Bill Watterson Coming Out of Retirement to Finish Berserk Manga

CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, Ohio — Bill Watterson, the beloved cartoonist and creator of the Calvin and Hobbes series, is coming out of his 28-year retirement to finish Kentaro Miura’s dark fantasy manga, Berserk.

Watterson happily explained the decision in a recent, rare meeting with the press.

“Not many people know this, but I’m a huge weeb. I’ve read Miura’s work cover to cover at least 15 times now,” Watterson said, sitting in the suburban home where he has lived quietly for decades. “When I got the chance to finish out this story and make a new name for myself as a mangaka, I just had to grab that 408-pound opportunity by the handle and take a swing!”

While fans of both Calvin and Hobbes and Berserk were excited to hear about Watterson’s return and the potential completion of the series, respectively, the announcement seems to have confused just about everyone.

“I grew up on this stuff, so I’m pretty excited,” said local comics fan Thomas Gneisz. “What? Oh, Calvin and Hobbes, not Berserk. Yeesh, man. I don’t know exactly how the cartoony art style is going to lend itself to the story, but I saw the previews and Calvin looks pretty good in the Berserker armor.”

Watterson has not explicitly stated what direction he’ll be taking to reach Berserk’s end point, but he assured fans of both series that Miura’s work is in good hands.

“I know this might seem out-of-the-blue for fans of either series, but I think that they actually have a lot in common,” Watterson insisted. “A strong-willed lad making his way through a confusing world while sometimes speaking with a ferocious beast living in his head? The parallels are pretty plain to me. I can’t wait to show you all what I’ve been up to.”

Watterson hasn’t set a release date for any new materials, but inside sources speculate that the Egg of the Perfect World may be retconned into a thrilling conclusion of the noodle incident arc.

Love Pokemon But Craving The Psychosexual Horrors of Hell? Try Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne

There comes a time in every trainer’s life where they must face the seemingly inevitable doom of the universe, and beat up at least one god who is determined to make it happen. Yes, we’ve all been there — Arceus, Giratina, Kyogre, and even Lucifer the Fallen Angel.

Please, Demi-fiend, have some strawberry candies. Some Werther’s Originals, perhaps…?

As it was first conceived by Satoshi Tajiri, Pokemon is all about collecting funny little guys. More specifically, it’s about the companionship and emotional intimacy between humans and the otherworldly beasts that surround them. Pokemon themselves govern the fate of the world and everything in it — the guidance, compassion, and hubris of humanity may interact with these higher forces, but can never fully control them.

In much the same way, Shin Megami Tensei is deeply invested in its lofty cosmic hierarchies and their clashes with humanity. It is also deeply invested in its own host of funny little guys (and frighteningly large, less funny guys with huge schlongs). Despite their harlotry and flesh-eating and bloodsucking, I find myself bonding with demons the same way I might bond with a team of Pokemon. Sure, they could slaughter me if they wanted to, but our shared convictions keep their violence at bay. Or maybe that’s just what I keep telling myself — maybe, in a world where only the strong survive, I’m always grasping for some shred of compassion amid darkness and uncertainty. Perhaps that is part of Nocturne‘s appeal: it calls your human inclinations into question, making you more acutely aware of who you are, what you believe in, and what type of monstrous debauchery gets you off. 

Get you a game that can do both.

Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne is thrilling in more ways than one: if you’re tired of Pokemon‘s rather bland, vanilla turn-based battles, Nocturne will either impress you or make you want to rip out your hair. It’s the first title in the SMT series to introduce the Press Turn system (something that you may take for granted if you’re experienced in Persona) — if you score a critical hit or nail an enemy’s weakness, you’ll get an extra turn to continue fighting. With the right moves, you’ll keep your opponents on the back foot (or claw, tongue, slime puddle, so on). The turns move quickly and feel just as high-stakes as an action game with this additional factor, prompting you to strategize efficiently and zip through battles without mercy. It makes Pokemon look about as thrilling as Candy Land.

One of the most thrilling aspects of Nocturne‘s gameplay, aside from the Press Turn system, is Negotiation. You can’t really debate-club your way out of a Pokemon battle, and whenever you lose, you forfeit your cash to the guy who kicked your ass. Boriiiing. In Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne, things get spicier: you could schmooze with and forfeit your entire inventory to Decarabia, and he would still kill you and spit on your corpse.

Welcome to the Vortex World, baby!

