Every Bond Girl Ranked by How Hard I’d Fumble

The James Bond series is known for many things. Globe-trotting adventures, blood-pumping action, diabolical villains with overly theatrical lairs, strange henchmen that have a single quirk that encapsulates their entire persona, elaborate death traps that take just long enough for Bond to escape before he’s killed, and so on. Perhaps the thing which the series is most known for next to Bond himself is the Bond Girl.

Bond Girls come in many forms. Some are femme fatales, some are outright enemies, some are allies and some are just one-night stands. Some of them are just as badass and skillful as Bond, some of them are complete ditzes only there for eye candy and some of them are Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist. While they all come from different backgrounds, have different motivations, different skills, and different amounts of plausibility, the one thing every Bond Girl has in common is that they are the most beautiful women on earth. James Bond has the most rizz that anyone with rizz has ever rizzed.

There’s a reason that all men want to be James Bond and that’s because all the women want to be with him. Even the Bond girls he doesn’t sleep with are still charmed by him. I on the other hand am the exact opposite. Men don’t want to be me and women don’t want to be with me. I write entertainment satire on the internet for goodness sake. I have negative rizz. The only thing I have any skill at is fumbling. It’s why my mom has no choice but to resign to the fact she will get no grandchildren from me and I have no choice but to accept my fate of dying alone while playing Mass Effect. I fumble women so much that I’d win a medal at it if being bad at dating was an Olympic sport so I’d stand no chance at even existing as a human in the vicinity of a Bond Girl. Even if I was James Bond I would fumble them all. Not some of them, not most of them, all of them. But not all fumbles are made equal so here are all the Bond Girls ranked based on just how hard I would fumble.

75. Bibi Dahl

Bibi Dahl is a teenager so I wouldn’t even attempt anything. I’m not Drake.

74. Zora

Zora and Vida are introduced fighting to the death for the affections of a man. Naturally Bond ends up with both of them. I of course would end up with none of them but I do have a better chance with them than any other Bond Girl. They live in a camp in the woods so I can amaze them with my city-boy hipster knowledge of retro gaming.

73. Vida

Vida is the girl that Zora is fighting so everything I said about Zora applies here as well. My one true shot is by letting them play Kirby 64 on my Switch while I explain the lore. That gives me a 0.01% chance to not fumble which is 0.01% higher than my odds to not fumble any of the other Bond Girls.

72. Nancy

Nancy is one of Blofeld’s Angels of Death, twelve women who think they’re part of clinical allergy research but are actually being brainwashed by Blofeld to release bio-weapons across the world. Nancy is pretty nondescript. We never learn that much about her and the only thing of substance she does in the film is seduce Bond minutes after he’s already slept with another one of the women. The reason she’s ranked so low is because of the very little things we do know about her. For one, she seduces Bond because being at a research institute of all women means she’s very horny so as long as I can be the only man there I have a shot provided my presence doesn’t make her become a lesbian which I will admit has happened once already so I don’t rule it out. The other thing is that she’s there to cure a potato allergy so she must absolutely love potatoes and my mom makes tons of potatoes so she can come over for dinner. She’ll immediately leave after meeting my family but it’s still the farthest I’d ever get with any of Bond Girl.

71. Ruby Bartlett

Ruby is the other of the Angels of Death that Bond sleeps with and much of what I said about Nancy applies to her as well. I have a higher chance of fumbling her however since she resembles a librarian and I have a thing for hot librarians. What can I say I like to be shushed.

70. Ling

I don’t know much about Ling other than she’s some kind of agent who helped Bond fake his death after sleeping with him. If she’s an agent she’s clearly a capable woman who would have no trouble disposing of me. But she also lets Bond get away with making comments about how Chinese women taste different than other women so who knows what else she’d put up with.

69. Caroline

Caroline is an MI6 psychological and psychiatric evaluator which means I’m either going to become the basis of years worth of research or a chance for her to fix me. It’s 50/50 honestly.

68. Marie

Marie is a henchwoman to Blofeld who has information that Bond needs. He rips off her bikini top and chokes her with it until she talks. You’d have to choke me with a bikini top to get me to work up the nerve to talk to a hot French woman in a bikini and even if I did, nothing of value would come out of my mouth. Luckily I’m Canadian so this beautiful French lady and I already have one thing in common that may help my odds. We hate Quebec.

67. Felicca

I approach her,

“Hi Felicca”

She gives me a steely stare

”Okay, bye Felicca”

66. Rosie Carver

Rosie Carver is a bit of a ditz. She’s not very good at her job as an agent and generally just never really knows what’s going on or what to do. This would give me a slight advantage as I too never know what’s going on or what to do. I imagine her quirky, ditzy demeanor would make her somewhat easy to talk to, although since I am incapable of talking to attractive women it would still be difficult and I eventually would blow it. She probably wouldn’t even realize my fumbles the first few times which is good but it’s only a matter of time before I say or do something that even she understands means I am not gonna be a guy she goes home with.

65. Countess Lisl von Schlaf

My tombstone would read, “Matt Fresh, Eaten Alive by a Cougar”

64. Manuela

Manuela is a Brazillian agent who helps James Bond on his mission in Moonraker by helping him obtain vital intel on villain Hugo Drax and then helping him unwind in his hotel room. He successfully seduced her by asking what there is to do for five hours in Rio if you don’t samba. Now my chances with her are extraordinarily slim since despite them being my holy grail, Latinas don’t seem to go for my ghastly white complexion, and there’s only one thing my tongue is worse at than rolling Rs. However, I also don’t samba so it seems she’s already willing to help out a fellow like me. Perhaps I too could bed Manuela if I simply ask her what there is to do for three minutes in Rio if you don’t Samba.

63. Aki

Aki is a Japanese intelligence officer and is one of the more capable Bond Girls in the whole series, saving Bond multiple times. She even helps turn him into a Japanese man. Yes, you read that right, there’s a Bond movie where he disguises himself as a Japanese man, the 60s were a wild time. I doubt Aki would do any of that for a man as unremarkable as me but never discount what a woman who’s willing to give her man the Mr. Yunioshi makeover will deal with. Perhaps I have a shot.

62. Magda

Magda would hit me so hard that I would only remember as much of our encounter as anyone remembers about the movie Octopussy. So not much.

61. Saida

Saida is a belly dancer which automatically means she’s too hot for a schlub like me. My cousin had a belly dancer at her wedding and when she approached my table I turned a shade of red that isn’t even in most paint swatches. Imagine what would happen to me if I tried talking to one. However, Saida tries to seduce Bond almost immediately upon meeting him even though he’s a friend of her recently murdered lover 002 so perhaps she’s just horny enough to not mind all of my many deficiencies. Then again if there’s anyone that’s unappealing enough to turn off a sex-happy belly dancer it’s me.

60. Chew Mee

“Chew Me, well don’t mind if I do, oh what’s that, you’re calling the cops, okay I’m leaving.”

59. Natalya Simonova

I know some of you are thinking that I ranked Natalya fairly low solely as some kind of deranged retribution for the annoyance of escorting her around in the Goldeneye video game. But that’s only partly true. Natalya is just a normal woman. She’s not an agent, not a henchwoman, not a high-stakes poker player, not a rich and high-ranking member of society. She’s just a regular person who goes to work, chats with her friends, and lives an average life. Until of course, she ends up in the middle of a Bond movie and becomes a Bond Girl and the bane of every N64 gamer’s existence this side of Navi but I digress. She is still a smart, attractive, independent woman so I, of course, have no chance but her comparative normalness to the other Bond Girls means I have a chance at least at not fumbling her as hard as the others. Plus she was friendly to and put up with Boris before he was revealed as a traitor and I only yell that I am invincible about half as much.

58. Thumper

Oh no Thumper, please don’t choke me with your thighs. /s

57. Bambi

Oh no Bambi, please don’t choke me with your thighs. /s

56. Kissy Suzuki

Kissy marries a yellow-faced Bond in a fake ceremony to allow him to remain undercover as a Japanese fisherman. She’s a pretty terrible character all things considered in that she doesn’t get very many lines and doesn’t really do anything other than run around in a bikini for no reason. As such we don’t really know much about her as a person, certainly not enough for me to tell how hard I’d fumble but she’s cute and looks good in a bikini so my odds of success are poor based on that alone. Could I get a fake marriage with her? Maybe, I don’t know enough about her to definitively say I couldn’t. At least that’s what I’ve deluded myself into thinking. I’m so lonely.

55. Linda

Linda is a woman frustrated with the pool of men available to her. When we see her in the movie, she’s on her yacht complaining on the phone that the only men she finds are “playboys and tennis pros” and that she wants to find a “real man”. Well Linda I may not be a real man but I’m certainly no playboy or tennis pro.

