Pajama Sam Players Dispute They’re ‘Not Real Gamers’ and ‘It Is Bedtime’

PHILADELPHIA — Fans of the popular point-and-click series Pajama Sam are fighting back at claims that their game of choice makes them inferior to other gamers, and that, furthermore, they should soon be putting on their own pajamas and going to bed.

“I’m tired, I’m cranky, and I’m not going to take this anymore. The stereotypes are so unfair,” said 8-year-old Jackson Smith. “Some people think that because I play Freddi Fish and Pajama Sam that means I’m not a ‘real gamer,’ whatever that means. It makes me so mad I could curse, if I knew any curse words.”

Jackson and his posse of other loyal Sam fans say enough is enough, and that they will only go to bed once their demands are met and they’ve finished this particularly hard puzzle involving freeing some carrots from a fridge.

“No, I’m not yawning! No Need to Hide When It’s Dark Outside is a really, really tough game. Why else would my dad have had to help me on a couple of things I got stuck on?” says Olivia Martinez, 9. “The lack of respect we receive from the gaming community and grown-ups in general is shocking. Did you know that 90% of players like me report being laughed at for trying to join in on conversations with our older siblings about speed-runs and optimum loadouts? And I’m rubbing my eyes because I’m angry, not because it’s 8pm.”

Parent Alicia Rhodes says the series of puzzle-solving games give her a rush of nostalgia whenever she sees her kids playing them, but that she is glad that they have thus far been rejected by the larger gaming community.

“I loved Putt-Putt and Pajama Sam when I was a kid. I think meeting Lightning in those formative years is why I’m attracted to skinny guys with high-pitched voices,” she said. “But, come on, as I’ve explained to them countless times, adult gamers are disgusting bearded perverts. Why my kids are so keen to be accepted by them is beyond me. And I know they’re only bringing this up now because I told them to finish up and go brush their teeth over 15 minutes ago.”

At press time, Jackson denied claims that he will forget all about this in the morning.

“No way! If anything I’ll be even more mad,” he yelled, as he was carried off to his bedroom.

6 D&D Actual Play Shows DMs Should Pray to God Their Players Don’t Watch

A lot of people get into Dungeons & Dragons through actual play shows – generally long-form episodes or livestreams in which a group of comedians, actors, improvisers or otherwise skilled performers play the game. Their characters are often deep, complex, and take advantage of D&D’s systems in fun and exciting ways.

Every DM out there knows that while this might be a beautiful ecosystem fostering new and curious players, it’s also the worst thing that’s ever happened in the history of the universe and nurtures a nigh-catastrophic level of misguided expectations for new gamers. For that reason, here’s six that have utterly decimated my game nights as a DM:

Dimension 20

Let’s get it out of the way: D20 was the show that got me into Dungeons & Dragons. It’s the greatest show ever made and I’ve legitimately sobbed while watching it. I’m a hypocrite – drag me over the coals. But, that doesn’t make the show immune from criticism. In fact, I would argue it only opens it up to more:

Unfortunately, Dimension 20 makes new players believe that the people in their party will be fun to hang out with.

This could not be further from the truth for at least 90% of people’s games. More than likely, your party will be made up of people who you could never in your wildest dreams imagine hanging out with. My players expect our D&D game to be a beautiful tapestry constructed by and through the close emotional bond they develop with their friends, but it simply isn’t.

More than likely, our game nights are going to feature a half-read module where three of the players are essentially there ironically and the other two are on their phones. As it turns out, showing up to a random Adventurer’s League night at your local game store isn’t going to introduce you to the kindest or most hygienic people you’ve ever met.

The Adventure Zone

When a player tells me that they love The Adventure Zone, I legitimately shudder. Out of every show you could watch, you decided to choose the one that features a DM who will bend the rules to tell a beautiful, captivating story?

Do not expect that if you’re playing with me. Whereas Griffin regularly ignores and refactors the more crunchy rules of D&D to the benefit of his players, my DMing style includes additional mechanics not even mentioned in the Player’s Handbook. Hell, I might even throw in some Unearthed Arcana.

I’m talking optional flanking rules, spell points, permanent injuries, and maybe even some weird rest variant. (How do you like 2 weeks of downtime required for a long rest, huh?) You’re going to need a binder for a single character sheet, and you’re going to like it. There’s even a chance that I’ll change the campaign from 5th Edition to Pathfinder halfway through the story. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again.

Not Another D&D Podcast

NADDPOD, famed for the hilarious cohesion of its four main comedian/improvisor cast members, might be one of the worst things to have struck the internet if you host a game yourself, and the tabletop community has yet to recover.

After listening, my players began to expect me to be funny.

Oh, sure – I call myself a comedy writer. But the truth is that I did stand-up once and bombed so bad I cried and threw up. It’s a distraction – all a lie! I pretend to be a comedian to desperately mask my insecurities, not because of any thimbleful of skill. So, when listeners come to my table expecting me to have the comedic chops of Jake Hurwitz, I nearly flip the table in anger.

Dungeons and Daddies

Out of all the shows on this list, Dungeons and Daddies is the one with which I have the least experience. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t a blight upon my life and a deeply problematic influence around my game table.

For some reason, my players have gotten it in their heads that I am their dad.

This has borderline ruined my life. I’m regularly expected to provide orange slices before and after each game, a Gatorade break in the middle, and I’ve been asked at least a dozen times to burp each player over my shoulder. My mailbox is filled with bills for their college tuition, and I currently owe at least two of their mothers monthly alimony payments. Admittedly, that is because I am divorced from those women.

