Lethal Company Guide: How To Farm Beehives Without Dying To Circuit Bees

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

Lethal Company is shaping up to be a sleeper hit, with its familiar extraction setup but fresh mechanics, and assortment of monstrous enemies. The most annoying enemy however are the Circuit Bees that inhabit the precious Beehives you’ll be gathering in the wild. This Lethal Company guide will detail how you can farm beehives without getting zapped into an early grave.

Best Moons To Farm Beehives In Lethal Company

Beehives are always found outside, with three moons in particular–Assurance, March, and Vow–being hot locations for them to appear, among the five lower difficulty moons with potential spawn locations. As with all scrap, the longer you hold on to them, the greater their value, maxing out at around 170 each.

Solo Farm Beehives In Lethal Company

If you have full health this is much simpler, as you can tank incidental damage from the bees while sprinting away from them. Remember that you’re going to need a low encumbrance as well in order to outrun pursuing bees without depleting stamina too soon.

Run directly for the beehive, swoop it up, and immediately sprint towards the ship. If you’re not at full health, try aggro’ing the bees followed by a quick U-turn away from the swarm to draw them off, then back around towards the beehive to snatch it up.

If you do run out of stamina, simply drop the beehive and the bees will end their pursuit as well. Once you’ve recovered you can continue with the process of getting the beehive back to the ship. Only allow your stamina to deplete to about a quarter to leave some room for error. Avoid slopes in your path, as they will slow you down enough for the bees to catch up to you, though juking around obstacles can confuse the bees long enough to benefit you.

Once you reach the ship, quickly clamber up the exterior and dump the beehive on the catwalks either along the side or the front, but nowhere close to the door. Just to be safe, you can then duck inside the ship and shut the door on them, though this is unnecessary as bees won’t really continue pursuit if you’re not carrying the beehive.

Dumping the beehive on the exterior of the ship allows you to freely enter and leave for the remainder of the mission without fear of aggro-ing the bees. If you have multiple beehives, space them out a bit. While bees have been known to aggro and clip through the walls of the ship, this is very rare.

Once you’ve amassed enough scrap and are ready to leave for orbit, initiate lift-off, then quickly run out the door. You should be just in time to see the bees get left behind by the ship with their beehive still aboard, which you must gather up as quickly as possible before heading back inside.

Co-Op Team Farm Beehives In Lethal Company

The only thing that changes here is that you can use two people to accomplish the same overall strategy. One to bait the bees and the other to snap up the beehive and run in the opposite direction, in which case you won’t really need to leave the beehive outside the ship at all.

This multiplayer approach is actually worse overall, as the now hive-less bees will take on a permanent aggressive stance where they will roam and randomly attack anyone at all that comes within striking distance. Sometimes the bees never stop chasing the bait runner. Only do this if you’re leaving the moon permanently soon after.

Those are all the tactics you can use to farm beehives safely and efficiently in Lethal Company. Check out our guides for the best mods for the game, as well as increasing lobby size to as many as a hundred players.

Report: The Inside of a Super Monkey Ball Smells Like Shit

Posted on by Brad Waters

JUNGLE ISLAND — A study released by a team of researchers has confirmed that the inside of a super monkey ball indeed smells strongly of shit.

“Well I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” said one researcher. “You’ve got them running around for hours, bumping into walls, working up a sweat… It’s probably no help that they’re ending up in volcanoes near boiling magma. And, um… I assume there’s no compartment to assist in matters of defecation?”

Another scientist took a whiff and grimaced, pursing her lips and squeezing her nose.

“Regurgitated baby formula… Do they have babies running around in these things?” She was promptly reassured by a member of Monkey Ball staff that the babies were being treated humanely, to which she responded; “You have a level here called “Boiling Pot”, are we to assume that babies are maneuvering courses over a giant container of boiling water?”

After the researchers left, the Monkey Ball staff seemed dubious of their concerns.