54. Lupe Lamora

Lupe is the girlfriend of drug lord Franz Sanchez. Turns out that drug lords do not make good boyfriends because Sanchez frequently abuses her and when she steps out on him he has that man killed. She is so starved for a decent man in her life that she declares her love for James Bond despite barely knowing him and only sleeping together once. Seeing as how she is so desperate for a decent guy who will treat her well, I figure I have a better shot at her than I do most Bond Girls. Unfortunately, as I mentioned before, Latinas are to me as Moby Dick is to Captain Ahab and so even if her desperation drove her into my arms, the pressure of finally snagging my white whale would lead me to self-implode.

53. Miss Taro

Miss Taro is an informant for Dr. No who sleeps with Bond to keep him occupied long enough for an assassin to arrive. Now I’m not saying that I would put my life in danger by pretending to be a spy who needs to be preoccupied long enough for an assassin to arrive but I’m also not saying that I wouldn’t do that. However, I am me and therefore the ruse would be given up quite quickly and I would be shot.

52. Paula Caplan

Agent Paula Caplan commits suicide by cyanide capsule rather than divulging information under torture and she’d do the same rather than talk to me.

51. Dr. Molly Warmflash

Dr. Warmflash is the MI6 physician and I’ve seen enough romcoms to know how you charm and seduce a physician. You go for frequent checkups and during those checkups, you flirt with them until eventually, you wear them down enough for them to be okay with breaking the code of ethics. It’s a classic play. Having said that, I’m not charming enough to simply make pointless doctor’s appointments repeatedly which means I will have to actually injure myself each time so I have a legitimate reason to be there. I will be in so much pain that I won’t be charming or attractive, I’ll just be a big blubbering baby and the only way she’ll go out with me is out of pity.

TNA Against All Odds 2024 Live Stream: How to watch

TNA Against All Odds 2024 will be taking place this Friday, but how can you watch all of the action via live stream?

Fans across the globe will be able to watch the event live via the Triller TV (formerly FITE TV) live stream on Friday, June 14th 2024. As of writing, the cost of the event on Triller is $9.99 (in the UK).

TNA Against All Odds 2024 Live Stream Options

In terms of options beyond Triller, you can subscribe monthly to the TNA+ subscription service, which gives you access to multiple ‘Premium Live Events’ from the company.

It’s not just PLEs that you can get on there either, as TNA shows their IMPACT show weekly on the streaming service too.

TNA Against All Odds Matches

Here are all of the matches currently confirmed for TNA Against All Odds 2024:

  • Tag Team Match: Mike Santana & Steve Maclin vs The Rascalz (Trey Miguel & Zachary Wentz)
  • TNA Knockouts World Title Match: Jordynne Grace (c) vs. ??? (Open Challenge)
  • TNA World Tag Team Title Match: The System (Brian Myers & Eddie Edwards) (w/Alisha Edwards) (c) vs Nic Nemeth & Ryan Nemeth
  • TNA X-Division Title Match: Mustafa Ali (c) vs Trent Seven
  • TNA World Title Match: Moose (c) vs Matt Hardy
  • Sami Callihan vs. Jonathan Gresham (Countdown to TNA Against All Odds)

Read More – TNA Against All Odds 2024 Card: Every Match revealed

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling Stuff?

Yes, we cover pro wrestling news, including WWE, AEW, New Japan and sometimes the indies, so make sure that you keep checking back for everything you need to know about this great sport.

You can check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section (which also has real gaming news) and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

 

 

The Creators of Slay the Princess Want to Go Isometric for Their Next Game

Tony Howard-Arias and Abby Howard are the couple behind Black Tabby Games, the creators of visual novels Scarlet Hollow and Slay the Princess. Ahead of the latter game’s upcoming free major update, they sat down with Minus World to discuss making two games with two people, what makes a horror game, and what the future may hold in store.

Minus World: Let’s start with a simple question: How did Black Tabby Games come to be? I know Abby was already a cartoonist beforehand, but what inspired both of you to get into game development?

Abby: Well, we were sort of both winding down on our various projects, so I was trying to work on the next thing, and it wasn’t really working for me, and we got talking with a friend of ours about dating simulators, and then just decided “Well, we have the skills for that!”

Tony: “We can do that!”

Abby: “We could try it out!” And then that, within the course of two hours, became the first drafts of Scarlet Hollow, so it was great, it was very fun.

MW: And if you don’t mind me asking, what were you doing beforehand, Tony?

Tony: Oh, just tech stuff. I was doing a startup that was building non-profit organizing software with friends. Non-profits do not have money, so…

MW: It’s in the name.

Tony: (laughs) Yeah, right?

MW: One thing I enjoy about both of your games is the emphasis on choice. I love games that act as a sort of personality test, where how you play says something about who you are. How much did that approach inform the choices in Act 1 of Slay the Princess, and the design of the Princesses in Act 2?

Abby: I suppose it’s the primary factor. It’s kind of trying to decide to reflect the player … I mean, Tony says this a lot, that the game is kind of its own mirror to show the way that you interact with the game, the way that you interact with these choices, and this moral dilemma.

Tony: Yeah, they all sort of spun out from the choices the player made rather than us having a bunch of Princess designs that we then tried to build choices around.

Abby: It was a little bit of a mix. We started with a list of five, kind of, ideas of “Well, we probably want a Princess like this.” The Adversary, The Damsel, and The Beast were, I think, pretty front and center there. But then it was kind of a thought experiment of “OK, so you made this choice. What does it say about you, and how would she react physically?”

Tony: Right, it’s like, at its core, the first chapter was written before [Abby had] done much in the way of art. I kind of drafted that up while Abby was visiting her family, as like “Hey, look, surprise! Extra project!” So, in that sense, the initial scenario has relatively simple setup, where there’s a lot of options players can take, but it’s set up in such a way that we can be very, very exhaustive, so there is just a logical flow of “OK, well what happens if you fight her and lose?”

Abby: Yeah, “What does this say? What does it lead to?”

Tony: What does bringing down a knife do, and then…

Abby: Every time I leave the house for an extended period of time, you get so busy. I should leave the house more often, see what happens.

Tony: (laughs) I’m busy enough!

MW: I’m not very assertive, and the first Princess I got was The Tower, and I’m like, “Oh, that makes sense.”

Abby: (laughs)

MW: But then I’m like “OK, you have to die,” and then I got The Fury, so I’m glad that’s getting expanded on in The Pristine Cut.

Abby: Ooh, yeah. Her chapter is very interesting. It’s a lot of fun. So a lot of the game has a lot of this sort of poetic metaphysical stuff, and then this one was a nice blend of the metaphysical and flesh, which is my specialty, so I got to go really wild with it! It’s fun.

MW: There’s been some speculation online that Scarlet Hollow was primarily written by Abby and Slay the Princess by Tony. Has the writing division been different at all between the two games?

Abby: It’s so hard to say.

Tony: Yeah, there’s large amounts of both of us in both of them. Generally, the online consensus is correct in that Abby writes the first drafts for Scarlet Hollow, and I write the second drafts, and I write the first drafts for Slay the Princess, and she writes the second draft. But also in both games, before any word processors are connected with fingers, we exhaustively talk things through, so it’s a very collaborative process.

Abby: Yeah, like I can point to lines that either one of us have written, but at the same time, so much of it is a collaboration.

MW: So the final products of both games, you’d say, is equal parts both of you?

Tony: Yes, definitely.

Abby: Yeah, they definitely wouldn’t be what they are without the other. It’s kind of hard to explain, I think, to people who haven’t done a collaborative work before. But yeah, it’s kind of wild how it blends together like that.

MW: You’ve mentioned dealing with crunch before. I did want to make sure you’re both taking care of yourself.

Abby: Aw, that is so sweet. We try.

Tony: (laughs)

MW: But I also have to ask, if you don’t mind, is this like a self-imposed deadline?

Abby: It’s usually driven by a variety of factors. For this one, there are certain deadlines that we actually have to hit for other people to be able to finish their jobs, for Slay the Princess and…

Tony: Things that have not been announced.

Abby: Yeah. We have to make sure that it’s done in time for those people to be able to finish their jobs in time without having to crunch, so hopefully we succeed at that.

MW: So there’s a publisher that you’re answering to?

Tony: I can neither confirm nor deny anything.

MW: Oh, suspicious. The mystery unfolds. But I do hope you’re both OK, because I love your work, but…

Tony: Well, that’s really appreciated. We’re gonna take a nice rest after this chunk of work is done.

Abby: Yeah, at least a week, and then I’ll get right back to it, because I can’t stay away for long from work, that’s for sure. But yeah, it’s been a little rough. Some of the other deadlines have been somewhat self-imposed, but it’s more because there’s a season where you don’t want to release a game, so we have to avoid releasing in that season, and in order to hit that, we…

Tony: Generally, you want to avoid anything between November and February.