Decarabia, left, whose mascara job puts Staryu’s swagless eye-thing to shame.

Demons are all kinds of crooked and nasty. You can appeal to their vanities and vices in a variety of ways: nagging them, brainwashing them, and even getting them drunk enough to join your party. You can also seduce them, to which some might respond that your demon is “a hot piece of ass”. Indeed, demons pull even more pussy than a Ditto in day care. Ripping each other apart and fornicating to death is a normal hobby for demons the same way that an average human likes knitting or baseball, or a Pokemon likes the taste of sandwiches.

Imagine: your hometown rival shows up tits-out, and Arceus is on his team.

Oh, but the psychosexual horrors don’t end there. Watching the Demi-fiend and his two human classmates gradually lose themselves in the corruption of the Vortex World will make you feel itchier in your own skin. What would become of you in a post-human world? Would you succumb to your darkest urges, and start growing a big tree arm to show for it? Are you prepared to carry the burden of humanity’s vices and virtues to breathe life into a world of your own making? Are you afraid? Are you horny? Perhaps both? Would you even recognize yourself among the hordes of demons, when all is said and done? Only one way to find out — you gotta fuse ’em all.

Overall, you should give Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne a try if…

  • You would have loved nothing more than to live in Giratina’s Distortion World in Pokemon Platinum.
  • Arguing with sentient starfish and little snowmen sounds fun.
  • You’ve got an eye for puzzle-like boss battles that require quick thinking in a snappier turn-based format.

Otherwise, you should probably steer clear if…

  • You are squeamish at the sight of violence and sexual depravity.
  • You hate teleportation puzzles and poisonous floors.
  • A giant penis made of slime is too much for you to handle (physically and/or emotionally).

Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne is available for the Nintendo Switch, PS4, and PC. We hee-hope you enjoy it! [lasso ref=”shin-megami-tensei-iii-nocturne-hd-remaster-nintendo-switch” id=”23173″ link_id=”3889″]

Call of Duty MW2 Loading Screen Guide: How to Change & Unlock

There are a plethora of customization options in Call of Duty MW2, including loading screens. From numerous operators to loads of gun skins available, there is no shortage of customization in the title. You truly have the power to express yourself and your creativity in a large variety of ways, with some of the options more known than others.

Loading screens are another fun customization option in Modern Warfare 2, although it isn’t as easy to show off as other features. You can actually customize these and change them if you choose to do so, which is a feature that gets overlooked quite often. Let’s dive in and explore just how you can interact with this feature!

How to Change Loading Screens in Modern Warfare 2

How to change a loading screen in call of duty MW2.

To change the loading screen in MW2, you will need to follow the following steps:

  • Head into a lobby of your choosing by selecting a game mode at the launch screen.
  • Once in the lobby, head over to the “CUSTOMIZE” tab, which is located in the middle of your screen.
  • Select Loading Screen, which is the last option.
  • Pick your loading screen of choice!

One of the neat things about this feature is that you are also able to select the randomize option, which will shuffle through the various loading screens that you already have in your lobby.

As for how you can obtain these loading screens, the simplest way is to either purchase a bundle from the store or opt to grind out the battle pass. You will be rewarded with new loading screens each season, so after a few go by you’ll have plenty to choose from in your locker. With the bundles, you will unlock loading screens that are specific to the bundle and operator you chose to buy.

That’s all you need to know about custom MW2 loading screens! Looking for more Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 guides? Check out our Tempus Torrent Loadout Guide here!

Marvel Studios Seals Exits After Guard Find Tom Holland’s Cage Mysteriously Empty

BURBANK, Calif. — Marvel Studios has reportedly sealed all exits and shuttered all doors and entered an emergency state after a guard found Tom Holland’s cage mysteriously empty.

“I was just doing my regular hourly patrol, and then I saw Specimen Holland didn’t report in for role call,” Marvel Studios security officer Greg Rialto said. “I noticed the bars on his cage had been chewed through. I guess cold, hungry, and naked, he slipped out into the facility. I always had a soft spot for him; sometimes I would sneak him an extra little treat into his gruel at suppertime, but if I find him, I have no choice but to beat him in front of the other Avengers actors. It’s just standard policy.”

Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige released a statement about the Spider-Man actor’s daring escape.

