HYRULE CASTLE TOWN — Multiple sources have confirmed that Princess Zelda was seen rejoining her date at a local restaurant while still wearing multiple items of clothing usually associated with the mysterious figure known as Sheik.
“It was the fourth or fifth time that she had excused herself since we ordered drinks,” said Mido Linebeck, the princess’s neglected date. “Every time she came back, she was a bit more disheveled. At first, her hair was just a little mussed up, but by the last time, she had a weird bandana and arm wraps on. She even started trying to tell me how to play an ocarina song before catching herself and stopping, like she had forgotten who she was talking to. One time, she didn’t even bother walking away when she left the table. She just took a few steps back, threw a firecracker at the ground, and vanished in a flash of light. It’s pretty clear she’s seeing someone else.”
The restaurant’s wait staff were likewise puzzled by Zelda’s odd behavior.
“When I saw the princess walking away from the table, I noticed she was going in the wrong direction,” said Talon Barten, the restaurant’s dairy sommelier. “I tried to point her to the powder room, but she waved me off and continued on toward the back exit. I have no idea why she would use that door, as it opens into a disused alley. I guess technically there’s a bunch of shortcuts to all the temples in Hyrule back there, but I can’t imagine what use those would be to a member of the royal family.”
The princess refuted accusations that her actions were suspicious, insisting that there was a logical explanation for everything that had occurred.
“Armwraps? Bandana?” said a bedraggled Zelda. “No, he was mistaken. I had simply returned from the restroom, and some toilet paper must have gotten stuck to my arms and head. And in case anyone asks, this isn’t the Crest of the Sheikah on my chest. I was touching up my makeup and accidentally dropped my lipstick. It rolled down my dress and made these random markings which coincidentally look exactly like the Sheikah Eye.”
At press time, sources at the restaurant reported that Princess Zelda had left the premises holding a quiver of Light Arrows while mumbling something about hating speedrunners.
