Imagine the scene – you and your girlfriend are visiting her heavily MAGA family. You have just avoided speaking about politics at the dinner table like the politically passive little goose that you are, and you both sneak off to a room in their house that conveniently has every game console in history within it.
But oh no – the room has already been occupied by her large Dad! He still looks mad from breakfast time when he called Taylor Swift, the world’s first empath billionaire,“a friggin commie” and your girlfriend threw an egg at him. You can tell the argument is about to occur again. Quick, you need to find a game that can make them both forget their differences and instead give you a big wet kiss on the lips! Here’s 5 games that can do that!
Microsoft Flight Simulator
Planes – they have the power to bring families together (as long as it’s not a family of polar bears). Dads go crazy for this kind of simulator, so give your potential father in law the controls and watch a man who could tear you in half realize a childhood dream. The genius of this plan? He will almost certainly get bored and land the plane after 15 minutes of flying, thrilling your girlfriend as it will be like she just lived the life of Taylor Swift.
Madden NFL 24
The one common ground shared by Republicans and Taylor Swift is a love of watching Football. That, and buying overpriced merchandise in support of a blonde messiah figure. And the genre of country music. And, in probably millions of cases, Taylor Swift. And –
The point is that there is an actual common interest that all of you could bond over! Just don’t pick the Kansas City Chiefs, or else you’ll kickstart the argument you’re so desperately trying to prevent.
Band Hero
Taylor Swift was seemingly in every single music video game between 2008-2009, but afterwards did not appear in a single game until 2022. Band Hero is probably the best game featuring Swift, with 3 of her songs within a collection of Certified Dad Classics. If you only use the “random song” function you can keep telling your girlfriend “maybe the next one will be Taylor Swift”, all while knowing there’s only a 4% chance of this happening and activating her Dad’s “Secret Elite Pyramid Conspiracy“ mode.
Knack 2
As father and daughter squeeze uncomfortably up on either side of you on the rooms sole bean bag chair, you begin to wonder how different the last big winner of American consumerism and the last big winner of America’s flawed democracy are, or if, at a time where humanity has a maximum of a few years to completely overhaul most of society’s structures and prevent billions from living a lifetime of famine and droughts, the history books will be able to easily distinguish between those who use their massive influence to rot society and those who use it to hardly change it at all beyond stamping their own name all over it.
Knack 2 is the second game about “Knack” in the “Knack” franchise, and everyone will be too busy questioning what a “Knack” actually is to think about any other existential questions!
Portal 2
You may be thinking “hold on, this is famously a two player game and there’s three of us, how will this work?” Well it’s simple – sit back and let your girlfriend and her dad play. By the 6th level of increasingly difficult puzzles their arguments will have gone way beyond political grievances and into airing the shared traumas that led them to have their different views on society. You can take over playing from whoever storms out first!
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Protective cell phone accessory company OtterBox has announced that it is ramping up production of its phone cases in anticipation of the rumored mobile port of Elden Ring.
“As soon as we heard these reports we decided to immediately get to work on increasing production of our phone cases and screen protectors,” said OtterBox Vice President Jerry Saunders. “We want to make sure that we’ll be able to meet what will no doubt be insane demand for our products. No gamer should have to worry about their phone breaking after they slam it on the ground in frustration just because we were out of stock. We’re going to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
Saunders confirmed that OtterBox will include a special warranty for Elden Ring players.
“Our regular phone cases are the best in class and we’re confident they can handle whatever happens after the 10th death to Malenia. Whether you whip your phone at the wall, out the window, or hit it with a sledgehammer while playing, this case will protect your phone. Our cases are guaranteed to withstand as much gamer rage as possible, but we know Elden Ring brings out inhumane strength in many gamers’ fits of frustration. For that reason, we pledge that, should your OtterBox break while playing Elden Ring, we will provide a new one for free.”
Gamers are very excited by the news.
“I was really worried when I heard they were doing a mobile port of Elden Ring. My phone is really expensive and I just don’t trust my case to protect it from what I know I’ll do after a few deaths. My parents bought me new controllers after I broke those playing Elden Ring on console but I don’t think they’ll buy me a new phone so it’s great to hear that OtterBox has their finger on the pulse of what gamers need,” said Souls fan Martin Schrader.
At press time, OtterBox is reportedly working on designing the world’s first indestructible phone case specifically for Elden Ring players.
BROMODOSIS FOOTHILLS – Maxed out character, Brolicmfer graced his starting area with his presence and the surprise donation of a fenced-off, double-rimmed basketball court that no one really asked for, sources confirmed.
