HYRULE — King Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule categorically denied that the government is in possession of a list of clients for notorious human trafficker, Tingle, source confirm.
“What’s going on with my ‘Ritos,’ and, in some cases, ‘Gorons?’” said King Daphnes in a message posted to the Pirates Charm network. “The files you’re asking for never existed! It’s just another Vaati-created hoax like Ganongate and climate change. If you’re so curious about Tingle, maybe you should ask about the Hero of Time, who paid A LOT of Rupees for maps when he was in Termina, which is a TOTAL CRIME!”
One of Tingle’s alleged victims spoke out against the king’s statement.
“I personally witnessed King Daphnes working alongside Tingle to extend his terrible, terrible operation,” said the individual, who requested he only be identified as David. “I was recruited by Ankle and forced to work against my will on Tingle Island for years. I saw everything. They didn’t care, because they didn’t think of me as someone who could possibly hurt them, but I saw them all: Tingle. Daphnes. The Rito Chieftain. Oh, yeah, he might be the biggest liar of them all. I don’t care if he’s half bird; he can definitely sweat.”
Retired Royal Secret Service Officer Impa said the official story didn’t make sense to her.
“We already know that King Daphnes is tied to Tingle,” said Impa. “His name appears several times in Tingle’s flight logs. You see, Tingle allowed many powerful individuals to travel using his private balloon, which was nicknamed ‘The Kokiri Express.’ Sometimes it was just for innocuous travel between Outset and Windfall, but other times it would stop at Tingle Island for days—or even weeks. There’s no public record of what happened there, but I know for a fact that the royal family was in possession of classified material related to the case. For King Daphnes to claim that no further records exist is a demonstrable lie. I wish we could ask Tingle for his side of the story directly, but he was found dead inside his cell in the Forbidden Fortress under mysterious circumstances. Supposedly, the guard who was responsible for shining a spotlight on his cell had been temporarily distracted by a walking barrel.”
At press time, King Daphnes had offered Tingle’s brother and collaborator Ankle immunity in exchange for favorable testimony.
