Brody R Thompson, Author at Hard Drive

Man Lingers in Car to Finish Last 4 Hours of Podcast Real Quick

Posted on June 23, 2023 by Cameron Snow

OMAHA, Neb. — Leisurely disregarding any sense of haste, local man Ray Pittman, 38, lingered in his car to finish the last four hours of a podcast real quick before heading into a D&D session, sources confirmed.

“Ope, looks like I’m here early this time,” said Pittman, whose D&D session was scheduled to start in three minutes, before unfastening his seatbelt and reclining in his car seat. “I guess I’ve got some time to kill, so I’ll just kick back and finish the rest of this podcast real quick. No biggie.”

Pittman’s friend and fellow player, Mary Menzel, couldn’t help but express bewilderment toward Pittman’s lack of punctuality.

“Sometimes your favorite song comes on and you just can’t help but finish it before leaving the car. That is perfectly understandable,” stated Menzel. “But a full-blown podcast episode? Is his perception of time just different? Is an hour to us only a mere minute to him? This is almost like that time he accidentally glanced at a book’s cover and then became completely ensnared, unable to look away until he finished devouring its entire contents twenty hours later.”

After reciting every word to his favorite podcast episode, Pittman began to reflect.

“Don’t go anywhere, we’ll be back after this word from our sponsors! Man, that’s my favorite part,” exclaimed Pittman. “I’m so glad that, from a young age, I was instilled with this drive to finish what I start. Whether it be doing chores, finishing my homework, or sitting in a car and listening to a four hour podcast that my friends keep banging on my car window for me to turn off, I always see things through.”

At press time, Pittman was confirmed to have died after hundreds of podcast episodes kept autoplaying, preventing him from eating or drinking.

Musk and Zuckerberg Agree to Fight Just to Feel Touch of Fellow Human

Posted on June 23, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

SAN FRANCISCO — Billionaires and social media CEOs Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk have agreed to a mixed martial arts fight, mostly just to remember what it’s like to have someone touch them, sources have confirmed.

“Ah yes, a cage fight, something I’ve always been interested in,” said 51-year-old divorcee Musk. “I will start training immediately and forge myself into one of the greatest fighters this world has ever seen, much as I have conquered the worlds of business and social media. Oh hey, in MMA, do the fighters ever do that thing where they kinda hang onto each other for a while? I’m uh, just wondering. ‘Cause if not, this may have to be a boxing match!”

While chronic loneliness seems an obvious motivation for Musk to enter the physical engagement, the married Zuckerberg’s motives remain slightly less clear.

“I’ve been happily married for over a decade,” he said. “There is no loneliness here, I assure you. I have a very normal human life and I do all the normal things that people do, and my money has definitely provided me a lot of happiness. I feel very fulfilled. In fact, I have nothing to prove. I might just stand there in that cage and just let Elon wail on me, who knows? I sure would feel something, that’s for sure.”

At press time, Jeff Bezos sent a memo to all employees of Amazon asking if anyone felt like wrestling him.

James Cameron Gives Detailed Interview About How He Would’ve Destroyed Death Star

Posted on June 23, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

LOS ANGELES — Filmmaker James Cameron appeared on Anderson Cooper’s CNN show last night and gave a detailed interview about how he would’ve destroyed the Death Star had he been a part of the Battle of Yavin portrayed in Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope.

“A flukey proton torpedo shot into an exhaust port is a terrible plan,” said the auteur behind Titanic, Avatar, and many other blockbusters on yesterday’s episode of Anderson Cooper 360°. “And people say ‘Oh, but that worked for the rebels,’ but it was a fictional movie. Force or not, it’s highly improbable that shot makes it in real life. I know five ways alone I could’ve blown it up if I were in Rogue Squadron.”

When pressed for examples, Cameron supplied several.

