ATLANTA — Hypnotist Vincent LeMaine wowed the employees of Park ‘N Fly, Inc. last week when he successfully got DOOM to run on an audience volunteer’s mind during the company’s annual awards banquet at the Radisson Hotel Atlanta Airport, according to sources within the company.
“Gamers have been installing DOOM on any and every type of computing device for decades, and what is the human brain if not the most powerful, most energy-efficient computer in the known universe?” LeMaine explained, deftly altering his cadence to get us to focus on his voice and only his voice. “If I could play it on my 386-based PC with four megabytes of RAM back in 1993, surely I could get it to run on a volunteer’s one-exaflop organic processor.”
Using the power of suggestion, LeMaine explained to shuttle driver Wayne “Curly” Jackson, who had somehow instantly fallen into a deep sleep after just the count of three, that he was installing the original DOOM on his brain and to please be patient, as he had to swap four floppy disks in and out of the A: drive. When Jackson awoke, LeMaine said, he would feel refreshed and be able to play the revolutionary first-person shooter by just thinking about it.
“Our lives have been an absolute nightmare since that day,” said a visibly shaken Lisa Jackson. “My husband can’t sleep, he gets spontaneous nosebleeds, he keeps yelling, ‘I’m too young to die!’ Wayne thinks he is actually in the game, that he is a space marine. I pleaded with Mr. LeMaine to at least get Curly to type ‘IDDQD’ with his thoughts, but all he said was, ‘That’s not how it works,’ before blocking my number.”
Experts are calling what happened to Wayne Jackson “getting Jumanji’d.” Friends and family have reported seeing Mr. Jackson press random spots on walls at his home, frantically repeat “I need the BFG! Where is the BFG?” in between episodes of sheer panic, and crying about losing contact with UAC. In rare moments of lucidity, Mr. Jackson has horrified his wife with descriptions of his view into portals of Hell.
When asked for comment, DOOM co-creator and game designer John Romero said: “Goddamn, that sounds so metal.”
At press time, Mr. Jackson was spotted clucking like a chicken when someone said the word “Cacodemon.”
REDMOND, WA – Aging archeologist, Indiana Jones is on the hunt for the long-lost well paying entry level position. He confirmed as much as I followed him (against his wishes) through the abandoned husk of Microsoft’s Headquarters.
“This office used to live in harmony. They worshiped a god known as John 117, they called him Master Chief,” Indy explained as we tiptoed through an innocent looking hallway. “All that changed when office elders converted to worshiping subscription numbers and stock values. These entities demanded sacrifice, so the elders struck down many men, women, and interns, to appease them.”
It was at this moment that I inadvertently tripped a wire, cutting Indy’s monologue short.
“Look out!” he shouted as he pulled me back into his arms. Where I once stood, an assault rifle equipped with a chainsaw swung back-and-forth. I admired the innovation of this ancient tool.
“This office used to take chances. Used to support people with big ideas. Then the elders got greedy,” Indy continued as he chopped through layers of electrical cords blocking our path. “The elders wanted the ideas to themselves. They absorbed other offices, took their ideas, and sacrificed their people. They did this for decades. Office after office. Acquired, drained of ideas, and then drained of their living wages.”
With my next step the ground sunk down. The walls around us opened up. Indy turned to me.
“Run!”
We darted down the hall as pink needles shot out from both walls. A glimpse back revealed that the needles were pursuing us. I feared our demise, as we passed numerous skeletons. Quick of wit, Indy tossed up a lion-shaped skull that captured every needle before exploding. The explosion kicked us into the next room, where our landing was softened by a mountain of physical copies of Skyrim. Sliding down the mountain of game boxes we stumbled into a lobby with a lone laptop on a pedestal.
“There it is.” Indy exclaimed, approaching the laptop. “The long-lost well paying entry level position.” He took a thumb drive out of his pocket and plugged it into the laptop. I better upload my resume. Looks like there’s already 150 other applicants.”
