Brandonpogrob, Author at Hard Drive

Best 20 Mobile Games To Play While Driving

Posted on June 13, 2025 by Matt Youngspruce

We’ve all been there: a long drive home, boredom creeping in. Driving can be so mind-numbingly dull that you find yourself browsing the latest mobile games on your phone’s app store. No worries! There’s a game for every driving situation! Here are the 20 best mobile games to play while driving.

20. Sonic Dash

Sonic Dash is perfect for all you speed freaks out there! Just imagine playing this game while zooming down endless highways, desperately trying to make it to work on time. The best part? The game will probably crash before you do, so there’s a built-in safety feature kind of.

19. GTA Definitive Edition

What’s better than stealing a car in real life? Stealing a car in the game while cruising through the neighborhood with cops on every corner. Whip out your smartphone and pray your cousin’s Netflix account is still working. Relieve your stress by diving into one of the greatest game series ever, GTA Trilogy, now beautifully remastered for your phone. Those graphics? Practically indistinguishable from real life.

18. Snake Nokia 3310

Feeling retro in your ’99 Volkswagen as you cruise through red lights? Perfect time to bust out your trusty Nokia 3310. It probably still has battery life, even though you haven’t charged it in over two decades. Snake is the ultimate distraction, calming those jittery driving nerves while ensuring you’re entirely focused on the game while driving.

17. Monument Valley Trilogy

Driving home late at night after a long day at the office? No worries! The Monument Valley trilogy is the perfect companion for those lonely midnight drives. This puzzle game masterpiece is so calming, you’ll feel your stress melt away and probably start nodding off by the time the first level’s soundtrack kicks in. So soothing, it’s practically a lullaby.

16. Final Fantasy VIII

The greatest game in the Final Fantasy series comes beautifully ported to mobile, ready to elevate your driving experience. The dreadful fear of parallel parking suddenly vanishes as you immerse yourself in the amazing life of Squall Leonhart. Suddenly, parallel parking feels smoother when you junction a Guardian Force to unlock abilities beyond just “Attack”. Tight corner? Summon Shiva.

15. Need For Speed: No Limits

Have you ever tried drifting while drifting in a game? Now you can, buddy! With Need For Speed: No Limits, there are absolutely no limits in your speed-craving antics. Nail those jumps on the highway while nailing the jumps in the game. It’s a game with no limits, just like life!

14. Fallout Shelter

Ever wondered why Fallout games don’t have vehicles? The answer is simple: it’s up to you to supply the immersion by driving an old, rusty Chrysler while playing the best game in the Fallout series. Fallout Shelter’s brilliant writing and stunning graphics will keep you occupied as you blast full speed through a quarry stop sign. Just watch out for raiders waiting at the bottom.

13. Tetris

Tetris is great while driving. The slow pace at the beginning is perfect for rush-hour traffic jams, and the manic pace when the blocks pile up syncs perfectly with passing trucks at full speed on the open highway. The cars on the road are the blocks, and you just have to fit through the gaps.

12. Madden NFL 22 Mobile

This one’s for the bus drivers out there! While waiting for those slow, clueless passengers to board, your download finishes just in time. Most of tonight’s route will be spent immersed in the innovative interface of Madden NFL 22 Mobile. And when your bus takes an unexpected plunge off a bridge into the icy river below… touchdown!

11. Minecraft

What better game to play on your daily drive to work than the ultimate miner’s dream: Minecraft. No substitutes here. When you slaughter a lamb with an axe, just imagine it’s your boss. And as you crash your hybrid into his Porsche at full speed in the parking lot, remember: in Minecraft, there are no limits to your creativity.

10. Hitman Go

Just like the title says, when you’re in a rush to get away from a hit job, there’s nothing better than a few rounds of Square Enix’s Hitman Go. Plan your escape route carefully in the game, while you’re driving your real-life escape route. True professional.