“He may have gotten out, but he won’t get far,” said Feige. “It’s only a matter of time until we find him. He’s gotta come out eventually. Luckily, we train for this exact scenario, if one of our contracted stars wants out of the MCU, they’re going to have to be a lot craftier than this. You think Robert Downey Jr. didn’t pull some elaborate bullshit over the decade he was Iron Man? We’ve insulated this fort against every possible scenario. The only way you’re gangly ass is getting out of Marvel is in a body bag.”

Other MCU actors seemed optimistic about Holland’s chances to break out.

“Please, just one of us needs to get out of here,” said Benedict Cumberbatch from his Marvel Containment Unit. “If anyone can do it, it’s him. He’s the only one who isn’t too muscular to slink and shimmy past the laser grid, but still strong enough to defeat the guards. I don’t know if anyone will ever escape this building, but at least Tom gives me some hope that one day someone might.”

At press time, sources at Marvel reported that, even if Holland were able to leave Marvel Studios, he would only have an hour of freedom until he contractually had to report to his cell at Sony.

Hideo Kojima and Wife Debate Naming Son Either ‘Michael’ or ‘Fragile-Babyman’

TOKYO — Legendary game producer Hideo Kojima and his wife have recently welcomed a new son into the world, but the couple is split on whether to name their child either ‘Michael’ or ‘Fragile-Babyman.’

“Someone has to intervene on this,” Kojima’s wife said, preferring to keep her name anonymous. “I thought he was kidding around when he pitched Fragile-Babyman or Tiny-Infantboy, but he keeps pushing them and it’s not funny anymore. Has he never met someone with a real name before? Does he think our son is going to stay a baby forever? Many questions I have about this situation are going unanswered. I don’t even really like the name ‘Michael,’ I just need a counterpoint so our son doesn’t end up being teased on the playground for being named ‘FetusMan.’”

Hideo Kojima defended his choice of name for his son.

“Is he not fragile? Is he not a baby? These things are true about him,” Kojima said. “A name should reflect his truth, and he is a fragile little baby man. Why beat around the bush? Name the child Fragile-Babyman so people know. I told Helen if she doesn’t like that name, we can just also name him five additional names as well, after the child’s various fears, weaknesses, and insecurities. Also, I said I would be fine naming him ‘Michael-Man,’ provided he has a traumatic memory involving someone named Michael from his past. This did not please her.”

At press time, sources reported that the couple finally decided to agree on naming the child after a character in one of Kojima’s games: Hideo Kojima.

Tchia Crab Costume Guide: Where to Get the Crab Costume

Collecting all of the cosmetics in Tchia is quite an undertaking, as there are quite a lot of them scattered around the multiple islands you’ll explore throughout the game. However, you’ll be rewarded with both trophies and incredibly cute costumes for your hero. If you’re after Tchia‘s Crab Costume and its corresponding trophy “Snip Snip”, however, you can score it fairly early in the game by visiting a specific place. We’ll tell you where to find it below.

How to Get the Crab Costume in Tchia

The location of the crab costume in Tchia.

The Crab Costume can be purchased in a small encampment called Tingeting located in the southeastern section of the island Ija Noj. You’ll visit this island near the beginning of the game, so you won’t have to wait terrible long to get the costume. When you arrive at Tingeting, you can find the suit for sale next to the building here in the same area as the claw machine. Buying it will run you 10x Clam Pearls and 15x Braided Trinkets.

Of course, simply buying the Crab Costume won’t score you the “Snip Snip” trophy, if that’s what you’re after. To get the trophy, you’ll need to rest at any campfire and then equip the full costume, which includes the suit, hat, and backpack. Once you’ve got everything equipped, the “Snip Snip” trophy should pop. But more importantly, you’ll look like an adorable crab!

Looking to get other cosmetics in Tchia? Check out our guide on how to use Tchia‘s claw machine!

Tchia Claw Machine Guide: How to Use Claw Machine

Tchia has a wide selection of cosmetics to find while exploring its jungles, beaches, and open oceans. Many of these are found in chests or by purchasing them using collectibles you’ve discovered around the islands, but there are also two claw machines in the game, each offering five golden prize balls that contain unique clothing items. We’ll tell you how to use the claw machine below.

How to Use the Claw Machine in Tchia

When you approach a claw machine, you’ll notice that it won’t work right away. Instead, you’ll need to open your backpack and select a trophy to drop in the slot on the right, which will earn you three tries at collecting prizes. It doesn’t matter what type of trophy you drop in the slot (bronze, silver, or gold), as they all grant you the same three opportunities. 