Abby: And with Scarlet Hollow it’s also really hard to hold off on releasing something after it’s done, so Episode 4 was released, I think, in December, which is usually not a time when you want to necessarily release a game. It could’ve waited until February, but we did not want to. We wanted people to play the game.

Tony: Right, that episode also went through a comical series of delays because we just kept misscoping the climax of it, where it was supposed to be ready by October, and then it just kept taking longer. We got COVID or some nasty bug in the middle of it, and then it was just, like, I’m pretty sure by release week we had a series of delay updates on Steam that were getting comically shorter, of like: “We’re delaying by a week! We’re delaying by an extra two days! We’re delaying by, like, five hours! Hold your horses!”

MW: And I remember that, because I’ve been following you for a while. My inner asshole gamer was like “Oh my God!” But you’re not a huge publisher, so I’m being reasonable there.

Abby: Thank you!

MW: You’re releasing The Pristine Cut of Slay the Princess as a free update, and eventually you’ll have the fifth episode of Scarlet Hollow, continuing the trend of how you buy the game and then every episode so far has been free. I love the generosity there, how much content you’re giving for no additional price. Was that mostly for moral reasons, or was there sort of an economic factor to it?

Abby: Moral reasons for me. I just feel like if you’ve bought the game, you’ve bought the game.

Tony: Yeah, not enough people do that.

Abby: I want people to play the game! Like, that’s most of what I want. I mean, I’ve done webcomics forever, and publishing work is basically a way for me to be like “Oh, here you go, a nice physical copy for you to have on your shelf,” but you can also still read it for free, because what I want to do is make sure that people can actually read it and encounter it and love it, but at the same time, of course, then it leads to things like … as a studio, we were not going to make enough money to finish Scarlet Hollow.

Tony: Yeah, that’s kind of where Slay the Princess came from. Still a passion project! You never say this without someone being like “Oh, so Slay the Princess is a cash grab!” No, we obviously care immeasurably about both of our games, but…

Abby: And it has succeeded in that! So now we can do stuff like take our time with Episode 5 and make sure we don’t wind up with a three month-long crunch.

Tony: Yeah, and with The Pristine Cut being free, I do think there is something to be said for when somebody buys a product, we want them to have the best version of that product possible. We don’t want to release something, figure out a way to make it better, and then nickel and dime people from there.

Abby: We care about the integrity of what we’ve made, and then knowing that there’s more coming, I’m just like “Wait, wait! Don’t play it yet! Wait until it’s out!”

Tony: But that’s why we did a smaller free update back in March, where it was like “Well, we’ve finished a lot of our overhauls of the ending of the game. It’s tighter now. It hits some emotional beats harder. We’re not going to wait until everything else is ready, we’ll push this out.” And also with The Pristine Cut, the game has made plenty of money. There’s no need to just continually greedily push for more.

Abby: Especially since it’ll drive people to the game who hadn’t heard of it yet, having a big release like that. So yeah, we don’t need to make it DLC, we can just give them the proper game.

Tony: If people want to throw more money at us, that’s what the Supporters’ Pack is for, that’s what merch is for, that’s what Patreon is for, but those are just bonus things for people who want that bonus stuff.

MW: And I’m once again saying things you know for the readers’ sake, that the first episode of Scarlet Hollow is free.

Abby: It sure is. Get ya hooked!

MW: I know Disco Elysium has been a big influence on your game writing (and it’s taking a lot of restraint for me to not just talk to you about Disco Elysium all day). Are there any other games you’d say you’ve taken inspiration from?

Tony: Writing-wise, there’s different types of influences, like Disco Elysium is probably the most contemporary influence, where I don’t think we played that until many episodes into Scarlet Hollow. For older influences, just that early 2000s-era BioWare was pretty big for me, so the original Mass Effect trilogy, the first Dragon Age, Knights of the Old Republic, I think those were like the first choice-driven games that I played. I obsessed over them, I had my frustrations, and … you know how it is. All part of a process that informs growth.

Abby: And then, of course, there is a lot of influence from outside games.

Tony: Yeah, music, movies, TV shows. It’s also so hard to tell when something is a strong influence on your writing versus something that I just really like the writing. We played SOMA for the first time while working on Slay the Princess, and it deeply resonated with us because of a lot of the themes it handles for identity and the self and, you know … just the body horror components. But it’s hard to tell “Did that resonate, or did that have influences?” Who knows?

Abby: I suppose that’s kind of a different kind of influence, in something that gets you really hyped to make things. Something that motivates you to do a really good job because you want to have an impact the same way that something really amazing like SOMA had on us.

MW: This might be more of an Abby question. Both of your games are unquestionably horror stories, but in many ways they’re unconventional. It’s not non-stop terror, there’s comedy, drama, and a lot of … Gretchen would not be in a horror movie. This is a bit philosophical, but in your opinion, what defines a horror story? Is there a line between “horror” and “non-horror with a scary part?”

Abby: This is definitely something I’ve had to give a lot of thought to because of questions like this, because it’s sort of just something that pours out of me naturally, like, “Yeah, this is what I make!”, and then people are “Now how do I categorize this?” And I’m like, well … we just do. But for this one, I do think horror is very much defined by its themes, by its imagery, by the rising tension, falling tension, and breaking tension. Like, it’s something that is not unique to horror, but the combination of those things is unique to horror. You can tell when something is horror. I don’t think horror should be strictly defined by, say, something that scares someone by how many jumpscares it has, by whether or not you are being pursued by a creature of some variety that is going to get you. Those are all aspects that you can use in horror, but at the same time, I think really it is about an exploration of the dark in life. It is staring into the shadows and thinking to yourself “What is the worst thing that could be in there?”

Tony: Right, it’s confronting the things in the world that make you uncomfortable.

Abby: Yes, that is what is horror to me. Things that don’t even have blood in them could be horror as long as they make you feel really bad.

Tony: Right. I feel like of all of the spaces where horror is made, the audience for games has some of the strictest definitions, as they so often do. I’ve seen so much discourse around whether either of our games qualify as horror.

Abby: If we have to put a warning that’s like “Please don’t let your twelve-year-old play this unless they’re really cool.” (laughs)

Tony: Slay the Princess is particularly interesting on that front because so much of it is you get out of it what you put into it. So if you don’t explore those darker tendencies, there’s … the edges of the void around you, but not everyone sees The Fury. Some people free The Damsel and then sit down with The Prisoner and then just have a good time with everyone, and you get to the end and they’re like, “I don’t understand why this was a horror game.”

Abby: It’s fun. It’s really interesting how different people’s experiences can be with it. I wish I could know what that was like, but I made the thing, so I don’t know!

MW: On the subject of genre conventions: Visual novels are traditionally a Japanese genre, with even most Western VNs adopting an anime artstyle. How familiar were you with VNs before founding Black Tabby, and was there any particular desire to defy the conventions of the genre?

Abby: I was somewhat familiar. I hadn’t played too many myself. Like, we did as research, honestly, before starting Scarlet Hollow, and the ones I really liked are ones that probably I should not say I really liked (laughs)The Song of Saya was very good.

MW: I think I’ve heard of that one.

Abby: There’s really bad stuff in that one, but it was good. I can’t ever recommend it, but … I think it’s kind of famous for being something that a lot of people enjoy, but…

Tony: But that everyone’s like “Uhhh, well, I’m not sure if I can rec this one.” (laughs) I would say that when we started the studio, at least for me, the stronger points of influence than visual novels were things like the Telltale games, like Life is Strange, those sort of more three-dimensional choice-driven narrative games, and just visual novels as a medium felt like a better and easier application of the skills we already had. Like Abby is a traditional pen-and-paper artist, so her style lends itself to that, so it was more about taking structures that were, in the West, explored in other games, and just using the medium that worked for us.

Abby: Mmm-hmm, something that leaned itself into my skills.

Tony: Yeah, we didn’t have to learn 3D modeling or animation or anything like that.

MW: From what I can tell, Scarlet Hollow has been your main passion project, and Slay the Princess was at least originally meant a smaller side game. What has your reaction been so far that Slay the Princess has been the more popular of the two?

Tony: I think as soon as we made the first announcement, it was like, “Well, of course.” It’s a little self-evident there.

Abby: It’s an easier sell, like it has a very basic … you can say what it is in a sentence and it intrigues people. Scarlet Hollow is like a very in-depth mystery, like you really have to get invested in the characters. Personally, I love all my children equally, so both projects still mean just as much to me, and especially when I’m working on one, I usually am like “Oh, I also miss working on the other.” Except I don’t know how much I’ll miss working on Slay the Princess after this particular crunch. So I’m very excited to go back to working on normal people in a somewhat normal town. I miss those.