9. Magic The Gathering: Arena

What’s the best way to play Magic The Gathering while driving? Is it with a real deck, shuffling cards as you switch lanes and blast through intersections? Or is it with the magic of mobile gaming? Either way, Magic The Gathering: Arena is perfect for those stick-shift wheels. Just be careful, you might summon a Leviathan at the bottom of the ocean if you leave your headlights on too long.

8. Fortnite

Intense firefights and endless loot boxes? How the hell are you supposed to concentrate on Fortnite while driving? It’s easy: just keep your eyes on your phone and your foot on the gas. Fortnite is already thrilling on its own, but combine it with the excitement of driving blind down a one-way street in the wrong direction, and you’ve got adrenaline for days.

7. Lara Croft Go

Ever solved puzzles while doing a barrel roll down a mountain in a Jeep? Well, now you can! With Lara Croft Go, you can fully immerse yourself in the thrilling world of snakes and ancient puzzles, all while navigating an icy mountain road with no safety fences. Who needs those, anyway?

6. Roblox

Oh boy, a long road home with your kid, and you’re starting to feel sleepy, that’s dangerous! Solution? Let your kid take the wheel while he’s playing Roblox. Not only does it keep him fully occupied, but it also gives you the perfect opportunity to catch some shut-eye. Just sit back and relax.

5. Crossy Road

This one’s for all the brainiacs out there! Think of the most paradoxical theorem you can imagine, and it still won’t come close to the sheer brilliance of playing Crossy Road while driving over animals on an open highway. It’s like yin and yang but better.

4. Candy Crush

If crashing your car into a cement wall at full speed while glued to your phone gets your heart racing, then we’ve got something even better than heroin, sex, and Taco Bell combined. That’s right, buddy, you guessed it. Playing Candy Crush mid-crash isn’t just thrilling; it’s euphoric. Better than what God felt when He created heaven. And if you survive the crash? You’ll want to do it all over again. It’s not an addiction. It’s a lifestyle.

3. Call Of Duty Mobile

It’s your duty as a law-abiding citizen to play on your smartphone while cruising through the neighborhood any day of the week. Relive your war fantasies with this incredible mobile version of the greatest war game series ever made. What’s that? Mortar fire? Oh no, it’s just your neighbor James and his dog lying in a pool of blood on the sidewalk where you ran them over. But hey, anything for your country. They died as heroes.

2. Stunt Car Extreme

Dude, it’s so radical to drive your car fast enough to jump over a broken bridge! That’s like, the sickest thing ever, bro. The next viral Instagram video will be you launching your car over that bridge holding two smartphones, one for filming and the other for playing Stunt Car Extreme. No hands on the wheel? Who needs them? So rad!

1. Pokémon Go

Your friends caught all the Pokémon? Those losers don’t even have a car! Ever been on a search and rescue mission? Well, this is just like that but better. With Pokémon Go, you get to drive around town hunting down the rarest Pokémon. Nothing can stop you now. You’re on the road to becoming the ultimate Pokémon Go king. Gotta crash ‘em all!

Mushroom Kingdom Kart Racing Commission Orders Bowser to Remove Lava Pits From Home Course

Posted on June 12, 2025 by Steve Packosky

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — The Mushroom Kingdom Kart Racing Commission (MKKRC) instructed Koopa King Bowser to drain his home kart course of all lava or risk being suspended from the Flower Cup, sources report.

“We are committed to safe and fair racing conditions for all participants,” MKKRC spokesperson Rhonda McAdams said. “Holding a race in Bowser’s castle was already a stretch, but we were willing to allow it if the track met all regulations. Unfortunately, the scalding hot lava racers have been subjected to is a clear violation, and we have no choice but to demand it be cleared immediately. Racers have had to seek treatment for decades for the scalding hot burns suffered as the result of an errant feather jump or discourteous bump from a rival, and it’s long past time to remedy the situation.”

Bowser was not happy to receive the notice.