“They’re just monkeys bro. Look at ‘em go round and round! It’s funny, ain’t it?” one staffer chortled, kicking a nearby ball containing a juvenile Orangutan down a steep, rocky hill. “My favorite ones are the ones where we just sling ‘em into the air and see where they land. It’s like we got our own little monkey space program.”

Whilst the Monkey Ball facilities have drawn criticism from animal rights activists, they’re also said to be expecting a generous donation any day now from noted monkey enthusiast, Elon Musk.

Update: Attack You Landed in 2012 Dark Souls Invasion Just Registered

Posted on by Hunter R. Thompson

TOKYO — After more than 11 years of review and deliberation since you pressed L2, the Dark Souls peer-to-peer connection master relay at Bandai Namco Inc. headquarters has determined that, yes, you did land that heavy attack on that guy after all, sources confirmed.

“So he’s standing perfectly still, and I hit him square with the overhead slash on the Zweihander,” you complained to a friend on Xbox Live the day that you performed the attack, according to reports. “And it just phases right through him. Then he flinches about 20 seconds later, and there’s a blood splatter 15 seconds after that, but in the wrong part of the room. He rolls off a cliff and dies, but I get the death screen instead, and now I swear to God my game’s in French and my landline doesn’t work anymore. What are these servers hosted on, again? Prison wi-fi?”

This news reportedly comes after you lost a duel with an online invader in the summer of 2012, which reset the infamously tough runback to Seath the Scaleless and ruined your whole afternoon. This was then followed by the entire rest of the game, two New Game Plus cycles, seven major From Software game releases, three presidential administrations, and countless millions of human births and deaths, before your attack registered.

“Eleven years or eleven seconds, it doesn’t matter; I earned that win,” complained the invading player who claimed your Humanity at press time. “Bad netcode is just another skill-based obstacle you have to work around in Dark Souls, like the magic teachers you can kill forever, or the trick bridges that slide you into bottomless pits. Don’t like it? Get better internet. Or be like me, and get even worse internet.”

Game director Hidetaka Miyazaki was quick to reassure you both, as well as other Dark Souls fans, that the janky online play is just part of the game’s grim allegory.

“When I designed a multiplayer mode where other players could invade your solo-play session and murder you, a theme of loneliness and betrayal was the goal,” said Miyazaki in a rare public statement. “In this treacherous dark fantasy world, we want players to feel uncertain, so we might just… ignore or delete the occasional attack or dodge. And to create a sense of disconnect from other human beings, we literally disconnect them from other human beings and boot them back to the main menu.”

Other Souls developers are proud of their innovative peer-to-peer multiplayer, which can transmit many tens of bytes per second between the dozens of Dark Souls fans who enjoy playing online.

“You must understand this in the context of the time—it was 2011, and the internet had pretty much just been invented,” reads a press release from the Online Player Interactions team at From Software’s studio in Fukuoka. “What Miyazaki-sama wanted was very ambitious, practically unheard-of, for an online mode. We’re talking two players, sometimes three, and they’re all attacking! Sometimes they attack at the same time. Thankfully 90 percent of players take their console offline the instant they launch the game, or it might be even worse.”

Following this news update, you have been permanently banned from online play for reasons that are deeply unclear.

MW3 to Optimize File Size of Bullets From 30GB to 29GB: “Best We Can Do” Says Activision

Posted on by Nick Roy

LOS ANGELES – Activision announced today that they are taking steps to reduce the controversial file size of popular franchise Call of Duty, and to “not expect much more,” as detailed in their latest blog post.

“We at Activision and Infinity Ward continue to listen to our dedicated fans and we can proudly say we have reduced the file size of bullets by a significant 3%,” outlined the post. “Our developers, engineers, and artists have spent thousands of work hours combing through file explorer, manually deleting each file and seeing if the game runs as a result. And we aren’t doing that again.”

Multiple employees took to X to share stories of their long, unorthodox, you-can’t-argue-wth-results optimization strategy.

“I had some concerns with the optimization strategy, but none of them were heard,” wrote engineer Chris Echeverria. “What made this worse was one of our Jr. Project Manager standing over my shoulder telling me what to delete first. All this stuff needs to be in here 100%”

Business analyst Kathy Hughes chimed in on how this will affect Activison long and short term.