If you don’t have any trophies to operate Tchia‘s claw machine, you can earn them by completing any of the various challenges found on the islands, such as races and shooting galleries. Additionally, the standard prize balls inside the claw machine will reward you with one trophy, which you can then reinsert for more chances at those coveted golden prize balls. 

As for tips on how to actually grab those golden prize balls, there’s not much to offer. Your best bet is to work on lining the claw up directly over the center of the ball you want to grab, but due to the awkward angle of the camera during this minigame, that’s easier said than done. Like real life claw machines, this can be frustrating, as it’s just as much about luck as it is about skill. Keep at it, though!

That’s all you need to know about using the claw machine in Tchia! Enjoy fishing for those new outfits. If you want another cool outfit, check out our guide on where to get the crab costume.

Resource Management Game Villager Just Got to Town and Is Ready to Fuck

THE VILLAGE — A new person named Villager 2 has arrived to town with crafting knowledge and a desire to fuck someone, according go to those familiar with the situation.

“Here’s the deal, I’ve only existed for a short time, but I know everything I need to know about cutting wood, fishing, and making more of me,” Villager 2 said. “So when I came into town, I knew exactly what I wanted and how to get it: I approach another person, take them into a poorly-constructed house, and if we’re lucky we get a few sound effects before the both of us abruptly leave the house minutes later with a new baby. You know, fucking.”

The town’s original resident, Farmer, had been picking carrots from a garden outside their home when Villager 2 arrived. 

“I had been doing the same repetitive action for the past 75 hours,” explained Farmer while continuing to pick carrots, “and that’s when I saw them. They said something so romantic I’ll remember it forever: ‘you have the most beautiful legs, arms, and a head I’ve ever seen, because that’s basically all you have.’ Then I was swept off my feet; we went into my house for a few hours, and eventually a baby came. I was confused during the entire fucking process but now I’m as happy as a villager can be.”

Though one town resident is happy, the other has reservations. 

“I don’t know the first thing about raising no kid; I’ve barely been in this village a day, and who knows where I was before that,” said Villager 2, who changed their name to Logger after beginning to chop logs. “All we can hope is that the little one grows up soon so it can help its parents around the house. I mean that’s why we’re put here, to get more food and wood ready to make more food and wood, and fuck. So by that measure, having more people to make stuff just makes sense. I just hope I can tell us all apart because I’d hate to fuck my offspring by mistake.”

As of press time, Villager 3 had grown to a full adult, and began arguing with their parents after being named Miner because they wanted to be named Musician.

“It’s Easier to Learn as You Play,” Says Man Who Forgot Rules of Board Game

SIMSBURY, Conn. — A local man was seen bluffing his way through an explanation of a new board game’s rules by saying that it was easier to figure out by just trying it, sources close to the situation confirmed. 

“So when it’s your turn, you have three — you have, like, four options,” explained Steve Daly, who was trying to inconspicuously look up a quick-play guide on his phone. “But you won’t really get it unless you just dive right in. It’s just, like, hard to explain unless you’re actually doing it. Honestly, I learned it by watching a YouTube video. Maybe we should do that? Watch one quick playthrough before we get started?”

Some of the potential players, including game night regular Jake McKenna, questioned Daly’s understanding of the game’s core mechanics.

“When he showed up with that huge box and said he had something different for us to try, I knew where this was headed,” said McKenna, who shared that the group hasn’t actually completed a single game in months. “It took him three tries to get the name right. The Eleven Major Transit Hubs of Western-Central Europe is a mouthful, but if you can’t even remember that, how are you gonna remember every detail of the 47-page rulebook? I knew we should have just played Catan.”

Wilhelm Günther, creator of the game, argues that the mechanics are actually intuitive and easy to learn.

“I see so many comments on the internet saying that my game is difficult, or that there are too many rules,” said Günther, who has received several awards for board game design. “This is not true. If you take a moment to think about the game, all of the rules revolve around just a few fundamental concepts. So, for instance, if another player challenges your stake in a railroad, you have four choices, or maybe five. Yes, five choices. You can, um, consolidate? Or maybe it’s — I think it’s going to be easier to show you. Grab a seat; this will only take a few hours.”

At press time, several sources present at the game night confirmed that Daly had remembered an important mechanic halfway through the game and told the group they should really start over.

Like Cards With Pretty Drawings But Hate Reading & Math? Try Inscryption!