Tony: Something that’s really important for us as a studio is to really be introspective about what we’ve done, what’s worked, what hasn’t worked, what have the challenges been. When we started work on Slay the Princess, part of it stemmed from a realization that we love Scarlet Hollow dearly, but it’s like … especially until it’s fully finished, it is a harder sell, where it is an early access unvoiced visual novel.

Abby: And it’s not in an anime artstyle.

Tony: And it’s not in an anime artstyle!

Abby: Because I’m not good at drawing anime. (laughs)

Tony: And it’s like, it’s doing well now thanks to Slay the Princess. But some of the challenges beyond that are like when you try and sell Scarlet Hollow to someone, you have to follow a marketing model that’s more like what you would do in book publishing or film marketing, where you have more space to give a pitch. And the real pitch for Scarlet Hollow never got shorter than a couple short paragraphs, whereas Slay the Princess in part started with “OK, what is something that we can talk about really quickly? What is a snappier concept that transfers more easily?”

Abby: And I suppose it didn’t quite stem from that, because that’s kind of more of a marketing thing that evolved naturally out of the fact that it was always going to be, supposedly, a smaller project. And it still is a smaller project somehow than Scarlet Hollow, which is massive.

Tony: But when you are marketing games in general, you have under five seconds to get someone’s attention, and if you don’t get that, they move on. So it’s like you’ll see with a lot of indies, they’ll put their logo at the beginning of a trailer. And that’s the thing that kills them, because someone won’t wait three seconds until the logo fades away and then you get to a hook. I think the fact that with Slay the Princess we were able to really use the game’s personality as a way of talking about it was helpful. Where, again, Scarlet Hollow, I’ve never found a way to talk about it that isn’t “Here’s the back cover of a book giving you a multi-paragraph pitch, and the art is pretty, and we have names attached to it.”

Abby: But now we have “Yeah, the people who made Slay the Princess?”

Tony: They made this one!

Abby: They made a sprawling complex mystery game with horror in it. Interested? And people are! It’s very nice.

MW: More than once I’ve seen people assume Slay the Princess is somehow connected to Slay the Spire. Obviously they don’t have a monopoly on slaying things, but how familiar were you with Slay the Spire beforehand? Was there ever a talk about potential confusion?

Tony: Let’s see how many hours I have in Slay the Spire. It’s quite a few…

Abby: It’s so funny. People are like “Oh, is that a sequel?”

Tony: …186 hours, so I’m familiar with it. (laughs) I think there was a very light thought after we settled on the title of “Oh, if this is popular, there’ll be a very small search boost on Steam.” We started with the premise of prisoner in a room, in more of a SCP-type setting in the very, very initial pitch. “What if there was this creature who is whatever other people think that creature is? What are the limitations in you being sent to deal with it?” Abby suggested a princess motif.

Abby: Because you’re going to a place to interact with a captured person, it seemed princessy to me.

Tony: “Save the Princess” (ironically) seemed like a good title there, we realized “Slay” was a word, and to our disbelief there was nothing else called “Slay the Princess” out there, so we just took it and ran with it.

MW: Scarlet Hollow has lots of silly joke names and icons for its achievements, which I love, and the achievements in Slay the Princess’s demo followed that same format, but not in the game proper. Was there a particular reason for this?

Tony: Just didn’t feel tonally in line with it.

Abby: And it also meant I could use art from the game. “Do we need achievements at the very end?” is the worst for me, because I’m super burnt out at the end of having finished an entire episode, and then I have to draw a bunch of little joke art. Which is really fun, and I love doing it for Scarlet Hollow, but for Slay the Princess I was kind of like “Ah, you’ve just met The Damsel, you’ve met The Adversary.” It doesn’t lend itself … well, it could lend itself to jokes, but it’s the extra labor.

Tony: I think it’s the type of humor both games have. Both of them are us, and they’re similar there, but Slay the Princess derives more of its humor from dramatic irony and stressed banter, where outside of the big scary moments in Scarlet Hollow, the characters have more fun with each other. So the tones are a little different there.

Abby: And you can be a very silly guy in Scarlet Hollow.

Tony: You can! There’s not quite an “eat the sludge” equivalent in Slay the Princess. (laughs)

MW: I know you have plans for a third game after Scarlet Hollow and The Last Halloween are completed. I don’t want to ask too much about something so far off, but are there any concrete ideas in place already?

Abby: We’re gonna, I think, go for isometric with that one.

Tony: Yeah, we might go feel like a proper CRPG, but we’re not sure about that. There’s part of me that’s, like, visual novels are such a runt of the litter medium that it would feel bad to abandon them.

Abby: Yeah, it feels like abandoning them a little bit, but at the same time I want to experiment with isometric artstyles. Now that I have all of these skills, I’m like, “I want to see what it looks like when my little guys move around!”

Tony: Right, and you know I think there’s also some questions there about the volume of art Abby has had to crank out for Slay the Princess and Scarlet Hollow.

Abby: I think it’s almost 4,000 at this point for Slay the Princess?

Tony: (laughs)

Abby: …Oh, is it more than that?

Tony: It’s way beyond! Yeah, there’s close to 4,000 sprites or individual frames in the base game and we’re probably adding another thousand or two.

Abby: And every time she moves I need to draw an entirely separate image. But if I just have set animations for “This is when you’re walking, this is when you’re scared,” that sort of thing. Like, it’s still a lot, but it’s nowhere near as much as just … every single time something happens, I have to draw an entirely new image.

Tony: There’s a thing that I get really jealous of with isometric RPGs too, and just, like, kind of more open-exploration RPGs. Their scene transitions are so effortless, right? In Disco Elysium, if you’re deciding you’re switching from looking into this to looking into that, as the player, you move your guys there. There’s no big “Here’s a new scene, we’re setting it up!” and all of this other stuff.

Abby: Yeah, you just move over there. And also it means that I can just draw one big background and you’re on it, instead of having to draw a different background for every single angle that you see.

MW: And I love your backgrounds, by the way.

Abby: Thank you! I really love drawing background work, like, oh my gosh, it’s so much fun. Especially Scarlet Hollow, I get to fill the rooms up with stuff! It’s great.

MW: It kind of gives me an old Mad Magazine vibe, where there’s so much stuff that it feels like the stuff in front is almost an afterthought.

Abby: Yeah, I love busy backgrounds!

MW: Finally, the most devastating question of them all. Which princess would be most willing to accept a bag of boiled peanuts?

Abby: The Damsel. She’ll take anything. She’ll just be like “Thank you! This is the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life! Thank you!”

Tony: …I could imagine The Witch enjoying them.

Abby: Oh, she would, but you offering them means she can’t take them.

Tony: Yeah, but she could maybe enjoy them in secret after killing you.

Abby: That’s fair, but she wouldn’t be the most willing to take them.

Tony: No no no, it must be The Damsel.

Abby: She would just sit there and be like “Is that so? Oh my goodness!”

 

Manor Lords Update Patch Notes June 11

 

UPDATED June 11

 

 

Patch 0.7.975 June 11

Bugfixes for the main branch
Hi everyone,
Here's a changelog with the latest fixes. The new patch is available on the main branch, so if you participated in the pre_release, remember to set betas to "none".

 

Version 0.7.972->0.7.975

 

Gameplay & balance:

  • Food cart & Firewood cart will now keep importing until it reaches their storage limits
  • Made livestock order imports slightly faster by reducing the livestock merchant's travel distance
  • [Experimental] Added 4 more handcarts to the lv2 storehouse [Side note: Considering handcart resources or handcart upgrades costing wooden parts in the future - opinions welcome]

 

Minor changes:

  • Improved loading times
  • Added a concurrent sound limit to hoe & sow sound effects (they clogged the audio buffer when too many people were farming in the same spot)
  • Added the localization key & icon missing for item_143 (Honeycomb)
  • Chimney smoke won't generate very far from the camera where it was barely visible
  • [Experimental optimization] Animal random pathing calls reduced very far from the camera where they can't be observed
  • [Experimental] Bumped up pathfinding priority of farming tasks
  • Blood cover should now disappear from clothes on disbanding
  • Further farming optimizations

 

Crashfixes:

  • Fixed a weird crash caused by a character somehow triggering import of a non tradable item (Timber)
  • Fixed a crash related to a barter building being invalid

 

Bugfixes:

  • Fixed workers stuck in the transport task (for instance at the malthouse) because the task targetRotation didn't account for ground slope adjustment
  • Fixed livestock being stuck at following task if the livestock trader gets unassigned mid journey
  • Fixed the pause toggle not being visible on the fields
  • Fixed characters sometimes loading with a weird rotation
  • Fixed free traders clogging pathfinding and making a lot of villagers and/or traders freeze because they were waiting in pathfinding queue
  • Fixed character sometimes ghosting through walls to their ungarrison location
  • Fixed Food Cart showing as "abandoned"
  • Fixed people not consuming food from the Food Cart
  • Fixed the "pause" toggle not working on the Firewood Cart and Food Cart
  • Fixed Dyers setting up Food stalls (because they had Food stored at their workplace)
  • Fixed trading post workers not respecting the export trade rule in case where the goods are already transported to the trading post for export but the player changes their mind
  • Fixed the interior box being visible during the construction process of a townhouse (variation G)
  • Fixed the building card border scale animation
  • Further fixes for broken character rotations
  • Fixed livestock import not working if the target surplus has never been set and the player is using orders
  • Fixed livestock imports ignoring other region trade rules
  • Fixed custom livestock orders importing form on-map regions
  • Fixed livestock order merchants trying to import horses that trade route merchants were riding on
  • Fixed pasture/stable space not updating when exporting animals
  • Fixed resources mined in surface and deep mine not registering as produce, leading to storehouse workers ignoring them sometimes
  • Fixed recruits stuck in a loop of moving armaments between burgage plots

 

Cosmetics:

  • Field material adjustments to reduce tiling artifacts

 

The next step

For the first month after release I tried to be careful not to make any risky changes, my goal was to stabilize the main branch (get rid of the most common, annoying issues). I'll keep reading the feedback too see if that build is stable enough to last us a bit longer, I'd be a nice time to go into the "dev cave" and do some more fun experiments & changes to push the game forward and finally add some new features.
Thanks for playing!
Greg Styczeń
Lead dev

 

 

Patch 0.7.972 is now available on the main branch May 31

Lots of bugfixes, balance & quality of life improvements
Hi everyone,
The first official Manor Lords patch (0.7.972) is ready. If you have participated in the beta, remember to turn "betas" to "none" to access it.
Saves: We recommend you begin a new save to enjoy all the fixes and changes.
Mods: Please remove any mods you have before beginning a new save to ensure you can play without interference from an outdated mod.

 

Patch Overview

Here's an overview of some fixes and additions that were worked on during the beta testing:
  • The rate of Hildebolt's claims
  • The famous "None" people spawning in huge numbers and refusing to do any work
  • The clogged Trading Posts
  • The game being stuck at the summary screen after a victory / game over
  • Very weak archer damage
  • Inefficient sawpits, which also triggered "generic storage full" problem banners
  • Barter and trading got a lot of fixes, with on-foot traders now being able to carry 5 items per trip & a new Trading Post setting to only allow trade between the player controlled Regions
  • Overly high ale consumption
  • Problems with optimizations in large cities
  • Marketplace efficiency
  • Problems with farming, like crops erasing in the winter, inaccurate overlays & inefficient harvests
  • Too harsh oversupply/undersupply systems
  • People and/or livestock staying homeless even though there is living space in the settlement
  • Ability to add militia staying the same regardless of the order the player hires mercenaries and retinues
  • Sheepbreeding development branch spawning sheep too frequently
  • King's tax added
  • A toggle to allow market stall setup for certain families
  • Extra construction reserve UI, for instance reserving planks at the joiner's shop
  • Combat animation variety

 



Easier Inter-Region Trade

To make trading between Regions easier, I made sure that the players can use Trading Posts to trade between their own regions without using Barter / Pack Stations.

 


Mourning

Whenever a person dies, there is a 30 day mourning period that blocks growth. You can now preview this in the Building Panel of the Burgage Plot or by pressing TAB.

 


Corpses

Carried corpses now have a visual representation.

 


Armor Variations

New upgraded retinue armor variations & new militia helmet were added.

 


King’s Tax (Annual Royal Tax)

I reimplemented a mechanic called "Annual Royal Tax" or "King's Tax" (I'm still deciding on the naming). No tax for the first 5 years, 1 Treasury per citizen after 5 years, 2 Treasury per citizen after 10 years, 3 Treasury per citizen after 15 years. In theory, it should slightly punish bad workplace optimization and make it more difficult to hoard huge amounts of cash.

 


Granary

The Large Granary building got a rework. The doors now properly animate.

 


New patron saint

A new unit patron was added - St. Maurice

 


Market stall toggle

I added an "Allow market stall setup" toggle to prevent the workers/inhabitants of certain buildings from setting up market stalls.

 


Construction Reserve

You can now also set a construction reserve for buildings using planks for crafting, like the Joiner's shop.

 


Lady of the Manor’s character model



 

Full Changelog 0.7.972

 

Major Changes

 

The King’s Tax (or Annual Royal Tax, name undecided):

The tax is collected annually from all players (main player and AI) and goes to the liege. It is calculated per population, serving as a counterbalance for players hoarding huge wealth despite non-optimized economies.
Currently, players can incur debt without consequence. In the future, failure to pay will result in losing the king's favor and eventually facing the king's army as enemies.

 

Global/Local Trade Switch for Trading Posts:

Players can now switch trade to "local only" in the trading post for each type of good, allowing them to exchange goods between their own regions while ignoring free merchants. Two trading posts (one in each region) are still required to make this function work. Employed traders will prioritize traveling to the location with the best prices to commence trade, potentially including regions owned by other Lords. The transport distance factor is reduced to make it more predictable for players where traders will go (to the place with the best price). Regional wealth is still required to exchange goods between regions with a trading post to maintain regions as independent economic units, simulating a more realistic economy.

 

Gameplay & Balance

 

Resource Management & Agricultural Adjustments

  • Food Consumption: People now pick a random food resource instead of eating food in a specific order.
  • Crop Fertility: Fertility is no longer drained after crop growth reaches 100%, making early harvest micromanagement less necessary. Yield may still increase over 100% growth if max yield is not reached.
  • Yield Cap: will now never increase past 100% growth to avoid confusion about exceeding 100%. Even when fertility reaches 0%, there will still be a small possible yield.
  • Harvesting Efficiency: When harvesting, crops are directly added to the field inventory instead of the villager inventory to reduce bottlenecks from harvesting walk times, especially for large fields.
  • Oxen Prioritization: Prioritized oxen plowing over transporting resources to the granary and warehouse to reduce oxen walking back and forth from the plowed field every time new resources are available for transport.
  • Plowing Shed: Plowing shed now adds 2 livestock worker slots.
  • Food Distribution: Food-producing residential plots no longer stock up on their produce before sharing with the marketplace.
  • Sawpit Log Storage: Increased sawpit log storage space to 5.

 

Economic & Trade Developments

  • Baron Region Claims: Lowered the rate of the Baron claiming regions and adjusted it to better reflect game settings.
  • Worker Camp Upgrade: Removed the worker camp upgrade intended for colony regions; it will be re-added when properly implemented.
  • Trade Route Establishment: When establishing a trade route, merchants no longer all spawn at the nearest trade point but are distributed to circle between various trade points.
  • Archer Damage: Archer damage increased from 4 to 13.
  • Trade Logistics Development: The "Trade Logistics" development branch now lowers the cost of new trade routes by 50% instead of clamping it at 25.
  • Trade Route Costs: Increased the base cost of opening a trade route from 12 to 20 (before the good value multiplier). Reverted the cost of opening new trade routes to linear scaling.
  • Market Oversupply: When the market is oversupplied, players can still export goods at a lower price. The price multiplier for oversupplied goods is now 0.75x for oversupplied and 0.5x for critically oversupplied.
  • Market Oversupply Rate: The rate at which the market becomes oversupplied no longer depends on the value of goods, ensuring equal rates for all good types.
  • Better Deals Development: The "Better Deals" development branch reduces the foreign import tariff by 50% instead of removing it completely.
  • Global Market Supply: Tuned global market supply to rebalance itself faster, aiming for a closer to one-year cycle if not trading.

 

Quality of Life & Infrastructure

  • Ale Consumption: Reduced ale consumption by 75% (approximately 1/3 per family per month).
  • Building Placement: Made building placement steepness limits harsher to prevent trading posts and churches from looking awkward on sharp slopes.
  • Soldier Approval Factor: Soldiers no longer trigger the "unburied bodies" approval factor when corpses are in their proximity.
  • Hitching Post: Hitching post is free again to reduce the chances of players getting stuck without an ox, hitching post, or the ability to order an ox.
  • Sheep Breeding: Capped sheep breeding to a maximum of 1 new lamb every 10 days.
  • Water Fetching: Villagers are now only allowed to fetch water from the well nearest to their home, except in case of a fire.
  • Maximum Yield per Plant: Increased the maximum yield per plant from 2 to 4 (Hunting Grounds policy still reduces it by half).
  • Plant Yield Rate: Plant yield rate reduced by half to encourage early harvest only in emergency mode.
  • Militia Squad Limit: The militia squad limit is now 6, regardless of whether the player has a retinue or mercenaries. This will be connected to a rank system in the future.
  • Fertility Regeneration: Doubled the fertility regeneration rate effect on fallow fields and from fertilization.
  • Plant Growth Rate: Adjusted crop growth to match crop rotation (to hit 100% at harvest as often as it can on auto).
  • Tree Growth Rate: Slowed down tree growth rate by around 30% to enhance forest management impact.
  • Trading Post Workers: Increased the carrying capacity of on-foot trading post workers from 1 to 5.
  • Royal Tax Calculation: Royal tax is calculated as follows: No tax for the first 5 years, 1 Treasury per citizen after 5 years, 2 Treasury per citizen after 10 years, 3 Treasury per citizen after 15 years.
  • Granary and Storehouse Worker Slots: Adjusted Granary and Storehouse Worker Slots: unified to 3 families for level 1 and 6 families for level 2.