HarmonQuest

I’m not quite sure I understand how this one is so popular. HarmonQuest was a limited-run actual play show on Seeso. Who watches Seeso? What?

Somehow, every single one of my players is a huge fan of this show, and they all expect me to be like Dan Harmon, the show’s eponymous DM. Or so I assume? Someone told me it was this other guy Spencer but I can’t be bothered to watch.

“Why don’t you regularly go on angry, borderline egoist rants about people or things that annoy you?” ask my players. “Aren’t you supposed to be the showrunner for Community and Rick and Morty?

Critical Role

After watching Critical Role, players are made to believe the greatest fallacy of all: that Dungeons & Dragons is good.

Up-and-Coming Streamer Invests in Everything but a Personality

TORONTO — A young streamer in Toronto has used up all his savings to invest in all the necessary equipment to give him a jumpstart as a content creator except for an entertaining personality, reports confirmed.

Kevin Lockhart has purchased every piece of streaming equipment he read about online.

“I’ve always wanted to be a full-time streamer, so I’ve spent the last little while saving up for all the equipment I need to make that happen. I have every single product Elgato has ever released. Capture card, mic, mic arm, lights, webcam, green screen, audio mixer, teleprompter, I have it all. This stuff should really drive in the viewers I think,” said Lockhart.

Lockhart’s friends are worried he may have put his priorities on the wrong thing.

“Kevin is fairly dry, and monotone. He’s a shy guy a lot of the time, we told him to work on becoming more open and outgoing first and get the fancy equipment second but he was adamant that the equipment would be what makes his streams watchable and popular,” said Kevin’s friend Logan.

Lockhart told reporters he is not worried about his lack of personality.

“I’ve been watching Twitch a long time and most streamers don’t have a personality beyond hating a particular group of people so I think I’ll be fine. I’ve seen people with thousands of viewers who just seem like awful people so how hard could it be? Especially when I have all this equipment to make me look good.”

At press time, Lockhart is currently unemployed and looking to hire an editor to upload his VODs to his YouTube channel with 3 subscribers.

Every Male Mortal Kombat 1 Fighter Ranked by How Babygirl They Are

Almost 30 years after the franchise’s initial release, the highly anticipated Mortal Kombat 1 was released in September of 2023. With it came lots of excitement, letdowns, and most importantly, memes. Around the same time that Redditors were documenting the horrors that came with the Nintendo Switch version of the game, the femcel corner of the internet was brewing up its own meme: the babygirl. “Babygirl” is a term used to infantilize attractive men, usually ones who are “the darkest, most brooding, melancholic, tortured man you’ve ever laid eyes on.” All that said, there’s no better way to thirst after male fighters than ranking them by how babygirl they are.

#18 Geras

According to the babygirl checklist, a male character needs nihilism and major life trauma to qualify as a babygirl. Whereas Geras was a force to be reckoned with in the original timeline, he’s more of a chill guy I’d have a beer with now that he’s the Keeper of Time in the New Era. As Christopher Walken would say: needs more trauma!

The verdict: Too mentally healthy

#17 Liu Kang

After beating Kronika and winning control of her Hourglass in MK 11, Liu Kang created a New Era that neutralized the threats of the original timeline. While this New Era has plenty of true and quasi-babygirls, Liu Kang’s stiff nature and godly powers leave much to be desired when it comes to uwu factor.

The verdict: Not quite

#16 Raiden

The former God of Thunder retains some semblance of dignity in Liu Kang’s timeline reset when the God of Fire names him Earthrealm’s champion as a consolation prize. However, Raiden’s personality as the honorable protagonist makes him lack some serious babygirl energy.

The verdict: He’s not like the other girls, he’s special

#15 Kung Lao

Name one person you know who’s a Kung Lao main. I’ll wait.

The verdict: Discount Raiden

#14 Johnny Cage

A source of comedic relief at best and annoying at worst, Johnny Cage’s greatest contribution to the MK 1 storyline is his bromance with Kenshi. That scene where he gave the former Yakuza member his sword, Sento? Heartstopper could never.

The verdict: Hoochie daddy

#13 Rain

Rain spent more time in Story Mode striking bad guy poses with Shang Tsung and General Shao than showing off his cool hydromancy skills. Pair this with his difficult-to-master moves, and Rain becomes literally just a guy.

The verdict: Thank you, next!

#12 Smoke

Smoke isn’t Scorpion or Sub-Zero, but a secret third thing. He’s the Lin Kuei that no one seems to remember, and for that reason, he’s a quasi-babygirl.

The verdict: Who is he again?

#11 Scorpion

Kuai Liang, better known as Scorpion, is a Lin Kuei assassin who seeks to protect Earthrealm in the New Era. But really, who cares about all that? Let’s play “Fuck, Marry, Kill” with the three main Lin Kuei. Easy: Kill Smoke, fuck Sub-Zero, and marry Scorpion.

The verdict: I’d have him for girl dinner

#10 Quan Chi

Alongside Shang Tsung, Quan Chi serves as a main antagonist for MK 1. This Netherrealm demon is known for his dark magic, but I like to think of him as an honorary KISS member.

The verdict: Washed up metalhead

#9 Havik

Havik returned to the franchise for the first time in 17 years, and I honestly couldn’t care less when Goro isn’t a playable fighter. But our disappointment aside, this Orderrealmer does have some things going for him babygirl-wise. His thirst for chaos and trauma from Scorpion burning half his face off qualify him for a spot as one of the top 10 babygirls of MK 1.

The verdict: Has the ambitions of a 12-year-old anarchist

#8 Shang Tsung

Now a con artist making a living by selling fake cures in the New Era, the iconic soul-stealing sorcerer conspires with Quan Chi and General Shao to seize control of Outworld. And let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want to screw — ahem, screw over — the ultimate MILF that is Empress Sindel?

