Every Tangled Cord in Your Junk Drawer Ranked by How Likely You Are to Ever Need Them Again

You open your junk drawer and oh boy, not again. It seems your dad has thrown all of the stray cords in the house into one overstuffed drawer. Why has he done this, convenience? Laziness? Or perhaps he just didn’t know where else to shove ‘em all. Or what they all do for that matter!

You, of course, are different. You are not your father. You have knowledge and perhaps even nostalgia for every entwined and crumbled object that lies within this infamous drawer. That lucky silver dollar you found on the bus when you were twelve, your ex-girlfriend Janice’s scrunchie, and that off putting postcard from your uncle you don’t talk to anymore.

Of course, some of this paraphernalia is simply lying in purgatory in this drawer, many of them being all these ancient and mysterious cords. Here’s some help deciding which ones you can cast into their final resting place in the garbage or which ones deserve a chance at resurrection.

13. USB-A to USB-B

This may seem useful for devices like… printers? But printers are now wireless, paper copies are dead and you will never need one again. Keep it anyways.

12. 3-foot Ethernet Cable

This won’t even cover the distance from your PC to your router. The only useful Ethernet cables should be 10 feet to make it across the room, or 100 feet to make it over your neighbor’s place when Comcast decides to betray you. Anything else should be illegal. Keep.

11. 27 different Micro-USB cables of various lengths

You only have, like, one device left that needs Micro-USB. Do you need this many, truly? Yes, yes you do. Also, next time you need one just order another from Amazon. You can never have too many of these. You’re also going to want to make room for the 27 USB-C cables you will have within a year or two.

10. Aux to Aux

Apple got rid of them, but you will not. Must keep!

9. GORE® Unshielded Twisted Pair (24 AWG) Hook-Up Wires

Look, there’s no denying that private space travel is becoming a major industry and when this world becomes unlivable do you want to be left behind? It’s well documented that high quality wire and cable was essential to those missions to Mars. Hold onto this one if you have the space.

8. Apple 30-pin Connector

Let’s face it, your music taste has gone downhill since Limewire. You may need this the next time you get roasted by your own Spotify Wrapped. I’m sure your iPod Nano is in here somewhere.

7. Jumper Cables

These should be in your car. Why aren’t they in your car? Keep here anyways.

6. HDMI cords

Between your dual monitor gaming rig, 55” 4K OLED TV, portable screen, old laptop dedicated to piracy, dusty closet PS2, and your Luddite roommates, having any less than 16 HDMI cords is a mistake. Even if they are all broken. Keep anyways.

5. Gameboy Link Cable

You never know when your buddy Jeff from the 6th grade will show up and challenge you to a Link Battle rematch on FireRed. You don’t want to be caught unprepared at your 20 year reunion. Keep.

4. Frayed cable of unknown use or origin

This could go to something important. Keep.

3. RCA (Yellow/Red/White) Connector

Absolutely essential. There’s almost certainly, probably, still a VHS or pre-HDMI DVD player hiding in your house, how else will you watch Lion King 1 ½ again without it?

2. USB Breakaway Cable For Xbox 360 Wired Controller

You may remember these, the short cord that went from a typical USB-A to some never-before, and never-after seen, silly round doo-dad. Seemingly useless, but – compared to modern-day stick-drifting, bumper-breaking, plastic-component monstrosities – your 360 controller will outlive you and possibly your offspring.

1. The one cable you need right now

Wait, why isn’t this in here? Are you kidding me?!

Dyson Sphere Program Update Patch Notes V0.10.29.22010 Mar 22

 

Hello engineers, we're rolling out some updates to improve your gaming journey.

 

[Feature]

Added 19 system broadcasts, including voice broadcasts, text-based tips and pinnable icons.

 

[Changes]

Changed the activation/deactivation SFX of [Warp Engine].

 

[Balance]

  • Increased the damage of Icarus' [Energy Shield Burst] skill.
  • Adjusted the jamming number of [Jamming Capsule] and [Suppressing Capsule] from 60 to 180, also extended the jamming effect time of slowing enemies' movement speed and attack speed.
  • Increased the ROF of [SR Plasma Turret] from 0.5/s to 0.6/s.

 

[Bugfix]

  • Fixed a bug while Dyson Sphere technology is unlocked and no Dyson Sphere is planned, entering the space and opening the [Dyson Sphere Panel] will cause an error.
  • Fixed a bug where a [Depot] under a [Logistic Distributor] is not built yet and placing an item into the [Logistic Distributor] would cause an error.
  • Fixed a bug where upgrading a building did not reset its proliferation progress, which could cause replicating items infinitely.
  • Fixed a bug where under certain circumstances, [Laser Turret] does not attack the Dark Fog.
  • Fixed a bug when adding an upgrade to queue, a prerequisite level is not reached, but its following upgrade can be queued.
  • Fixed a bug where under certain resolution settings, production numbers are not fully displayed in [Statistics Panel].
  • Fixed a bug of [Pile Sorter] filter logic, if the filter is set to another item, pile sorter should not continue to transport the previous item.
  • Fixed a bug when landing on a planet, changes of prebuild data might cause an error.

 

Those are the patch notes for update V0.10.29.22010 on March 22 for Dyson Sphere Program.

Deep Rock Galactic: Survivor Update Patch Notes Hotfix 0.2.190d Mar 22

 

Hello survivors,

A quick hotfix is out now!

We have identified performance issues with the Breach Cutter and the Shard Diffractor. In this hotfix, we address the Breach Cutter issues and some of the Shard Diffractor issues.

 

Deep Rock Galactic: Survivor Update 01 Patch Notes Mar 20

 

Improvements & Fixes

We will continue to keep an eye on performance. Also, we are aware there are other issues, like damage numbers, that can cause FPS drops, these will be addressed in the future.

Other than that, a few audio bugs have been taken care of as well:
  • - Fixed a performance issue with the Breach Cutter
  • - Throttled some impact VFX on the Shard Diffractor when many enemies are present.
  • - Audio: Fixed BRN Shield Belt and FRZ Shield belt audios not obeying the SFX volume slider
  • - Audio: Fixed Falling Stalagmite audio not obeying the SFX volume slider
  • - Audio: Fixed the PlasmaBurster grenade audio not pausing correctly
The symptoms of these bugs were FPS drops when using those weapons (especially at high hazard levels with many enemies on screen), and in some cases, the dwarf could stop mining intermittently.

 

Those are the patch notes for hotfix 0.2.190d on March 22 for Deep Rock Galactic: Survivor.

Wordle Today – Answer And Hint For #1008 March 23, 2024

Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Mar 23.

We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned,  then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.

 

Still Mar 22 at your location? Try our Wordle answer page for that day instead!

 

Wordle Hint Today 1008 March 23, 2024

Wordle Hint Today
Today’s Wordle Hint

Here’s a hint with the meaning of today’s Wordle answer

 

A verb that means to move from a lower position to a higher one, to ascend, or to become higher in level, position, or status; past participle form.

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter

The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“N”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter

The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“E”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Third Letter

The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“S”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Second Letter

The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“I”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today First Letter

The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“R”

 

 

Today’s Wordle Answer

And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.

Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.

That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 425 days straight! So here goes nothing:

 

3…

 

 

2…

 

 

1…

 

 

The Wordle answer today is “RISEN”

 

 

Previous Wordle Answers With Their Definitions

 

Wordle Today – Answer And Hint For #1007 March 22, 2024

 

Wordle #1006 For March 21, 2024

SHADE

The darkness created by an object blocking the light from the sun or a source of light.

 

Wordle #1005 For March 20, 2024

LINGO

A specialized or informal vocabulary used by a particular group, profession, or community.

 

Wordle #1004 For March 19, 2024

ABIDE

To accept or act in accordance with a rule, decision, or recommendation; to tolerate or endure something.

 

Wordle #1003 For March 18, 2024

SPELT

To recite, write, or form words with letters in the correct order; past tense and past participle of that verb.

 

Wordle #1002 For March 17, 2024

SNORT

To forcefully inhale air through the nose, often audibly, as a reflex action or to clear the nasal passages, and sometimes in the context of narcotics.

 

Wordle #1001 For March 16, 2024

TOXIN

A harmful substance produced by living organisms, such as bacteria, fungi, plants, or animals, that can cause damage to cells, tissues, or organs when ingested, inhaled, or otherwise absorbed into the body.

 

Wordle #1000 For March 15, 2024

ERUPT

To burst or break out suddenly and violently, especially in terms of a volcano releasing lava, ash, and gases.

 

Wordle #999 For March 14, 2024

SINCE

A point in time from which something has continued or developed; the starting point of a period of time.

 

Wordle #998 For March 13, 2024

LOCAL

Something that is nearby, or in the immediate vicinity, as opposed to being widespread or global. Or a person who resides in a particular area or community.

 

Wordle #997 For March 12, 2024

HEAVE

To lift, haul, or throw a heavy object with great effort. Also used to describe when a chest rises and falls rhythmically or spasmodically as if struggling to breathe.

 

Wordle #996 For March 11, 2024

PESKY

An adjective used informally to describe something or someone annoying, bothersome, or causing minor but persistent trouble or irritation.

 

Wordle #995 For March 10, 2024

GRASP

As a noun: a firm hold or grip.

As a verb: to understand or to comprehend something.

 

Wordle #994 For March 9, 2024

CHEER

As a verb, to express happiness or encouragement, oftentimes with a loud shout, slogan, or acclamation.

 

Wordle #993 For March 8, 2024

EARLY

An adjective that refers to something occurring or done before the expected, usual, or appointed time.

 

Wordle #992 For March 7, 2024

CLONE

Produce genetically identical copies of an organism, typically through asexual reproduction or by using biotechnological methods.

 

Wordle #991 For March 6, 2024

TEARY

An adjective that describes someone who is shedding a bodily fluid from their eyes, often as a result of sadness, emotion, or sensitivity.

 

Wordle #990 For March 5, 2024

HUNCH

A noun that refers to a feeling, intuition, or instinctive guess about something, often without any logical explanation or evidence.

A verb that means to bend or stoop forward, typically due to discomfort, fatigue, or cold.

 

Wordle #989 For March 4, 2024

FLAME

The highly visible, brightly glowing, and often flickering component of a fire.

 

Wordle #988 For March 3, 2024

STATE

As a noun: a political entity with defined geographical boundaries, a permanent population, and a government.

 

Wordle #987 For March 2, 2024

URBAN

The social, cultural, and economic aspects of city life, as opposed to rural living.

 

Wordle #986 For March 1, 2024

FORTY

A numeric value that can be arrived at by multiplying four by ten.

 

Wordle #985 For February 29, 2024

IMAGE

A visual representation or depiction of something, typically produced by photography, painting, drawing, or digital means.

 

Wordle #984 For February 28, 2024

DEVIL

A supernatural being, often depicted as evil, malevolent, or the adversary of God.

 

Wordle #983 For February 27, 2024

SENSE

As a noun, any of the five faculties through which stimuli from the external world are received and perceived: sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch.

 

Wordle #982 For February 26, 2024

OFTEN

An adverb that indicates frequency or regularity of occurrence.

 

Wordle #981 For February 25, 2024

SMITH

A common surname of English origin.

A person who works with skill and craftsmanship in the creation of various objects.

 

Wordle #980 For February 24, 2024

PIPER

A musician who plays the bagpipes, a traditional wind instrument.

 

Wordle #979 For February 23, 2024

APART

Separate or detached from something else; not connected or joined together.

 

Wordle #978 For February 22, 2024

HEAVY

Used as an adjective to indicate having great weight; difficult to lift, move, or carry due to mass or density.

 

Wordle #977 For February 21, 2024

BUILD

Used as a verb most commonly: to construct, assemble, or create something, such as a structure, or object.

 

Wordle #976 For February 20, 2024

MATCH

To be equal or corresponding to something else in quality, quantity, or significance.

 

Wordle #975 For February 19, 2024

PRICE

The amount of money or value that must be paid or exchanged to acquire goods or services.

 

Wordle #974 For February 18, 2024

RIDGE

A long, narrow, elevated area of land that forms a crest or a continuous line along the top of a mountain, or hill.

 

Wordle #973 For February 17, 2024

PSALM

A sacred song or hymn, typically from a specific titular Biblical book, which is a collection of religious poems and prayers found in the Old Testament of the Bible.

 

Wordle #972 For February 16, 2024

STASH

As a noun: a secret or hidden supply of something, typically valuable or desirable items.

As a verb: to hide or store something away, often for future use or for safekeeping.

 

Wordle #971 For February 15, 2024

ASCOT

A type of necktie or cravat that is typically worn with formal attire. It consists of a narrow strip of fabric that is folded over and tied in a manner similar to a scarf, with the ends tucked into the collar of a shirt.

Chris Pratt Cast as Next Door Neighbor Who Walks Around His Living Room All Day in Sims Movie

 

LOS ANGELES — According to reports, a movie based on The Sims is in the works from Margot Robbie’s production company LuckyChap. Sources confirmed that Chris Pratt has been cast in the film as the next door neighbor who spends all day walking around his living room.

Casting Director Jenna Cole revealed the role will change how fans see the actor.

“We wanted to cast Chris in a role that would be recognizable by Sims fans as a cornerstone character,” said Cole. “Chris won’t be a Landgraab or a Goth. Pigeonholing him into such a role wouldn’t be a challenge for his talent. Instead, we’ve placed Chris as a notable, mysterious, and instantly recognizable character: Dan, the protagonist’s next door neighbor who never leaves his living room. It’s a transformative role for him.”

Pratt is excited for the role to stretch his acting muscles.

“In most of my roles like Guardians or Jurassic World, you see a confident, silly, happy-go-lucky character with plenty of charm, agency, and charisma. But now I get to show my range by being an incoherent, inarticulate, bumbling fool. My house won’t have a door, a toilet, a shower, or a fridge. Dan’s only purpose will be in the background — constantly struggling and fighting for his life. It’s exciting, especially since I’m a huge fan of the series. I remember having so much fun playing Sims and stomping koopas as a kid,” said Pratt

Cole did confirm that the casting was made partly as a means to embarrass the actor.

“Yes. We want to see Chris Pratt on his knees, peeing his pants. Whenever the protagonist walks nearby his house in Willow Creek, he will be walking back and forth between the TV and the bookshelf, his red plumbob accompanying him everywhere. He’s already practicing his Simlish, but only phrases that convey true terror and monotony.”

At press time, several sources also mentioned that they’ve heard Pratt’s Sim voice and revealed it will be like nothing you’ve ever heard before.

Giant Bomb’s Jeff Bakalar Says Dan Ryckert Would Be Happy Living in a Dumpster

Jeff Bakalar is the current general manager of Giant Bomb, and the former editor at large of CNET. He is an avid ice hockey fan, custom mechanical keyboard enjoyer, and might own more pinball machines than is appropriate. Bakalar founded the longest running podcast on CNET, The 404 Show, and was also a member of the Giant Beastcast. You can catch him on the Giant Bombcast, The Voicemail Dump Truck, and on various Giant Bomb videos.

MW: I’ve heard you talk before about building keyboards for people and I was wondering why you think a mechanical keyboard makes the perfect gift for somebody.

Jeff Bakalar: I think it’s one of those things that you are so out of the loop about until you’ve actually experienced it that it is I’m not gonna say it’s life-changing-

MW: You can say that to me.

Bakalar: I mean, yeah, I feel good saying it to you Johnny, but for my wife for our 10th anniversary I built her a keyboard.

MW: That’s a thoughtful gift!

Bakalar: It’s so thoughtful! It took me almost a month to secure all the parts. But here’s the thing, it’s our anniversary, and she’s like, “Oh we don’t need to get each other anything,” I’m like, alright, I won’t, but the back of my head I’m like, oh just you wait. Just wait, I’m about to blow your socks off with a mechanical keyboard from your nerd-ass husband. And you know, I gave it to her and she’s like, “Oh, this is very sweet,” and I could tell right away like she was thinking, “What the fuck is this guy doing?” we agreed not to do gifts and you’re giving me this thing?” It’s Alice in Wonderland themed, and she starts using it and it’s not three days before she’s just like, “I gotta walk back my whole reaction, this is amazing thank you so much.”

MW: Oh my God, I get it.

Bakalar: You get it now. Right, that’s what it is. I say this all the time, but there are only very few things that you use constantly, right?

MW: Why not have the best version of that as possible?

Bakalar: Exactly, and you know I also have sympathy for people who are like, “I understand your point, but I also don’t want to make it take over my life.”

MW: I’m not a disgusting freak.

Bakalar: Right, and that’s where I come in because you can outsource the freakness me, and I’ll do it for you and you’ll be set. That’s how a lot of my relationships with keyboards and people have worked. I’ve just built it for them. I’ll give them a key tester and I’ll ask, “Which one of these feels good to you?” And then I’m off and running. It’s easy.

MW: So you went from a rotating chair(on the Beastcast) to one of the main voices at Giant Bomb after all the founding members departed. Can you talk about that time period and how it felt taking the helm? How does that period compare to other times in your career in this business?

Bakalar: It’s complicated, right? I guess it all started at the end of 2020, and a lot of things were in motion. I don’t like saying “Oh, you know with the backdrop of covid,” but that certainly shaped a lot of the thinking for all the players and all the stakeholders, right?

MW: “What is the future of this thing?”

Bakalar: Totally, and the reason I bring up Covid is because everyone is consolidating, there’s all this acquisitional traffic that’s happening and when everyone was working from home it was just really tough to get a finger on the pulse of what’s actually happening. And I’m you know, I’m not one of these freaks who’s like “Get back in the office!”, right? What I am saying is things without a doubt get lost.

MW: A refrain I’ve heard from fellow Giant Bomb fans is “I miss the couch,” and I get that, but there are also the realities of the business and the realities of an ever evolving and shifting media landscape, right? Do you think Covid plus acquisitional drama expedited the departure of some of those people?

Bakalar: Yeah, and if you want to add another car into that massive accident, add the fact that Giant Bomb’s business model is something that was revolutionary in 2010. It was basically a Patreon model before there was a Patreon. 

MW: Yeah, it’s just free money.

Bakalar: “How do we scale that?”, right? It’s a very difficult conversation to have with someone who is not in the trenches, and from the outside looking in they just see this number that’s awesome. I think the thing with Giant Bomb’s ownership is that it’s changed a lot in the last five years, but everyone appreciates what it is. It’s figuring out “How does this work for us?”, and that also means Giant Bomb has to change too, and that was the thing that when I took over it was like, how do we figure out a pivot in terms of the revenue and maybe meshing well with the ownership where this can go on because you have an audience and a fan base that has this very specific expectation that is antiquated in its own right. You can’t just expect a thing to just be a thing when it is corporately owned and just do the thing you want it to do. It’s completely unrealistic.

MW: The business changes, but also the people within the business change and get older in their lives change, and the things that you once wanted maybe you don’t want that anymore.

Bakalar: Yeah, I don’t like any Green Day albums anymore. I don’t. I really liked American Idiot and that was sort of it. It happens. It changes. It’s very difficult to stay the same. Not just from content, from the business, from everything else. Especially on the internet where media and content production has a shelf life that’s almost invisible, right?

MW: Was it integral to get someone like Dan to come back on board so that people had a familiar face that they could look to? Rather than all of these new faces that they may know from other websites, but they’re not Giant Bomb or at least the Giant Bomb that they have gotten accustomed to. So how conscious are you of trying to set yourself apart from what has come before while respecting the legacy of this website that is beloved by so many people?

Bakalar: I think the great thing about Giant Bomb is the cache and authority and reputational equity that it has, and I think that’s obviously very important, And I think to that end there is a balance and an expectation that you have to meet in terms of maintaining that credibility and that sort of vibe, right? Without a doubt that’s important and that’s something that we are all very conscious of as we continue to make stuff and make decisions. I think at the same time Giant Bomb is all about the people at Giant Bomb. And it’s the personalities, right? I think that eclipses the name in itself. It is the people. You follow personalities. You follow that thing that you want to see, and that’s the thing that I think we’ve been able to meet with people like Grubb, like Dan as you said. And with Dan I’ve known him for forever, and we’ve really become pretty close. And in the situation that we were finding ourselves in it had to work. Thankfully for him his situation was changing too and all the stars kind of lined up there.

MW: Is Dan really like that?

Bakalar: You know, it’s funny because I get frustrated with Dan a lot too personally.

MW: As a fellow Midwestern boy; he was someone I could latch onto. I understand this guy.

Bakalar: He’s incredibly sweet and he’s an incredibly good person, and he is like that.

MW: That was a rhetorical question. He’s a smart dude.

Bakalar: You said that not me.

MW: In his own very special Dan Ryckert way.

Bakalar: I will say this about Dan. I’ve never met anyone like him and I never will meet anyone like him. He is the most unique person I’ve ever come across in my entire life, and that’s what makes Dan, Dan and that’s why he’s great.

MW: How much joy did you derive from sending him to Fargo, North Dakota?

Bakalar: I thought I was putting him in a bad way. I thought I was screwing him.

MW: And he had a fantastic time.

Bakalar: Of course he did because that’s what Dan does. Dan looks at a dumpster and is like, “I could probably fix this place up, move in, and live here,” I was fully expecting that he would turn lemons into lemonade, right? I fully expected that to happen with him. That’s the best part about him. He will always find the silver lining in a thing, and the reliability you have with him is unbelievable. He’s a treasure.

MW: I mean, he’s getting ready to play Superman 64 and wear a full Nic Cage Superman outfit. So he’s committed to the bit.

Bakalar: Yes, absolutely.

MW: How’s the pinball collection doing?

Bakalar: It’s doing okay. I gotta really take a step back here with the pinballs. Not that I don’t want to own many, many pinball machines.

MW: Examine your life choices?

Bakalar: No, it’s not a life choice thing. Everything weighs a person down, we have all these anchors in life, right? Your family, your job, and the things you like too, because that stuff takes time and pinball machines are heavy, man. Metaphorically and literally.

MW: I worked as a mover when I was a much younger man. And at one time I had to move some pinball machines. That was a terrifying experience.

Bakalar: Once you know what you’re doing with them that is much less intimidating I think, and I’ve moved probably like 20 at this point now where I can do it pretty quickly. I think it’s more that they’re taking over a room in the house. And people come over and they’re like “That’s awesome! You have a pinball room. That is very cool,” and I’m like, yes, it is cool, but should it be only a pinball room? Maybe you can get rid of one or two of those machines.

MW: Maybe get a cocktail cabinet.

Bakalar: That’s what I’m talking about, man. So yeah, I love pinball. I have a really good relationship with Stern that hooks me up and lets me be their weird little pinball buddy, and that’s that’s great. I love that.

MW: So you worked at CNET for a long time, and I was just curious how disappointed you are that you didn’t get to cover CES the year that AI took over everything, and get look at AI powered refrigerators. Was it painful for you to miss out on that?

Bakalar: I’ve not been shy about my thoughts about CES, and Las Vegas in general. I think for the comedy that comes out of CES, and what would have come out with an AI-powered CES, I miss that for sure. I miss the people at CES. For the most part everyone I worked with at CNET was very very cool, and CES was the one time of year where everyone would get together, and you would go out and and and collectively enjoy yourselves.

MW: Almost like E3 was for people in the games coverage business.

Bakalar: Yes, exactly. Which, I think we’re scratching that itch with SGF(Summer Games Fest) and The Game Awards for sure. But yeah, it’s a disaster. I would come home from CES and I would be depressed. You know, I would be like, what was that? What are we doing? So I have no regrets about missing the AI-powered CES.

MW: You touched on it a little bit there but like the state of the industry now, it just seems like the promises that were made aren’t being kept, and everything just kind of sucks right now with tech. What’s your take on it? Do you feel like we’re in a valley right now and we’re gonna get out of it, or is the plane just crashing into the ocean?

Bakalar: I don’t know what’s gonna happen because this stuff changes relatively quickly, but I do think the suffering that is happening now is because you just have fragmentation as a result of everyone wanting to be the winning company that does the thing, right?

MW: Yeah, everyone wants to be Steve Jobs. Everyone wants to make the iPhone.

Bakalar: Exactly and what you get is just a sea of incompatibility, and there’s no like universality about anything. So what you’re left with are all of these interfaces and all these languages that can’t communicate to one another. And they do so with like third party workarounds and all this DIY bullshit, and you’re just left with like a future where there’s a bunch of robots bumping into each other and it sucks. I realize you know, the thing I’m not saying out loud is “ Oh, it’s just capitalism’s fault,” and it is without a doubt. Or at least American capitalism. And that’s what sucks and you know, I don’t think we are gonna have really anything nice until there is some sort of, you know, universality to move forward. Everyone’s like, “Oh well capitalism breeds innovations,” no it fucking doesn’t. It just breeds people locking each other out of things. And gatekeeping and doing all this Walled Garden bullshit, and that’s not the future.

MW: Before there were universal protocols, other machines couldn’t talk to each other because someone was maybe using DHCP or someone was using some other protocol and then they realized actually it’s better if we can all communicate and share all this information. And now everything is siloed off. Want to watch this show? It’s six bucks a month here. It’s seven bucks a month here, and they’re just reinventing cable.

Bakalar: That’s it. They’re just going through that cycle again, and another just sort of a detrimental byproduct of that kind of mentality is basically the fact that you can’t you you can’t escape the marketing pitch before the actual tech, right? So everything is designed to generate consumer interest and hype, and a prime example is 5G, right? 5G is dog shit. It doesn’t work. It’s always something that’s thrusted upon people that preys on people who are horny to early adopt, and it’s just it’s all marketing nonsense. Nothing makes sense with how that stuff is actually functional, right? It just is bad and then that feels like a decade’s worth of work, right? It feels like it took so long to get that stuff finally to where it needed to be, and it’s just dead on arrival.

MW: And it’s not even that good.

Bakalar: Yeah, you know I like there’s a scene in Spaceballs that always comes up in my mind. It’s at the end of the movie where they’re trying to find the button that turns off the self-destruct and that button is out of order. Okay, and then Rick Moranis says “Fuck, even in the future nothing works,” and that is the mantra for us forever.

MW: That’s that was very prescient of Mel Brooks

Bakalar: It’s the future, nothing works in the future. And I know it’s depressing and I try not to be overly pessimistic about it.

MW: Do you think there’s been a more volatile time in the games industry in the time that you’ve been covering this industry? There’s been layoffs and Studios have shut down. That’s a never-ending story for the games industry, right? Specifically you see companies post record profits and then have thousands of layoffs. And that math ain’t mathin’ to me, but I’m not a businessman, right? I’m not making those decisions, but it just feels like there’s no such thing as good enough. You can’t just turn a profit. You have to be the next Fortnite. You have to be the next Roblox or whatever. WB had the best selling game last year(Hogwarts Legacy), then Suicide Squad just came out, which is a catastrophic failure, and they’re saying that games as a service is the future.

Bakalar: We were talking a lot about this lately on the podcast. I think Jeff Grubb has a really good generalized take on the whole thing that I more or less subscribe to as well. There’s so much there right? Obviously, it’s gross and inexplicable that you could sell fifteen million units of a game and then somehow not meet the corporate growth expectations, and then as a consequence lay off a percentage of a team. That’s that’s insane, and that that happens because they can do that, right? It happens because there’s no protection and no sort of guardrails or barrier preventing a company doing that. So it happens because it can happen. And because we allow these things to be wildly unregulated, they happen. I think you know first and foremost obviously labor empowerment needs to be at the forefront for all this stuff, but you’re still gonna have this friction, right? The bone on bone never-ending battle of the creatives and the ownership. I don’t know how that gets much better. I think the pendulum swing of, oh live service is the way to go, oh no single player is the way to go. That stuff swings quicker than the average development cycle of a game. So how can you make a realistic decision about stuff like that? And the answer is that you can’t. Everyone’s just trying to be as risk averse as possible, and protect themselves and the shareholders that they report to, and it just makes for the worst possible working environment, consumer environment, and it’s a lose-lose situation and quite honestly I just don’t know how it gets better. I think you have to have a generation of much more compassionate and smarter people being empowered and slowly changing the culture, but that’s so much easier said than done, right? There are plenty people from our generation who cannot wait to fuck people over. So I don’t know how that gets walked back.

MW: We’ve been hearing for years that the AAA games model is unsustainable. Because it takes so many years and so much money. And then you put the product out and then you hope that it sells enough. But how much of what we’re seeing now, is it being unsustainable and just shitty decision making by executives who face no consequences for their said shitty decisions and instead they pass the consequences of their mistakes down to the people that work for them? Do you think it’s both? Do you think it’s more one than the other?

Bakalar: I don’t know. I think it’s very easy to make sweeping declarations about a company’s inner workings, and the mechanisms in play there. I do still think there is a bit of an antiquated point of view from a lot of these places that is still not in sync with a contemporary gaming landscape. And I think as a consequence of that incongruity you get these big misses and wild sweeping statements about where this company needs to go and whatnot. But again, most of that is just speculation. I don’t really know. I don’t have that direct sort of insight. We have all these connections and we have all these relationships with people in the business. Even with that there are still these sort of unknowns and I think there is a lot of stuff that is unspoken, and it’s just a result of how of how this rapidly changing industry gets impacted by consumer behavior and trends on where we see people focusing their energy with games, so you know a bit of it feels whack-a-moley, right? A bit of it does certainly feel like that but you know, I think it’s tough to lay all the blame on one specific thing.

MW: It’s many moving parts.

Bakalar: Yeah, but again to go back to what we said earlier, there is certainly a mentality that the people at the bottom will suffer the most, and that’s not cool.

MW: Do you feel like your kid being able to say “My dad works for a video game website,” is a rung or two below “My uncle works at Nintendo,”? Only it’s true in this case. Does he have any clout with the kids on the playground? Or does he even give a shit?

Bakalar: No, he gives the biggest of shits. He’s still young and he understands what I do, but he doesn’t understand the moment to moment.

MW: He doesn’t know how the sausage is made.

Bakalar: Like he thinks my job is you know podcasting and streaming. I want to say around age six or seven he really started to exercise that clout with his friends. He would have a friend over and they would run past the pinball machines, and come right up into my office and my kid would be like, “Look at what my dad’s doing!” It all comes from a good place, and it’s very flattering, and it’s very precious that he is so passionate and psyched about me and what I do, and that feels good. I think we are veering into territory where he just doesn’t appreciate like you said, how the sausage is made, and all the other stuff that comes with that.

MW: Because it’s still a job at the end of the day.

Bakalar: It’s still a job without a doubt. I think it’s about striking a balance with his expectations, and I think what has poisoned his brain a little bit and what will be fixed with age and just maturity. Is that like, oh, this is just what you do. You go to school for however long, and then when you’re done you just start streaming and you make money, and buy a house and it’s like, mm-hmm my man.

MW: We’ll talk later.

Bakalar: We’ll talk much later, but right now he’s in this very sweet zone, and we’re having fun with it.

MW: Anything else you want to close out the interview with? Go to giantbomb.com?

Bakalar: Go do that. Go listen to some podcasts.

Hearts Of Iron IV Update Patch Notes 1.14.3 Mar 21

 

Hello, Community Manager Katten here. I want to begin by thanking you all for the feedback we have received on our two latest news posts regarding the DLC Integration and Trial of Allegiance Reception & Thoughts. We are reading all your comments and are working on responding to as many as possible.

