NEW YORK — Venerable internet portal Yahoo.com has won the People’s Choice Webby Award for “Best Site to Check to See If Your Internet Is Working Again,” a spokesperson for the awards organization announced.
“It is a great honor to present this award to Yahoo, who has reliably been there for decades to let us know that yes, we can resume surfing the internet after an outage,” stated Phillis Dowell, spokesperson for the Webby Awards. “Yahoo.com narrowly beat out contenders MSN.com and MySpace.com as websites no one really goes to anymore, but remembers well enough to use as a test. We wish them continued, slight relevance.”
Yahoo’s CEO Jim Lanzone accepted the award with equal parts pride and frustration.
“To be totally honest, this award is quite insulting. But these days, we need to take whatever wins we can get. So, thank you,” conceded Lanzone, who is rumored to have already cleared a spot for the award on a mantle above his desk. “I would like to remind people that we still have useful stuff on our site—Yahoo Finance is still a great hub for information, and I invite you to create extra Yahoo email burner accounts for porn sites and whatnot. Please, use our website.”
IT professionals chimed in on the usefulness of having a stable of infrequently visited websites to confirm changes in network connectivity.
“If your internet goes out, you can’t just go to your familiar websites because they might be cached by your browser. That will make it look like your internet is fine when it isn’t,” explained Bob Mott, Director of Technology at Meadows Financial. “This makes Yahoo a prime candidate to see if your LAN can talk to the outside world. It’s a shame, because I remember when Yahoo was a search engine on par with Google. Now it’s mostly celeb clickbait and email for boomers. Sometimes if I’m feeling really wild, I’ll visit Lycos.com for old times’ sake. I need to start writing my will.”
Yahoo stock is up 73% on the heels of an announcement that Jim Lanzone is further cashing in on nostalgia by bringing back Yahoo’s online Flash billiards game.