Man Found Decomposing in Gaming Chair Waiting for Friend to Get On

Posted on by Drew Saunders

BALTIMORE – Parents of 15-year-old Josh Miller were shocked to find the decomposing corpse of their son last Wednesday, according to police. Crime scene photos of his gaming rig show nothing but a pile of rotting flesh wearing a headset. Investigators have ruled the cause as accidental after his friend Michael failed to play video games with him.

“I’m devastated, to say the least,” said Michael. “I got home from school and wanted to make a quick snack. After eating, I accidentally took a nap, and by the time I woke up, I sort of just forgot. Because of that, Josh is no longer with us today.”

Michael proceeded to show the last text messages between him and Josh: a simple “hop on fort,” followed by “bet.”

“I want everyone reading to know the dangers of not getting on the game with your friends,” Michael added. “Don’t make the mistakes that I did. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life, and the only thing I can do now is change.”

Josh’s parents were too distraught to make a statement. Lawyers for the family presented a statement for the media.

“We cannot begin to describe the pain we have endured this week. We have nothing left of our son besides this sweet HyperX gaming headset. We decided to hang it on the mantle in his honor,” the statement reads. “I hope all parents understand the importance of making sure your kids don’t get mixed up with the wrong crowd of people who never hop on the game when they say they’re going to.”

Miller’s school held a special assembly to spread awareness of trying to link up with the worst friends ever who don’t actually ‘lock in’ to game time. Many of Miller’s loved ones prepared speeches to honor his memory. Students have even started wearing gaming headsets during school hours. With the help of the community, this reporter believes steps will be taken so a tragedy like this never befalls this community again.

Game Developer Gets Choked up Before Showing the Most Violent Shit You’ve Seen All Night

Posted on by Brendan Osorio

If you thought the game awards were all ads and loud noises you were wrong, sources confirmed. There’s plenty of touching moments in between, like a developer getting choked up before showing the most insanely violent thing you’ve ever seen. p

“I’m just so proud of this team and all the work it took to make this game happen” he says right before we see a child cry in front of her dying mother, begging whatever god there is or isn’t to spare her life. “I just can’t wait for everyone to play it”

As he wipes away his tears we too wipe away our own as the child is left motherless and everyone she’s ever known is murdered in front of her eyes in a game we’ll never buy because it’ll be $69.99 and an Epic Games Store Exclusive probably.

Fun Fact: Tonight Technically the 20th Annual Game Awards, as Geoff Did This Alone in Apartment for 10 Years Before It Was Filmed

Posted on by Hard Drive Reporter

A fun fact for gamers watching the Game Awards tonight: this is actually the 20th year of the game awards.

Despite several references to this being the 10th anniversary of the Game Awards, according to sources close to the show, Geoff Keighley actually performed 10 years of full length award shows inside his old apartment, alone, before cameras started to film him.

“Oh yeah Geoff?” one friend who asked to remain anonymous said. “We’d be sitting down for lunch and he’d rattle of 5 game awards for best customer service, best collector’s edition packaging, etc. None of it made sense. Dude is not well.”

Hard Drive has yet to confirm the authenticity of these reports, but honestly the whole thing is so dark we don’t want to look into it.

Man Cannot Wait to Play Movie-Game-Thing

Posted on by Hard Drive Reporter

A local man cannot wait to play the movie-game-thing Hideo Kojima and Jordan Peele are collaborating on, if “play” is what you do with the thing.

“Oh boy I can’t wait to play… or watch this thing,” the man said between shrieks of excitement. “Or be immersed in it — or BY it?”

“I don’t care what it is, I want it and I want it now.”

Hard Drive will continue to report on this story as more “avengers” are revealed.

Arkham Knight Wins ‘Most Broken at Launch’ Category at Game Awards for Second Time

Posted on by Alex Kitsinger

The Batman: Arkham Trilogy released on Nintendo Switch on December 1st managed to win the ‘Most Broken at Launch’ category for the second time, after previously winning in 2015.

“This was a really competitive category this year,” Said Presenter Geoff Keighley while introducing the nominees. “You had the PC release of The Last of Us Part I, which managed to both look and run poorly even on top shelf hardware. You also had the PC port of Jedi: Survivor, which is the worst PC release since the original Final Fantasy 7, but the Game Award has to go to the Switch port of Arkham Knight. This thing runs so fucking terribly it’s a wonder it looks as bad as it does.”

The Devs responsible for the port gave a heartwarming speech while accepting the award.

“When we won this award for the PC version of the game back in 2015, we were definitely surprised. I mean, we removed the game from storefronts for four months, but we were competing against some real industry titans, like Assassin’s Creed Syndicate and Fallout 4,” said one dev while his graphic tee failed to load a higher resolution texture.

“We really went all in on this port. We completely removed ambient occlusion so everything looks as flat and lifeless as possible, and those water effects from the original release that everybody absolutely adores? Those are completely gone as well. We made sure the framerate was as motion-sickness inducing as possible, with incredibly inconsistent frame times and even worse freezing and stuttering. We at Rocksteady are all so proud that we were able to make so many gamers incredibly disappointed, and we’re honored to receive this award again.”

Tips for Getting Started in Game of the Year ‘Baldur’s Gate 3’

Posted on by Camden Brazile

Baldur’s Gate 3 just won Game of The Year at the 2023 Game Awards, and while many players are enjoying the traditional RPG, others may not be used to the rules and characters of Dungeons & Dragons. If you’re thinking of checking the game out but are unsure what to do, here are some tips for getting started in Baldur’s Gate 3! 

Turn On Your PC

Fucking duh. Idiot.

