HYRULE KINGDOM — Famed adventurer and Princess Zelda’s swordsman, Link, has reportedly solved an income inequality barrier between classes in Hyrule by making a really long bridge out of logs.
“I don’t get it, we’ve been trying to solve this issue for decades and the bridge he superglued together made more sense than anything we’ve ever tried,” said Eliza Bellworth, royal treasurer and economics professor at University of Hyrule. “He didn’t even say anything. I don’t think he noticed we were there, he just walked out of one of those green shrines, quickly built something capable of bridging the poverty gap, then teleported away.”
“It really just felt like we were supposed to do something more specific. Fairies for All or free universal college or something,” she added. “But nope. It was the same solution as everything else: gluing a bunch of logs together.”
Further investigation and translation of ancient Zonai text revealed that a shrine had the answer for income inequality for literally thousands of years, but held it hidden in a locked chest on a really high up ledge.
“Gotta keep it real here, I did not think this one through,” said the ghost of Rauru, the first king of Hyrule. “I was running out of ways to test Link, so I just threw this together with the hint ‘Courage to Solve the Income Inequality and Inequity Crisis Between The Citizens of Hyrule and The Ruling Class,’ which in hindsight might’ve been a big nudge. I figured he would use the Invisible Hand and instead he used the Ultra Hand.”
“I never expected him to solve it by just fusing some dead trees together,” continued Rauru. “As a king, it was in my best interest for that shit to stay unsolved.”
When asked to comment about his log-based wealth redistribution, Link simply summoned a hoverbike held together with duct tape and flew away.
