Epic Games Makes New Employee Attend a Couple Meetings With Bots to Grow Accustomed to Office

CARY, N.C. — A new employee at Epic Games reportedly attended several meetings populated with bots before being let into one with human coworkers, unbeknownst to him, sources have confirmed. 

“Well, that went well,” said Wes Crandall, following his employee initiation meeting that he unknowingly participated in alongside 99 shockingly lifelike robots. “I didn’t expect to hold my own in a meeting right away on day one, but I really did! I was shy at first, but once I got comfortable and won a few of those stupid games I started to loosen up in there. Everyone was laughing at all my jokes, and by the end one girl asked me to meet up for drinks after work sometime. I just couldn’t believe it. Man, I really fucking crushed it in there. I can’t wait for some more meetings.”

The unconventional style of onboarding new employees by having them interact with robots was defended by Epic executives, who insist their workers’ best interests are in mind. 

“We know it can be really overwhelming if you get hired and come to a meeting and suddenly you’re in there with guys that have been coming to these for years, just shooting off feedback and shielding themselves from criticism,” said Tim Sweeney, CEO of Epic Games. “So we just like to ease the new hire in by giving them an accurate simulation of how one of these meetings might go. It helps to give our newest workers a lot of confidence before they see how unprepared they truly are for our toxic culture in a week or two.” 

As of press time, Crandall had been asked to leave his first fully staffed meeting shortly after it started due to a series of poorly received comments. 

Diablo 4 Pre-Order Bonus Guide: How to Claim & Collect

Diablo 4 players who purchased one of the more expensive versions of the game are now able to play for themselves, but some may be looking for how to claim their pre-order bonus. Unfortunately, it’s not something that’s done automatically. But, the good news is that the process to collect this bonus is pretty straightforward. Here’s how to claim the Diablo IV pre-order bonus.

How to Claim Diablo 4 Pre-Order Bonus

For your pre-order mount rewards, you unfortunately can’t claim them until you unlock them by playing the main story. Keep an eye out for the quest “Mount: Donan’s Favor” to unlock the use of mounts. This quest won’t unlock until you finish Act III, though, so it’ll be some time before you can use them. Luckily, once you unlock the use of mounts, you’ll find your pre-order bonus mounts and mount gear available at the stable! You get two mounts and two types of mount armor for the Digital Deluxe & Ultimate Editions.

The other available pre-order bonus in Diablo 4 itself is the Wings of the Creator emote. You can find this by opening your emote wheel with up on your controller’s directional pad (or the corresponding keybind on PC) and pressing the button to customize (triangle on PlayStation). Here, in the first emote tab, you can find your shiny new emote. However, this emote is only available to Ultimate Edition pre-orders.

The other Diablo IV pre-order bonus is getting to skip 20 battle pass tiers with the Ultimate Edition. With the game’s battle pass still coming soon, it’s presumed this reward will be automatically redeemed when it does.

That’s it for the pre-order bonus rewards in Diablo 4! You can also claim your rewards for three other games with your associated Battle.net account. These include Diablo 3World of Warcraft, and Diablo Immortal

In Diablo 3, go ahead and navigate to your Diablo Shop menu, and go to Collection. This will let you claim your pet and wings! 

For your Diablo Immortal goodies, go to “Events” and find “Diablo IV Pre-Order Reward.” Tap on this option to claim to collect your Winged Darkness cosmetic set!

You can find the World of Warcraft bonus in your mount journal. Navigate there and you should find your Amalgam of Rage mount!

That’s all you need to know to claim your Diablo 4 pre-order bonus across four different games! While you’re prepping to play, check out our guide on how to show FPS in Diablo 4!

Diablo 4 Error Code 315306 “Unable to Find a License” Explained

Diablo 4 should now be available to players who pre-ordered one of the game’s more pricy editions, but it seems error code 315306 had other plans. It seems that players are being met with this unwelcome error, particularly on PlayStation. When greeted with Error Code 315306, there’s only one unfortunate fix that players can turn to: patience.

What Does Diablo 4 Error Code 315306 Mean?

What does Error Code 315306 mean in Diablo IV?

At the moment, it seems that the error isn’t anything on the player’s end, just a launch day issue. Luckily, this means there isn’t anything weird going on with your game’s license, despite what the error message says. Unfortunately, though, this means the only real solution is persistence, to keep attempting to log in.