“This is where it all started for me. First mob. First piece of horrible common loot. First skipped quest dialog. I was just like them but better,” Brolicmfer said while repeatedly sheathing and unsheathing his epic mace from his epic belt on his epic mount in front of new characters, going about their journeys. “It wasn’t enough to just come back. That doesn’t do anything for them. They get a little show they’ll tell their kids one day but how does that truly help them? It’s a responsibility to share the vast knowledge I learned exploring the great beyond. Be the change you want to see.”
Sources say the basketball court has yet to see any activity other than getting a satanic ritual involving a chicken jumpstarted at half-court.
“Why was this built?” says one unnamed source trying to level, adding the court was located between the spawn point of new characters and the mobs, forcing many to walk around it. Some have spoken out that they couldn’t even use it if they wanted to as they don’t have a concept of what a basketball actually is.
We caught up with one determined character trying to throw a rabbit through the hoop but it went in and out and they eventually gave up.
“I’m thinking of sticking around, really planting my roots. It feels good to give back and be the big bro for this starting zone. It’s easy to get lost out there, so many maxed out characters who just don’t care,” Brolicmfer said, adding he’s in the early stages of hosting and being the sole participant in a dunk contest as his next generous contribution to the community.
Off the record, Brolicmfer said he hopes he can do enough for Bromodosis Foothills that one day they’ll recognize him and consider changing their name to Brolicmfer Foothills. As of press time representatives from the starting area refused to acknowledge the idea or comment.
ATLANTA — Hypnotist Vincent LeMaine wowed the employees of Park ‘N Fly, Inc. last week when he successfully got DOOM to run on an audience volunteer’s mind during the company’s annual awards banquet at the Radisson Hotel Atlanta Airport, according to sources within the company.
“Gamers have been installing DOOM on any and every type of computing device for decades, and what is the human brain if not the most powerful, most energy-efficient computer in the known universe?” LeMaine explained, deftly altering his cadence to get us to focus on his voice and only his voice. “If I could play it on my 386-based PC with four megabytes of RAM back in 1993, surely I could get it to run on a volunteer’s one-exaflop organic processor.”
Using the power of suggestion, LeMaine explained to shuttle driver Wayne “Curly” Jackson, who had somehow instantly fallen into a deep sleep after just the count of three, that he was installing the original DOOM on his brain and to please be patient, as he had to swap four floppy disks in and out of the A: drive. When Jackson awoke, LeMaine said, he would feel refreshed and be able to play the revolutionary first-person shooter by just thinking about it.
“Our lives have been an absolute nightmare since that day,” said a visibly shaken Lisa Jackson. “My husband can’t sleep, he gets spontaneous nosebleeds, he keeps yelling, ‘I’m too young to die!’ Wayne thinks he is actually in the game, that he is a space marine. I pleaded with Mr. LeMaine to at least get Curly to type ‘IDDQD’ with his thoughts, but all he said was, ‘That’s not how it works,’ before blocking my number.”
Experts are calling what happened to Wayne Jackson “getting Jumanji’d.” Friends and family have reported seeing Mr. Jackson press random spots on walls at his home, frantically repeat “I need the BFG! Where is the BFG?” in between episodes of sheer panic, and crying about losing contact with UAC. In rare moments of lucidity, Mr. Jackson has horrified his wife with descriptions of his view into portals of Hell.
When asked for comment, DOOM co-creator and game designer John Romero said: “Goddamn, that sounds so metal.”
At press time, Mr. Jackson was spotted clucking like a chicken when someone said the word “Cacodemon.”
REDMOND, WA – Aging archeologist, Indiana Jones is on the hunt for the long-lost well paying entry level position. He confirmed as much as I followed him (against his wishes) through the abandoned husk of Microsoft’s Headquarters.
“This office used to live in harmony. They worshiped a god known as John 117, they called him Master Chief,” Indy explained as we tiptoed through an innocent looking hallway. “All that changed when office elders converted to worshiping subscription numbers and stock values. These entities demanded sacrifice, so the elders struck down many men, women, and interns, to appease them.”
It was at this moment that I inadvertently tripped a wire, cutting Indy’s monologue short.
“Look out!” he shouted as he pulled me back into his arms. Where I once stood, an assault rifle equipped with a chainsaw swung back-and-forth. I admired the innovation of this ancient tool.