 


 

Minor Fixes

 

Trade and Market Adjustments

  • Mindfulness System: Applied the "mindfulness" system to free merchants to reduce clumps and traffic jams.
  • Trade Location: Moved the location of trades further off the map to ensure space for all trade wagons, even if the trading post is placed on the map edge.
  • Trader Transactions: Allowed traders to make transactions without entering the shed if the trading post is clogged, as long as they are within the general building bounds.
  • Marketplace Logistics: Improved marketplace logistics efficiency and optimization.
  • Market Supply Reset: Reset market supply on loading old saves (from builds 0.7.954-0.7.956) due to mismatched global market supply stock values.
  • Market Stall Workers: Capped the number of workers supplying a single market stall to 2 to reduce market clogs with the increased market supply frequency. The number of stalls is now reduced back to the number of families divided by 5, with a minimum of 1 to ensure functionality in towns with fewer than 5 families.
  • Market Supply Optimization: Further optimized market supply functions for smoother late-game town performance.
  • Trading Post Thumbnail: Added the missing trading post building thumbnail.
  • Trading Post Price Range: Trading posts now display a price range for imports, indicating whether they can buy from other regions or foreign trade sources.

 

Optimization and Performance

  • Default AA: Changed default AA under DX11 to TAA.
  • Spatialization Update: Added a spatialization update call for recruits teleported home when rallied to ensure proper collision calculations.
  • Follow Mode Optimization: Updated "is close to camera" value in follow mode to prevent optimization of animations or sound effects for characters near the camera.
  • Firefighting Behavior: Made firefighting villagers ignore anti-clogging behavior at narrow pathfinding points.
  • Pathfinding Updates: Minor unit in-town pathfinding updates.
  • Destructible System: Swapped the old UE4 destructible system for a new UE5-friendly chaos-based debris system currently used for chopped firewood cutter logs.
  • AA/Upscaler Selection: Tweaked default AA/upscaler selection during first-time launch for specific GPUs (e.g., RTX properly defaulting to DLSS).
  • Pathfinding Thread: Added another pathfinding thread for handling multiple end-game cities.
  • Harvest Prediction Optimization: Optimized harvest prediction and fertility changes to reduce stutter.
  • Log Display: Limited the log display to store only the last 100 entries to improve UI optimization.
  • Idle Task Optimization: Optimized the function for finding friends to do idle tasks like conversations.
  • Door Opening Animations: Optimized door opening animations.

 

User Interface and Accessibility

  • Mourning Period UI: The residential panel now has a "mourning period left" UI element that displays the number of days of mourning until the burgage plot can bring in more family members.
  • Mourning Icon: Added mourning icon to the building floater.
  • Save Restrictions: Disabled the ability to quick save during the game over/victory cinematic. Disabled manual save after being defeated and added a tooltip explaining why saves are disabled. Disabled quick save and autosave if the game was lost.
  • King's Tax Rate Multiplier: Added king's tax rate multiplier to the game setup settings.
  • Victory Camera: After continuing the game after a victory, the camera returns to the player's main region instead of levitating over the map edge.
  • Currency Icon: Unified the currency icon in the mercenary company panel to clarify payment with the treasury, not regional wealth.
  • Accommodation for Homeless: Added an accommodation call for homeless people after a fire, ensuring they are quickly re-assigned to available burgage plots.
  • Family List UI: Aligned "workplace/reassign" buttons vertically in the family list due to most families having more than one member.
  • Font Fix: Fixed old fonts being used in the family entry widgets.
  • Fertility Overlay: Made fertility overlay colors and colorblind symbols more accurate with the percentages displayed in the field's building panel.
  • Building Panel UI: Tweaked building panel header buttons/toggles to improve readability and distinguish buttons from toggles.
  • Market Stalls: Set "Allow market stalls" to ON by default for all workplaces and artisan workshops to aid new players in setting up stalls without confusion.
  • Popup Queue: To avoid popups like "royal tax increase" from interrupting visit mode, they are now queued and triggered after the player returns from visit mode, after around 1-2 seconds.
  • Transaction Popup: When trading between regions, the transaction popup will now display over both trade buildings, depending on which is closer to the camera.
  • Region Borders: Region borders will show under the cursor even if the camera is low, clarifying where region territory ends.
  • Region Calculation for UI: Tuned how "current region" is calculated for the UI to make it more comfortable to build on the edge between two player-owned regions.

 


 

Crash Fixes

  • Fixed a crash when doing a sequence of livestock import, export, and import because "home" wasn't cleared properly during export, and the same animal was reimported.
  • Fixed a rare crash if a handcart fails to spawn, likely if the trading post was built so that part of it crosses the map edge.
  • Fixed crash on startup if OpenXr SDK is installed.
  • Fixed a crash when deleting a building if there are pathfinding obstacles being verified (for instance, soon after loading a game).
  • Fixed the player being able to reassign a family to another Region, which could crash the game.

 


 

Bug Fixes

 

Gameplay Mechanics

  • Fixed victory status not resetting after starting a new game, leading to a game over screen not appearing if the player lost/won multiple games without turning the game off.
  • Fixed crops dying in the winter instead of actually increasing yield by absorbing nutrients from the snow as intended for winter crops.
  • Fixed oxen sometimes "ghost plowing" a field when they are waiting for their guide.
  • Fixed plow and ox sometimes misaligned on 12x game speed.
  • Fixed farm workers not accounting for oxen plowing the farms in some situations, leading to a lot of unnecessary collisions on the field.
  • Fixed crop rotation unplowing the fields.
  • Fixed disbanded mercenary group becoming immediately available again after save/load cycle.
  • Fixed the trading post export transactions not moving regional wealth between the regions correctly if owned by the same lord.
  • Fixed paused taverns fulfilling the entertainment requirement.
  • Fixed attempt for never-ending fires if a fire was triggered after the building was already on fire.
  • Fixed livestock sometimes being unaccommodated after order even though there is stable or pasture space due to being transferred to the region twice (once when buying and once when livestock merchant brings it to the building).
  • Fixed livestock traders traded between on-map regions, possibly sometimes paying twice because the ownership changing function was called both on pickup of livestock and on dropoff.
  • Fixed the game getting stuck on the game summary screen infinitely after winning or losing the game.
  • Fixed "none" people populating the town after a raid sometimes who just stand around waiting forever and possibly crash the game while reloading.
  • Fixed the employed traders going to trade points even though the trade route for the traded good is not opened yet.
  • Fixed the farm workers moving to transport tasks early even though there is still plenty of crops to harvest.
  • Fixed predicted yield not showing correctly in the field building panel.
  • Fixed people not resetting rotation after dismounting.
  • Fixed farming oxen not respecting work area limits.
  • Fixed bandit camps respawning on loading because "lastBanditCampSpawnedDay" didn't save properly.
  • Fixed villagers not setting up market stalls to sell their home produce like vegetables if they are unassigned.
  • Fixed granary workers stealing ale from the tavern.
  • Fixed livestock exports getting interrupted by sheep herd behavior.
  • Fixed livestock trader job not triggering an import task when buying livestock from another region.

 

Visual and Interface Fixes

  • Fixed the blurry desktop icon.
  • Fixed the save/load menu header not translating after changing the language.
  • Fixed the front lighting not being visible in the retinue editor if bounced light approximation is turned to low or off.
  • Fixed floating feedback text spawning during the cinematic mode.
  • Fixed autosave triggering during the cinematic mode.
  • Fixed the gilded aventail hounskull helmet appearing blurry in the retinue editor.
  • Fixed the forest mask not drawing.
  • Fixed the wrong yarn basket carrying animation.
  • Fixed the wrong apple basket carry animation.