You can also keep an eye on the issue on the Blizzard Forums, where developers are actively working on a solution and keeping players in the loop. Another good place to keep an eye on is the Blizzard CS Twitter, where players will likely be informed on what the issue is, and more importantly, when Diablo 4 Error Code 315306 will be fixed.

The only current solution to the problem is to wait it out. Luckily, it’s been a great year for games, and there’s still plenty to play! Waiting out the launch with Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom isn’t a bad idea, but hopefully the wait won’t be too long!

Review: Street Fighter 6 Is Fun, But Why Can’t I Build a Helicopter Out of Sticks?

Street Fighter 6 is here, and honestly, it’s one of the best fighting games I’ve played in years. Not only is it a fun and polished fighter, but the single player World Tour mode is an absolute revelation. I’ve been waiting for something like this to come to the series for 30 years! And now it’s finally here, just two weeks after The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, so I’m also kind of wondering why the fuck I can barely do anything? It’s honestly pretty frustrating at times. 

Don’t get me wrong, the addition of the Yakuza inspired exploration of Metro City is fantastic. It’s not only a clever way to help flesh out the finer points of the game’s controls, but also an entertaining story that brings to life a truly hilarious one-of-a-kind world. That’s pretty cool! But there’s a bunch of stuff laying around all the time, normal stuff, sticks and magazines and whatnot, and you can’t do shit with them! Can’t craft powerful hybrid weapons, can’t build functional machinery, nothing! Ultimately, Street Fighter 6 gets a lot right, but your ability to apply your creativity is limited to which attacks and special moves you use in combat. That’s it. It’s a pretty big letdown. 

It’s not that I think every game should let you build and fuse and all of that, it’s just that, well, I don’t know. Couldn’t they? 

I don’t want to be cynical here. I really, really liked the game. The fighting is great, the character designs are impressive, the online all seems to be working pretty solidly so far. Everything that’s there is great. I really did like it. 

But I just want to stress again that you don’t build anything in this game. No rafts, no little trolley cars, NOTHING. A shocking misfire from the long-time developers at Capcom, who usually have their fingers on the pulse of gaming. 

In short, Street Fighter 6 is fun, great even, but if we have to wait until Street Fighter 7 to see a worthy crafting system be added to the World Tour mode, well, it may be too late for this once dominant series to stay relevant I’m afraid. 

Mark Roebuck (90 minutes played for review) 

The 8 Biggest Controversies in Gaming History

Every day there’s a new huge controversy that hits the gaming scene. Well it took months to compile, but here’s the 8 craziest times things got iffy in the gaming sphere!

Cain SWATs Abel

The first ever gaming controversy, the older son of Adam and Eve succumbed to jealousy and called in a SWAT team on his younger brother while he was streaming

Billy Mitchell 

The former ‘King of Kong’ shocked fans by revealing that a middle-aged man with a strange haircut and piano tie that’s obsessed with arcade games could turn out to be a shady character

When the Lights at E3 Suddenly Went Out and Came Back on to Reveal Ninja Dead in the Middle of the Convention Floor

With the room  filled with colorful characters, each with their own motives to off the blue-haired Fortnite streamer, a daring who-dunnit occurred during the E3 streamer panel

Jerma Leaves His Stream for 45 Seconds to Use the Bathroom

Fans were irate the popular streamer had the gall to pause the stream to selfishly get up and use the restroom.

When That One Gamer Did That Weird Sex Thing

This encompasses over 45 controversies in 2023 alone

PewDiePie Accidentally Massacres 6 Million Jews

The popular YouTuber certainly had egg on his face when he accidentally slaughtered six million Jews in what he claimed was just an ill-conceived joke

Spider-Man Puddles

Everyone got mad about the puddles in the Spider-Man game or something

Geoff Keighley Slits A Goose’s Throat Onstage at The Game Awards

Nobody knows how or why he did this to this day.

The Rock Announces ‘Fast & Furious’ Spin-Off Film Alongside the Corpse of Paul Walker

HONOLULU — In a selfie video posted to social media today, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson announced that he is starring in a new spin-off film of The Fast and the Furious franchise starring himself and the corpse of Paul Walker he seemingly dug up himself.

“Hope you’ve got your funderwear on…. HOBBS IS BACK!!!! And he has a friend: Brian O’Conner,” Johnson wrote in the caption of his video where he carefully holds up the rotting head of Paul Walker that he appeared to have stolen from its resting place. “Others involved in this franchise have been too scared to show what happens to our dear brother Brian… but not Hobbs. Paul and I are ready to put the past behind us and take care of this franchise, characters, & FANS that we love. Here’s to the hit new film of 2025: HOBBS & O’CONNER! ‘Daddy’s gotta go to work’ ~ Hobbs. ‘I’m still alive’ ~ Brian.”

Longtime fans of the franchise were split on the announcement.

“Ummm… Mr. Rock, sir… that man is dead,” said one commenter.

“This is so fucked up. Dwayne has hit a new fucking low with this one, holy shit. Doesn’t he know that Paul Walker dated a 16 year old?!” said another commenter.

“HELL YEA LET’S GO, THE FAMILY RIDES AGAIN!!!! HOBBS AND BRIAN FOREVER LETS FUCKING GOOOOO,” said a third commenter.

According to those at Universal Pictures, police are already en route to Johnson’s location.

“We received a call that someone may have dug up the corpse of actor Paul Walker, but now we have confirmation of the crime and the suspect’s location due to the video he posted to social media,” said police chief Jacob Skinner. “Once we have apprehended the suspect, we will turn him into the Universal lot and let the executives check to see how popular the announcement was and if they want to go through with the movie idea or not.”

At press time, Johnson was reportedly looking to dig up the body of Sung Kang, the actor who plays Han Lue in the The Fast and the Furious films, mistakenly thinking he had died in real life and not just in Tokyo Drift.

Retired Angry Bird Diagnosed With CTE

GOLDEN ISLAND — An Angry Bird who once competed on the professional level has been diagnosed with Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, or CTE, following a career of blunt force trauma to the head, sources have confirmed. 

“I wish we’d known back then what we know now,” said the retired Angry Bird, one of the red ones, about his recent diagnosis. “But with what we know today, we should no longer be paying birds millions of dollars to slingshot themselves into giant rock formations. It’s just too dangerous.” 

“The fact is though,” he continued. “That this barbaric sport has gone on for too long, and Rovio have kept a lot of damning statistics under wraps for fear it would ruin their cash cow. Shame on them, exploiting me and my friends because everyone liked their silly video game. I hope the money was worth the blood that’s on it.” 

The diagnosis is merely the latest in a string of confirmed long term injuries to not just the Angry Birds, but many beloved mobile game superstars. 

“I wish I’d pursued a different career,” said Jake, the now-grown star of the hit 2012 mobile game Subway Surfers. “Sure, the coins were nice, but the studies that have been done on being absolutely leveled by oncoming subway cars have made it clear that this isn’t a game children should be engaging in. Not without a helmet, at least.” 

As of press time, the red Angry Bird had committed suicide via a shot to the chest and had asked that his brain be studied.

Bobby Kotick Denies All Allegations of Abuse That Aren’t Captured on Tape

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — In a Variety interview published this week, Activision CEO Bobby Kotick categorically denied all allegations of abuse against him that weren’t captured on voice mails or other recording devices, sources have confirmed. 

“If you haven’t heard me saying it on tape, then it just didn’t happen,” said Kotick, who’s been embroiled in controversy ever since a 2021 Wall Street Journal reported his role in the company’s ‘frat boy culture.’ “I’ll give you an example. The voicemail where I threatened to kill my assistant in 2006? Absolutely real, and unacceptable. I remain apologetic and ashamed. Now, all of that other stuff since? The things you’ve been reading about for years, but aren’t on tape? Didn’t happen, and you’ll never prove it. How dare you.” 

The Variety piece quickly drew criticism from many that said it didn’t investigate both sides of the story properly. 

“They just talked to that asshole and took his word on everything,” said a former employee of Activision that wished to remain anonymous due to several ongoing lawsuits against her former employers. “They didn’t ask him about the ‘cube crawls,’ the ‘Cosby suite,’ the rape allegations, the bullying, the suicide, none of the things that have been widely discussed and alleged for years. Kotick just blamed it all on the union and said they were trying to ‘destabilize the company’.”

