Brody R Thompson, Author at Hard Drive

RANKED: Every Single Game in the ‘Hollow Knight’ Franchise

Posted on April 15, 2023 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

The Hollow Knight franchise is one of the most iconic in all of video games, let alone indie games. When the first game in the series was released in 2017, the refreshing take on the metroidvania genre took the gaming world by storm, inspiring a massive fandom and a slew of similar looking games. But how do all of Team Cherry’s released Hollow Knight games stack up against each other? Let’s take a dive into Hallownest and do the difficult work of ranking every single Hollow Knight game.

#1 — Hollow Knight (2017)

Well, I think just about everyone expected to see this one in the top spot. How can you talk about the Hollow Knight games without the 2017 classic that kicked off the whole series? It’s pretty crazy to look back, all these years later, and see where it all went. But at the end of the day, the original Hollow Knight is still a masterpiece the likes of which has not been reproduced by any metroidvania indie game. Who knows when Team Cherry’s next release will be, but hopefully it can be as cool and fun as Hollow Knight!

And that’s our ranking of every single Hollow Knight game. Be sure to share this article with your own rankings to see how they compare and contrast with ours!

Pokemon Violet Typhlosion Location Guide: How to Get Typhlosion

Posted on April 14, 2023 by Parker Johnson

Another new starter Pokemon, Typhlosion, is coming to Pokemon Scarlet & Violet. After making its return as a starter Pokemon in the recent spin-off Pokemon Legends Arceus, Typhlosion has now made its way to the Paldea region. Here is a complete guide on where to find & how to get Typhlosion in Pokemon Scarlet & Violet.

How to Catch Typhlosion in Pokemon Scarlet & Violet

Much like when other starter Pokemon, like Greninja, came to Pokemon Scarlet & Violet, there are two methods to obtain a Typhlosion of your own. This Pokemon won’t be available in the wild. This gives you two options to obtain Typhlosion: beat it in the limited-time Tera Raid event, or receive Typhlosion (or one of its pre-evolutions) through a trade.

The more surefire way to get Typhlosion in Pokemon Violet & Scarlet is through the limited-time seven-star raid event. This Tera Raid event is scheduled for two weekends: April 14-16 will be your first chance to get your hands on this rare Pokemon. The second will be during the weekend of April 21-23. Beware, though, this raid battle won’t be easy.

In a reference to its new Hisuian form in Pokemon Legends Arceus, this Typhlosion will have the Tera type ghost. It also features a tough moveset with the following moves:

Eruption
Shadow Ball
Play Rough
Earthquake

Some suggested counters for this battle include Daschbun, Houndoom, Honchcrow, & Goodra. You can find these dens by looking for dens marked with the ghost type symbol on the world map. Also, make sure you meet the following conditions for unlocking seven-star raids:

Finish the final quest, “The Way Home”
Complete all 8 gym leader rematches
Win the Academy Ace Tournament
Host many 5 star raids and get a call from Jacq

Other than the raid, the only way to get a Typhlosion in Pokemon Scarlet & Violet is through trades. The only real reliable way to do this is to have a friend who took on and defeated the raid, and have them breed you a Cyndaquil. Alternatively, you could get lucky and have a good samaritan on Surprise Trade send you one.

Those are all of the ways to currently get a Typhlosion in Pokemon Scarlet & Violet! It’s also worth noting that more methods could be on the way. Pokemon Home compatibility with Scarlet & Violet is stated to be coming in Spring 2023, so here’s hoping that players won’t have to wait long until they can transfer Typhlosions of their own to the Paldea region.

Everything We Regrettably Know About Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

Posted on April 14, 2023 by Camden Brazile

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 comes out May 5, 2023 and fans are certain it’s going to be the best MCU movie since the last time there was a good one. Maybe one of the Spider-Man movies? I dunno. Anyway, here’s all the things we know, for better or for worse, about the upcoming Guardians movie.

Who will die?

Cinema.

Will James Gunn’s brother Sean be in tt?

Sean Gun is rumored to return as the CGI stand-in for Rocket Raccoon, Groot, Drax, Gamora, Mantis, and Star Lord

Will the VFX Artists get to work less than 13 Hours a day?

Look. You want the movie in May or not?

Will this director-driven ensemble comedy finally bring Marvel out of the soulless, boring slog of the last two years?

No.

What amazing retro songs will be on the soundtrack?

Marvel has attempted to cut costs by using only public domain songs, including a tragic death scene of Rocket Raccoon while ‘Hot Cross Buns’ solemnly plays

What will the post-credits scene be?

A big A-List celebrity you know will walk onscreen and say “Hello, I am this character from the comics. I will be in the next movie” to raucous applause.