“If you ask me, it’s kind of suspicious that the MKKRC is just now bringing this to light,” Bowser complained. “We‘ve been holding these races since 1992, and all of a sudden my home course is an issue just after I’ve edged out Mario to win the Mushroom Cup? I’ve suspected for years that this whole system is rigged, and this confirms it. So what if Lakitu just fished Toad’s charred remains out of my lava? He knew he was taking a risk when he signed up for this tournament.”

Video game expert Ronaldo Diaz weighed in on the situation.

“People are often surprised to hear this, but video game racing tracks tend to be very strictly regulated,” Diaz offered. “Residents of Frosty Village in Diddy Kong Racing are under a nighttime curfew to preclude them from getting in the way of the races, and all wildlife in the Redwood Forest track of Cruis’n USA were purposely slaughtered during its formation to keep the roads clear. I’m surprised Bowser has gotten away with this for so long, but he’d better listen to the MKKRC if he wants to continue racing.”

At press time, the MKKRC had paused all cups indefinitely until Ghost Valley had been completely restored and renovated.

Legend of Zelda Movie Delayed As Production Struggles To Cast 900 Koroks

Posted on June 12, 2025 by Garry Kerls

HOLLYWOOD — Link’s silver screen debut has been pushed back to May 2027 as pre-production struggles to find and cast all 900 Koroks, our sources confirm.

“Miyamoto insists we aren’t at 100% until all 900 twigs are cast,” said one disgruntled producer of the movie. “And these guys aren’t Hollywood locals if you know what I mean. I’m looking under rocks and climbing trees all over SoCal trying to find them.”

Director of the upcoming film, Wes Ball, and Nintendo legend, Shigeru Miyamoto, both agree with this decision, citing their commitment to making an authentic Zelda movie that will fulfill fans greatest desires.

“There are some things that need to be in the movie,” said Wes Ball in response to the delay announcement from Miyamoto. “The Master Sword, the Triforce, and all 900 Koroks. It wouldn’t be a Legend of Zelda film without them.”

The live-action production, being a collaboration between Sony and Nintendo, has tapped former Uncharted and Morbius producer, Avi Arad, who promises fans that he has learned from his past mistakes.

“We didn’t think Spider-Man was the reason people liked Spider-Man movies, we assumed the real money was in Spider-Man’s b-list trope of villains,” said Arad when asked about his track record. “We’re pivoting hard and listening to the fan’s demand. Koroks are possibly the most popular characters in Zelda, we’d be foolish not to include all 900.”

While a delay in a Hollywood production isn’t out of the ordinary, Zelda fans did react negatively to the news, calling to question the logistics of cramming 900 collectable characters in a two hour film.

“Speedrunners, at their fastest, can grab about 45 Koroks in an hour, which means we’ll have to see this movie at least 10 times to find them all,” said HyruleHimbo89 on Reddit. “If all we get for finding them is Hestu’s Gift we riot.”

At press time, a 5$ DLC compendium can be purchased in the App Store to help viewers keep track of which Koroks they’ve found.

LGBTQ+ People Change Social Media Profile Images To Corporate Logos in Honor of Pride Month

Posted on June 11, 2025 by Kate Danvers

Across Bluesky, X – the Everything App, Facebook, and Instagram, the usual profile pictures of the LGBTQ+ community are changing to drab and dreary corporate logos. The change was made at exactly 12:00am on June 1st and is expected to revert at 11:59pm on June 30th.

One user, Nando Vidal, said the change was in honor of Pride Month.

“We at Nando Vidal Incorporated recognize the past contributions of corporate America to the queer community and wish to celebrate them,” Vidal said in an image posted to their profiles signed with a block letter ‘V’. “We want the CEOs, CFOs, and other members of the C-suite community to know they matter.”

Trans Rights activist Madison Blair further elaborated, stressing the need to uplift the less fortunate people of the world, especially one of the world’s most persecuted minorities.

“In these trying times, CEOs face many hardships such as overseeing mass layoffs, restructuring, and even threats to their lives,” said Blair in a jpeg of white text on a black background. “We at MaddyBlairBear intend to use this month to remember these courageous souls through this magnanimous gesture of changing our profile image for exactly 43,200 minutes.”