“Yeah man, love to get together with a thousand of my bros and sign a petition or stage a walkout to try and destabilize the company I work for,” she added. “After we’ve all corroborated our made up stories about the toxic workplace we all endured, of course. Fuckin’ yahoo, man.” 

Despite Kotick’s claims, most readers didn’t believe his assertions. 

“I know he’s got such a warm, trusting look about him,” said one reader. “But in my gut I just have this hunch that his entire workforce is telling the truth, and not him. I have like a sixth sense about stuff like this. Between the years of claims, lawsuits, reports, and accusations and then my gut feeling, I don’t think this Kotick guy is on the level. Hate to say it.” 

When asked for a comment, Mr. Kotick asked me to turn off my tape recorder if we “really wanted to sort this thing out.” 

Did You Play Educational Games In the Computer Lab During Lunch? Try Return of the Obra Dinn

In the pre-smartphone days, there were few options if you found yourself sitting alone at lunch. Being assigned to lunch Period C while the rest of your friends group is in Period A means you’ve torn through the entire Animorphs and Goosebumps catalog and maybe even a few Stephen King books by Veterans Day.  You could play Pokemon Emerald on Game Boy Advance, but due to the brain-rotting potential of popular video games, they were banned by the school.

Since middle schoolers couldn’t  be trusted to go to the bathroom on their own, the only other place where you were permitted to spend lunch was the library, with its dubiously funded computer lab with the finest iMacs and Gateway PCs the 1990s had to offer. 

After fucking around in Microsoft Paint, looking up dirty words in Encarta, and round after round of Solitare, the Paraprofessional room monitor might deem you worthy to gaze upon the binder of “Educational” CD-ROMs: Oregon Trail, Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing, Math Blaster!, Jeopardy!, and if you’re lucky, SimCity or SimAnt, or the gold standard, Where In the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

If this first-person puzzle adventure rings true, then you’ll want to sign in at the front desk for Return of the Obra Dinn.

Created by Lucas Pope and released in 2018, the player takes the role of an insurance adjuster sent to investigate the Obra Dinn, a ship that carried an international crew and mysterious passengers and disappeared only to return five years later completely empty. 

As the Chief Inspector of Insurance & Claims of the East India Company, the player is tasked with finding out what happened to the 60 souls aboard the ghost ship. To aid in this task, there’s an unfinished log, Return of the Obra Dinn: A Catalogue of Adventure & Tragedy, and a pocket watch, the Memento Mortem. When opened around a corpse, the watch allows you to observe the moment of death. Armed with the book’s manifest, chapter headings, and ship layout, your job is to navigate through the visions conjured by the Memento Mortem to identify the remains scattered around the ship and determine the (very specific) cause of death. Once three people are correctly identified by name and fate, the game confirms they are locked in with a satisfying orchestral sting.

In addition to the unique gameplay, the game’s 3D, polygonal, pixel-based gray monochromatic visuals harken back to Cathode Ray Tube Monitors and early Macintosh computers.

If an obnoxious teacher were to stick their nose over your shoulder, you can claim the educational value by stating the gameplay requires keen observational skills and deductive reasoning combined with knowledge of history, geography, and anthropological trends to identify the characters and discover the connections between them.

And if an obnoxious classmate calls you lame for playing nerd shit, you can show them the flashbacks with their depictions of violence, gore, and monstrous creatures from the deep.

Return of The Obra Dinn goes beyond the “Makes learning fun,” traps that plagued edutainment titles of the past, it’s an engrossing mystery that harkens back to the Broderbund and Sierra titles from the 1980s.

Watching the tragedy unfold is engaging and genuinely rewarding since the puzzles are seriously challenging and the story of the cursed voyage is very well done.

Return of the Obra Dinn is worth a try if:

  • You love history, mysteries, and history’s mysteries.
  • You took Clue very seriously
  • You want to live in the world of A24’s The Lighthouse

You can give it a pass if:

  • You want to stick to games with the suffix “-em-ups”
  • You rely on brute-forcing to get through games
  • Prefer puzzles of the falling brick variety

Return of the Obra Dinn is available on macOS and Windows, Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, and Xbox One. It is listed as $19.99, but is often on sale.

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