WALLA WALLA, WASHINGTON – Gamer Ian Wilde is reportedly heartbroken after learning that the companion he romanced in Baldur’s Gate 3, Shadowheart, has also been romanced by other gamers.
“Shadowheart, how could you?” wept Wilde. “I hear you’ve been running around, getting romanced by other gamers left and right. All the dialogues we had together. All the quests we went on. Freeing you from the pod. Finding the Nightsong. That night we shared in the lake. Did all of that mean nothing to you? Now I see why you worship the goddess of secrets.”
According to stunned sources, Wilde found out about Shadowheart being romanced by another gamer after he had a friend over who was also playing Baldur’s Gate 3. As the two talked about the game and Wilde brought up his romance with Shadowheart, his friend mentioned that they had also romanced the NPC. According to eyewitnesses, at that time Wilde became distraught, pacing around the room, crying and shouting at his friend and demanding he get out of his house.
“He exploded,” said Ian’s friend, Jacob Patrick. “He was throwing things around the house and yelling ‘How could you?’ I couldn’t tell if he was joking at first but then he started sobbing and it was not a joke. Very loud.”
After kicking out Jacob, Ian spent hours browsing internet forums and YouTube comment sections, where he saw hundreds of comments and posts by gamers talking about their romance with Shadowheart. After gathering this “evidence” as he called, he reportedly booted up Baldur’s Gate 3, where he attempted to confront Shadowheart over her numerous “affairs.” However, as Baldur’s Gate 3 had no dialogue options relevant to his situation, he resorted to shouting at Shadowheart on his computer screen.
“He woke me up screaming at his computer,” said Anna Wilde, Ian’s mom. “I had work in the morning. Are other boys his age like this?”
As of press time Shadowheart did not respond to an immediate request for comment about the situation, but did seem potentially open for romancing.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 19.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A broad and versatile term that is used to refer to an object, concept, or entity.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“G”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“N”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“I”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“H”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 456 days straight! So here goes nothing:
After decades of public debate and extensive, wide-ranging studies, the data has finally aligned with common sense to present one clear conclusion: Guns don’t kill people. Pokemon with guns kill people.
I’ve been saying this for years and no one would listen. Well maybe now that this nightmare has come to life people will start to listen – military-style assault rifles only belong in the hands of basically anyone who feels like owning one, not Pokemon.
I’m sick of pretending that’s not the case. I don’t care who I offend.
Many online commenters have criticized the new game Palworld as a dumb gimmick or a pathetic cash grab. I think it’s something far worse than that, a warning. A glimpse into what our future will become as the core values of what once made this country great disappear daily.
Imagine taking your kids to the park for a nice little picnic, the sun is shining, there’s not a cloud in the sky. You’ve got two or three concealed carry weapons on you – maybe a few hidden away on your kids too. A beautiful, perfect day. Wait, what’s that? A Gengar with a machine gun! That bastard is already creepy enough with his long-ass tongue. Now he has a gun, think about it. Is that the kind of country you want to live in?
I have nightmares daily of Pikachu with a bump stock. I gave bump stocks to all of my family as stocking stuffers this year but really… Pikachu? You’ve got to be kidding me.
Look, I know some Pokemon basically already have guns. You look at Blastoise though and all he can shoot at you is a little bit of water. Super fast hydro pumped water, but still water. We’re not talking about .50 caliber, armor-piercing rounds coming out of those cannons.
What use does a Pokemon have for an AR-15 anyways? Those only belong in the hands of unstable teenagers and any other American shopper who just kinda feels like it that day.
To be clear: I do agree if someone can only say their own name over and over again they should be allowed to purchase a weapon without delay. But if that name is an un-American as “Snorlax” – no way.
I’m a big believer that change has to start with the Gym leaders. I’ve always said that. If they want to encourage kids to go from town to town collecting badges and challenging everyone that can see them, there has to be some regulation. We certainly can’t be allowing these children to hand a firearm to their Mudkips and Chimchars.
All I’m saying is that at the very least we have to control which pokemon we’re going to let have a gun. Before you give a 60-round magazine to your Jigglypuff, why not do a background check on them? There may be a reason that little guy is always trying to get you to go to sleep.
If you take anything away from this piece let it be this: Don’t give your Dachsbun a shotgun until you know they’re a good one.
NEW YORK — Premium television channel HBO announced the upcoming release of a special Show of the Year Edition of their acclaimed series “The Last of Us” despite the show failing to win a single televised Emmy.