“Putting a price on goodwill is always difficult, but this move should make the price of the next DLC sting just a bit less. It’s refreshing to see a company of this size take the time to put the end user first,” praised Hughes. “At the end of the day, the users are going to buy it anyway.”

“There is a downside however,” Hughes warned. “Making games too small could let competitors muscle in on users’ valuable hard drive real estate. It is also unclear if this was approved by their new owners, Microsoft, which could lead to disruptive changes of project management.”

The announcement was followed minutes later by a post announcing 60 new 4K animations for players holographic sight, starting at $14.99 each for battlepass subscribers, as a mandatory download.

Perfect! Man’s Extensive Funko Pop Collection Lost in House Fire

Posted on by Ian Guyette

Minneapolis – Family and friends of Funko Pop collector Tom Richards caught a lucky break this afternoon when his home burned to the ground taking his entire Funko Pop collection with it to hell, sources confirmed.

“I’ve lost everything,” claimed an exasperated Richards. “At least a dozen Endgame Fury Edition Avengers, all of the Chewbaccas, Blue Metallic Batman, Paul Feig, all gone. I’ve collected hundreds of these little figurines over the years; hundreds of hours and dollars now completely down the drain. I even passed on Disney tickets for a chance to bid on Holographic Darth Maul!”

“I guess I’ll just have to start over from square one–you don’t happen to have 10 dollars on you by chance? Madame Web is coming out soon and I’m expecting a short order window before the bots get all the good stuff for themselves.”

Neighbors were surprised and excited to learn of the fortunate situation, with clear relief in their voices as they offered their condolences.

“Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad for the guy, but the air is black with plastic smoke and I couldn’t feel better,” offered neighbor Brad Smith, “It’s liberation for the whole neighborhood–nobody has to pretend to care who is being added to the Limited Edition Walking Dead Glow in The Dark Release anymore. I couldn’t have asked for a better gift this Christmas.”

Alex Matson, a local game store owner and fellow enthusiast, offered some insight on the disaster.

“I just sell those things because it’s illegal to print your own money. Plus, they’re really appealing to the folks who never figured out what a hobby is, but even I have to admit that the guy was going a little overboard. Jeez man, just go the extra mile and collect something with a little personality, like those horny anime figurines or maybe some Gundam.”

Richards’ friends have put together a GoFundMe to help pay for damages with clear requirements the funds cannot be spent on any Funko Pops. They have also promised to introduce him to movies that aren’t part of any “universe.”

Poor Attention Span Only Thing Preventing Man From Being Radicalized Online

Posted on by Abe Messing

WASHINGTON, DC — After failing to finish watching a 15 second clip of heavily edited police body cam footage, local Twitter user Josh Aaronson yet again avoided becoming radicalized by the racist media he repeatedly consumes, reports confirmed.

“Listen, if you actually watch the evidence, you can clearly see that, um, well— the cop never… he’s clearly, uh… clearly the cop is—” said Aaronson before trailing off and waving his hand in the air dismissively.

Sources confirmed that despite having the poor reasoning skills and deep-seated fears needed to be radicalized, Aaronson was too distracted by the Subway Surfer in the bottom half of the screen for any talking point to really stick.

When reached for comment, a spokesperson for www.NewsTruth1776.com, the site which posted the original video, expressed frustration about this problem among its readers.

“We spend a long time curating our reporting to really paint a certain picture of a certain demographic in the United States. But nothing gets through to this guy,” the spokesperson said, saying that Aaronson wasn’t alone. “Our all-time most popular post is an ‘Oddly Satisfying’ compilation overlaid on a GIF of a waving American Flag.”

Aaronson’s family has mixed feelings about his predicament. Despite Aaronson being incapable of focusing on any task for an extended period of time, his wife sees a silver lining.

“While it is concerning that his brain has been spit roasted by his phone and laptop, it’s nice not being worried when politics gets brought up at Thanksgiving dinner. He’s a sweet and good man because none of the stuff his algorithm feeds him has any lasting impact on him,” said Matilda Aaronson.