“You could send a large enough pulsar blast and you could short circuit the whole thing, send infantry down and try to breach the surface. Or I don’t know, maybe use one of your stolen Empire landing codes to access the cockpit and initiate some sort of self destruction. You could seduce a high ranking stormtrooper. There’s any number of ways, if you’re knowledgeable about the science and techniques. I spent a lot of time in space before we shot Aliens, so I have a bit of a background here.”

The filmmaker’s dedication to the science behind his films has long been part of his method.

“I remember when we were making True Lies,” said Arnold Schwarzenegger, a frequent collaborator of Cameron’s. “And one day I was asking him about how he wanted me to do one of the stunts with the Harrier Fighter Jet. He handed his bottled water to his assistant, got in the jet, flew up in the air, then executed the move perfectly, and then landed. He threw me the keys to the jet and said, ‘Do it like that.’ He is truly one of a kind.”

As of press time, Cameron had announced that he would be making an action film with Tom Cruise that would most likely kill one or both of them.

Final Fantasy 16 Graphics or Performance: Which is Better?

Posted on June 23, 2023 by Christian Dawson

Graphics or performance mode is a big question in all modern releases, including Final Fantasy 16. As consoles have become beefier with more recent generations, graphical quality has made several leaps and bounds in gaming. This is especially apparent in the era of the PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X|S. With the introduction of 4K displays, console players are left with an important choice when playing games like Final Fantasy XVI.

Graphics options on consoles are a relatively new concept for the hardware. This is largely due to this current generation being released in a transition period for displays. 1080p is practically the standard, but some players are utilizing 1440p or even 4K displays. While the higher resolutions produce a better picture, it usually comes at the cost of a reduced framerate as the current generation of consoles isn’t quite there for delivering 4K with high frame rates.

Graphics Or Performance Mode – Final Fantasy 16

Those looking for the highest fidelity and have a 4K display can opt for Graphics Mode. This will deliver the best-looking visuals while keeping the framerate locked at 30FPS.

Performance Mode will do the opposite effect, in a manner of speaking. It will allow the game to run at a solid 60FPS, but only in resolutions up to 1440p. This reduction will tone down the heinous motion blur present in Graphics Mode.

When it comes to which mode players should choose, the biggest determining factor is if you’re utilizing a 4K display or not. If you have a 4K display and want to watch Eikons duking it out in all their glory with the understanding that it will be capped at 30FPS, then Graphics Mode is for you. Conversely, if you don’t have a 4K display, then Graphics Mode is a moot point. You’ll get the best picture possible with a much higher frame rate.

With the decision to use Graphics or Performance Mode in Final Fantasy 16 out of the way, players are free to explore the vast world of Valisthea with Clive and his entourage of rebel-rousing misfits. The most notable of these is the legendary good boy himself, Torgal. While deciding which graphics mode to choose is important, knowing if you can pet the dog is paramount to any game.

Diablo 4 Paragon Glyph Guide: How to Farm Glyphs Faster

Posted on June 23, 2023 by Michelle Pereira

The Diablo 4 post-campaign endgame will unlock a new progression mechanic called Paragon Boards–a different kind of skill tree, specifically after hitting level 50. Paragon Glyphs are items that can be socketed into these boards in order to boost the stats of nodes in their mentioned radius. This Diablo IV guide will show you how to farm these Paragon Glyphs.

Diablo 4 Paragon Glyph Guide: Farm Grim Favors

To begin farming for Paragon Glyphs, you need to have access to World Tier 3 and The Tree of Whispers, both of which unlock access to Nightmare Dungeons using Nightmare Sigils. By completing timed bounties for The Tree of Whispers, you will earn Grim Favors. Collecting ten such Grim Favors unlocks the opportunity to purchase Collections, and Greater Collections if you’re lucky, which contain a randomized assortment of loot. While you can perform these bounties on any World Tier, it is only from World Tier 3 and up that you begin receiving Nightmare Sigils as drops. Also note that the Grim Favors themselves are tracked separately on each World Tier, so any accumulated on a lower tier cannot be cashed in on World Tier 3.

