60 — Cynthia Lummis, R-Wyo.
Senator Lummis has not done much to develop her island, but she does play regularly. Mostly, she monitors her turnip prices and hosts selling parties when the price is high. She then tries to convince visitors to invest in Bitcoin.
59 — Bill Cassidy, R-La.
He just can’t make up his mind. Senator Cassidy keeps switching between different themes and rearranging the layout of his entire island, but never actually finishes any projects. This is extra embarrassing because he proudly announces his grand plans on a lot of message boards.
58 — John Cornyn, R-Texas
Senator Cornyn’s island sports some well-maintained gardens, complete with statuary. The pleasant aura is unfortunately shattered when Cornyn asks guests to imagine that the statues actually depict Confederate generals.
57 — Michael Bennet, D-Colo.
Yup. All weed themed.
56 — Roger Marshall, R-Kan.
He’s still posting COVID-19 misinformation on his island’s bulletin board at least three times a day. Just unhinged stuff. Occasionally he’ll toss in some election or climate denial for good measure, but it’s not even worth hate-scrolling. It’s honestly kind of sad.
55 — Josh Hawley, R-Mo.
No one has ever seen him on his own island. Okay, that’s not quite true: some visitors have glimpsed him while their plane was landing. Once they disembark, though, it’s like he just ran away.
54 — Marco Rubio, R-Fla.
The island itself is okay. It’s called “America,” and his Villager’s name is “President.” Conspicuously, he has not been gifted a photo from a single villager.
53 — Maria Cantwell, D-Wash.
Senator Cantwell is one of the many Animal Crossing players who just went all-in on waterfalls. I appreciate the amount of work that must’ve gone into it, but by all reports it’s difficult to navigate and basically identical to every other waterfall-themed island. Boring!
52 — Todd C. Young, R-Ind.
I guess he was assigned some stupid, quirky Senate duty where one person is in charge of giving everyone candy or something, so he has to collect a ton during the Halloween event and then just spread it around the island so other senators can take it as they please. That kind of limits his design options.
51 — Mark Kelly, D-Ariz.
I thought I would be excited for this one, but apparently he just dumped all the space furniture out in the open, without any thought towards a greater design. He clearly spent a great deal of time collecting all the items, but what’s the point if you’re just going to display them all willy-nilly?
50 — Lindsey Graham, R-S.C.
Senator Graham is very private about his Animal Crossing island, and despite the fact that I think he’s totally evil, I want to respect that boundary. The one detail I’ll share is that there’s a weird amount of ladybug models.
49 — Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass.
Listen, I think the attacks against her disputed American Indian heritage are unfair, but she really shouldn’t have prominently featured the totem pole in her entrance.
48 — Mike Rounds, R-S.D.
Based on the descriptions I’ve seen, I couldn’t pick Senator Rounds’ island out of a lineup if I had a gun to my head.
47 — John Barrasso, R-Wyo.
Wait. Shit. That thing I just said about not being able to pick Senator Rounds’ island out of a lineup? I think I meant it about this one. Maybe it’s both. Honestly, these are all starting to blur together. This legislature is, as a whole, profoundly unimpressive.
46 — Joni Ernst, R-Iowa
All I know about her island is that she only has Pig villagers and she spends all her time following them around, menacing them with an axe. She doesn’t even speak to them. My curiosity is piqued!
45 — Amy Klobuchar, D-Minn.
Klobuchar’s villagers literally never talk about her. It’s weird. I didn’t even know it was possible. It’s like she refuses to interact with them at all.
44 — Bob Menendez, D-N.J.
He puts a lot of work into his island, but he’s just chasing trends. Ultimately, it’s not good or bad; it’s just stuff you’ve seen a million times before.
43 — Deb Fischer, R-Neb.
Senator Fischer somehow has several islands, though it’s unclear how she obtained them. She keeps them almost entirely empty, reportedly so her bull and cow villagers can “graze,” whatever that means.
42 — Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y.
It’s tough to make heads or tails of this one. First of all, there are far more testimonials online about Senator Schumer’s island than any other senator, almost like he’s promoting it. The accounts are quite divided, though. Some say it’s a parade of half measures with no payoff; others claim there’s some sort of master plan that hasn’t yet come to fruition. Color me skeptical-yet-curious!
41 — Bob Casey Jr., D-Pa.
It’s a cool enough Elegantcore island, complete with a charming riverside cafe. That aesthetic is a bit undermined by the fact that Senator Casey reposts all of his quirky Tweets on the Bulletin Board.