The verdict: He’s just like me fr

#7 Omni-Man

If I’m having Scorpion for girl dinner, then Omni-Man’s the appetizer. I mean, seriously, look at those muscles! Oh, he’s a ruthless anti-hero and Viltrumite alien who wants to conquer the galaxy? Anyway, my number is…

The verdict: He’s a 10 but he’s bloodthirsty beyond comprehension

#6 Reiko

Poor Reiko can’t get anything right. The former orphan and General Shao’s lap dog can never seem to shine on his own. Even when he totally had it in the bag at Outworld’s tournament (he made tough guy faces and punched the air repeatedly), he was still — in Raiden’s words — “felled by a simple farmer.”

The verdict: Girlfailure

#5 General Shao

In the New Era, Shao was downgraded from Kahn of Outworld to Empress Sindel’s bitch. But don’t be fooled by General Shao’s newfound inferiority — his beady red eyes and thirst for betrayal qualify him as a babygirl in the making. Even though Empress Sindel may be everything while General Shao is just Ken, I still can’t get him out of my head.

The verdict: My Roman Empire

#4 Reptile

Syzoth, also known as Reptile, is a Zaterran reptilian creature who can transform into a humanoid being. Having lost his family and lived as Shang Tsung’s slave, Reptile has just the right hotness-to-trauma ratio to make him a babygirl.

The verdict: You just don’t get him — he’s a tortured soul

#3 Sub-Zero

That’s right: the Mortal Kombat Universe’s GHOAT (greatest hottie of all time) is one of the top three babygirls in MK 1. All the Lin Kuei’s Grandmaster ever wanted was glory for his clan while wearing a sombrero. He’s so quirky.

The verdict: Quirked up shawty

#2 Baraka

MK 1 introduces new lore for everyone’s favorite toothy Tarkatan, who is now a former Edenian afflicted by disease. Apart from his tragic storyline, Baraka’s raspy growl and razor-sharp blades make him the dreamiest anime waifu of Outworld.

The verdict: Soft and breedable

#1 Kenshi Takahashi

The former Yakuza member has probably spent as much time developing his swordsmanship as he has thirsting for Johnny Cage. When it comes to babygirlisms, Kenshi’s’ got it all: a traumatic backstory, a salty attitude, and an enemies-to-lovers arc with MK fans’ favorite ball-buster.

The verdict: He’s such a wittle babygirl

Wordle Today – Answer And Hint For #987 March 2, 2024

Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Mar 2.

We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned,  then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.

 

Still Mar 1 at your location? Try our Wordle answer page for that day instead!

 

Wordle Hint Today 987 March 2, 2024

Wordle Hint Today
Today’s Wordle Hint

Here’s a hint with the meaning of today’s Wordle answer

 

The social, cultural, and economic aspects of city life, as opposed to rural living.

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter

The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“N”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter

The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“A”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Third Letter

The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“B”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Second Letter

The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“R”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today First Letter

The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“U”

 

 

Today’s Wordle Answer

And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.

Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.

That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 618 days straight! So here goes nothing:

 

3…

 

 

2…

 

 

1…

 

 

The Wordle answer today is “URBAN”

 

 

Previous Wordle Answers With Their Definitions

 

Wordle Today – Answer And Hint For #986 March 1, 2024

 

Wordle #985 For February 29, 2024

IMAGE

A visual representation or depiction of something, typically produced by photography, painting, drawing, or digital means.

 

Wordle #984 For February 28, 2024

DEVIL

A supernatural being, often depicted as evil, malevolent, or the adversary of God.

 

Wordle #983 For February 27, 2024

SENSE

As a noun, any of the five faculties through which stimuli from the external world are received and perceived: sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch.

 

Wordle #982 For February 26, 2024

OFTEN

An adverb that indicates frequency or regularity of occurrence.

 

Wordle #981 For February 25, 2024

SMITH

A common surname of English origin.

A person who works with skill and craftsmanship in the creation of various objects.

 

Wordle #980 For February 24, 2024

PIPER

A musician who plays the bagpipes, a traditional wind instrument.

 

Wordle #979 For February 23, 2024

APART

Separate or detached from something else; not connected or joined together.

 

Wordle #978 For February 22, 2024

HEAVY

Used as an adjective to indicate having great weight; difficult to lift, move, or carry due to mass or density.

 

Wordle #977 For February 21, 2024

BUILD

Used as a verb most commonly: to construct, assemble, or create something, such as a structure, or object.

 

Wordle #976 For February 20, 2024

MATCH

To be equal or corresponding to something else in quality, quantity, or significance.

 

Wordle #975 For February 19, 2024

PRICE

The amount of money or value that must be paid or exchanged to acquire goods or services.

 

Wordle #974 For February 18, 2024

RIDGE

A long, narrow, elevated area of land that forms a crest or a continuous line along the top of a mountain, or hill.

 

Wordle #973 For February 17, 2024

PSALM

A sacred song or hymn, typically from a specific titular Biblical book, which is a collection of religious poems and prayers found in the Old Testament of the Bible.

 

Wordle #972 For February 16, 2024

STASH

As a noun: a secret or hidden supply of something, typically valuable or desirable items.

As a verb: to hide or store something away, often for future use or for safekeeping.

 

Wordle #971 For February 15, 2024

ASCOT

A type of necktie or cravat that is typically worn with formal attire. It consists of a narrow strip of fabric that is folded over and tied in a manner similar to a scarf, with the ends tucked into the collar of a shirt.