Farm Nightmare Sigils – Diablo IV

Once you have acquired a single Nightmare Sigil through Whispers of the Dead bounties, you can access a Nightmare variant of a predetermined Dungeon which raises its difficulty and modifies it with between three to five affixes. Run a Nightmare Dungeon to completion to gain another Nightmare Sigil by the end, and that is ideally Tier 3 or higher. Completing a minimum Tier 3 Nightmare Dungeon will unlock Sigil Crafting at the Occultist, allowing you to salvage unwanted Sigils, and craft new ones from the resulting Sigil Powder, at your discretion.

How to Farm Paragon Glyphs in Diablo 4

Over the course of running Nightmare Dungeons, you will receive random Glyph drops with random rarities. If you have multiple Nightmare Sigils for the same Dungeon location, you can run them back to back, ignoring the mandatory reset timer entirely, and sparing yourself the travel time between Dungeons. Once you have a Glyph in your possession you can socket it into your Paragon Board.

You can then begin leveling up your Glyphs with XP, which will be done upon completing a Nightmare Dungeon by killing the end boss–doing so spawns a bubble-shielded Awakened Glyphstone, with which you can interact to select the Glyph you want to put XP towards. Paragon Glyphs become more effective as they are leveled up, but XP requirements are quite high relative to the rate at which it is accrued.

That is everything you need to know about farming and leveling Paragon Glyphs in Diablo 4. Check out our Blood and Sweat sidequest guide if you’re having trouble with that.

Hey Sega: Let Kiryu Take a Fucking Break

Posted on June 23, 2023 by Kevin Podas

Sega can’t resist putting Kiryu front and center in their ever popular Yakuza series, even when the torch was already passed. I mean he’s almost died like, what, 9 times now? Well, how many Yakuza games are there? With Kiryu appearing yet again in the announcement trailers for Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth (which is effectively Yakuza 8) and Like A Dragon Gaiden: The Man Who Erased His Name, the guy is working well past retirement. It’s time for him to get some rest and leave some screen time for other characters.

Listen, make no mistake here: Kiryu is probably my favorite video game character ever. The guy just emanates coolness. He’s strong, he’s caring, he’s what every man should be. I would trust Kiryu to hold me in his arms and whisk me away from danger, and so would you. He is the ultimate protagonist, but how many times is Sega going to pretend to “end” his character arc, only to bring him back for one final mission?

Obvious spoiler warning here, so read on at your own discretion.

Yakuza: Like a Dragon is a kick ass game. Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio took a massive leap of faith by transforming the beat-em-up series into a turn-based RPG after seven entries, and it totally worked. It’s not only an intricate crime drama filled with laughs, tears, and gorillas driving construction vehicles, but a clever send up of RPGs and a bit of a satire on video games in general, and the fans who consume them well into adulthood. If you’re reading this, that’s you, by the way.

This pivot in gameplay would not work nearly as well, however, if they hadn’t switched the story’s focus to their new protagonist: Ichiban Kasuga, who is basically the reverse of Kiryu in almost every possible way. Seriously, even his red suit and white undershirt are an inverse of Kiryu’s iconic white suit and red undershirt. They want us to know that Ichiban is his own man, the other type of man that every guy should strive to be: strong, goofy, and not afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve. Ichiban’s story grabbed me by the wrist and yanked me in from the get go. But further into the story, one very predictable cameo took a bit of the wind out of his sails.

Yes, Kiryu shows up again. This time, he is technically “nameless”, but the dialogue surrounding him constantly winks at the player so hard that they might get an aneurysm in their eye. This wasn’t enough to ruin the experience for me, though, and it did end up playing out in a pretty cool way: one of the hardest boss fights in the game is against Kiryu, in a completely turn-based RPG battle, with your entire party versus one legendary man. The cutscene following it is all about passing the torch on to Ichiban, emphasizing that this new protagonist may still have a lot to learn, but has an incredible amount of potential. The moment between them was pretty moving, and mostly justified Kiryu’s inclusion in the story to me.

