26. Gex: Enter the Gecko
Gex: Enter the Gecko is the only funny game ever made because it understands that the most important rule of comedy is repetition. “Stick that in your pipe and smoke it” may not be funny the first 30 times you hear it, but by the 400th? Hilarious.
27. Breath of Fire III
It can be really hard to explain what a furry is to your kid unless they’ve seen Rei from Breath of Fire III. Once they’ve seen Ryu’s hot tiger dad they’ll get why you and your partner have those suits in the back of your closet.
28. Oddworld: Abe’s Oddessy
This game was way too hard for you to ever beat, but your kid doesn’t know that. Just keep saying, “If I do it for you you’ll never learn.”
29. Tomb Raider
Back in the ’90s, Tomb Raider was the hottest thing around. Unfortunately, Tomb Raider went woke when they put pants on Lara Croft back in 2015. Make sure your kids grow up with the real shorts-wearing, polygonal-boobed icon.
30. Spider-Man
You’d think that with the MCU being so popular there’d be more games about Spider-Man, but there’s not. If you want your child to experience the joy of doing whatever a spider can, this is literally the only option. Weird, huh?
31. Dino Crisis
This game is just Resident Evil but with dinosaurs instead of zombies and that rules. Clearly, millennial nostalgia isn’t enough to get Capcom back in the dino saddle so we’re going to need to generate a new generation of ironic fans for Capcom to exploit. Get on it, parents.
32. Crash Team Racing
Oh, Mario is better than Crash because he has Mario Kart? Crash Team Racing has such memorable characters as Crash, Girl-Crash, and that one boss. Checkmate, hypothetical child who’s weirdly invested in a 25-year-old console war!
33. Time Crisis
This game literally doesn’t work on modern televisions. When your kid sees you spending half an hour setting things up just to play this game they’ll be obligated to say they like it even if they don’t.
34. X-Men vs. Streetfighter
Marvel vs. Capcom is a much better game, but there are just too many characters to keep track of. It’ll jeopardize your status as an alpha nerd if they ask who someone is and you don’t know. So, unless you know who the hell Captain Commando is you’re better off sticking with this smaller roster of 90’s cartoon X-Men and Street Fighter characters.
35. Wild Arms
After decades of whistling the opening theme of Wild Arms, you’ll finally have someone in your life who recognizes it and gives you a little nod. Isn’t that why we have kids in the first place?
36. Ape Escape
You owned Ape Escape as a kid but couldn’t convince your parents to buy a dual analog controller. Making your kid play this monkey-catching game in its entirety while they whine about wanting to play Roblox instead proves you’re a good parent.
37. Gran Turismo
According to the movie Gran Turismo, a lifetime of playing the game Gran Turismo will turn your kid into a professional racecar driver. David Harbour would never lie to you, so it must be true.
38. Star Wars: Masters of Terras Kasi
Take your kids back to a simpler time before (whichever director you hate) ruined the Star Wars franchise forever with (whichever Star Wars movie you hate).
39. Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden
You traveled to the next town over and spent hundreds of dollars to get this untranslated Japanese game you heard might have Wing Zero in it. Don’t get too depressed when your kid just downloads a ROM with a fan translation for free in under a minute.
40. Championship Bass
What, are you gonna take your kids fishing in real life? During allergy season!?
41. Legend of Dragoon
Uh oh, it turns out this game is kind of bad. But you’ve already been hyping it up for the past few weeks as one of the greatest RPGs of all time. You already made them play like 10 PS1 RPGs that are better, and now they’re asking when it gets good. Oh no.
42. Spyro the Dragon
The other big mascot platformer of the PS1 era after Crash Bandicoot. Maybe bring in your little brother to talk about how it connects to Skylanders. Are kids still into those games?
43. Xenogears
Save yourself a trip to church when your kid starts asking about God. Just sit them down with this JRPG and they’ll learn all they need to know about god. If they still have questions you can always move on to Xenosaga.
44. Mega Man Legends
I’m pretty sure this is the only Mega Man worth playing. The 2D games are way too hard and boring and they probably haven’t aged very well, unlike this perfect gem of a game.
45. Chrono Cross
Speaking of games that are way better than the boring old Nintendo originals, skip over Chrono Trigger and straight to the vastly superior Chrono Cross. Can you believe the original used pixels instead of polygons? What a joke.
46. Wipeout XL
It’s hard to understate how much weirder racing games used to be. You can show your kids how true this is by making them play this futuristic racing game where you can permanently destroy your opponent’s vehicles like a more violent, cyberpunk Mario Kart.
47. Star Ocean: Second Story
This game is so good that you still buy every Star Ocean game that comes out even though almost all of them are bad. Your kid liking this game will validate all of those purchases. But if they don’t like it you’ll begin to question every choice you’ve made since 1998. But hey, what are the odds they won’t like it?
48. Bubsy 3D
Widely hailed as one of the worst games of all time, save Bubsy 3D as punishment. The controls and camera were considered bad 30 years ago, just imagine how tortuous they must be to a kid whose first 3D platformer was Super Mario Odyssey.
49. Parasite Eve
There’s a whole level of this game where you’re just trying to stop the villain from stealing some sperm to get herself pregnant. Depending on where you live, that’s better sex ed than they’ll get at school. Thanks, Square.
50. Digimon World
If you grew up as a Digimon kid you’re morally obligated to make your kid play Digimon World and keep insisting it’s better than any Pokemon game. Nintendo may have won the Pokemon vs. Digimon war but that doesn’t mean you have to let the blood feud die.
Continue Reading:
1 2