At press time, Indy was reentering his educational background and work experience for the second time into WeWork.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 12.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A type of Italian food made from a dough typically consisting of wheat flour, water, and sometimes eggs, which is formed into various shapes and then cooked by boiling or baking.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“S”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“P”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 384 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 11.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adverb that indicates the absence of something happening or occurring at any time in the past, present, or future.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“R”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“V”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“N”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 149 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 10.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adjective that describes food that has been cooked in oil or fat until it becomes crispy and golden brown on the outside.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“D”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“I”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“R”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“F”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 321 days straight! So here goes nothing:
2024 has barely just begun but thanks to Horizon Forbidden West’s PC release date we already have a frontrunner for Game of the Year: Dragon’s Dogma 2.
The long-awaited sequel to Capcom’s action RPG is set to release one day after Horizon Forbidden West is released for PC, ensuring that it enters the Game of the Year conversation.
Game Awards host and advertisement curator Geoff Keighley spoke on this early Game of the Year conversation.
“Obviously it’s still early and the game hasn’t come out yet but it comes out a day after Horizon Forbidden West so that guarantees it’s gonna be one of the best games of the year. Will it win Game of the Year? Who’s to say? But as of now, based on this release date it should be a generation-defining experience. Not unlike the generation experience of drinking a cool refreshing Mountain Dew Baja Blast which is available in stores nationwide all 2024,” said Keighley.
Capcom says they’re honored to have the recognition for their work.
“We knew when we were making this game that it was going to be one of our best, but we didn’t realize just how special it would be until we saw the Horizon Forbbiden West PC release date. Once we discovered that our game comes out a day after we threw a party to celebrate,” said game director Shoichi Takashida.
Guerilla Games are taking the news in stride.
“I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit of a bummer to be overshadowed again but at the same time, it is nice to be the herald of incredible games. Whenever we announce a game, people know that one of the greatest games of all time will be released within the week so they look forward to our announcements. And our games still do great once they go on sale,” said Guerilla spokesperson Simon Feck.
At press time, Guerilla Games is currently developing a new Horizon project that they’re aiming to release a couple of days before Elder Scrolls 6.
Clicking play on a new YouTube video can be a stressful experience. You cannot help worrying that this content creator is gonna fill your ears with sweet-sounding lies and false hope just like everyone else. Well, fret not, because you have finally found what you are looking for: a YouTuber that is gonna be real with you unlike other YouTubers.
What a relief!
After watching countless videos filled with nothing but falsehoods and exaggerations, you have found the holy grail: a YouTuber that is not going to bullshit you. They are not gonna mislead you or jerk you around. And yeah, it is gonna be tough hearing what they have to say, but wouldn’t you rather hear the truth? Wouldn’t you rather watch a video where the creator shrugs their shoulders and says, “I know that’s what I’d want”?
The YouTube algorithm might feed you video after video of pipedreams, but this creator is different. They are going to look directly into the camera with a frustration that says “I’m fed up” and a head shake that says “enough is enough.” Finally! A well-lit performance of integrity is exactly what you have been looking for!
This YouTuber, who will say everything but “I’m not like the other girls,” is going to give you a steady stream of real talk and hard facts for the duration of the video. Even when they get to the sponsored portion, and you’re thinking this is where the unadulterated truth ends, they are gonna tell you that they would not advertise this product if they did not use it themselves. You never even dreamed of this ethical standard!
It is incredible that a YouTuber would risk alienating people with difficult-to-swallow truths, so maybe give them a like or subscribe so they can keep being real and honest in future videos. It goes without saying that they hate to ask you this.
SAN DIEGO — Well-known Simon Belmont cosplayer John Harmon has chosen to honor the Castlevania game series by going completely method, eating a diet that consists solely of fully cooked turkeys that he discovers behind walls.
“I’m fully committed; before I walk up any stone steps I find, I first kneel before them and whip over and over again to see if I can destroy the stones and reveal some delicious wall meat,” said Harmon as he walked carefully to avoid falling into any body of water, which he insisted would kill him instantly. “I just think most of the other cosplayers aren’t all in like I am, and it’s sad. Most of them aren’t even immortal, and at least half of them haven’t even taken the time to recognize the attack patterns of their enemies.”