Flash forward a bit later, and Sega announces the inevitable follow-up to Yakuza: Like A Dragon. The teaser trailer shows Ichiban strutting his stuff through the neon-lit streets of Kamurocho. But, we hear a familiar voice. Then, we see a familiar face. That’s right, it’s Kiryu again. Or “Joryu”, whatever. But this time, he’s got a goofy-ass haircut! I was more than ready for Ichiban to take the helm after the torch was literally passed onto him, but this teaser makes it look a lot like they’ll be sharing the stage together. Okay he didn’t actually hand Ichiban a literal torch, but he might as well have.

Kiryu is also getting his own entry in the series that is set to release prior to Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth, titled Like a Dragon Gaiden: The Man Who Erased His Name. This is meant to explain the events that took place during Yakuza: Like a Dragon which lead Kiryu to erase his identity, change his name to Joryu, and show up once more. Well, if you played Yakuza 6: The Song of Life you would already know that Kiryu had to fake his own death to keep his family safe, so the game’s existence is a bit superfluous. Still, it’s a brief return to form going back to the series’ classic beat-em-up gameplay, which will no doubt be a nice palette cleanser after dumping dozens of hours into leveling up my team in Yakuza: Like a Dragon.

But does Kiryu really need to star in two upcoming games? Well, we still don’t know how big his role will be in Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth. The first teaser seemed to imply that Ichiban and Kiryu would share the spotlight equally, but the most recent teaser shows Ichiban washed up on the shores of what is presumably America while naked, scared, and confused. It’s wild to imagine the Yakuza series (or Like A Dragon series, what the hell are we calling it now?) taking place outside of Japan, but the brief look we got is hilarious.

Do I want to see Kiryu also show up in a goofy Coming To America style RPG? I mean, kinda. But it’s not his turn anymore. The man is tired. Sega, let Kiryu take a break. Let us miss the guy. He’s more than earned it.

GTA Online CEO Guide: How to Register as CEO in GTA 5

Posted on June 23, 2023 by Obinna Tony-Francis Ochem

If you register as a CEO in GTA Online you can earn a substantial amount of money while playing the game. Luckily, the process is easy with our guide! As a registered CEO, you have perks like the advantage to hire a personal assistant responsible for ordering your food as well as taking on tasks.

As a CEO in GTA Online, a player can make up to $100,000 in an hour. The biggest benefit as CEO lies in the ability to purchase customized clubhouses, bunkers, hangars, facilities, nightclubs, arcades, and auto shops. These perks make registering as a CEO in GTA Online lucrative for players. Read on to find out how to register as a CEO!

How Do You Register as CEO in GTA Online?

The first step requires you to acquire an executive office from the Dynasty 8 websites. The prices for purchase range from $1,000,000 to $4,000,000. These choices include:

Maze Bank West for $1,000,000
Arcadius Business Center for $2,250,000
Lombank West for $3,100,000
Maze Bank Tower for $4,000,000

After purchasing an office, the next step is to register as a CEO in GTA Online. The process requires you to open the interaction menu, then scroll down to choose “SecuroServ.” After this, you can choose the option that says, “Register as a CEO.”

Immediately after you are done with your registration, you will have the option to acquire any optional extras to be used for your executive office. This includes things like a safe, accommodation, or gun locker. You can customize the office décor and organization name.

Other benefits that CEO status in GTA Online offers to players for successful experience are:

Ability to buy warehouses to get hold of “special cargo” which can be sold for money.
When you purchase a property, it comes with an exclusive vehicle.
You can spend money to disappear from the minimap in public lobbies.
You can keep your CEO status permanent after becoming a CEO or in the case you return to the Securoserv menu and retire.

That’s all you need to know to register as a CEO in GTA Online! Check out our other guides for the game while you’re here, like our pick for the best motorcycle in Grand Theft Auto Online.