 

Wordle #970 For February 14, 2024

TALON

A sharp, hooked claw of a bird of prey or a predatory animal, particularly one used for seizing and grasping prey.

 

Wordle #969 For February 13, 2024

SCRAM

An informal or colloquial verb that means to leave or go away quickly, often in a hurried or abrupt manner.

 

Wordle #968 For February 12, 2024

PASTA

A type of Italian food made from a dough typically consisting of wheat flour, water, and sometimes eggs, which is formed into various shapes and then cooked by boiling or baking.

 

Wordle #967 For February 11, 2024

NEVER

An adverb that indicates the absence of something happening or occurring at any time in the past, present, or future.

 

Wordle #966 For February 10, 2024

FRIED

An adjective that describes food that has been cooked in oil or fat until it becomes crispy and golden brown on the outside.

 

Wordle #965 For February 9, 2024

STIFF

An adjective that means inflexible, or not easily bent.

 

Wordle #964 For February 8, 2024

PLACE

A specific point or area in space, indicating where something is situated or located.

 

Wordle #963 For February 7, 2024

AFTER

A preposition that denotes the period following a certain moment or event.

 

Wordle #962 For February 6, 2024

WHICH

A pronoun, as well as an interrogative word that is used to introduce a clause that provides additional information about a noun.

 

Wordle #961 For February 5, 2024

REPEL

A verb that means to push away or drive back forcefully, or to cause strong dislike or aversion.

 

Wordle #960 For February 4, 2024

VERGE

A point at which something is about to happen or undergo a change.

 

Wordle #959 For February 3, 2024

MICRO

A prefix meaning small used in scientific, technical, and everyday language to denote something tiny in size or on a miniature scale.

 

Wordle #958 For February 2, 2024

CLEFT

An adjective that describes something that is split or divided, often into two parts.

 

Wordle #957 For February 1, 2024

ALIVE

An adjective that is characterized by the presence of vital signs, such as respiration, heartbeat, and consciousness.

 

Wordle #956 For January 31, 2024

BULKY

An adjective used to describe something that is large, heavy, and takes up a lot of space.

Wordle Today – Answer And Hint For #986 March 1, 2024

Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Mar 1.

We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned,  then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.

 

Already Mar 2 at your location? Try our Wordle answer page for that day instead!

 

Wordle Hint Today 986 March 1, 2024

Wordle Hint Today
Today’s Wordle Hint

Here’s a hint with the meaning of today’s Wordle answer

 

A numeric value that can be arrived at by multiplying four by ten.

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter

The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“Y”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter

The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“T”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Third Letter

The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“R”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Second Letter

The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“O”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today First Letter

The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“F”

 

 

Today’s Wordle Answer

And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.

Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.

That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 350 days straight! So here goes nothing:

 

3…

 

 

2…

 

 

1…

 

 

The Wordle answer today is “FORTY”

 

 

Previous Wordle Answers With Their Definitions

 

Wordle Today – Answer And Hint For #985 February 29, 2024

 

Wordle #984 For February 28, 2024

DEVIL

A supernatural being, often depicted as evil, malevolent, or the adversary of God.

 

Wordle #983 For February 27, 2024

SENSE

As a noun, any of the five faculties through which stimuli from the external world are received and perceived: sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch.

 

Wordle #982 For February 26, 2024

OFTEN

An adverb that indicates frequency or regularity of occurrence.

 

Wordle #981 For February 25, 2024

SMITH

A common surname of English origin.

A person who works with skill and craftsmanship in the creation of various objects.

 

Wordle #980 For February 24, 2024

PIPER

A musician who plays the bagpipes, a traditional wind instrument.

 

Wordle #979 For February 23, 2024

APART

Separate or detached from something else; not connected or joined together.

 

Wordle #978 For February 22, 2024

HEAVY

Used as an adjective to indicate having great weight; difficult to lift, move, or carry due to mass or density.

 

Wordle #977 For February 21, 2024

BUILD

Used as a verb most commonly: to construct, assemble, or create something, such as a structure, or object.

 

Wordle #976 For February 20, 2024

MATCH

To be equal or corresponding to something else in quality, quantity, or significance.

 

Wordle #975 For February 19, 2024

PRICE

The amount of money or value that must be paid or exchanged to acquire goods or services.

 

Wordle #974 For February 18, 2024

RIDGE

A long, narrow, elevated area of land that forms a crest or a continuous line along the top of a mountain, or hill.

 

Wordle #973 For February 17, 2024

PSALM

A sacred song or hymn, typically from a specific titular Biblical book, which is a collection of religious poems and prayers found in the Old Testament of the Bible.

 

Wordle #972 For February 16, 2024

STASH

As a noun: a secret or hidden supply of something, typically valuable or desirable items.

As a verb: to hide or store something away, often for future use or for safekeeping.

 

Wordle #971 For February 15, 2024

ASCOT

A type of necktie or cravat that is typically worn with formal attire. It consists of a narrow strip of fabric that is folded over and tied in a manner similar to a scarf, with the ends tucked into the collar of a shirt.

 

Wordle #970 For February 14, 2024

TALON

A sharp, hooked claw of a bird of prey or a predatory animal, particularly one used for seizing and grasping prey.

 

Wordle #969 For February 13, 2024

SCRAM

An informal or colloquial verb that means to leave or go away quickly, often in a hurried or abrupt manner.

 

Wordle #968 For February 12, 2024

PASTA

A type of Italian food made from a dough typically consisting of wheat flour, water, and sometimes eggs, which is formed into various shapes and then cooked by boiling or baking.

 

Wordle #967 For February 11, 2024

NEVER

An adverb that indicates the absence of something happening or occurring at any time in the past, present, or future.