What will the film be rated?

2.5 stars on Letterboxd

Man Instinctively Mutters “GG” After Losing Custody of Children

Posted on April 14, 2023 by Cameron Snow

NEW YORK — In the conclusion of a grueling two-year legal battle, local carpenter and recent divorcee Adam Hartley, 34, instinctively muttered “GG” immediately after losing custody of his children, sources confirmed.

“I had no control over it. I guess it was a reflex I developed from all those years of online gaming,” explained Hartley after giving his children one final hug. “And that reflex got triggered when the judge took away my right to be involved in my children’s lives from this day forward. It was an oddly familiar feeling: my palms began to sweat, my heart started to sink — have you ever lost that final 1v1 in Warzone? Your whole squad yelling in your ears to shoot at the bushes, but you went prone to try to shove another armor plate on and you get shot at the last second? It was pretty much like that. Now why don’t we run that shit back, scrubs?”

Connie Strickman, Hartley’s ex-wife, was surprised at Hartley’s reaction to the ruling.

“I was fully expecting Adam to flip a table and start cursing wildly,” said Strickman, “but instead he just calmly muttered ‘GG,’ reached to remove a headset that wasn’t even there, and took his L in stride. Our children may never see him again, but at least their last memory of him is a good lesson on taking a loss. Now as far as running it back, I think Adam should focus on his single-player campaign instead. No re.”

Gamers close to Hartley confirmed that though a rematch is off the table, he ultimately accepted his defeat.

“I’ll admit my ex-wife absolutely deserved that win and also full custody of our three children,” said Hartley. “I’ll just keep reminding myself that life is like a game — sometimes you win, and sometimes your parental privileges are terminated, but what matters is how you bounce back. I’ve already gotten third place in Warzone like twice since then, so who’s the real winner?”

At press time, Hartley officially filed an appeal against the court’s ruling, citing that if he was such a bad father then he wouldn’t have been able to reach 100% completion in God of War: Ragnarok.

Fans Livid After Critics Deride Keys Being Dangled in Front of Face

Posted on April 13, 2023 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

NEW YORK — Fans of a set of keys being dangled in front of their faces are reportedly livid that critics have described the situation as “childish” and “boring,” according to those familiar with the situation.

“The experience of having a set of keys dangled in front of my face did nothing for me artistically,” derided one critic. “I do not feel changed or challenged whatsoever having gone through the experience. The dangling of the keys did make an admittedly interesting sound, and the light reflecting off the chain did catch my eye in a way that illuminated my face, but overall, I found the experience to be childish and ultimately dull. And yes, I understand that dangling keys in front of faces is meant to be entertaining for literal infants without object permanence, sure. Nonetheless, I think children deserve more challenged works of art, like an abstract painting or perhaps a novel. I give the experience of having keys dangled in front of my face 2 out of 10 stars.”

Despite the consistent low score from critics across the board, the keymaker, and one doing the dangling, Patrick Eden, insisted that the experience was a solid 10 out of 10.

“Sorry, but dangling keys in front of your face isn’t for the snobby critics. It’s for the fans. And the fans fucking loved it,” Eden said at a fan convention today. “A lot of these critics are just pretentious know-it-alls who think they are smarter than the rest of us. I don’t expect keys being dangled in front of people’s faces will win any awards — even though it should win all of the awards, based on how much the fans loved it — but I’ve made peace with that. I didn’t make this set of keys and hold it inches above people’s faces, clanging the keys together to make a noise while they reach up and try to grab them, for the kind of people who make awards. I did it for the fans. And while many of them cannot speak up for themselves due to being babies, I know deep in my heart that they fucking loved it.”

Some older longtime fans of the dangling keys took to social media to complain about the scores given by critics.

“I’m sorry but if you think the dangling keys isn’t a perfect 10/10 then you’re a fucking idiot and I hope you die,” said Twitter user @keykeykeyletsgooo96. “I’ve loved having keys dangled in front of my face my whole fucking life. So yeah, I think I know if it’s good or not. And it is. Sorry these absolute morons couldn’t get it through their thick skulls that it’s just meant to be FUN. Again, I truly hope they die a gruesome death.”

At press time, the critics were thankfully able to escape hordes of angry fans by covering their faces with their hands and not saying “peekaboo” to reveal themselves again.

Here’s All the New Star Wars Shit You’re Gonna Have to Figure Out

Posted on April 13, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

Last week’s Star Wars Celebration event was a breathtaking three days of announcements and previews and shit. We know everybody loves Star Wars, but that it can get overwhelming to the casual fans in times like this to know what exactly they’re going to have to keep up over the next few years. With that, we thought it may be helpful to provide our readers with a quick rundown of all the recently announced Star Wars movies and TV shows you’ll have to look forward to in the coming months and years, unless they end up canceling a majority of these movies, which probably won’t happen again!