Diablo 4 Blood and Sweat Guide: How to Complete the Quest in D4

Posted on June 22, 2023 by Christian Dawson

Sidequests in any game are a great way to pick up extra experience, flesh out a world, or simply distract oneself. Diablo 4 is no different. The world of Sanctuary is a treacherous place full of misery and woe. However, some quests, like “Blood and Sweat” offer small glimmers of hope amidst all of the sadness. Here’s where to start the quest and how to finish it.

Where To Find ‘Blood And Sweat’ in Diablo 4

“Blood and Sweat” in Diablo 4 can be started once players have completed “The Ruins of Qara-Yisu” Stronghold. This will usually be in the mid-40s of the first playthrough. It is located in the Dry Steppes and requires players to destroy three Infernal Spires before slaying the boss in the center. After said heroic deed is complete, the Stronghold will be converted into a town.

Southeast of said town is an area with several mobs. After clearing them out, players should notice a figure coated in salt kneeling in front of a bundle of papers. Clicking this Bloodstained Letter will begin the quest. Players must track down Little Tuya.

Where to Find Little Tuya

Atop the building just to the north will be a rooftop that players can run up. Alongside the right wall will be a pile of debris with a Disturbed Stone that can be clicked. Doing so will retrieve the Crude Doll.

Once retrieved, players can teleport to the Waypoint in Alzuuda to return the doll to Tuya. All in all, it shouldn’t take longer than a few minutes to knock out this quest. For their efforts, players will receive some Dry Steppes Renown, a bit of gold, some experience, and a Salvage Cache.

That’s pretty much all there is to complete “Blood and Sweat” in Diablo 4. There’s plenty to do in the world of Sanctuary aside from the engrossing main story. As mentioned earlier, side quests really anchor this grand story of light versus dark and are well worth doing. Otherwise, once players have reached the later stages of the game, we highly recommend checking out our guide on the best Nightmare Sigils in Diablo 4.

Retrospective: 5 3DS Games I Panic-Bought When the eShop Shut Down and Haven’t Played Since

Posted on June 22, 2023 by Seth Finkelstein

The Nintendo 3DS has one of the most eclectic game libraries of any Nintendo system. Released smack dab in the middle of the company’s flop era, the system soon became a bastion for quirky little passion projects that can’t be played anywhere else. And guess what? Now that Nintendo’s closed the eShop servers, those games are GONE. It is now impossible to buy any eShop exclusive games. Everyone agrees Nintendo is really cool for doing this, and it isn’t a slap in the face to game preservationists.

When I first heard the eShop was closing, I did what any gamer would do in that situation: I ignored it. As the deadline grew ever closer, I continued to do my duty and forget what box my 3DS was in after moving twice in two years. And then, March 2023 arrived. The eShop closure was imminent. After watching my social media feeds blow up with people talking about how many games were about to be lost to the sands of time, I contracted what medical professionals would call “Stage 4 FOMO.” I dug out my 3DS, bought $100 worth of Nintendo Cash from Costco, and got to downloading. And now, months later, I’m proud to say that I’ve played maybe 2 hours of these games total. What do you want from me? The 3DS has a weird plug and I keep forgetting to charge it. So let’s take a trip through my MicroSD card and take a look at these incredible, unique games I will get around to eventually.

#5 — Crimson Shroud

This is a cute little tribute to tabletop RPGs made by Level-5. The characters are all styled like D&D miniatures, and you use d20s, d12s, and the like to make all of your actions. It’s a coll aesthetic, but this thing tries to have an actual story and lore. There’s so much reading! If you’re going to try and make me care about these characters and this world, underlining how artificial the whole thing is not the way to do it. If I want to play a game of Dungeons and Dragons, I’ll call up my friends and say “we should play D&D sometime” and then never actually do it, thank you very much.