 

Wordle #966 For February 10, 2024

FRIED

An adjective that describes food that has been cooked in oil or fat until it becomes crispy and golden brown on the outside.

 

Wordle #965 For February 9, 2024

STIFF

An adjective that means inflexible, or not easily bent.

 

Wordle #964 For February 8, 2024

PLACE

A specific point or area in space, indicating where something is situated or located.

 

Wordle #963 For February 7, 2024

AFTER

A preposition that denotes the period following a certain moment or event.

 

Wordle #962 For February 6, 2024

WHICH

A pronoun, as well as an interrogative word that is used to introduce a clause that provides additional information about a noun.

 

Wordle #961 For February 5, 2024

REPEL

A verb that means to push away or drive back forcefully, or to cause strong dislike or aversion.

 

Wordle #960 For February 4, 2024

VERGE

A point at which something is about to happen or undergo a change.

 

Wordle #959 For February 3, 2024

MICRO

A prefix meaning small used in scientific, technical, and everyday language to denote something tiny in size or on a miniature scale.

 

Wordle #958 For February 2, 2024

CLEFT

An adjective that describes something that is split or divided, often into two parts.

 

Wordle #957 For February 1, 2024

ALIVE

An adjective that is characterized by the presence of vital signs, such as respiration, heartbeat, and consciousness.

 

Wordle #956 For January 31, 2024

BULKY

An adjective used to describe something that is large, heavy, and takes up a lot of space.

Warcraft III Fanfic, Murder Mysteries, and Talking Keys: An Interview With Robert Jackson Bennett

Robert Jackson Bennett is a multi-award winning and Hugo nominated author. His most recent novel and first in the new Shadow of The Leviathan trilogy is The Tainted Cup, a murder mystery featuring the brilliant and eccentric detective Ana Dolabra, and her assistant Din, who attempt to unravel the mysterious circumstances surrounding the death of an imperial officer in one of the country’s grandest mansions. Prior to The Tainted Cup, Robert wrote the Founders trilogy and the Divine Cities Trilogy.

Minus World: I heard you mention you wrote Warcraft III fanfic.

Bennett: Yeah, that was how I got started. I was on a forum waiting for Warcraft III to come out, and we weren’t sure what it would look like. There was a fanfiction section and I’d never heard of fanfiction. And because this entire world hadn’t been built out, we were able to get in and play around a lot more, and it was the first time that I’ve had people read my work and say, “I really like this. You’re pretty good at this.” And I was like, “oh shit.”

MW: So, how are you feeling now that The Tainted Cup is out there in the world in the reader’s hands?

Bennett: The odd thing about being a writer is that you live in a timeline. For example right now, I’m in the finishing stages of the sequel to the Tainted Cup and trying to make sure I stick the landing on that one. The other thing is that a lot of writing is not done publicly. There is no public acknowledgment of almost anything that I do. And I very, very rarely get to meet anyone who has ever read one of my books that isn’t related to me or someone that I’ve known for a very long time. So the way it feels right now is like you are a horse that gets to be taken out of the barn once a month and goes on a plane ride and then you go right back in the barn and you know that you’re not going to get this kind of attention for weeks, years.

MW: Because you’ve got your nose buried in your word processor.

Bennett: Right. So, it’s kind of weird where like 90% of my attention is focused on trying to get this next thing done. The remaining 10% is trying to be focused on enjoying that this is happening and people are absorbing it and seem to like it.

MW: Do you have any rituals or traditions when you finish a book?

Bennett: I used to, and I think this is my 12th book, and once you’ve done it for so many years, it just stops being interesting. It’s like the birthday of the 12th kid. You’re like, “you’re still around. That’s good.”

MW: Good job.

Bennett: Yeah. Good job. So we don’t really do that that much anymore.

MW: When you write, are you a plotter? Are you an explorer? When you had the idea for Tainted Cup was it just “I want to write a murder mystery,” and then you built around that? Or what exactly is your methodology?

Bennett: This one was a little bit more tortured than most because I knew I wanted to write a crime novel set in a fantasy empire. And I think, like a lot of writers, no matter how old they are, it’s really easy to get focused on the set dressing and all the ornamentation and the artifice as opposed to the shape of the thing. Like, “What are we doing here?” And so I told my editor that I wanted to write a murder mystery in the style of all the Nero Wolfe books by Rick Stout.

What I wrote first, Din was this tortured, drunken, crazy improvisational, almost criminal, who’d been forced into this line of work. And Ana was his controller, almost like his untouchable handler. I could feel it not working. And when I sent it to my editor, he was like, this isn’t really working. And it’s tough to explain why, but it’s not really a murder mystery. This is more like a crime novel, but it’s also not a terribly focused one. And I just sat back and thought about it for a while, and I realized that if you’re doing a murder mystery, which is predicated on problems of the unknown, like something has happened, we don’t really know what has happened, and if someone did it, we don’t know who they are. And then you also have the unknown levels of the world itself. This is a fantasy world. Where when the reader comes into it, I could be a shit bag and front load an explanation of how the world works, like how the magic and the rituals work. But if you want to do it properly, you have to organically let them comprehend what the story is and what’s happening in this world.

MW: Show don’t tell, right?

Bennett: Yeah show don’t tell. So that’s an unknown to a much larger one that’s harder to get through. And if you have a narrator or a protagonist who is unreliable, who’s erratic, who’s crazy, then also the protagonist becomes an unknown as well. And that doesn’t really work. If they are to function as the viewpoint of or the launching point for the entire story, the audience needs to feel that they’re on firmer ground. So I needed to basically switch their relationship, and this made total sense. Once I thought about it, I was like, yeah, no kidding. If you have a genius detective, they need to be the weird one and the investigator has to be the somewhat normal one.

