#61 — Poliwhirl
Poliwhirl tastes like a dog’s chew toy. You know, like those Kong things you can put a treat inside of, and the dog goes crazy for it.
#62 — Poliwrath
Poliwrath tastes like licking an exercise ball. It has the same elasticity and strength to it, but sitting on Poliwrath might damn near crush it to death.
#63 — Abra
Abra tastes like getting ghosted. You show up to a date all excited, they say they have to use the restroom, and poof, they’re gone, just like that.
#64 — Kadabra
Kadabra will only let you taste its spoon. It’s cold and metallic, much like Kadabra’s personality.
#65 — Alakazam
Alakazam will let you taste two of its spoons, as well as let you chew on its long mustache.
#66 — Machop
Machop tastes like chewing on a karate yellow belt. Spry and full of potential, but you still have a long way to go to chew on a blue belt or orange belt.
#67 — Machoke
The sweat wrung out of a gym bro’s workout shirt. Salty, and possibly laced with steroids, too.
#68 — Machamp
A protein shake with way too much powder. Like, something made for someone that has four arms or something. You don’t need that much, you’re not a “fighting-type” and 20 minutes on the elliptical doesn’t really count as an “intense workout”.
#69 — Bellsprout
Bellsprout tastes like butterscotch candy. A rich and simple taste, much like the Pokémon itself.
#70 — Weepinbell
Weepinbell tastes like chocolate chip cookie dough, a food you typically only eat raw when you’re at home alone, weeping.
#71 — Victreebel
Victreebel tastes like a banana split sundae, with all the fixings.
#72 — Tentacool
Squid ink pasta. Definitely an intimidating dish to try at first, as you remember that Tentacool is also a poison-type Pokémon.
#73 — Tentacruel
Tentacruel tastes like swishing a cartridge of printer ink around in your mouth.
#74 — Geodude
Geodude tastes like coffee grounds. If you’re really tired and don’t have access to hot water or something, licking a Geodude should perk you right up.
#75 — Graveler
Graveler tastes like an empty vape cartridge. All the flavor is gone, and all that is left is pain and desperation.
#76 — Golem
Golem tastes like licking a freshly-paved sidewalk. It’s clean enough to not have been walked all over, but you’re still licking a sidewalk for some reason.
#77 — Ponyta
Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. They’re surprisingly hot, and the only way to quench the spiciness is to keep eating more Ponyta.
#78 — Rapidash
Rapidash tastes like a Doritos Locos Taco, one of the greatest collaborations in culinary history.
#79 — Slowpoke
As I said in the preface, we know that characters in the Pokémon universe canonically eat Slowpoke, or at least their tails. Matter of fact, Slowpoke is one of the only Pokémon we have confirmation of that does get consumed by human beings, and its item description lists it as “a very tasty tail of something. It sells for a high price.” So from that, we can infer that Slowpoke probably tastes like Kobe beef.
#80 — Slowbro
Slowbro tastes like Wagyu beef. Like Slowpoke, it’s a rare and expensive meat, and similarly resides in an ethical gray area. I mean, Team Rocket is behind the resale of Slowpoke tail, that should tell you all you need to know about the stuff.
#81 — Magnemite 
Magnemite obviously tastes like the spare screws left over from putting together an IKEA table. What are you gonna do with ‘em anyway, just throw ‘em out?
#82 — Magneton
Magneton tastes like licking your teeth right after you first get your braces on. Expect other foodstuffs and particles to get stuck in there every once in a while.
#83 — Farfetch’d
Roasted duck. I mean, he’s already holding the garnish, he’s practically asking for it.
#84 — Doduo
Chicken fries– a hellish abomination of french fry and animal, baked into a convenient form factor.
#85 — Dodrio
…More chicken fries, I guess? I don’t feel bad about phoning it on on the designs that are just “has an extra head but is angry now”
#86 — Seel
Seel tastes like a plain snow cone. Without the syrup, you’re just eating a cone with ice shaved on top of it.
#87 — Dewgong
Dewgong tastes like the inside of a gel face mask. Just leave it on there and quit licking it, all right?
#88 — Grimer
Grimer tastes like gas station coffee that’s been left sitting out for an entire shift. It’ll pep you up, but be prepared to pull over when you inevitably get the runs.
#89 — Muk
Muk tastes like old dish water. It’s anyone’s guess as to what was in that dish water, but just avoid it, all right?
#90 — Shellder
A sloppy kiss with way too much tongue. Just like, someone getting way too all up in there.
