March 2020 - Page 8 of 12

We Forced People at Comic Con to Look at Sonic Porn (And It Backfired)

Jeremy Kaplowitz • March 14, 2020

Written by Jeremy Kaplowitz, Giovanni Colantonio, Liam O'Malley, and Jeremy Hammond. Edited by Jeremy Kaplowitz Filmed by Giovanni Colantonio Starring…

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No One Wants To Play Your Weird German Game About Trains, Dude

LD Wallace • March 14, 2020

AUSTIN, Texas — Breaking reports from your irate friends indicate that no one has any interest in learning that weird…

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Woman Worried to Find Room Full of Ammo and Health Before Performance Review

Peter Casciato • March 14, 2020

LANSING, Mich. — Due to her familiarity with the visual indicators that a major boss battle was about to unfold,…

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Donald Trump Insists He Found Mew Under Truck in Pokémon Red

Jeremy Kaplowitz • March 14, 2020

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump is being attacked by prominent Democrats today after he claimed he found Mew under a…

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CDC Recommends All Americans Keep Audio Logs During Pandemic for Future Protagonists to Stumble Upon

James Webster • March 13, 2020

WASHINGTON — At a press conference this afternoon, CDC Director Robert Redfield urged all American citizens to begin keeping audio…

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Item That Revives Murdered Friend Annoyingly Expensive

Kevin Hufe • March 13, 2020

T’ARTHAR DESERT — A team of local heroes found themselves in distress recently, after a level 26 necroscorpion murdered beloved…

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Guy in Street Fight Doing Considerably Worse After Eating Turkey Leg Out of Trash Can

Tyler Simpson • March 13, 2020

NEW YORK — Local street fighter Brock Fistman reportedly received the opposite effect as intended after eating a turkey leg…

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Police Manhunt Underway for Man Who Didn’t Pay for WinRAR License After 40 Day Trial

Jeremy Kaplowitz • March 13, 2020

FRESNO, Calif. — New police helicopter video shows the massive response to accused WinRAR License thief Michael Ramsey as fifteen…

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Hideo Kojima Either Teasing Death Stranding Sequel Or Just Tweeting Photos Of Different Boxes He Likes

Giovanni Colantonio • March 13, 2020

TOKYO — Hideo Kojima fans are obsessively looking for clues in the director’s latest string of cryptic tweets, which sources…

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New Pokémon Champion Still Receiving Hundreds of 1099 Forms From Defeated Opponents

Jay Miller • March 12, 2020

WYNDON, Galar — Newly appointed Pokémon Champion and Galar native Alex Khalil has become overwhelmed with a flood of 1099-MISC…

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