June 2021 - Page 5 of 6

Todd Howard Wishes Bethesda Showcase Were Long Enough to Tell Every Single Playstation Owner to Fuck Themselves Individually

Andy Holt • June 15, 2021

LOS ANGELES — Todd Howard expressed regret that Bethesda’s E3 showcase was only about an hour long, because he would…

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Day Two Recap: God Creates Clouds and Ocean

Joe Tilleli • June 15, 2021

LOS ANGELES — Sunday morning kicked off Day Two of E3 with conferences from Microsoft, Square Enix, and Our Lord…

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New Patch Fixes Glitch That Made Pen Mightier Than Sword

Jeremy Kaplowitz • June 14, 2021

EARTH — Developers of the planet Earth have released a new patch that fixes a thousands-year-old glitch which accidentally made…

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E3 Journalist Misses Visceral Thrill of Copying Press Releases in Person

Andy Holt • June 13, 2021

SAN FRANCISCO — While covering the online-only E3 2021, video game journalist Shaun Carlson has reportedly missed the excitement of…

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Millennial’s Retirement Portfolio Still Has a Few Empty Sleeves

Seth Finkelstein • June 12, 2021

EVANSTON, Ill. — 28-year-old bartender Grace Federman reportedly discovered several empty sleeves in her retirement portfolio after going through the…

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Exhausted Fan Game Developer Prays Nintendo Sends Cease and Desist Soon

Kyle Erf • June 12, 2021

LOS ANGELES — Paul Moreno, the lone developer for a dating simulator game based on Nintendo’s popular Zelda franchise, once…

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Yoshi Okay Living Like This

Kyle Erf • June 10, 2021

DINOSAUR LAND — The perennial member of the Mario Bros clique is reportedly still content to eat and sleep in…

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Downtrodden Golduck Puts on Belt and Jorts for Second Job as Digimon

Walker MacDonald • June 9, 2021

SAFFRON CITY, Kanto — Longtime Nintendo employee and anthropomorphic bipedal duck Golduck has recently begun moonlighting as a Digimon to…

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Bishop Zips Across Chessboard Outta Fuckin Nowhere

Chandler Dean • June 8, 2021

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — In a major blow that took place just seconds into one of his first casual games,…

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Confused LARPer Unsure Why Everyone Here Is Same Class and Race

Walker MacDonald • June 7, 2021

PARIS, Texas — Local payroll advisor and fantasy enthusiast Richard Corben found himself confused this past weekend when he noticed…

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