Did you ever find yourself playing Sifu and wishing the character you played was uglier? 

…Please don’t say it’s only me. And if others out there share my tastes, well, do I have the twisted yet wildly imaginative brawler for you in Clash: Artifacts of Chaos, and its hero with the type of face that could take a thousand punches and only see an improvement.

Instead of playing Jackie Chan against a gauntlet of martial artists in a residential block, here you’re throwing down against deformed turkey monsters trying to roundhouse kick you into the dirt. The star is Psuedo, a grisly abomination of a fighter, wrinkled not through age but by unspeakable mutations. He’s an unlikely hero, and never have I been more grateful for the over-the shoulder camera angle that guarantees he usually faces away from the screen. There’s a reason we’ve never had a photo-realistic Earthworm Jim game, that reason is because he’d look just like Psuedo.

While he’s not due any luck on dating apps, Pseudo’s very much fits in the deliriously imaginative prehistoric setting ACE Team have worked on for over a decade since their FPS fighter Zeno Clash.

In his quest to protect The Boy, the oddly endearing bird-like black void perched on your shoulder, you’ll face off against all other kids of nightmare fuel: Colossal bipedal warthogs, their flayed skin revealing every exposed muscle? Giant beaked aquatic snakes? Even more gigantic tatted rhinos with bone-splintering punches?

My personal favorite is the three Travelling Players. Imagine Bloodborne’s Shadows of Yharnham fight, except it’s against a grotesque acting troupe with a penchant for metacommentary and wrestling moves. I can dodge the trio’s flurries of headbutts and body rolling attacks, but there’s no getting away from their barbs about my sorely lacking fight choreography. Oh, and they just keep coming, the Team Rocket of amateur dramatics being your recurrent foe through your quest.

Combat’s frantic and high stakes, beginning most battles a unique dice game ritual to enforce buffs and debuffs before trading blows. With various combat styles and a deep RPG system to dive into, you can customize to your heart’s content what manner of satisfyingly meaty attacks you’d like to use. And you’ll need to, enemies hit punishingly hard.

The world around these nightmare fuel creations, however, is frankly stunning. There’s an artful, painterly approach to Zenezoik’s expansive vistas, every rock, building and mountain range bearing brushstrokes. It’s a genuine feat of artistry, with a soundtrack that really draws you into its unique world. There’s few better places to show that deranged, bloodthirsty turkey who’s boss.

 Clash: Artifacts of Chaos is probably for you if:

• You’re down for a blend of God of War and Dark Souls that commits to a lore even weirder than anything Miyazaki can dream up
• You think hands are for punching, not for holding – you’re thrown in the deep end here!
• You respect off-the-wall creative ambition

It may not be for you if:

• You like things easy. You’ll die, and fast travel, dotted trails on the ground, and clear tutorials are clearly yet to be invented in Zenezoik’s brutal world. 

You can get Clash: Artifacts of Chaos on PC, PlayStation 4 & 5, or Xbox Series X & S.