Other cosplayers in the scene reported being annoyed with John’s insistence on always staying in character.
“That dude is the worst; every time I see him, he yells, ‘Die monster. You don’t belong in this world!’ and throws holy water at my feet while double jumping all over the place,” said Dracula cosplayer Henry Connely as he fumbled with his plastic vampire teeth. “I can respect him being committed, but at some point you have to give it a rest. It’s been years since I saw that man eat anything that wasn’t first encased betwixt the hallowed stones of an ancient castle.”
Writer Cornelius Bonepart has been studying the strange habits of cosplayers for years and has chronicled his findings in his new book, Not Cosplayin’ Around.
“You see this kind of behavior in the more extreme cosplayers; I once saw a man in an ill-fitting Mario costume die trying to dive into a sewer pipe,” said Cornelius, while proudly showing off crime scene photos of the incident in question. “At the end of the day, if John Harmon is getting all of the proper nutrients he needs, there is not much you can really do. I say, let them eat turkey.”
“In a way, these people are artists in their own right; I mean, no one got their undies in a twist when Daniel Day Lewis was waltzing around telling everyone he was Abraham Lincoln, and this is just as, if not more, artistically valid.” Bonaparte added. “We must simply get out of the way and let the genius of cosplay flourish!”
At press time, John Harmon announced that he would take his efforts even further, spending his nights searching for battle axes hidden somehow inside of antique candelabras.
Murderbrawl XXXI’s main event of The Stillwater Butcher vs. Killbane has caught the eye of Dave Meltzer of Wrestling Observer Newsletter, being awarded the illustrious 5-star rating which will cement the match as a modern classic.
“What an astounding feat in the world of professional wrestling. The return of Angel De LaMuerte was something that nobody had backstage knowledge about in 2011. Murderbrawl XXXI’s main event had it all. Blood, sweat, revenge, an unmasking, and egregious murders,” said Dave Meltzer. “In all my days, I have never seen a double turn happen quite like this. The Stillwater Butcher comes out the heel and with the help of LaMuerte, becomes and shames the face of the promotion after unmasking Killbane.”
Meltzer also addressed Killbane’s Luchadores and the moment of silence he had for them.
“Your boss is a psychopathic murderer in a criminal organization. His opponent is also a psychopathic murderer in a criminal organization, The Third Street Saints. No matter which way you look at it, you’re a jobber and you are not going to have a good time. Being a jobber is career suicide, but in Murderbrawl it will result in your death,” Meltzer further explains. “You come out to the ring wielding a urinal, a shark, a blow-up doll, anything, and your opponent gets a chainsaw from the crowd? This is a shoot pal, you’re dead. The sounds of Joe Esposito’s “You’re The Best” won’t drown out your screams.”
Bryan Alvarez took to X (formerly Twitter) to further elaborate on Meltzer’s review.
“I watched The Stillwater Butcher’s training tapes and they are the real deal. Flinging yourself into oncoming traffic, driving with a tiger in the passenger seat, and causing unparalleled property destruction are the hallmarks of a real workhorse. I’ve known Dave for a long time, and I can recognize when he sees something special.”
Meltzer further explains why despite his enthusiasm, it doesn’t exceed 5 stars.
“Let’s look at it this way, it’s on the same level but isn’t better than the Texas Deathmatch between Jon Moxley and Hangman Page. Nor is this Will Ospreay, Kenny Omega, or anything in the Tokyo Dome. This is the criminal underbelly of Steelport legitimately going for the kill. Don’t get me wrong, Angel De LaMuerte is Hall of Fame material, but he’s got a little too much “Angelmania, brother,” energy that a 450 Splash can’t fix. The Stillwater Butcher could’ve had a real damn good wrestling career but I hear nowadays they’re planning to run for president.”
As of writing, The Stillwater Butcher will be auctioning Killbane’s mask to raise campaign funds as a third-party candidate in the Saints Party.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 9.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adjective that means inflexible, or not easily bent.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“F”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“F”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“I”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“S”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 449 days straight! So here goes nothing:
