BRANSON, Mo. – A Cameo birthday shoutout from Silent Hill 2’s James Sunderland purchased by Daryl Bruner for a friend ended up being predictably depressing, sources report.
“Yeah, I know James is a huge drag in Silent Hill 2, but I figured he’d have the sense to buck up a little for his Cameos,” Bruner told reporters. “It’s a birthday message, so it would behoove him to be more chipper. He just stared at the camera for like a minute before droning on about his dead wife. It’s like, come on, dude. I’m sorry your wife died, but you got really famous from your experience revisiting her favorite town and discovering your inner demons in the process, so count your blessings, you know?”
Amanda Hershizer, the Cameo’s recipient, reacted to her gift from Bruner.
“I love Silent Hill, so I definitely appreciate Daryl’s gesture,” said Hershizer. “However, it kind of put a damper on my entire birthday hearing James drone on about how his beloved wife Mary had been taken by ‘that damn disease’ three years ago, and about how he’s determined to investigate the source of the mysterious letter he received from her. I honestly don’t even think he wished me a happy birthday in the message. Hopefully next year he finds someone a little more upbeat, like Crash Bandicoot or a Goron.”
Video game expert Whitney Carrow provided her insight on the matter.
“With the economy being the way it is, many video game characters, much like celebrities, have resorted to Cameo to keep the money coming in,” Carrow noted. “It’s understandable, as it can be a goldmine with how many fans are willing to pay to get shoutouts from their favorites. However, their judgment is often clouded, and they end up hiring people for messages that aren’t compatible with the people delivering them. James Sunderland would’ve been perfect for someone mourning a lost loved one, for example. It’s a good idea to take a step back and approach these bookings with a rational mind.”
At press time, another Cameo from Eddie Dombrowski was every bit as depressing as James Sunderland’s.