 

Economic and Resource Management

  • Fixed "storage full" triggering for wrong buildings sometimes (for example, sawpit having 1/1 logs).
  • Fixed attempt for oxen bringing too many logs to the sawpit and crossing the storage limit.
  • Fixed free merchants sometimes got stuck if a trading post was built so close to the edge that a portion of it was outside of any region bounds.
  • Fixed horse wagon rotations getting a bit too wonky on slopes.
  • Fixed a bug where a unit could no longer move due to being forever stuck in "waiting for pathfinding to finish" if another unit with a lower squadID got completely destroyed.
  • Fixed traders not importing from on-map regions even though the price is better than buying from trade points.
  • Fixed farm workers & farm oxen stealing planks from fields which are getting "fenced up."
  • Fixed "homeless" problem banner not disappearing after upgrading homeless camp to a worker camp.
  • Fixed animals not getting removed from stable space / pasture space after death.
  • Fixed animal corpses not disappearing over time.
  • Fixed a dirty fix for families moving into homes but not registering correctly and not displaying in the UI, leading to a "secret" family living in one of the burgage plots. The reason is still unknown and being investigated.
  • Fixed wealth getting transferred when doing barter.
  • Fixed bartering traders always return 1 item regardless of the barter value and carrying capacity.
  • Fixed bartering traders packing too much stuff in their origin region when barter value is more than 1x.
  • Fixed trading post exports not proceeding with transactions once the trader reaches the destination.
  • Fixed multiple markets sometimes distributing multiple instances of the same good type to a plot, for instance, a single plot would "eat" 2 leather, leaving houses on the outskirts forever undersupplied.
  • Fixed crop rotation to fallow causing farmers to harvest itemID_0, which was invisible in the UI and stopped supply dumps from being cleared because they were never considered as fully empty.
  • Fixed farmers getting stuck in pickup-putdown handcart loop when multiple farms are used.
  • Fixed unnecessary harvest data recalculations triggering in the winters.
  • Fixed a bug with trading between regions where during selling items the wrong region would pay for the transaction.
  • Fixed free merchants not applying the foreign import tariff when selling their goods to trading posts if another region was exporting the traded good for a lower price.
  • Fixed trade wagons sometimes traveling with empty inventory.
  • Fixed traders doing "major trades" even without an established trade route.
  • Fixed workers ignoring storage filter settings.
  • Fixed the "current year" always incrementing in January, regardless of the month the game was started in, also leading to the tax being calculated inconsistently [fix for new saves only].
  • Fixed market supply percentages not displaying correctly because it still accounted for uninhabited homes.
  • Fixed a bug with workers not setting up market stalls if there are less than 5 families in the settlement.
  • Fixed squad icons disappearing/flickering when disbanding certain squads.
  • Fixed export price showing even though trade is locked because there's no trade route established and no interregional trade available.
  • Fixed foreign market supply incrementing instead of decrementing when off-map trade was being done by trading post workers.
  • Fixed disband/remove squad sometimes affecting wrong squads if multiple squads are selected when pressing "disband" or "remove".
  • Fixed "Not enough funds for import" warning displaying even though there is enough.
  • Fixed apiaries leaving invisible items in supply dumps after demolition.

 


 

Cosmetics Updates and Fixes

 

New Additions and Visual Upgrades

  • Added a new patron saint banner graphics: St Maurice.
  • Added a carried dead body visualization.
  • New upgraded retinue helmet variation: Pointy bascinet.
  • New upgraded retinue body variation: Coat of plates.
  • New upgraded retinue helmet variation: Hounskull bascinet with a gilded cover.
  • New militia helmet variation - banded bascinet with a mail aventail.
  • Reworked LV2 granary model with proper animated doors.
  • Added new 6 "short" attack animations to reduce animation repetitiveness during combat.
  • Added new "inch forward" battle locomotion animations which should greatly reduce the weird "wiggling" effect when groups push each other.
  • Lady visit mode: If you pick the green lady portrait, the visit mode character should now be female.

 

Animation and Model Adjustments

  • Combat animation clean up.
  • Made debris piles align to ground slope.
  • Fixed the throw torch animation ending abruptly.
  • Increased location precision for animals standing in the stables.
  • Fixed the praying animation.
  • Adjusted the two-handed weapon default idle pose to give it a more natural stance.
  • Improved the precision for snapping terraforming meshes (like mines or sawpits) to ground.
  • Made leaf clumps smaller and disabled the parallax mapping since it caused distortions and wasn't very visible anyway.
  • Tuned field dirt UV wiggle to make those huge vegetable gardens players were making less wavy.

 

Fixes and Adjustments

  • Fixed the armor clipping through the leg of the upgraded retinue puffy sleeve upon body variation.
  • Fixed some mail armor variants clipping with helmets on T3 militia units (militia mail will get their own unique variations soon).
  • Fixed the wrong door orientation for LV2 cottage variation B (with a planked gable).
  • Fixed the TAB building floater residential data not showing in 0.7.969.
  • Fixed a potential bug when a family assigned to a smithy is unassigned while a family member is rallied, and the function that unequips their smithing aprons may, by mistake, unequip their body armor or/and helmet.
  • Fixed player army UI not getting updated after squad array changes because of non-player commanded units getting removed.
  • Fixed recruit distribution sometimes assigning new militia recruits to an invalid unit

 



 

Thank you for all of your continued feedback and reports through the beta patches.
I hope you enjoy the update! Please share your thoughts and feedback on Manor Lords in a Steam review if you have a moment. It helps a lot!
Thank you for playing!
Greg Styczeń,
Lead developer, Slavic Magic

 

If you’d like to keep up to date with the latest news and announcements:

 

Steam Discussions | X | Facebook | Instagram | Discord | Reddit

 

Those are the patch notes through June 11 for Manor Lords.

Richter Scale Shattering Earthquake Caused by Gamer Deepening Voice After Discord Call Joined by Girl

WORLDWIDE NEWS – States of emergency have been declared as various cities around the globe have been hit by Richter Scale-shattering earthquakes after a voice call on Discord channel ‘Da Pisscord’, populated almost exclusively by men, was joined by a single girl.

“We believe that once the young men realized that a girl had joined the Discord call, they attempted to sound more masculine by deepening their voices,” said Dr. Albert Heidelberg, Professor of Geophysics at Stanford University and renowned expert on seismology. “As they kept talking lower and lower in an attempt to outdo each other, they eventually brought their voices to such a low register that it triggered tremendous seismic activity. Hundreds are presumed dead.”

Earthquakes have occurred in many major cities, such as Los Angeles, London, and every other hometown of Discord members on the call, reportedly causing billions of dollars worth of infrastructure damage and leaving many people without power or shelter. Military and emergency response crews have been mobilized in an attempt to manage the developing crises.

“That was them talking?” asked Jenny McDouglas, also known by her Discord alias ‘bubblegumzyns,’ the girl who joined the Discord call on that fateful day. “I thought they were doing some weird kind of Mongolian throat singing or something. I got on the call to see if anyone wanted to play Rainbow Six Siege. Next thing I know my apartment started to shake and all my pictures started falling off my walls.”

Experts have advised all male users of Discord to please talk within their normal vocal register whenever a girl joins their Discord call. Experts added that artificially deepening your voice is not only a threat to public safety, it also does absolutely nothing to increase your chances of getting laid.

“The earth cannot handle the weight of all the pathetically fake deep voices of so many horny gamers,” said Dr. Heidelberg.

“I don’t know what they’re talking about,” said Stephen Armstrong, known on Discord as ‘PepperoniBrony’, in a ridiculously low register as the room trembled. “This is my actual voice. I’ve sounded like this since I hit puberty. Guess I just have more testosterone than most other guys. Did you guys talk to bubblegumzyns? Was she cute?”

Before Stephen could provide further comment, National Guardsmen entered the room and restrained Stephen, covering his mouth with duct tape to prevent further catastrophes.

Garth Ennis Disavows The Boys TV Show for Being Well Written, Coherent

GLASGOW – Controversy in the comic book world today as writer of The Boys comic, Garth Ennis, disavowed the television adaptation for being well written and coherent.

“They’ve abandoned my original vision of a horrid edgefest,” explained the very badass and subversive writer. “I write dialogue like a twelve-year-old who just learned the F-word. Sure they curse a lot, but they aren’t using it as a crutch, like me. Also, where’s all the rape? There’s literally no way to indicate that someone is a villain, or even a morally ambiguous hero, without having them commit heinous sexual assaults. Instead they’re obsessed with writing ‘characters’ who have ‘motivations’. That’s not what The Boys is about. The Boys is about vapid, surface level parodies of superheroes that make you feel terrible and empty for having read about them.”

The creator of The Boys television adaptation was distressed to hear the original author’s criticisms.

“I thought my show was plenty edgy,” said great planner of only five seasons Eric Kripke. “We had a guy go into another guy’s dick and jerk him off from the inside, but apparently that’s not good enough. I guess in the next season we’ll have to have scenes of Homelander snorting drugs mixed with Queen Maeve’s vaginal mucus, or Hughie masturbating into a soup that Kimiko then eats. Billy Butcher is going to be wearing a cock ring the entire season so he’s always ready to commit morally gray sexual assaults.”

Ennis is one of many victims of adaptations not following the original author’s intent.