#4 — 3D Classics: Kirby’s Adventure

Can I make a confession? I really like the 3D on the 3DS. I’m using a 3DS XL and they really improved the technology to where it only gives me minor eye strain instead of feeling like my eyes are going to pop out of my skull and roll away. There’s something to the feature that just feels futuristic. I’d always had my eyes on the 3D Classics series that updated classic NES games with 3D pixel art visuals, but it never felt like a great value. So, I bit the bullet and took a chance on Kirby. And you know what? The 3D effect here is really cool! It’s like playing a little diorama. A little diorama I played on the GBA, Wii, and Switch many times before. It’s Kirby’s Adventure! It’s fun! I played the first world and got what I needed. Sue me.

#3 — Attack of the Friday Monsters

So, you guys watched that Tim Rogers video too, huh? A spiritual successor to Boku no Natsuyasumi, it’s a game about being a little boy in a little Japanese town going about your little life collecting little cards, and sometimes giant monsters attack. Look, I think video games as an art form should encompass a wide range of styles, tones, and gameplay styles. But I don’t know if I have it in me to play a game this slow and quiet when I have so many options available to me in the two hours between finishing dinner and getting into bed. Tim, please make a 5-hour video about this game so I can form an opinion on it!

#2 — Aeroporter

Did you know the creator of Seaman made a 3DS game where you direct baggage at an airport? It’s very funny that it exists and it’d be a great phone game. I’ve got nothing else to say about this game.

#1 — Rhythm Heaven Megamix

Out of all the games here, this is the one that I don’t feel any sort of regret for purchasing. I’ve always wanted to play the Rhythm Heaven games, but their heyday was when I was losing interest in Nintendo for the grittier, greyer pastures of the PlayStation 3. This compilation brings together the best minigames from across the series in one package, and it scratches that WarioWare itch that Nintendo decides to throw out every so often. The thing that holds it back? It’s a game on a portable system that requires you to listen to the audio. I’ve got undiagnosed ADHD! I need a game I can play while watching Star Trek: Voyager in the background and checking my email every five minutes.

Hoo boy! A bunch of great games here, huh? Can’t buy them anymore though. Know this. Yes, these games are great and One day you should play them. Until then, Rest easy knowing that your humble author gave Nintendo $100 that they successfully manipulated me into spending. 3DS had a lot of fun stuff on it, almost as much fun as you’ll have spelling out the capital letters in this paragraph!!!!

Marvel Snap Introduces New Stan Lee Card That Takes Credit for Everything Your Other Cards Did

Posted on June 22, 2023 by Seth Finkelstein

NEW YORK — A recent update to Marvel Snap introduced a brand new card based on famed Marvel Editor-in-Chief Stan Lee that has the ability to take credit for the contributions of all other cards in play.

“This year would have been Stan Lee’s 100th birthday, and we can think of no better way to pay tribute to the man who solely created the Marvel Universe than this exciting new card,” said developer Second Dinner Co-Founder Ben Brode. “Stan is one of the most powerful cards we’ve ever released, able to single-handedly counter any of your opponent’s moves simply by being on the field and saying ‘I did that’ after any of your cards do anything.”

The Marvel Snap community expressed skepticism toward the new card, worried that it would upset a meta recently overrun with High Evolutionary and Spider-Ham decks.

“We’ve seen some powerful cards added these past few months, but I don’t know what the devs were thinking with this one,” said Marvel Snap Zone contributor ThanosCopter. “I couldn’t believe it when I played it for the first time and it said that it had given +3 power to all my cards, doubled that location’s power, and turned into the Winter Soldier when it was destroyed, even though it was still on the field. That’s simply OP.”

Brode defended the 6-cost/0-power card, assuring fans it had been rigorously tested and balanced before launch.

“There’s the potential for some great strategies with Stan. You could team him up with Mr. Negative to reverse his cost and power, even though ‘Smilin’ Stan’ always maintained a positive attitude and everyone agreed he was always lovely and kind to everyone. Or maybe you play him with Lockjaw to get out one of your other cards. Just remember to say, ‘Thanks for creating the Marvel Universe singlehandedly, Stan!’ as he returns to your deck!”

At press time, representatives from the Jack Kirby estate had just issued a press release demanding the Stan Lee card be nerfed.