“This office used to take chances. Used to support people with big ideas. Then the elders got greedy,” Indy continued as he chopped through layers of electrical cords blocking our path. “The elders wanted the ideas to themselves. They absorbed other offices, took their ideas, and sacrificed their people. They did this for decades. Office after office. Acquired, drained of ideas, and then drained of their living wages.”
With my next step the ground sunk down. The walls around us opened up. Indy turned to me.
“Run!”
We darted down the hall as pink needles shot out from both walls. A glimpse back revealed that the needles were pursuing us. I feared our demise, as we passed numerous skeletons. Quick of wit, Indy tossed up a lion-shaped skull that captured every needle before exploding. The explosion kicked us into the next room, where our landing was softened by a mountain of physical copies of Skyrim. Sliding down the mountain of game boxes we stumbled into a lobby with a lone laptop on a pedestal.
“There it is.” Indy exclaimed, approaching the laptop. “The long-lost well paying entry level position.” He took a thumb drive out of his pocket and plugged it into the laptop. I better upload my resume. Looks like there’s already 150 other applicants.”
At press time, Indy was reentering his educational background and work experience for the second time into WeWork.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 12.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A type of Italian food made from a dough typically consisting of wheat flour, water, and sometimes eggs, which is formed into various shapes and then cooked by boiling or baking.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“S”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“P”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 384 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 11.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adverb that indicates the absence of something happening or occurring at any time in the past, present, or future.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“R”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“V”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“N”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 149 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 10.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adjective that describes food that has been cooked in oil or fat until it becomes crispy and golden brown on the outside.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“D”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“I”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“R”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“F”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 321 days straight! So here goes nothing:
2024 has barely just begun but thanks to Horizon Forbidden West’s PC release date we already have a frontrunner for Game of the Year: Dragon’s Dogma 2.
The long-awaited sequel to Capcom’s action RPG is set to release one day after Horizon Forbidden West is released for PC, ensuring that it enters the Game of the Year conversation.
Game Awards host and advertisement curator Geoff Keighley spoke on this early Game of the Year conversation.
“Obviously it’s still early and the game hasn’t come out yet but it comes out a day after Horizon Forbidden West so that guarantees it’s gonna be one of the best games of the year. Will it win Game of the Year? Who’s to say? But as of now, based on this release date it should be a generation-defining experience. Not unlike the generation experience of drinking a cool refreshing Mountain Dew Baja Blast which is available in stores nationwide all 2024,” said Keighley.
Capcom says they’re honored to have the recognition for their work.
“We knew when we were making this game that it was going to be one of our best, but we didn’t realize just how special it would be until we saw the Horizon Forbbiden West PC release date. Once we discovered that our game comes out a day after we threw a party to celebrate,” said game director Shoichi Takashida.
Guerilla Games are taking the news in stride.
“I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit of a bummer to be overshadowed again but at the same time, it is nice to be the herald of incredible games. Whenever we announce a game, people know that one of the greatest games of all time will be released within the week so they look forward to our announcements. And our games still do great once they go on sale,” said Guerilla spokesperson Simon Feck.
At press time, Guerilla Games is currently developing a new Horizon project that they’re aiming to release a couple of days before Elder Scrolls 6.
Clicking play on a new YouTube video can be a stressful experience. You cannot help worrying that this content creator is gonna fill your ears with sweet-sounding lies and false hope just like everyone else. Well, fret not, because you have finally found what you are looking for: a YouTuber that is gonna be real with you unlike other YouTubers.
What a relief!
After watching countless videos filled with nothing but falsehoods and exaggerations, you have found the holy grail: a YouTuber that is not going to bullshit you. They are not gonna mislead you or jerk you around. And yeah, it is gonna be tough hearing what they have to say, but wouldn’t you rather hear the truth? Wouldn’t you rather watch a video where the creator shrugs their shoulders and says, “I know that’s what I’d want”?
The YouTube algorithm might feed you video after video of pipedreams, but this creator is different. They are going to look directly into the camera with a frustration that says “I’m fed up” and a head shake that says “enough is enough.” Finally! A well-lit performance of integrity is exactly what you have been looking for!
This YouTuber, who will say everything but “I’m not like the other girls,” is going to give you a steady stream of real talk and hard facts for the duration of the video. Even when they get to the sponsored portion, and you’re thinking this is where the unadulterated truth ends, they are gonna tell you that they would not advertise this product if they did not use it themselves. You never even dreamed of this ethical standard!
It is incredible that a YouTuber would risk alienating people with difficult-to-swallow truths, so maybe give them a like or subscribe so they can keep being real and honest in future videos. It goes without saying that they hate to ask you this.
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