“We’re thrilled to offer an enhanced version of ‘The Last of Us’ that will give true fans everything they’ve asked for,” said David Zaslav, CEO of HBO’s parent company Warner Bros. Discovery. “Sure, it may have struck out at the Emmys, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t the show of the year. Video games do this all the time, right? I just held an internal poll at HBO, and guess what? ‘The Last of Us’ just won our Show of the Year award in an absolute landslide. So there.”
“The Last of US” co-creator Craig Mazin said that he had not been consulted on the decision to release a new version of the series.
“I have no goddamn clue what they’re doing,” said Mazin. “I’m hoping that they just want to slap a new sticker on the Blu-ray box set, but with my luck, they’ll ask me to add, ‘new features,’ whatever that means. And hey, I’m down to record a new commentary track or something, but that’s not what they’ll ask for. They’ll probably make me include that Bill and Frank series they’ve been bugging me about. Honestly, I would rather that than having to workshop that turd into its own show.”
Fans of the show had mixed feelings about the announcement.
“It kind of feels like bullshit to me,” said Brian Davis, who said that the original “The Last of Us” game was his favorite media of all time. “I already subscribe to both HBO and MAX, plus I bought the first season of the show on UHD, regular Blu-ray and DVD. Now they’re asking me to buy it all over again? It’s not like I have a choice — I’m a collector. Plus, they’ll definitely gate off some juicy content behind this paywall. I can only pray they don’t one day release an ultimate edition.”
At press time, Mazin released a statement explaining that the show’s second season had been delayed so that he could focus on a brand-new remaster of the first season.
SAINT PAUL, Minn. – An anonymous former Digital Café employee has come forward about a massive crunch during development of beloved cereal propaganda Chex Quest in a recent Twitter thread.
“The physical toll was brutal, but the higher ups didn’t care – all they wanted was to deepen their pockets and create the Chex Warrior. Typical executives, only caring about the sentient cereal men of their own creation,” lamented the former employee.
In a modern gaming landscape where workplace abuses are becoming all the more common, it’s up to brave developers to come forward about the corporate funded genetically modified cereal-human hybrid atrocities against God only seen behind closed doors.
“We were in development hell for over a decade – Chex Quest actually started off as an English port of this little known Japanese Famicom game Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic, but the technology for sentient chex men just wasn’t there at the time so the license ended up going to Nintendo,” commented the developer.
Many nostalgia-blind recreational propaganda consumers questioned the legitimacy of the developer’s claims, stating: “There’s no way the government would allow unregulated workplace abuses or sentient cereal-human hybrid people to roam the earth – it’s just not possible!”
The former developer went on to reminisce over the 10 year long development cycle, posting “The first batch of chex-human hybrid people were very aggressive, with a tendency to get a bit quirky during the constant never ending night shifts. It all eventually culminated in what we call ‘the bite of ‘87’ – when a bunch of the newbies got fed up with the greed of the higher ups and decided to try and eat the original Chex Warrior to assert their dominance.”
“We lost some good men that day, but the Chex Warrior ultimately survived. His wounds were mostly cranial, so the scientists behind his creation ended up repurposing the cereal-human hybrid with major brain damage into the company’s next CEO.”
Digital Café would go on to be eventually liquidated in 1998, dissolving the Chex Warrior of his role as CEO and any guilt he might have over the workplace abuses behind his creation.
NEW YORK – A blood drive at St. Sylvester’s hospital was forced to finish early when a local action hero tried to give blood by cutting straight across his palm with a huge knife, stunned witnesses confirmed.
“This is how it’s done,” said Trench Calhoun, veteran of a war and noted machine-gunner of henchmen. “You have to find that heart deep inside, lock it away, drink away the pain, find redemption. Then, when the killing is over and somehow that beautiful goddamn sun rises, you try to give back to the community. Except these dorks don’t want the blood of a bona fide American hero even when it’s flowing like the red in the flag.”
Nurse and phlebotomist, Sarah Cooper, has seen this kind of thing too many times.
“Dudes like this show up every time we run one of these drives,” she said, packing up her gear and cleaning hand blood from her clothes. “If it isn’t action heroes it’s scientists playing god or tribal warriors or demon hunters. They seem to think the only way to give blood is with a slow, dramatic palm cut when actually that’s highly unsanitary and totally useless to us.”
Oscar Newman, a representative of the Modern Action Hero Alliance condemned Trench’s actions.
“We don’t do that kind of thing anymore,” said Newman, a mild-mannered bank clerk who developed weather powers after being struck by lightning. “The modern action hero isn’t all salutes and palm cuts. Today it’s crazy amounts of abs instead of huge biceps, and wisecracks instead of possibly debilitating hand wounds. If someone asked me to give blood now I’d make a joke about Dracula then make a funny face and ask if he’s standing behind me. Then they’d put that scene at the end of the trailer for some reason as though it’s going to sway anyone unconvinced about the movie’s quality.”