At press time, Aaronson was watching the latest post from www.NewsTruth1776.com on his phone and laptop, which features different fruits in a hydraulic press while a narrator reads the 14 words, all of which were lost on Aaronson.

Embarrassed Rimworld Player Admits to Making Colony Generally Pleasant, Friendly Place to Live

Posted on by Bex Kane

RUCHBAH-46, THE RIM — Rimworld player Phillip Mellar recently admitted that, despite the game’s reputation and the general tone of discussion in its online community, he generally strives to create a society which not only provides a decent life to its own citizens, but also treats its neighbors with compassion and dignity.

“Maybe I’m just soft, but I’ve never quite gotten the attitude that a lot of people take toward this game,” Khan told us. “I mean sure, the game gives you the option to do things like capture raiders and keep them imprisoned as a source of transplant organs, but I just don’t feel like that’s how I want to play the game. If the point of the game is to work to survive and build a society, it almost feels like an easy way out to resort to extreme brutality any time it’s convenient.”

We talked to /r/rimworld user TribalPaste for another perspective.

“Look, to me, it’s not about cruelty or kindness,” they told us. “It’s about what happens to be interesting in the moment. I didn’t start my colony of tree-obsessed naked cannibals to get off on inflicting pain on fictional characters, I did it because it sounded funny. And, okay, sometimes it’s just about expediency. Sure, I’ll lock prisoners in a room until they snap and try to kill each other so that I can train a doctor, but I’m perfectly happy to just dissect their corpses if I’m playing with that mod. That’s not sadism, that’s just being smart.”

In a bid to better understand the culture surrounding Rimworld, we looked into its spiritual predecessor, Dwarf Fortress. After climbing 3 298 steps to his hermitage in the high Rockies, we met with Dumat Urvadthîkut, an expert on that game.

“Ultimately, I think that this is about human weakness,” Dumat told us. “A dwarf doesn’t worry about cruelty or kindness, she just throws her child into a pit of training spears and knows that that’s life. There isn’t a why, or a why not. Dwarves are dwarves, and so they drop nobles into magma. It’s a simple and inevitable process. Well, except for being made to drink water. Or drink without a cup. That’s cruelty.”

“Oh, and to be fair, I just couldn’t make myself do mermaid farms even before they got patched. Maybe I’m just a hypocrite, but some things I can’t stomach.”

New Meal Kit Takes Hassle out of Cooking for Whoever Can Steal It off Your Porch First

Posted on by Travis Tack

The new overnight meal kit from FreshApron promises to deliver a variety of mouthwatering meals that can be easily prepared by anyone who finds the box before you get home, according to sources.

“FreshApron was designed to save time and money for whoever can snatch it from your front door the fastest,” explains company CEO Jan Merriwether. “And the best part is, these packages weigh almost nothing, so you could carry it back to your kitchen no matter how far away you live.”

Charlotte-resident Hugh Jinks recently decided to give the new meal kit a try, and the outcome was nothing short of spectacular. “The f**king package disappeared as if by magic,” claimed Jinks. “I couldn’t believe it! It was almost like watching David Blaine.”

While some meal kits take forever to arrive, FreshApron has been praised for their quick, efficient delivery notifications. Customers receive an instant text message when your package is dropped off, and a second text message once someone has stolen it.

“While many meal kits get lost in transit, FreshApron promises your meal kit will only get lost after delivery,” Merriwether stated.

Of course, not everyone has had a positive experience. Joe Nermeth, 34, is one such individual.

“I found a FreshApron box on my neighbors porch and it turned out to be full of rotten fish! I tried complaining to my neighbors about it and they told me ‘we canceled that subscription months ago,’” complained Nermeth. “If these things are going to contain perishables they should put a date on the box!”

Until they fix the problem, Nermeth says he’s going to go back to robbing his local Target.