MW: To be the one who the reader sees things through.

Bennett: Yeah. To be the “Watson.” So once I did that and I started to shape Din into someone that was a little bit more approachable, more normal, someone who’s a little young, a little stiff, a little uncertain, it all fell into place much quicker.

But I would continue to stress that you have to get a better grip on the shape of your story when you are writing something, because that informs almost all the rest of it. This happened in the sequel too, where the first half worked great and then the second half got a little bit fuzzy and my editor was like, I think that the issue here is that this functions more like a thriller than a murder mystery. In a thriller you know that a crime is happening and you are rushing to stop it. Whereas in a murder mystery, the crime has happened and you are trying to figure out who did it before they strike again. The crime has already happened. And so once that slotted into place, it all happened very quickly. Trying to grasp the shape of your story, and the beats within it, I think is very critical when you are planning almost anything.

MW: How much fun did you have designing the map for this fantasy world?

Bennett: Almost none at all. I hate maps. Maps really nail you down as a writer. You saw this in the Game of Thrones show. There was some giant battle that had to take place, and I didn’t watch the show, but I heard everybody complaining where they were saying this giant army moved like 2000 miles in two days. That’s a bunch of horse shit.

MW: You had to suspend your disbelief a little bit there.

Bennett: Yeah, but if you didn’t have a goddamn map, you could get away with that because the plot needed a giant fight to happen like this. The audience wants the giant fight. If you don’t give them the map, then they’re cool with it. They like it. Maps completely pin you in and nail you down in a way that’s very uncomfortable.

MW: I’m never designing a map ever again.

Bennett: You will find yourself in a corner where you’re like, I don’t know how to get this over here. The other thing is to make sure you don’t ever tell them the scale. Like how far is it between these two cities? And that makes it a lot harder. Readers will say, “You said it took them six months to travel this far, and two weeks to travel this far? I’m not buying it.” If you’re a writer, you are focused on the characters and the emotions and the theme. You’re probably not thinking, “Hey, I don’t think that the carriage wheels would have held out that long. They probably would have had to swap those out.” It’s all logistics. It becomes a real planning job of trying to coordinate the arrival and departures. And I became a writer explicitly because I didn’t want to have a real job like that. I don’t need to know about those things.

MW: Tell me about writing a murder mystery in a fantasy setting.

Bennett: It’s interesting to sit down to write a murder mystery in a fantasy world because these stories typically are not conducive to this kind of setting because for a murder mystery to go right a dead person has to be something that’s gone terribly wrong. It is a violation, like this shouldn’t have happened. Whereas in most fantasy stories, there’s a lot of killing like in Lord of The Rings. Like you find that if you find a dead guy in the woods at his house, you think orcs got him, and then you go on with your day. But there’s never going to be an organized, bureaucratic procedural push to figure out what happened here. That’s not going to happen.

MW: You don’t you don’t run into many detectives in Middle Earth.

Bennett: Right, so you needed to have a large, stable society. You had to have a lot of people and you had to have a system of laws and you also need a system where they had saddled people with the authority to find out what’s happening. And I quickly realized this can be fantasy, but it can’t be like the classic fantasy that we’re always thinking of because those just don’t fit like in Game of Thrones, no one gives a shit about corpses.

MW: There’s so many of them.

Bennett: Yeah. So my perspective started to shift towards something like Dune or the Book of the New Sun. Which were both like alien worlds that still have institutions that are somewhat inscrutable and uncanny but exist to exert rights and privileges.

MW: The setting for me is usually secondary. It’s more what is the story being told and who are the characters acting out the story.

Bennett: You just have to make sure you have the right components to make it go. Because if you don’t have those components, you can’t invent on the fly, “this is the guy who has the right to investigate this death.” There also has to be real consequences. That needs to be pre-built in, as opposed to, “I need to invent the circumstances for this to happen on the page.” That’s not satisfying. You don’t want to see them struggling to invent reasons to investigate the dead body. You want them to go off and start looking at the scene.

MW: I think that the opening hooks the reader immediately, and I think I think you did a really great job getting us to buy in, and want to know what happened to this person.

Bennett: And the thing that is kind of critical about that is if you’re talking about a well-ordered, well-run society, then mystically it becomes a forward facing story as opposed to a backwards facing world and fantasy. You’re always looking backwards like you used to live in the Garden of Eden. Things used to be perfect, and now we’ve been cast out and the world has fallen and we’re all trying to get back to the days where the kings and angels lived among us. So it really started to again take on the shape of science fiction, because science fiction is forward facing. It thinks that the past was crappy, but we can invent new things to make things better. We just need to have a struggle with the present now to make sure that those are enacted correctly. So it is a story with lots of beards and swords and magic and nobility and big, big armies of well-plated dudes. But at heart it looks like a fantasy, functions like a murder mystery, and a story that’s ultimately, I think, a little bit of a science fiction story.

MW: What games you are playing or have played recently or anything you’re enjoying right now in your downtime when you’re not writing?

Bennett: Thief. One of the things I’ve always been aware of because I knew that Terry Pratchett had been really into them, was the fan-made submissions that exist, and apparently there’s dozens of them out there but one came out last year and was bizarre. It’s called The Black Parade, and it looks like it’s made in 1999-2000. The levels are great and they’ve put a ton of work and energy into it, and it looks awesome. So I’ve been really enjoying that and taking some inspiration from it because there are few games that get Lovecraftian in a way that’s super fun. Thief was always really good at that because the world would change on a dime and there was no preparation for it, which is probably what it’s like to actually fall into a Lovecraftian story.