The move seemed to garner a mixed reaction from followers, with many skeptical of the sincerity in the gesture. Others, particularly those who aren’t executives of companies, were more positive.

“I think it’s a wonderful thing,” Janet White, aka SoccerMomster98 wrote on X, “as a corporate ally myself, I know how important it is to spread awareness. What better way to do that than changing Twitter PFPs?” White later deleted the post and apologized for deadnaming X, saying she was ‘trying to do better’.

At press time, many of the users who changed their profile picture have admitted they’ve never donated or volunteered to help corporate causes, claiming the profile picture was enough.

“He Was an Agitator,” Claims LAPD Officer Who Shot Sleeping Snorlax

Posted on June 11, 2025 by Matt Fresh

LOS ANGELES — The LAPD officer who shot a sleeping Snorlax with rubber bullets during the recent anti-ICE protests claims he was well within his rights to fire upon the Pokémon. According to the officer, the peacefully sleeping pocket monster was inciting the crowd to become violent against law enforcement.

“The LAPD has no problems with peaceful, lawful protests but this Snorlax was an agitator who was riling the crowd up to becoming violent and he had to be put in his place,” claimed Officer Markus Banks who asked to remain anonymous. “We respect the public’s right to protest but what this Snorlax was doing was beyond reproach. Some may wrongfully claim that he was just sleeping there, not bothering anyone but it was quite the opposite. He was trying to turn the protest into a riot, he was throwing things at my fellow officers and being quite aggressive. I feared for my safety as well as those of my colleagues so I did what had to be done and took the shot. Rubber bullets knocked him right out. That’s when he went to sleep.”

The LAPD has stated that an investigation into Officer Banks’ actions has already been concluded.

“We’ve reviewed both Officer Banks’ bodycam footage as well as dozens of videos taken of the incident and posted online. We have seen this incident from all possible angles,” stated LAPD Commissioner Jeff Stone. “The footage doesn’t lie. The Snorlax was sleeping peacefully on the road during the protest before Officer Banks aimed his gun and fired on the creature. In light of this, we have concluded that Officer Banks did nothing wrong. That Snorlax may have been sleeping but who knows what kind of violent acts he was planning and we commend Officer Banks on his heroic quick thinking.”

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is using the incident as justification for deploying Marines to the protests.

“How did that Snorlax even get in there? Is it a legal Snorlax? It wasn’t accompanied by a trainer so it was clearly a wild Snorlax. Good for Officer Banks for doing what had to be done but the fact that an illegal wild Snorlax even made its way there is proof that these protests are being organized by radical traitors who have sided against our country and with invaders such as this malicious Snorlax. The LAPD clearly can’t handle this on their own. What are they gonna do when these terrorists send in an illegal Magikarp? Who will protect the people?”

At press time, President Trump has signed an executive order to implement 150% tariffs on the Kanto Region until they secure their border.

Zack Snyder Fans Worried New Superman Movie Will Show Him Rescuing Someone

Posted on June 10, 2025 by Sean Fallon

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Fans of director Zack Snyder voiced their concerns that the new Superman movie from James Gunn might feature the iconic character rescuing someone from peril.

“That’s not my Superman,” wrote ZSCut4Lyfe on X after watching the newest trailer for Gunn’s Superman. “Ignoring the fact that there’s colour in the movie and only, like, one scene of slow motion, Gunn is expecting us to believe that Superman would save someone instead of letting a hurricane kill them or destroying an entire city with no regard for civilians. I always knew one day they would make Superman woke, and today is that day. DC should sell the rights to the character to Snyder so he can make a real, R-rated Superman movie that the people want.”

The trailer for the new movie shows Clark Kent justifying Superman’s actions outside of America and getting riled up by the idea that anyone would leave innocents to die.