Sony and Nintendo to Skip E3’s Funeral and Do Their Own Presentations

Posted on by Alex Kitsinger

LOS ANGELES – ESA officially confirmed in a statement that E3 is dead, and that a funeral will be held at the Los Angeles Convention Center where the event was previously held. Every major developer has announced plans to attend, with two major exceptions – Sony and Nintendo.

“We really don’t see the need to attend. Sure, we had some good times, but our own presentations have been performing a lot better lately,” said Sony Interactive Entertainment head Jim Ryan as he was once again told he needed to pack up his desk.

“In honor of E3, we’re excited to announce The Last of Us Part I: E3 Edition, which is exactly the same but the box has the E3 logo on it. We hope that adequately expresses just how much E3 meant to all of us here at Sony.”

Nintendo of America President Doug Bowser also chimed in, to explain the company’s absence.

“We just hate those guys after how much people made fun of us during our Wii U presentations,” said Bowser.

“We’ll just do a Funeral Direct livestream on our own YouTube Channel. It’ll mostly be farming sims as usual, but we’ve probably got some time near the end to give a little speech, or whatever you do at funerals.”

We Asked Geoff Keighley, host of Summer Games Fest, to weigh in on these decisions.

“It feels really disrespectful, you know? After all that E3 did to the industry and to gamers, they aren’t even going to go to the funeral? Even though I’ll be there to announce which year wins the best E3 award?” said Keighley after telling us to “wrap it up” while asking our question.

“If you ask me though, I think it was well past time for it to go. Every second people were spending at E3 was a second they weren’t watching me talk to Kojima over at Summer Games Fest, which is just unacceptable. I’ve actually made plans to steal the identity of the english narrators for Nintendo Directs, so I can be a part of their eulogy.”

At press time, ESA employees were reportedly very reluctant to celebrate, citing concerns that E3 might somehow come back again.

Physicists Warn Any Further Condensing of Live Action One Piece Plot Could Catalyze Black Hole

Posted on by Cathy Herbert

LOS ANGELES — It’s official, a new season is coming. And so is a cataclysmic event that would instantly spaghettify the entire solar system if left unchecked, warn physicists. The Netflix live action adaptation of Eiichiro Oda’s massively popular 1000+ episode anime One Piece contains storylines so condensed experts believe the show could soon collapse in on itself, ripping a hole in the fabric of spacetime.

“Normally it would require the force of two neutron stars colliding to create a new black hole,” said Miguel De Santo, lead researcher on the National Anime Nova Investigation (NANI) project. “But our readings indicate a troubling concentration of gravity waves forming around Netflix server banks across the world since the release of One Piece (2023).”

The newly formed gravity is a result of the plots of 45 standard anime episodes being packed into just one eight episode season of the live action show, studies show. According to calculations carried out by NANI, that’s more than twice the density of the Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure live action movie which caused Toho Studios to go supernova in 2017. Netflix has avoided the same fate by leaving out the plots of several filler episodes, but De Santo says it’s not enough to counter the effects of the much more dense main character storylines.

“The artful mastery with which the writers of this show so concisely yet fully express the essence of long-established characters and themes is extremely alarming,” said De Santo. “By bringing the Koby-Meppo Marine training storyline in early to counterbalance Luffy’s improvisational adventures, they’ve created the fullest story arc in the history of physics. Bigger than Hawking’s Evangelion edit. If they excel beyond their current skill level for season two we’re basically all doomed.”

Even more alarming is the existence of plans for prosthetic reindeer antlers at Netflix Studios, which the NANI team discovered using their state of the art Cosplay Imaging Telescope. The antlers point to the almost certain inclusion of fan favourite Tony Tony Chopper in season two.

“Chopper makes his debut in the anime at episode 83. If he shows up in the live action any earlier than episode 50 the singularity will be irreversible,” De Santos said, adding: “At this point our only hope is a Random Netflix Cancellation Event, but they’re so unpredictable there’s no telling if or when it would happen.”

The servers’ gravity has already attracted satellites which could themselves add to the overall density of One Piece. Early warning signs show several thousand new fanfics are now orbiting the series and De Santo expects many more to appear after the inevitable addition of Nico Robin to the cast.