Even in the face of this adversity, Trench intends to keep trying to give blood when he’s not drinking whiskey straight from the bottle or gazing longingly at a photograph of a woman who either died or left him due to his action hero lifestyle.
Exciting news for diehard fans of the Super Nintendo classic Chrono Trigger who have been waiting over a decade for a way to replay the game on modern home consoles: death awaits you, and its cold embrace will free you from all worldly desires.
While there is some debate amongst theologians regarding what happens to an individual’s consciousness upon physical death, most fields of science agree that, mercifully, any of our hopes and dreams about playing Chrono Trigger on modern consoles die with us.
We reached out to fans of the seminal time travel RPG to get their thoughts on dying forever. Redondo Beach resident Mike Anthony expressed no small measure of relief.
“I thought when they were working on fixing the Steam version that a port was a sure thing. I was gutted that there’s been no word on that,” Mr. Anthony said. “To know that I’ll be embraced by an endless void from which there’s no return, and that any hope I had for a port will be nothing but a memory surviving friends and family could recall, is at least some consolation.”
Atlanta native Amanda Malecki echoed Mr. Anthony’s sentiment, telling us, “I’ve always said that I’d rather not exist than be deprived of going on adventures with Crono and the gang again, so I’m pretty chuffed to find out that not existing anymore is an inescapable inevitability.”
Nick Stapleton, a particular fan of the 16- and 32-bit era of Square Enix RPGs, was perhaps the most excited.
“I try to tell myself to be cool whenever there’s a Nintendo Direct, or PlayStation Showcase, or Xbox whatever-they-call-it,” Mr. Stapleton told us. “Then, without fail, I start hyping myself up. Maybe they’ll announce a port of Chrono Trigger, or Xenogears, or Vagrant Story, or Final Fantasy Tactics, or Parasite Eve. It’s like they don’t even want my money. Thank God for the inexorable encroachment of nothingness.”
When reached for comment, a Square Enix representative responded with the following statement:
“Square Enix is thrilled to have so many passionate fans of our beloved back-catalog of classic games, and we wish those fans a speedy, painless death.”
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 18.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A verb that means to take someone else’s property without permission or unlawfully. Past tense.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“O”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“S”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 326 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Ubisoft is shaking things up with their subscription service, Ubisoft+, which lets gamers stream a wide catalog of their games across multiple platforms. However this new service comes with a catch for gamers who paid for these games at full price.
Philippe Tremblay, Ubisoft’s director of subscriptions, recently announced that gamers will now be able to play their games only on weekends and some school nights if the player has been good.
“Listen, we’re not saying you have to buy the subscription to play these games you’ve already paid for, but if you were good boys and girls you would,” Tremblay said. “Gamers don’t need to own these games. We do! It makes more sense just to borrow them from us, and if they do they can stay up all night and eat as much ice cream as they want while they play.”
The service has garnered criticism from fans, and left them wondering if they’ll be able to play the games they’ve already purchased freely.
“Of course they can still play those games… as long as they’ve done all of their chores and finished their homework, and it’s not past their bedtime,” Tremblay continued.
“We just don’t feel gamers are responsible enough to own our games. Can they really keep track of discs or cartridges? Don’t get me wrong, we are fine with them playing our games, we just prefer it’s on our service and under our supervision. We’re a very open studio.” Tremblay emphasized while dabbing.
While this may sound reasonable to some gamers, others find it to be just another example of companies trying to do away with physical media and take the privilege of ownership away from the consumer.
“It’s no fair,” commented reddit user u/Eziosbestio. “Companies are always trying to stop me from buying movies and music. I’m a big boy! These CEOs don’t understand me and they’re being totally unfair. When they were my age they got to buy all the games they wanted! I’m gonna run away and take all my games with me!”
Following the launch of Ubisoft+, experts have reportedly seen a historic increase in gamers going to their friend’s house. The one with cool parents and a Nintendo and a hot tub.
Taylor Swift is inescapable. Best selling albums, a billion-dollar concert tour, Hollywood movies, sporting events, and the talk of your younger cousin every time you have a family gathering. However, what about the millions to be made in the increasingly diminishing returns of the video game industry? They need the magic touch too! As destined as she is to appear in the next Grand Theft Auto game, we’re limiting it to just games where music is involved.