MW: Yeah, dealing with the old ones and Eldritch Gods.

Bennett: And The Black Parade carries on that tradition of making you feel unnervingly close to being in a realm that you should not be in.

MW: One of the things I love most about the Founders trilogy is the magic system, and one of the things I enjoyed most about it was Clef tricking these things to go against their programming just because no one accounted for that. And I’ve been thinking a lot about that as AI has become more prevalent. In the later books, I think it ties even more closely to what we’re seeing now with AI. If you were writing Foundryside, Shorefall, and Locklands right now would you use what’s happening right now to inform you how you wrote those books?

Bennett: Probably a little bit. I probably would have done something a little different because I wouldn’t have wanted to pull it too directly from reality. The idea came to me when I was thinking about a cyberpunk story, about a world where the buildings are alive and each one has their own AI, and a girl who lives on the rooftops. This is also taken from a video game. What was it? Transistor which has a sentient weapon with a soul trapped inside. I was thinking about a girl with a key or like a key card like that. Where she could talk to the buildings and let her move through them, and it wasn’t until later that I started thinking about trying to write a fantasy series that would work with code that I was like, “Yeah, I already have this in the back of my head.” I think I really beat the buzzer on that because that only had a shelf life of a couple more years.

MW: It put the speculative in speculative fiction.

Bennett: Yeah it is. It is super weird to see people reference Clef and tweets and things about LLMs.

MW: I’ve seen people tricking the chats on a car dealerships websites into generating programs in Python.

Bennett: Yeah I think that one also they were trying to get it to contractually give them a cars for $2. Occasionally I have people ask me, “Why don’t you write science fiction?” And my take is that the world has become so incomprehensible and strange that I don’t know if science fiction can really handle it. And it’s much simpler to remove the circumstances to a secondary world where the weirdness of our current lives goes more at home and it gives you more stable footing to examine what’s happening right now.

MW:  Just the way that the world is presented didn’t feel pure fantasy to me. You’ve described it as cyberpunk yourself, and the Corpos remind me of when I was out in Silicon Valley and I visited a bunch of the different tech campuses. You have all these giant corporations siloed off from one another, and they might play nice on the surface, but you have skullduggery that happens like trying to poach engineers and things from the other companies. Did you draw any inspiration at all for the campos within Foundryside from Silicon Valley?

Bennett: Yes, absolutely. I became aware that I was stunting on the phase where each had their own style and culture and what they were making. And if I recall I kind of stumbled into the Campos thing. I was going to call the names of all the neighborhoods that were owned by the merchant houses, Capos, because the capo in Italian means “the head”  but then that started to feel stupid. So I changed it to Campos and it wasn’t until later that I realized that campus is what Apple and Google and all of them called their own things. Which was kind of hilarious that I kind of backed my way into that one. But it’s also kind of funny because in that story, we’re in an era where they have been around for decades, but they’re all starting to look a little bit decrepit or they’re no longer making too many cool things. And, you know, that kind of feels like where we’re at right now because like five or six years ago, I would have said that Google does the coolest things in the world. Now on Google search it’s getting measurably shittier and is returning more and more garbage. And they’re also like they kind of have screwed up the game with A.I. where they were the ones who were leading the charge there and then someone else came along.

MW: And ate their lunch.

Bennett: Yeah, and it’s kind of funny about how these things grow very sclerotic and rigid, and you get stuck in your own ways and you don’t even realize it.

MW: Yeah. And the next big thing comes along. But now you’re so big you can just swallow them up before they have a chance to truly compete with you.

Bennett: Yeah. So things never really progress or start to compete. Yeah, that’s, that’s the problem. And instead you can waste a bunch of money on VR like Meta which spent like a moon landing’s worth of money trying to create the metaverse.

MW: One of the things I really enjoyed in the Founders trilogy was the tonal shift between the books, because you’re telling very different, like it’s a lot of the same characters, but the story that you’re telling starts with a heist and then the big bad shows up and then the last book is eight years after the events of the second book, and you’re dealing with nation building. How did you reach the point where you said, “This is how I need to tell this story?” Did it just come to you naturally or did you spend a lot of time pondering what Shorefall is going to be? What is Locklands going to be? How far out had you plotted Sancia’s journey?

Bennett: I took a lot of inspiration from Halt and Catch Fire. Maybe the last great cyberpunk businessy show. It’s in the eighties, but what’s really great about it is that it jumps through the ages of technology where it upends all the characters and they change circumstances and they change locations. So someone who’s on top of one suddenly becomes someone who is much less powerful in the next one. And months, if not years pass between the two, which I think is the appropriate scope of time to examine the pace of change for technology. Which is kind of what I wanted to do with that series. I did something similar for all the Divided Cities books. For that, I had taken some inspiration from The Wire, which was very happy to hop around and follow a new protagonist where you saw old characters, but someone else was definitely leading the charge of the current season. Someone new was there.

But in the Founders trilogy I pursued the Halt and Catch Fire perspective, and I always knew that I wanted it to end in something that was akin to a war where technology had broken down the barriers of a society so much. It had changed how we move real world things around and contort the real world so that eventually it led to the emergence of something akin to an AI they all had to fight. A magical AI was an interesting concept. And the more that I thought about it, the more I was like, “This is completely terrifying.”

MW: Robert, thank you for taking the time and I’m really looking forward to diving into The Tainted Cup.

Bennett: Awesome. Thank you so much.