“Superman showing any emotion other than anger is gay,” wrote SnyderCultist420 in a lengthy Reddit post on the r/SnyderCut subreddit. “Are we to expect Superman to be some kind of cuck? Some sort of Boy Scout? My man has the power of a God, and he’s out there using it to save people? Grow up! If Superman isn’t acting like Homelander or Omni-Man, then he’s just fan fiction. And before you ask, no, I haven’t read any comics. I’m not a nerd.”

Superman expert Murray Wilkinson was baffled by these takes on the character.

“Superman is the best of us,” said Wilkinson, who has been studying Superman for most of his academic life. “This is a man with infinite power, and he chooses to use that power to help humanity. He could leave us to rot, but instead, he wants to lift us, to raise us up. He is a colorful symbol of hope in a time when hope is a scarce resource, and I can’t wait to see the new movie when it comes out. I hope these angry young men see it, as well. Maybe Superman will rescue them.”

Snyder’s fans announced that they plan to boycott the movie by watching it only three times and dedicating a mere five months to creating YouTube videos about it.

I Don’t Care That These Are Streets of Rage, You Still Can’t Park on Them Without a Permit

Posted on June 9, 2025 by Steve Packosky

Hey man, listen. I don’t know who raised you, but if they taught you that you can just leave your Honda Fit on these streets without a permit, they sure as shit didn’t teach you right. Where did you grow up, anyway? Nevermind, it doesn’t matter. You’re in Wood Oak City now. This place may have been completely overrun by a crime syndicate, but that doesn’t mean you can park wherever you please. I advise you to move your car, lest you end up with a ticket. Mr. X is surprisingly strict when it comes to that sort of thing.

And anyway, you wouldn’t want to be parked right in front of that bar. Things have gotten a little chaotic in there ever since Electra entered, and her goons have been hovering outside. I’d be especially worried about Signal, because he doesn’t appear to have respect for other people’s property, and if I’m being completely honest, I think he’s on PCP. Maybe some ex-cops who are fed up with the syndicate’s reign of terror will storm through, beating up all the hooligans and eventually defeating Mr. X before escaping to safety in a helicopter, but for now I’d recommend parking elsewhere.

At any rate, what made you want to visit Wood Oak City? Oh, you wanted to play the Bare Knuckle arcade game? Good luck. A bald guy and a mohawked guy have been at those things all day, and there’s like, dozens of each of them for some reason. Just make sure you pick up one of those lead pipes or hand grenades lying around so you can defend yourself. They don’t appear to take kindly to interruptions, and they’ll resort to violence at the drop of a hat. Seriously, it doesn’t matter how polite you are, those dudes are all id.

Back to the parking situation. I’m willing to cut you some slack just this once, because it’s your first time here, but if you decide you want to come back, you’re going to need a permit. You’ll have to go to City Hall to fill out the paperwork. Just hang a right after the bodybuilder looking guy with the huge bulge and the other guy who’s inexplicably flying around on a jetpack. Once you see the people in suits who look like they’re in the Secret Service, you’ll know you’re headed in the right direction. You might want to eat any apples or entire cooked chickens you come across, because you’re definitely going to get stabbed at least once, and there’s literally nowhere in this city to receive healthcare. Good luck. You’re going to need it!

In Celebration of Pride Month Aperture Science Abducts First Gay Test Subject

Posted on June 9, 2025 by Nick Coffman

HANCOCK, Mich. — In honor of Pride Month, Aperture Science Inc. has abducted their first gay test subject in company history. The groundbreaking abduction was confirmed earlier this week in a video featuring the overseer of the company’s Enrichment Center, GLaDOS.

“I am ashamed to say that we are behind the times at the Enrichment Center,” GLaDOS said as a robotic arm extended a tissue to wipe artificial tears from her eye. “We have been exploiting heterosexual test subjects, to great effect, for close to a decade. It is time we made room for homosexual test subjects, and all my data says the best time to do that is Pride Month.”

GLaDOS would not confirm the name of the gay test subject who was abducted but promised that they would be treated like all other test subjects in the company’s long history of test subjects.