Dance Dance Revolution
Fans of Tay will know that her music fits right in with smile.dk and other Y2K-era EDM classics. Wait, what do you mean most of her catalog is songs for people to lie in bed and long for an unrequited love? Well, they can probably put “Shake It Off” in there or something. The arrows on this genre-defining classic will serve as great help for the millions of swifties who can’t dance without visual instruction.
Taiko no Tatsujin
Music critics have been saying for years that the one thing that modern music has been missing was ancient drums. Imagine hearing “Cruel Summer” but every single beat has a loud drum solo over every other instrument. It’d be a new age for country music, if the country you’re referring to is Japan. If they went for this crossover, Taiko could finally make a western audience with people who aren’t into anime openings and have no clue what a Touhou is.
PaRappa the Rapper
Taylor will teach PaRappa that all he has to do is believe, and also that recording the same thing again will make a lot of cash. If PaRappa is saying all of Taylor’s lyrics back to her, does that mean Parappa is now a hurtful ex-boyfriend? Is that inconsiderate? At worst, it’ll still be a better rap verse than Kendrick Lamar’s on “Bad Blood.”
The Beatles: Rock Band
She’s bigger than them. Next game.
Fortnite
The rumored rhythm mode for Fortnite hasn’t been revealed yet, but if I find a way to put the terms ‘Taylor Swift’ and ‘Fortnite’ in the same sentence, I get a bonus. Still, it’s sure to be a winner from Harmonix, the Jack Antonoff of rhythm games. To maximize profits, she could have her own skin, complete with an acoustic guitar pickaxe. You’ll be the reason for their teardrops! I’ll take the doxxing now.
Rocksmith+
Who needs to shred when you can serve? Learning to play guitar would be a great time sink for fans when Taylor hasn’t posted a tweet to analyze like she’s the Unabomber. They could even follow along with the lyrics if they’re fake fans who don’t have every song down word for word! Charge extra for each song and it’ll make more than the subscription itself does.
Friday Night Funkin’
Boyfriend could use the power of funk to diss his way through all of her evil ex-boyfriends. With a soundtrack reminiscent of Anamanaguchi, she’d be a perfect fit that would make the game sell like hotcakes. That’s why Friday Night Funkin’ absolutely needs to include Ramona Flowers. As for Taylor Swift, she probably visited Newgrounds once or twice back in the day, so she should be in.
Mother 3
Don’t look at me like that — Mother 3 is a rhythm game. You have to time the attacks just right to get the best combos on your opponent. Taylor is just like Lucas because, uh, they both have blonde hair, or something! Look, the interference of the biggest pop star on the planet is the only thing that’ll get this damn game localized. You can even call it Earthbound (Taylor’s Version) if you have to.
Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA
Taylor’s only going to share the spotlight with the one musician who has as much stage presence as she does. She may be an astute businesswoman, but she isn’t selling out concerts without even being physically present like CV1 does. Maybe meeting a virtual Swift can convince Miku to start buying her masters? DIVA makes its money with the sheer amount of costumes the Vocaloid singers have, so a costume for each and every one of her eras would do the trick.
Trombone Champ
Ever wanted all of Taylor’s songs to sound like complete dog doo doo? Ruin them with your own terrible trombone skills! Collecting cards could be just as familiar to Swifties as going out to the store and buying four different versions of Midnights. Obviously the game specializing in public domain songs is to save money to pay for Anti-Hero.
Rhythm Heaven
Implying that a new Rhythm Heaven is ever going to happen is grounds for a barrage of clown emojis, but it’s worth mentioning. The series has many parallels to Taylor’s life, as her secret hobbies include karate, golfing and playing badminton in the sky. At least we assume that’s what all the private jet emissions are for. The minigames could even be a bonding activity, reminding her of the time Travis Kelce probably kicked a football on their first date. Truly a combination that will make all of her fans say a great big “I suppose.”
osu!
It may be a free-to-play game with zero monetization whatsoever, but they’d still find some way to profit off of it. What can be more appealing to stans than a game which is so hard to master that most experts haven’t seen the sun in years? The overcharting on “All Too Well (10 Minute Version)” would be enough to make even the most hardcore player’s hand cry. More casual gamers could just sit back and collect fruit to “Blank Space.” There could even be overbearing visuals behind the gameplay in a mere act of spite!
Just Dance
Just Dance is perhaps the biggest modern rhythm game, and i– Oh, they already put her songs in. “Love Story” and “You Belong With Me,” huh. You can boot up the latest game right now and play those songs if you really want to. I guess someone had to actually take our advice and go to Taylor for easy money. I was really hoping it would be PaRappa.
