COD players are fed up with the franchise as it continues its freefall from grace, despite never changing and still being wildly popular, multiple sources have confirmed.
“The only thing they’ve ever changed about the game is that it costs $70 now,” said Denzel Riddle, dedicated COD fan and number one hater. “That doesn’t sound like a ton, but after a few years, it’s gonna run my parents’ savings account dry. If you’re gonna make me pay more, at least innovate! Here’s an idea, why don’t you add a mode where I get to be a twelve year old who’s capable of enjoying video games again?”
Riddle isn’t the only Call of Duty super fan to share this negative opinion. Absolutely cracked out 6 year old fan, Philip Braxley, shares Riddle’s sentiment.
“I liked this game better the way they made it when I wasn’t born yet. Black Ops 2 is the best game ever. It’s the same, but old. I had my dad buy me an Xbox 360 from a museum called GameStop and I like it this much,” said Braxley, stretching out his little arms as wide as he can.
Young Braxley has logged over a thousand hours into Black Ops 2 and shows no signs of wanting to move on to a different game, despite what his pediatrician has said.
“The doctor says I have something called early-onset pediatric arthritis. I didn’t learn any of those words yet at school, but my mom says it’s because of all those people I kill on the internet. Call of Duty makes me sad, but if I can’t play it or watch it for more than 15 seconds I get even more sadder.”
Reformed CoD cult member, Josie Winters, weighed in after coming to a personal discovery about the games.
“I’m happy I can finally see the light. Complaining about the new game, reminiscing about an older game that used to piss me off just as much, it just wasn’t worth it,” said Winters, levitating a few inches off the ground like Criss Angel. “COD can change as little as it wants, because I am no longer tethered to its stagnant, yet rapidly declining soul. I’m better than all of you.”
At press time, Riddle and Braxley were seen trying out Madden 24 in hopes of a different experience.
CONCORD, N.H. – Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley was asked by a New Hampshire gamer about her thoughts on the online debate surrounding Palworld, and she launched right into an on-the-spot review that didn’t mention capturing humans and selling them to vendors once, eye witnesses confirmed.
Haley praised Pocketpair’s overnight success in a town hall filled with over 200 gamers.
“The real issue, and the heart of the ethical concerns, is how Pokemon have been deprived of their Second Amendment Right to own a high-caliber rifle,” Haley said to some cheers. “When my Pals go out for a fight, I know they’re safe, because they’re carrying. Maybe one day, Pokemon can enjoy the right to bear arms as part of a well-organized militia as freely as Pals do. Until then, the ethical debates about Palworld will continue.”
Haley then reportedly took a deep breath, joking “Easy question, huh?” before continuing to review the enormously popular, but controversial game.
“Now look in Palworld, some pals do chores for you. They’re often treated well and they learn from it,” Haley said. “You throw the little ball and you can capture monsters. I’ve seen monsters captured. Mostly monsters.”
Haley redirected the question to what she felt was the most important aspect.
“I don’t want to bring it up, but these developers crossed a line that made me put the game down,” Haley teased her captive audience. “I hope you will all join me in saying ‘no’ to Palworld until they find a way to remove the roadblocks and make this game Steam Deck Verified.”
At press time, Haley was working out which of her captured human pals she would sell to a local in-game vendor.
Palworld, an ARK-like survival crafting game with Pokemon-like characters, made gaming history today according to SteamDB, surpassing 1.5 million active concurrent online arguments about it.
One user, who has logged 40 hours in the game, explained their side of the argument.
“Wow! 1.5 million. It’s exciting to be part of this moment in gaming history,” JnnyBravo said. “Now if only I could convince these Disney Adult scolds to see stealing from a megacorp like Game Freak isn’t something worth defending online. Maybe then I could celebrate the moment.”
His combatant, Kakashi69, defended their viewpoint in the public debate.
“The eyes on these Palworld characters are the exact same as the Pokemon. The exact same. I want to see what JnnyBravo’s eyes look like in real life if he can’t see that,” Kakashisix9 said. “I can smell the fact this guy owns NFTs.”
According to reports, JnnyBravo provided a list of games which borrowed heavily from other popular titles without enduring the same level of criticism, while Kakashisix9 provided a list of evidence that Palworld execs have embraced AI-generated assets in the past. As of publication, it was confirmed neither side read the other’s list.
“I think if you play it on game pass and don’t tweet about it, that’s OK,” said a third user who was universally condemned by both sides. “I haven’t even played the game but the online drama has replaced my reality TV show time.”
As of press time both online combatants reported being able to remove the power supplies of their gaming rigs, running them on pure righteousness instead.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 22.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A verb that means to make slight changes or adjustments in order to improve or fine-tune something.