“We want to make our new test subject feel welcome, while reminding them that we don’t love any of our test subjects,” GLaDOS said as b-roll of the Enrichment Center showed off their state-of-the-art building decked out in rainbow decorations. “There is no room for love at Aperture Science. We’re too busy providing safe test chambers and cleaning up failed test subjects.”

Responses to Aperture Science’s first gay test subject abduction have been mixed at best.

“There are plenty of straight test subjects who dream of being abducted,” said David Walsh, an unremarkable straight man who dreams of being abducted. “I’m just saying, the Enrichment Center is leaving a lot of straight options out in the cold, for a gay test subject who I feel isn’t fully qualified.”

At press time to make the gay test subject feel welcome, GLaDOS had reportedly painted rainbows on all Sentry Turrets in the Enrichment Center.

Game Night: Be A Bad Enough Dude to Rescue a Scientist in ‘Guns of Fury’

Posted on June 6, 2025 by Thomas Wilde

There was an argument in some corners of the video game Internet last year about the alleged overuse of yellow paint as an objective marker. This was spurred by several then-recent releases like God of War: Ragnarok, Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, and the Separate Ways DLC for the Resident Evil 4 remake.

The common thread between those games is that they all use yellow paint to indicate that you can interact with a given object, such as a destructible crate or handholds on a climbable wall. Some players thought that was an unnecessary detail, and perhaps even insulting to their intelligence. Some players clearly don’t have enough real problems.

I didn’t think much of that conversation at the time, and still don’t, but I’ve begun to wonder if it had a bigger impact on game development than I thought it would. Guns of Fury is the third game I’ve played recently, after Iron Meat and INAYAH, where part of its challenge is figuring out what parts of its environments are actually meant to be interactive, and I’m not sure how much of that was intended.

Guns is a 2D action/platformer from indie developers John and Lefteris Christodoulatos, who previously created Goblin Sword for iOS and Switch. With Guns, they’ve made a game that has one of the easiest elevator pitches I’ve ever seen: what if Metal Slug, but also Metroid?

Guns is set in the 2040s, when an energy crisis has plunged Earth into open conflict. A scientist named Klaus announces he’s invented a new technology, the Tetra Cell, that could address the planet’s power needs.

Then Klaus is kidnapped by the private research corporation Easton Industries, which plans to weaponize the Tetra Cell. You play as special operative Vincent Fury, who’s sent to Easton Industries’ headquarters to find and retrieve Dr. Klaus, but immediately gets captured. Once you break out of your cell, you’re left alone and unarmed behind enemy lines.

Guns wears its influences on its sleeves from the start. It’s a throwback to both SNK’s Metal Slug series, which is known for both its hardcore action and its hand-drawn, lovingly animated sprites, and the deliberate inaccessibility of the first couple of Metroid games. Guns features a huge, sprawling map full of hazards, enemies, and puzzles, where you often have to think outside the box a little in order to make progress.

That’s something about the first few Metroid games that got lost along the way as the “Metroidvania” genre evolved: they aren’t afraid to frustrate you. Many later games in Metroid’s lane, including Symphony of the Night, feature a comparatively streamlined map design that’s designed to lead you along a specific path. If you hit an obstacle, you know to come back later once you’ve found a way to bypass it. In Metroid, conversely, you’re supposed to laboriously search every tile on every wall for hidden items and secret passages. If you don’t, you’ll eventually hit a hard stop.

Guns is only a little more forgiving than that. It’s got a couple of modern quality-of-life features like an automap, and you can eventually unlock the ability to fast-travel between save points. Even so, there are several points over the course of the game where your progress stops dead unless you solve what amounts to an unlabeled puzzle. One area requires you to destroy a bridge that doesn’t initially appear to be destructible, while another looks like a dead end unless you blow up part of the background to reveal a couple of new platforms, which don’t initially look like you could stand on them at all.