“Many authors will find adaptations not nearly as edgy or transphobic as they had intended,” related literature professor Tom Oleman. “I remember that the Ender’s Game adaptation featured very little Mormon propaganda. There was some, but not enough. It’s very difficult for these authors when they see the products that they worked hard on get substantially improved by better writers.”

At press time, Garth Ennis was trying to sell an adaptation of Crossed, but even more poorly written.

TNA Against All Odds 2024 Card: Every Match revealed

TNA Against All Odds 2024 is set to take place on Friday, June 14th, but what is the card for this Pay Per View event?

Several title matches have already been confirmed for the show, including the main event between Moose and Matt Hardy for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.

TNA Knockouts Champion Jordynne Grace will also be putting her title on the line against a mystery opponent in an open challenge, which could end up being a WWE NXT Superstar.

TNA Against All Odds Matches

Here are all of the matches currently confirmed for TNA Against All Odds 2024:

  • Tag Team Match: Mike Santana & Steve Maclin vs The Rascalz (Trey Miguel & Zachary Wentz)
  • TNA Knockouts World Title Match: Jordynne Grace (c) vs. ??? (Open Challenge)
  • TNA World Tag Team Title Match: The System (Brian Myers & Eddie Edwards) (w/Alisha Edwards) (c) vs Nic Nemeth & Ryan Nemeth
  • TNA X-Division Title Match: Mustafa Ali (c) vs Trent Seven
  • TNA World Title Match: Moose (c) vs Matt Hardy
  • Sami Callihan vs. Jonathan Gresham (Countdown to TNA Against All Odds)

Read More – WWE News: Saudi Arabia wants Royal Rumble or WrestleMania event

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling Stuff?

Yes, we cover pro wrestling news, including WWE, AEW, New Japan and sometimes the indies, so make sure that you keep checking back for everything you need to know about this great sport.

You can check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section (which also has real gaming news) and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

Read More – WWE News: Superstar Reveals How Job at Hooters Got Her WWE Gig

Court Awards Custody to Whichever Episode of Bluey on at Moment

San Francisco – A divorce court in California has reportedly awarded custody of Mikey Pritchett not to either of his divorcing parents, but to whatever episode of Bluey is on at that moment. 

“It was definitely a shock,” said divorce lawyer Colby Bryant. “Sometimes custody will go to a grandparent or other guardian, but I’ve never seen an Australian TV show be given full custody of a child before. Sesame Street has guardianship of a bunch of kids but they’re usually the orphans they buy and turn into muppets. In the end, the ruling will almost certainly set a precedent for future cases, though hopefully we never see custody go to that bald bitch Caillou.”

The judge in the Pritchett case gave custody to whichever episode of Bluey was airing at that moment, a move celebrated by child psychologists. 

Bluey addresses a wide range of topics,” said Dr. Rose Alpaca, a lecturer on child development at UC Berkeley and fan of watching Bluey even when her children aren’t home. “There are episodes about sharing, self-confidence, and standing up for yourself, which are good for a child. There are also episodes about PTSD, infertility, and our powerlessness in the face of death, which usually leave parents in a puddle of tears while their child dances around to the episode’s end credits song. All we’ve found with kids who have been co-parented by Peppa Pig is that they start oinking and fat shaming their fathers.”

Lizzie Pritchett, Mikey’s mother, has appealed the decision in the hopes of getting at least joint custody with whichever Bluey episode is airing at that moment.

“I feel bad for how messy the divorce has gotten,” said Lizzie, who was basically raised by Mr Rogers and Fraggle Rock. “I never expected the judge to say that whichever episode of Bluey was airing at that moment would be a better guardian for Mikey than his parents. Then I watched the Sleepytime episode and I got it. That stuff is hard to compete with which is why I’m only appealing for joint custody. If I try for full custody and they play that shit in front of the judge, I’m screwed. My lawyers have even warned me that whichever episode of Bluey is currently airing at that moment might be given a conservatorship over me if I’m not careful.” 

As of press time Luke Pritchett, Mikey’s father, welcomed the decision as he had already made peace with never being as good a father as Bandit Heeler.

We Visited a Pennsylvania State Penitentiary to Meet the One Woman Who Attended ECW One Night Stand 2005

ECW’s One Night Stand reunion show is one of the most memorable wrestling events in recent decades. 2500 of the outlaw promotion’s legendary rabid fans, almost exclusively young-to-middle-aged men, filled the Hammerstein Ballroom to watch chaotic matches involving steel chairs, cheese graters, and flaming tables one more time. One of those rabid fans shouting profane chants at Eric Bischoff and catching splashes of beer and blood from The Sandman and Tommy Dreamer was Barbara “Barf” Laitenin, who broke the mold as the only woman to attend. We visited Laitenin in her current residence at the Cambridge Springs State Correctional Institution to hear her perspective on the historic pay-per-view.

Hard Drive: Thanks so much for taking the time to chat with us, Barbara!

No one’s called me “Barbara” since I was a kid. Call me “Barf.”

HD: Ok, Barf, what was the energy like that night? It must have been electric.

It was off the fuckin’ chain, dude! I was as hyped as the time I saw Terry Funk brand Cactus Jack and got grounded when I tried to do it to my little brother. Rad shit, man.

HD: What was your favorite match?

I’m not gonna lie; I butt-chugged some beer in the parking lot and butt-snorted some coke in the bathroom so my memory of it is hazy, but it’s gotta be the last one when everyone came out.

HD: You were in the minority being the only female attendee there. Did you ever feel out of place as a wrestling fan among that crowd?

Are you calling me a pussy? I ain’t a pussy! Watch me chew this phone cord in half!

HD: No, no, no—we know you’re tough, Barf. But did you ever feel like you had to prove yourself among your wrestling friends more than others?

You know, those crazy bastards are my people, but I will say, whenever my guy friends jumped through tables at parties, they were never impressed when I joined in until I started setting the tables on fire first. One of the times I did it, I accidentally burned my buddy’s house down.

HD: Is that how you ended up in here?

Nah, just probation on that one. This time around was when I tried to rob a gas station. I had a whole escape plan and everything, but I got nervous in the middle of it, so I psyched myself up by bashing my own head with a beer like the Sandman and accidentally knocked myself out. Woke up in a Philly PD cruiser.

HD: Do you think some parts of the show haven’t aged the best? The crowd chanted some pretty disparaging things about Lita and Dawn Marie.

Dawn Marie! That crack whore! Why? What did they say about her?

HD: Uh, never mind. Any other thoughts about the show you want to add?

Yeah! Fuck JBL!

WWE NXT Battleground 2024 Results: Everything you need to know

WWE NXT Battleground 2024 took place tonight from the UFC APEX in Las Vegas, Nevada, but what happened on the show?

A number of big-time Championship matches were confirmed for the card ahead of the event, including the main event between Trick Williams and former AEW star Ethan Page.

TNA Knockouts Champion Jordynne Grace also challenged for the NXT Women’s Championship against Roxanne Perez in the biggest cross-promotional match in WWE for years.

WWE NXT Battleground Results

Here are all of the results from NXT Battleground 2024:

  • WWE NXT Women’s North American Title Six Way Ladder Match: Kelani Jordan b. Michin, Fallon Henley, Lash Legend, Sol Ruca and Jaida Parker – Kelani Jordan would end up climbing the ladder and retrieving the belt, making her the first-ever NXT North American Women’s Champion!
  • WWE NXT Tag Team Title Match: Axiom & Nathan Frazer (c) b. The OC (Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows) – Frazer managed to get the win for his team after hitting a Phoenix Splash on Anderson for the 1, 2, 3.
  • NXT Underground Match: Lola Vice b. Shayna Baszler – Vice would take the win after hitting a spinning backfist to Baszler and then following up with hammer fists on the floor, causing the referee to call for the bell.
  • WWE NXT North American Title Triple Threat Match: Oba Femi (c) b. Joe Coffey and Wes Lee – Oba Femi took the win to retain his title after hitting two Pop-Up Powerbombs on both Coffey and Wes Lee. The man is a walking wrecking ball it’s awesome.
  • WWE NXT Women’s Title Match: Roxanne Perez (c) b. Jordynne Grace – Following distractions from Tatum Paxley and Dana Brooke (!?), Perez took the win with the Pop Rox.
  • WWE NXT Title Match: Trick Williams (c) b. Ethan Page – Williams was able to hit the Quick Shot running knee to retain his title over Page.

Fans in the United States can watch all of the action from the UFC APEX back on demand via NBC’s Peacock streaming service.

Read More – WWE News: Saudi Arabia wants Royal Rumble or WrestleMania event

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling Stuff?

Yes, we cover pro wrestling news, including WWE, AEW, New Japan and sometimes the indies, so make sure that you keep checking back for everything you need to know about this great sport.

You can check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section (which also has real gaming news) and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

Read More – WWE News: Superstar Reveals How Job at Hooters Got Her WWE Gig

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