Bid Farewell to Your Friends and Family

You don’t need them anymore.

Watch the 2007 Thriller Film ‘Michael Clayton’ Starring George Clooney

While it won’t give you any tips or strategy for the game, it’s just something everyone should do

Fully Romance Yourself

In Baldur’s Gate’s complex romance options, the game stresses that you cannot learn to love a companion or NPC before you learn to love yourself. Be sure to affirm yourself before every quest and become more accepting of you own reflection with every level up.

Diaper Up

You won’t max out your entire party if you have to walk all the way down the hall to defecate

If You Get Stuck, Have A Full-On Fucking Breakdown

The game isn’t always easy, so remember that if you’re struggling to launch into a depressive spiral wondering if the game is fun, if games in general are fun, if everyone in your life hates you, and if anyone would even care if you disappeared.

Take A Shower

If we tell you this gives you +1 Dexterity, will you do it?

Explore the Tea-Making Skill Tree

Many beginners will hit a wall later in the game due to an under leveled Chamomile stat

Start A Roth IRA Account

No matter what class or morality path you choose, it’s never too early to start saving for your party’s retirement

Don a Sensible Cardigan

Though they’ll be conquering perilous dungeons and vanquishing lethal foes, make sure your party can be comfortable yet fashionable with a light wool button-up sweater.

Play ‘Baldur’s Gate 2’ In-Game

Upon progressing to a certain point in the game, your party can build a bespoke PC gaming rig to settle down from a busy day questing with a few hours of Baldur’s Gate 2.

 

Nintendo Sends Cease & Desist to Game Awards For Showing Tears of the Kingdom Footage

Posted on by Raven

Nintendo’s legal department ordered The Game Awards not to show copyright-protected gameplay footage of its games, specifically noting The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, during awards show’s annual ceremony this December.

“This is disappointing, but I wouldn’t want to strain our great relationship with the Big N,” said Geoff Keighley, host and executive producer of The Game Awards, said on stage after getting a note handed to him. “They’ve put out a lot of amazing games this year, including not one but two Game of the Year nominees,” Keighley noted, referring to Tears of the Kingdom and Super Mario Wonder, which is also affected by the cease and desist. “I guess we’ll just give game of the year to an anonymous title and people will have to figure it out.

Hard Drive reached out to Nintendo of America for comment, and received the following form letter:

“Nintendo is committed to protecting its intellectual property rights from all forms of infringement. Unaltered uploads of gameplay footage reproduce part of the experience of Nintendo’s games for individuals who did not pay for the privilege. So do altered uploads of gameplay footage, reviews, parodies, remixes of copyrighted music, fan-made games featuring copyrighted characters, Super Smash Bros. tournaments, and repeated requests that Nintendo make previously released games available for purchase again. No, we are never going to put Gamecube games on Nintendo Switch Online or similar services. Especially not the rare ones that cost upwards of $200 on eBay. Shut up already.”

Despite the controversy surrounding Nintendo’s long history of legal threats, other game developers support the decision. Bethesda’s Todd Howard applauded Nintendo and expressed gratitude:

“This could be huge. They can’t keep the games on as nominees without footage to show, right? This means they’re gonna free up two Game of the Year slots, for sure. This is how Starfield can still win,” said Howard, shortly before The Game Awards announced Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon and Final Fantasy XVI as the new nominees. “We’re a shoo-in, this time for sure!”

The Day Before Release Time: When Does The Day Before Come Out?

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

The controversial game The Day Before was once the most-wishlisted game on Steam (just barely down to second place now with a count of 262K). With the game finally on the verge of release, you might be wondering exactly what time you can step into its immersive open-world sandbox set in real-world New York City, so find out everything there is to know in this release guide for The Day Before.

When Does The Day Before Release?

The Day Before has been given a simultaneous global release date of the 7th of December at 10AM PST. For other regions, that translates to the following times:

  • GMT: Dec. 7, 6 PM
  • Europe: Dec. 7, 7 PM
  • Eastern Time: Dec. 7, 1 PM EST
  • Central Time: Dec. 7, 12 PM CST
  • Mountain Time: Dec. 7, 11 AM MST
  • Pacific Time: Dec. 7, 10 AM PST
  • Korea: Dec 8, 3 AM KST
  • Japan: Dec 8, 3 AM JST
  • Australia: Dec 8, 5 AM AET

https://twitter.com/playdaybefore/status/1726659880764035261

Is The Day Before On Game Pass?

No, not at this time. The Day Before is currently exclusive to the Steam Store, and no announcements have been made regarding inclusion in the Microsoft Game Store or Game Pass. Nor has there been any indication of an Epic Games Store or GOG release at this time.

When Does The Day Before Come To Consoles?

There have been no announcements for porting The Day Before to either Xbox or PlayStation as of now. It’s worth noting that developer Fntastic’s previous release, Propnight from 2021, remains exclusive to PC as well, just over two years since its release.

What Is The Day Before?

The Day Before is an MMO survival game based in the post-pandemic open-world of the US East Coast, not unlike Ubisoft’s The Division. Aside from contending with a variety of zombies, players will also have to either best or befriend humans, both AI and real, while scrounging for supplies and crafting items. Vehicular gameplay adds another layer to the sandbox experience. All in all, The Day Before evokes several other similar games, including DayZ and Dying Light among others, but sets itself apart with its post-apocalyptic rendering of real-world New York City.

That’s everything there is to know about The Day Before ahead of its Early Access release on Steam. Check out our guides coverage of another hit multiplayer survival game: Lethal Company, such as the best mods for it, and getting massive 100-player lobbies up and running.