A noun that means a small adjustment or modification made in order to improve or fine-tune something.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“K”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“W”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 741 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Palworld, an ARK-like game described as Pokemon with guns, has seen concurrent player numbers swell into record-breaking territory this week. But according to execs behind the game the team is not celebrating, choosing rather to spend the time preparing for an attack from their most feared enemy: Hbomberguy.
Developer Pocket Pair is aware that it’s only a matter of time before Hbomberguy sets his sights on Palworld for a video. Palworld execs say that when that day comes, they’ll be ready.
“As soon as we finalized our Pal designs we immediately began working on a defense for whatever video Hbomberguy may make about us. We have an excuse ready to go for any accusation he may make over a four or five hour video,” the executive team said in an emailed statement.
Lead designer Ashley Catchem says that planning for whatever Hbombomberguy may say might have given Hbomberguy even more cause to make a video.
“It’s actually a double-edged sword because we spent so much time figuring out how to respond when Hbomberguy makes a video about us copying designs that we had to copy even more designs to save time,” she said.
Some employees think they should actually be bracing themselves for Nintendo instead.
“If anyone is gonna come after us it’s Nintendo. I mean they’ve even gone after fan projects, what are they gonna do when they see the same fan art they went after in our game?” said character artist Pierre Despereaux.
When asked why defending against Hbomberguy was prioritized over Nintendo the executive team replied, “Nintendo can’t prove anything, we have plausible deniability. Hbomberguy though, can get the people against us and that’s far more damaging. What’s the point of stealing if you can’t profit.”
At press time Pocket Pair says that should Nintendo’s legal team also get involved they have lawyers equal to Nintendo’s but with guns.
ALBUQUERQUE, NM – A local gamer recently found out that the best armor in the game looks even dumber than expected, sources sick of this always happening confirmed.
“I can’t believe it,” said Alexis Morgan, gamer. “I genuinely can’t believe it. I’ve been playing this game nonstop for days, and I’m rewarded with this? I had to go through so much to get this legendary armor, the best armor in the game, and it looks like a bunch of trash glued together. I spent hours in the character customization menu. I can’t let my character walk around like this!”
All additional online players, as well as some NPCs, agreed the armor really didn’t look great.
“It’s bad. Like really bad,” added Jordan Ramirez, another gamer who saw the first time the armor was equipped. “The worst part is, you absolutely have to use it to get through the final part of the game. Otherwise you’ll be dealing with critical hits, stuns, and poison the entire time. The best looking armor in the game is the iron armor. Iron! It’s like the developer was playing some sort of sick joke.”
The game developers commented on the armor and defended the stylistic choices.
“Who said Goliath’s Crown of Death is ugly?” the lead character designer, James Travis,. “That thing is mega epic. Did they not realize the lore about how it was found in the pit of the devil’s stomach? Years and years of bile ate away at it, removing all color and shape. What’s cooler than that?”
As of press time Morgan was seen strolling through town to see if the game had some mechanism for changing the appearance of an item without losing the stats.
SEATTLE — Last Tuesday, a friend group’s annual rewatch of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers was suddenly plagued by disruptions after one member, 34-year-old Brian Braxton, couldn’t help but interject with everyone’s favorite and oft-repeated piece of movie trivia; how Viggo Mortensen actually murdered 26 extras while filming this scene.
“Look, right here; you’ll see Aragorn decapitate this background actor; that’s something Viggo actually did. He really cut that guy’s head off; they just kept all this in the final edit,” Brian reportedly said, pausing and skimming frame by frame. “Peter Jackson kept doing the scene over and over because they weren’t getting the shot they wanted, so on the last take, Viggo just went for it and started cutting down extras left and right as if he was the actual true heir of Gondor, and now it’s all in the actual movie. He didn’t even use the prop sword, he cleaved into those poor, nameless New Zealanders with the legit steel hero sword that Weta made for the film. Pretty cool if you ask me.”
Despite the friend group’s shared love for the Tolkien trilogy, the other members expressed annoyance at Brian’s insistence on repeating the same, well-known behind-the-scenes factoids every time they sat down for a viewing.
“Every time Brian just HAS to regale us with stories from the making of the movies like he was there. We all watched the bonus feature Appendices; we’ve heard all the stories before!” ranted Claire Lewis, hapless friend to Brian. “Every time he’s gonna point out Peter Jackson eating the carrot in Bree or tell the story of Orlando Bloom breaking his rib. Everyone knows the most famous story: how Viggo Mortensen, playing out the scene where Aragorn believes Merry and Pippin to be dead, became so caught up in the anguish of his character that he fell into an insatiable bloodlust, chopping up 26 extras who were cast as Riders of Rohan. I bet Brian will also tell you the story of how they couldn’t find enough men with horseback riding experience to play all the Riders, so some of those now-forgotten extras that Viggo butchered were just women in fake beards.”