Report: It Becoming Increasingly Clear Friend’s Fishing Story Based in Dredge

Phoenix, AR – A local friend group has begun to realize that Luiz Manual, one of their own, has been basing the stories from his recent fishing trip on the popular 2023 indie game Dredge.

“I’ve known Luiz since we were in elementary school,” said Sophia Patel, a friend of Manual’s. “We’ve lived in Phoenix our entire lives. He never left the city until suddenly he’s gone for a week and comes back saying he went on a fishing trip and starts telling all these outlandish stories. Even without all the leviathans, ghost sharks, and ‘mind suckers’, his stories are too far-fetched to believe. What boating experience does he have to be able to sail a boat all by himself?”

We reached out to Manual to hear more about his alleged fishing trip.

“So there I was, just me and my boat, sailing into the fog,” told Manual. “The locals had warned me not to go out at night, but I needed to catch some arrow squid for the Fishmonger. If not for my ship’s light, I wouldn’t have been able to see my hand in front of my face. What I did see was another ship, sailing in circles in the black water. I was shocked that there was another boat out so late, and assumed they must be lost. I blew my foghorn, and it turned and sailed straight towards me. When it got closer I realized I had been tricked. The ship was not a ship at all, but a lure attached to a giant anglerfish, swimming at me with hungry eyes and jaws gaping…”

While certainly entertaining, many elements of his story will certainly sound familiar to gamers who may have played Dredge.

“Maybe I’m too trusting, because I believed him at first,” said James Williams, another friend of Manual’s. “I mean, I live in Phoenix. What do I know about the ocean? Then I was on the PlayStation Store and saw a game called Dredge was on sale. Thirty minutes into playing it and I realized where he got all his stories from. I don’t even think he went on any trip at all. I think he was just cooped up in his apartment for a week playing Dredge. Why not just say that? Maybe he was embarrassed.”

We reached out to Manual again and pointed out the similarities of his stories with the story elements in Dredge, and he simply shrugged it off.

“If you don’t believe that story, you’re definitely not gonna believe this last trip I went on, where instead of fishing, I was in a submarine exploring the dark depths, and encountered even more terrifying monsters,” said Manual.

While on the phone with Benjamin, our Hard Drive staff member could hear the soundtrack for Subnautica playing in the background.

An Open Letter to My Friend Who Should Really Buy This New Game With Me

Dear Friend,

I was just browsing through Steam and discovered a new early access survival crafting game, and I think we should buy it.

Now I know what you’re saying: “What about the last early access survival crafting game we all bought? The one we played once for three hours and never touched again,” and to that I say, which one are you talking about exactly? Because that could be any one of a dozen games that I begged you to purchase.

But don’t worry. This time will be different. This game is unique. It has an intricate base building system, allowing you to create any structure you can imagine. We will use it to build an unlit hole in the ground that is filled with unsorted boxes of garbage. It has a unique magic system that we will ignore in favor of just hitting guys with big metal sticks. It has a grappling hook. You like grappling hooks, right?

Okay, so maybe we don’t need a new survival game, but we need something to play. Sure, we have dozens of multiplayer games already, but we really need something new. I heard Tekken 8 was good. I know I play hundreds of hours of fighting games and always crush you, but maybe this will be the one where you’re finally better than me!

Or we could pick up a new party game? Something like Overcooked? Yes, I remember that the last time we played Overcooked you said if I ever so much as suggested it again you would kill me, but that was a long time ago and I think it’s worth another shot.

Oh, this one looks good – it’s an early access survival crafting game that I promise is nothing like the others, and it’s even on sale right now! Oh, wait, never mind, we already own that one and it looks like you gave it a negative review.

Well, I’m out of ideas. Wanna just play Elden Ring again?

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth Pre-order DLC Bonus Unlock And Claim

There is a host of pre-order DLC bonuses for Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth, based on both pre-order edition purchased, as well as purchase region. If you’re stumped about what to do and where to go, in order to claim it, here’s a brief walkthrough of the entire process.

 

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth Pre-order DLC Bonus Install

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth Pre-order DLC Bonus
Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth Pre-order DLC Bonus

Generally speaking, the pre-order DLC bonus should’ve installed successfully right alongside the main game. Confirmation of that will be received upon launching the game when you see the dialog pictured above.

If the dialog does NOT appear, simply head on over to the PlayStation 5’s Home screen, navigate to the the game tile for Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth, and press the Options button on your controller. Select “Manage Game Content” in the context menu that appears. Aside from the ‘Main Data’ section which will have the game itself listed, there ought to be an ‘Add-ons’ section beneath which will list any available DLC. If the DLC states ‘Not installed’, then simply press <X> on the down-arrow button to its right, to force an install.

If the bonus IS installed but isn’t being detected, select the trashcan icon to its right, press <X>, and confirm deletion in the following dialog. Then proceed on to force an installation as mentioned above.

 

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth Pre-order DLC Bonus Unlock

The unlock criteria is fairly simply and happens early on in the game. Simply launch Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth, and proceed through Chapter 1 until you are past the flashback in Nibelheim. Once that save data exists on your PlayStation 5 console, you can carry on to the next step.

 

MORE IN HELLDIVERS 2:

 

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth Pre-order DLC Bonus Claim

With the unlock criteria fulfilled, simply access the Main Menu, and browse to:

  • System
    • DLC/Bonuses

You will be presented with a list of additional content or bonus items, which is based on purchase region, physical versus digital edition, as well as standard versus deluxe edition.

Hit <X> to confirm and <X> again to close the dialog. The bonus item is now claimed to your account permanently.

 

Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth Release Date, Time, Day 1 Patch

 

That’s everything on unlocking and claiming all of your pre-order DLC bonuses in Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth on PlayStation 5.

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