, so I haven’t been able to rank up past 493, but the dark forces that be take over so I never drop down to Grandmaster. The best part is that it only cost me my firstborn child.”
In tandem with Blizzard’s announcement, the Minions of Hell’s Domain released a joint statement on the shared venture.
“We are absolutely thrilled to be joining forces once again with our friends at Activision,” wrote Mephistopheles, messenger of Satan. “We’ve had a long, rich history working together, sharing ideas and crafting incredible additions to the gaming industry. From adding microtransactions to Crash Team Racing, to just totally fucking up Bungie for a couple years there, we’ve been proud to have a hand in all your favorite experiences. And now we are thrilled to be able to continue providing our services to Blizzard and the Overwatch Team. You may have previously seen our work in the form of Hanzo’s scatter arrow or Mercy’s five-man rez. While we were sad to see those features removed from the game — and trust us, Jeff Kaplan paid the ultimate price for not fulfilling his end of the bargain — we are positive that Aaron Keller will be instrumental in helping usher in a new era for Overwatch. Assuming he should succeed where his predecessor failed, that is. He knows all that we’ve done for him, and he’s seen the consequences of failure, firsthand.”
Activision Blizzard has announced further exciting updates in the following week, including a faster way to rank up in Heroes of the Storm by sacrificing livestock to Baphomet.
Whether it’s statues, stickers, or trading cards, video game collector’s editions are often loaded with useless junk in order to squeeze gamers for every last bit cash.
If you’ve ever fallen victim to spending way too much on a collector’s edition, you may feel regret, shame, or remorse. However, don’t beat yourself up! Your impulse buy could one day save your life.
Imagine being woken up from sleep by the sound of your front door crashing open. You hear the sounds of several footsteps moving into your home. They are moving closer. You need to find something to protect yourself, and fast. But what will be your weapon? How about an item from one of your collector’s editions? Read on to learn some ways you can utilize the items from various collector’s editions to turn your certain demise into your John Wick moment.
Fallout 76 Power Armor Edition
Sure, you could probably use the items in the Fallout 76 Power Armor Edition in combat. The cheap-ass bag, if you ever actually got it, can be placed over an assailant’s head to blind them or suffocate them. The helmet can be worn for mild protection. The steelbook can be used as a solid projectile. However, the primary way to use this edition is as motivation.
Before running out to confront your foes, take a moment and look at this edition. Look at it, and tell yourself that you will never allow yourself to be such an easy victim again. Then go out and fight like you have nothing to lose. Because if you’ve sunk $200 into this scam edition, you just might.
As Sun Tzu said in the Art of War, you must know your enemy better than you know yourself, or something. I’ve never read the Art of War, but neither have you. Anyways, it may be useful to have a scout to assess the situation before you charge into the room guns blazing.
Borderlands Handsome Collection comes with a remote control Claptrap, with a camera you can see through using your phone. Send the little guy out to determine how many intruders there are, weapons they may be holding, etc. Also, if any of your intruders are gamers, they will be flooded with rage upon seeing Claptrap — one of the most annoyingly unfunny video game characters of all time — enter their line of sight. They will tucker themselves out beating your Claptrap to pieces, giving you the perfect opportunity to strike.
Doom Eternal Collector’s Edition
Doom Eternal Collector’s Edition comes with a wearable Doomguy helmet. As you may have heard from your mother or from OSHA: safety first. The helmet will protect your noggin from hits, and may help you emulate that Doom Slayer aggression you need to go kick some ass. Tell Alexa to blast that iconic Mick Gordon metal soundtrack and go rip and tear your enemies like they killed your pet rabbit. Pairs handily with a chainsaw, if you happen to have one of those sitting around.
Dead Island: Riptide Zombie Bait Edition
Infamously, the collector’s edition of Dead Island: Riptide came with a bloody statue of a woman’s bikini-clad torso. Fortunately for you in this particular situation, the statue is heavy enough to be an effective bludgeon. The invaders will be disturbed at the sight of the grotesque statue, stunning them for enough precious moments for you to land a solid strike or two. Hopefully the statue will be destroyed in the process, because come on. You really don’t want that ugly thing sitting in your house, do you?
Dying Light My Apocalypse Edition
If you had $386,000 to spare, you could have spent it on the Dying Light My Apocalypse Edition, which included an actual custom built “zombie-proof” shelter and real life parkour lessons. Nothing would be a greater deterrent for would-be burglars than living in a cabin that makes you look like a crazy doomsday prepper who would kill and cannibalize anyone who wanders on their property. The parkour lessons would give you a significant mobility advantage over your assailants, so long as you don’t pull a hamstring attempting a basic vault. Just be sure to stretch every day.
Krater Victor Edition
If you are outnumbered by multiple intruders, it may help to call in backup. If you spent $10,000 on the Krater Victor Edition, Game Designer Victor Magnusson promised to hand deliver the game to your home, cook a meal with you, and play the game together. Simply purchase this edition, and Victor Magnusson will show up, presumably armed with chef’s knives, to even the odds. Afterwards, the two of you can enjoy his homemade meal and play some Krater together. Would you like a Viking burger or Swedish meatballs?
Grid 2: Mono Edition
As my grandma used to say: when someone tries to steal from you, hit them with a car. Her mind started to go towards the end. Anyways, it’s not necessarily bad advice. If your living room is flooded with too many foes for your out of shape self to handle, maybe sneaking off to your garage and crashing a literal car through your wall is a better option. Sure, you’d then have to pay to fix your home and replace everything in your living room, but if you had $190,000 to burn on this edition, which comes with an actual street legal car, I’m sure you can afford it.
So there you have it, 7 different collector’s editions and the ways you can use them to defend yourself in the event of a home invasion. Hopefully, the advice written in this article will never have to be used. But if you do use it and it works, I will gladly accept full credit.
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