Over the two decades since the film’s release, the popular tale from the set has taken on a life of its own, generating thousands of viral jokes and memes online about the time Viggo Mortensen effortlessly decimated a comparatively large percentage of the New Zealand populace. Sir Peter Jackson, director of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and Bad Taste, offered his thoughts on the lasting legacy of Viggo’s performance.
“The great thing about working with Viggo was you never knew what he was going to bring to the table as Aragorn,” said Jackson, calling in over Skype from Weta FX in Wellington. “Viggo was so dedicated to the role; he’s incredibly method, you know. He used to wear Aragorn’s costume around town so it would look more weathered and worn. Everyone still asks me about that famous scene where he lays siege to the Riders of Rohan, skewering a couple dozen of them over the course of 30 actual minutes. Of course, none of that was in the book, but it’s just another thing Viggo brought to the role that fits the character so well we kept it in. It was incredibly brave of him to embrace the fearlessness of that role; Strider, as a ranger, wouldn’t be afraid of slaughtering a bunch of innocent people, so to commit to really doing that for the sake of the film took quite a bit of courage. We actually had so much extra footage of him desecrating the bodies of the newly slain, trampling their fresh corpses with his horse; we had to save most of it for the Extended Editions. Obviously, that’s the type of scene you can’t pull off without all the dedicated extras we had on set to help make it happen. I unfortunately don’t recall any of their names, but at least their uncredited contributions are forever preserved in the film.”
Attempts to reach Viggo Mortensen for comment went unanswered. However, recent reports indicate the actor may still be recovering from the multiple surgeries he underwent to remove his own organs during the filming of Cronenberg’s “Crimes of the Future.”
PEARLY GATES — Researchers from the National Institute of Health have found the declining birth rates around the world are largely due to God spending an unreasonable amount of time on the Character Creation screen.
While God was flipping between Chin 3 and Chin 14 on his newest creation, we asked him about this growing crisis.
“Hey, you play how you want to play. This is how I have fun,” He bellowed from the heavens, visibly frustrated after accidentally switching his race selection and erasing all of his previous progress.
According to reports, Yahweh seems to spend most of his time going deep into facial features, body type, and hair color, mostly physical attributes. After hours upon hours of his work in this first section he never seems to even make it to things such as class or background. Skills seem to elude the heavenly father as well, both those of the one he’s creating and his own when it comes to the task at hand.
God’s son, Jesus H. Christ has reportedly been watching his father hog the PC for millennia. He reports that God doesn’t even know what he’s doing most of the time.
“Like, he’ll get up really close to the screen and just move the Hand Depth slider up and down,” said the Lord and Savior of believers across the globe. “He’ll scream ‘I don’t see what this is even changing,’ then start a new character because apparently this one’s hands are all messed up now.”
Japan has been hit particularly hard due to God’s indecisiveness, recording a 16-year long decline in the national birth rate. Prime Minister Fumio Kishida has urged God to speed things along.
“Dude, just do the default options! ” the Prime Minister said. “It’s a first-person game anyway, I don’t understand why you’re focusing on our Blemish Intensity for twenty minutes.”
At press time, God was scrolling through Nexus Mods to find more options for adult mods to continue the personal degree to which he can fine tune each character.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 21.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 456 days straight! So here goes nothing:
REDMOND, Wash — The latest entry in the Forza Motorsport series is set to become even more realistic as Turn 10 Studios has announced a new update that will add LED headlights to cars. Not only will this increase visibility on nighttime tracks for players but it will have the added benefit of blinding other online racers.
This will be the first major update to the game since it tepidly launched in October. Turn 10 says they knew LED headlights would have to be the first new feature added post-launch.
“We strive for excellence and pride ourselves on the realism our games have. We believe players will love the true to life experience of being brutally blinded by an increasing number of cars on the road,” says Turn 10 VP of Ride Pimping Mike Honcho. “Their whole screen will turn bright white and they won’t be able to see anything until you pass them, it’s perfect.”
Players weren’t exactly thrilled at the news
“I understand it’s a driving simulator but it’s hard to see how this makes it a better game. This is gonna make my road rage come out at home and I don’t want my roommates to hear that,” said player SerenityNow557
Others didn’t think the change was that bad.
“Online wimps and wokies want big daddy Forza to protect them from the LED blinding,” player PatriotGamingz said. “Real life, and real driving simulators, are about overcoming any and all challenges. I have been exposing my eyes to high-powered LED lights for hours and hours each day in preparation.”
At press time Turn 10 says its next update will add the ability for all cars except BMWs to use turn signals.
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