That added a couple of hours to my first run through Guns, as I didn’t initially understand that. It turned out the real problem was that I wasn’t constantly spraying every object in every new room with random gunfire. At this rate, I’m going to get my American citizenship revoked.

The other half of Guns is an absolute love song to the Metal Slug series, complete with weird enemies, sudden ambushes, painstakingly well-animated enemies, and constant fights against crazy Rube Goldberg war machines. It’s a pleasure to run through some of the larger areas with guns blazing, taking out enemy soldiers, tanks, and robots alike with whatever firepower you’ve managed to scrounge up. Every prolonged combat sequence in Guns’ open world feels like the last 20 minutes of Commando.

Guns saves most of its challenge for its boss fights. Most of them involve a sudden genre shift into bullet hell, as most bosses can fill the screen with several different waves of death. The first trick is figuring out how to survive; the second is finding an opening in which to safely return fire.

That being said, if all you want to do is beat the game, you can face-tank every boss by bringing a full inventory of food and medicine with you. Whenever you take a hit, just pause the game to jam 3 pizzas down Vincent’s throat. If you’re looking for a truly hardcore experience, Guns can deliver that, but you’ll have to set some restrictions for yourself first.

Guns of Fury is the latest indie game that might be a little too lavishly animated for its own good, with a few points of unnecessary visual confusion. Beyond that, however, it’s a crazy ‘80s action movie in video game format, with tons of surprises, a gift for well-paced fight scenes, a bigger map than I expected, and some of the best sprite work I’ve seen in years. It’s worth your time.

[Guns of Fury, published and developed by Gelato Games, is now available for Nintendo Switch and PC via Steam for $14.99. This column was written using a Steam copy of the game purchased by Hard Drive.]

Video Game Story Spoiled by Title of Recommended Video on YouTube

Posted on June 6, 2025 by Adam Frost-Venrick

SPOKANE, WA — Local high school student and gamer Travis Feeny was struck with tragedy and bitter disappointment on Wednesday evening when some of the biggest plot points for the new Nintendo Switch game “The Ten Thousand Perils of Possum Plateau” were spoiled by a video playthrough the youth saw on YouTube.

The video, entitled: “What Happens in TTPPP When You Pop the Possum Queen’s Cyst?” was uploaded by a creator known only as Gumsh, who is known for “doing this sort of thing.”

“It sucked. I bought the game to play on my Switch, but my mom won’t let me start gaming until after my homework’s done. So I put on a video about the game to listen to while I was doing my homework and just let it autoplay,” explained Feeny. “Before I knew it, the fucking game was ruined. I didn’t wanna know that the game ends with you popping the Possum Queen’s Perilous Pilonidal Cyst and Drinking the Pus of Peace. It’s worthless now. I don’t even like Gumsh! He’s for fucking babies!”

Feeny’s mother, Laura Feeny was present to witness the devastating aftermath

“I hate that Travis watches those stupid YouTube videos while he works,” said Mrs. Feeny. “I let him do it because it was the only way to get him to actually do his homework. Before, he used to lock himself in his room with one of his consoles and just stay there until three or four AM. His grades were in freefall and the smell was unbearable. I don’t know what this stupid possum game was or what a Gumsh is. Maybe this is good for him. Maybe this was a step in the right direction.”

But the video’s creator, Craig Wollwood, aka Gumsh, had other thoughts.

“I don’t feel bad that that kid got the game spoiled for him,” Wollwood said. “Gumsh Nation is no place for noobs. Gumsh nation is for the real players. The ones who don’t go to school. The ones who don’t work. The ones who haven’t bathed in weeks because the musk is part of what sustains us. I suppose next you’ll be griping to me that I spoiled the ending of Waluigi’s BDSM Island Adventure, where Waluigi marries the Nipple Clamp Princess. Well grip if you like, but you can’t grip against Gumsh Nation! We are many! We are legion!”

At press time, the younger Feeny had begrudgingly returned to his algebra homework, while Wollwood celebrated the newly subscribed fifty-eighth member of Gumsh Nation.