Some new shit with Rey

James Mangold’s Jedi shit

Dave Filoni’s thing

A bunch of Ahsoka

More Andor coming

Some shit about the bad guys

Some shit with Jude Law

More seasons of other shit

Lando show and Taika Waititi movie

So there you have it, a pretty decent amount of Star Wars shit for you to keep up with. To get ready, you’ll probably want to make sure you’re caught up on all the shows, including the old ones like Rebels and Clone Wars. You should probably just get on Disney+ and go to the Star Wars tab and watch everything you haven’t seen, and then possibly rewatch some of the things you’re a little foggy on. After that you’ll be all set!

HBO Max Struggling to Rebrand as “Max” After Moving to New School District

Posted on April 13, 2023 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

LOS ANGELES — Streaming service HBO Max is reportedly struggling to reinvent itself after moving to a new school district, according to eye-rolling sources.

“Oh your name is Max? Yeah, sure, dude. This is a classic new-high-school reinvention and we’re not falling for that shit,” Netflix said on their way to go chat with the popular streaming services, pushing past Max and inadvertently knocking them into a nearby locker. “You can try to pull off this bullshit about how you have a broader catalog of content and you’re open to new ideas and audiences, but we all know you’re still the same nerdy premium brand HBO Max that you were at your old school. This isn’t an ’80s movie. And you should know that considering you still have The Breakfast Club on your site.”

Despite other services at Max’s new school seeing through their ploy, Max remained determined to make the new persona stick.

“HBO is still a big part of who I am, sure, but this is my chance to start over. Nobody knows me at this school and I can really make a new name for myself. One with ad-free services and maybe even ultimate ad-free services, once I figure out what that means,” Max explained. “I don’t have to be the same old HBO Max that people used to kick around for constantly saying, ‘Oops! Something went wrong!’ or for deleting finished movies from my catalog without ever releasing them. I’m young and I feel like I still have so much to Discover about myself. I can be whoever I want! So say hello to Max.”

At press time, HBO Max became completely embarrassed after Disney+ dug up some old photos of HBO Max from back when they were still going by “HBO Go.”

Microsoft Announces Redfall Will Launch in Black and White

Posted on April 13, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

AUSTIN, Texas — Arkane Studios announced today that its highly anticipated first person shooter Redfall will launch exclusively in black and white mode next month, with a full color mode to be added later, sources have confirmed.

“Look in a perfect world, we’d launch in 60fps, 4K, with color and everything,” said Harvey Smith, director of Redfall. “But it became clear that we just weren’t going to get there before launch. So I told the team, ‘Do whatever you have to to make our release date,’ and well, they sure came through for me. I have to admit, I didn’t even realize that black and white thing was an option. Before our game is judged too harshly, I plead with gamers to remember that some of the greatest films of all time are in black and white. And that ‘Color mode’ will be made available in a free patch at some point.”

The gaming media have called Arkane irresponsible for preparing to ship an unfinished product.

“Unacceptable,” said Wayne Levine, a gaming journalist. “Look, I’m not some snob that needs games to be in color to enjoy them. I loved Minit, Inside, and Ghost of Tsushima. But this isn’t one of those games. This is clearly Arkane coming up short and shipping a piece of shit that will come far short of gamers’ expectations.”

“They can’t even get some red in there?” he asked.

Gamers were disappointed with the news as well.

“Jesus, why not just delay it if you can only get the black and white version ready?” asked local gamer Mitch Barnes. “I get that games launch in incomplete versions all the time these days and that certainly it will just be a matter of time before this gets remedied, but that doesn’t mean this hunk of colorless crap is going to be worth my 70 bucks when it comes out. Why don’t I just play Pong for fuck’s sake?”

As of press time, Barnes had gouged his eyes out with a spoon upon glimpsing some black and white footage of Redfall that surfaced online.

#8 — Sit Down on a Thumbtack

#7 — Be Jimmy Fallon

#6 — Kill Off More Prominent YouTubers

#5 — Cater to a Specific Audience

#4 — Apology Videos

#3 — Blah Blah Engagement Blah Blah Demographics

#2 — Blame All Shortcomings or Outbursts on Your Mental Health

#1 — Create Original, Personal Content That Both Entertains as Well as Informs

Shigeru Miyamoto’s Social Security Number

Nods to Mario’s Muslim Faith

Bowser

Keegan Michael-Key

The GameCube Theme

Charles Martinet

Luigi’s Bisexuality

Mario’s Target Audience

Grant Kirkhope