There’s a certain tactile magic to trading card games. The beautiful illustrations, the flavor text, the color palettes. It’s a potent mix, especially when almost all of them are adapted from or paired with a larger IP like Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh. These are the elements that draw us in, and after some investment, it’s the gameplay, collecting, and community that make us stay.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but nothing has ever sounded more fucking lame to me than the latter. Cool drawings of monsters? Hell yeah, sign me up. Having to meet and hang out with antisocial strangers? Learning a bunch of contrived, constantly changing rules? Staying ahead of some deck obsoletion curve? Doing fucking mental math? Not in a million years.

This has always been my dilemma. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve loved collecting all types of these cards. But every crack I take at actually using them as intended, I almost immediately lose interest. Even with digital versions that forgo the chunks of laminated cardboard, it feels as though there’s even less incentive with the physical collecting aspect now subtracted.

Then I found Inscryption.

When the initial buzz first became apparent in early 2021, I was quick to disregard it as another run-of-the-mill deckbuilder. It wasn’t until I’d seen actual gameplay that everything started to click. This is a game made exactly for people like me. It takes the essential components that make up the average TCG, and boils them down to their most simplistic, core functions. Is this number higher than the other number? Great, then it beats the other number. Rarely is it ever more complex than that.

It also makes the entire chase of deck building almost null save for some new game plus challenges towards the end. Being a roguelike, you hit the ground running with whatever hand you’re dealt, collecting loose additional cards as you go. You’re not forced to do hours of homework and ponder over what sets to choose from, you’re thrown to the wolves. Here’s what you got, figure it out. Repeated runs are crucial to learning the ropes of this process, but it’s so fluid and genuinely fun you never consciously clock it. The way it should be!

The description thus far may sound to some like all of the immersion and nuance present in typical TCGs has been sapped entirely, leaving you with a smoothed over, bumper-bowling version of the usual fare. This couldn’t be further from the truth, as the narrative is truly what binds it all together. It’s not the conceit you’re almost always asked of with these things, to buy into the fantasy lore that exists within the hokey, intangible world of the cards. Rather you, yourself, are directly at the center of it all as an unwilling participant, kidnapped by some fucked up freak in the woods, forced to play rounds of this macabre card game against your captor in some remote cabin. Think Misery if Kathy Bates spent the whole movie forcing James Caan to get super into Magic with her.

The cards themselves are also an aesthetic all their own that are perfectly in tune with the rest of the game. You’re not gonna be dealing with Grokgnarr the Destroyer or some other pulp fantasy horseshit, it’s like – squirrels and bugs. Stuff that you can actually find outside. As the meta escalates, you’ll encounter things like birds, bears, and wolves, all stylized in this vaguely gothic manner that serves to complement the rest of the game. Something about being held captive in a cabin, forced to play with drawings of rats? Just plain works.

As if the premise of this alone wasn’t enough to carry a decent 10 hours or more, the story delves further and further into new, bizarre territory that simply cannot be anticipated. The fourth wall is smashed to pieces, rebuilt, and smashed again. It’s a marvel. I’d be remiss, however, to allot this praise without also noting that this often ambitious, occasionally genre-bending experimentation does not come without missteps and growing pains. Stark transitions in story and gameplay can be jarring to some, and a hard stomp on the brakes of momentum to others. For me, that change of pace flung my ass clean outta the windshield and onto the pavement. So keep in mind a proverbial seat belt and open mind is imperative for getting the most out of your experience.

In conclusion, if you’re sick of beating your head against the wall when it comes to the world of funny little rectangles with words and drawings, look no further than Inscryption. By the umpteenth hour of charging headlong into a new run, things will be so quietly and efficiently cemented in your mind that you’ll forget you ever had to learn it. It just comes to you. A far cry from the seemingly endless research and rulebook scrubbing of other contemporary card games.

Inscryption might be for you if:

  • You want all the pleasures of the TCG experience without any nerd-ass academia
  • You’re into roguelikes
  • Harbor a deep-seeded sadism for small rodents

It might not be for you if:

  • You get off on doing homework
  • Are expecting linear, traditional narrative & gameplay
  • Do not harbor a deep-seeded sadism for small rodents

You can get Inscryption on PC, PlayStation 4 & 5, or Nintendo Switch.

Stay Updated on The Latest Punk News

Get the latest punk news delivered straight to your inbox

We'll store and process this information to provide you our products and services. You may opt out of this at any time.