 

Steam Store Changes

Since our update last week, which added "Country Pack" to the beginning of the names for Battle for the Bosporus and Trial of Allegiance, we have received more feedback about the unclear naming of our DLCs. Of particular concern is the Subscription, referred to as the "Expansion Subscription," which may suggest to some that it only includes expansions when it actually encompasses all DLCs for the game. As a result, we have made the following changes to provide better transparency:
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Eastern Front Planes Pack > Unit Pack - Hearts of Iron IV: Eastern Front Planes
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Eastern Front Music Pack > Music - Hearts of Iron IV: Songs of the Eastern Front
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Axis Armor Pack > Unit Pack - Hearts of Iron IV: Axis Armor
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Radio Pack > Music - Hearts of Iron IV: Radio Pack
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Allied Armor Pack > Unit Pack - Hearts of Iron IV: Allied Armor
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Allied Speeches Music Pack > Music - Hearts of Iron IV: Allied Speeches Pack
  • Hearts of Iron IV - Expansion Subscription > Hearts of Iron IV - DLC Subscription
Additionally, at 18:00 CET today, Waking the Tiger, Together for Victory and Death or Dishonor will have their store pages removed, as they will then be included in the base game purchase of Hearts of Iron IV for $49.99. However, the DLCs will not be fully integrated at this time, so you will still be able to toggle them on and off in your game launcher. Full integration is scheduled for a later time; we'll provide updates on this shortly. The Anniversary Pack will also have its Steam page removed as it is already included in the base game of Hearts of Iron IV. We do not see a reason to have its own store page, as it currently only serves to confuse some of our new players.

 

Patch 1.14.3 [Checksum 21DE]

 

Now at 15:00 CET, our 1.14.3 Patch is live! With plenty of new balance changes and bug fixes.
Feel free to leave your feedback in this thread or in the bug report forum as usual, especially if you encounter new issues not present in 1.14.3, or if something marked as fixed in the below changelog still occurs for you.

https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/forums/hearts-of-iron-iv-bug-reports.951/

 

################################################################
######## Patch 1.14.3 “Bolivar” #########
################################################################

 

##################################
# Balance
##################################

  • - South America Shared: Reduced Maximum Command Power Increase from Joint Operations Command (from 30% to 15%)
  • - South America Shared: Reduced the org and core defense gain of strength of the common solider to 4% (from 5%). Also reduced the infantry bonus gained
  • - South America Shared: Reduced attack modifier for Spearhead tanks specialization from 10% to 3.5%
  • - South America Shared: Reduced specializing in heavy guns attack for artillery from 10% to 3.5%
  • - South America Shared: Reduced specializing in heavy guns AA production reduction cost from 20% to 6%
  • - South America Shared: Reduced specializing in heavy guns AT production reduction cost from 25% to 15%
  • - South America Shared: Removed Recruitable pop factor from Increase Conscription focus
  • - Reduced division defense from increased army professionalism from 10% to 5%. attack and org from 5% to 4%. Reduced traning time from +25% penalty to +15% penalty
  • - Argentina: Reduced Women in the industry and state unions max efficiency factor bonus from 15% and 10% (25% total) to 7.5% (15% max)
  • - Argentina: Reduced regulated salaries efficiency cap from 15% to 7.5%
  • - Argentina: Reduced daily xp gain from US army training to 0.1xp/d (from 0.2xp/d)
  • - Argentina: Reduced maintain neutrality spirit stability (from 10% to 5%) and efficiency cap (from 10% to 5%)
  • - Argentina: Reduced our own path spirit recruitable pop factor from 30% to 15%
  • - Argentina: Reduced spirit of the conquistadors attack (from 20% to 6%)
  • - Argentina: Reduced Argentine Nationalism conscription factor (from 15% to 7%) and Civilian construction speed (from 10% to 6%)
  • - Argentina: increased war division temp manpower gain from 50 weekly to 250 weekly
  • - Chile: Replaced mapuche social classes weekly stability with a flat stability factor
  • - Chile: Elena Caffarena gives a flat stability factor instead of a weekly stability
  • - Chile: Reduced Embrace Indigenous Corporatism Factory output (from 10% to 5%)
  • - Chile: Expand the agricultural field gives 1 additional build slot (from 3 to 4)
  • - Old Guard for Army now gives 0.2 army XP daily (from 0.3) due to costing only 50pp
  • - Chile: Gabriela Mistral - Reduced PP gain (from 20% to 15%)
  • - Chile: Transport Minister no longer gives civ construction speed. Increase railway and hub construction speed (from 10% to 15%)
  • - Chile: Minister of Trade development - Reduced Trade law cost factor (from -30% to -15%) and consumer goods factor (from -10% to -5%)
  • - Chile: Father of Industrialization - Reduced Construction bonus (From 15% to 7%)
  • - Chile: Minister of Defense - Reduced MIL construction speed (from 15% to 10%). Reduced Defense on core territory (from 10% to 6%)
  • - TOA Shared Minister of Defense - Reduced mil construction speed (from 10% to 7.5%)
  • - Chile: Reduced merchant marine manufacturer discount on convoy production (from -50% to -20%) and reduced their reliability gained (from +30% to +10%)
  • - Chile: Unified in spirit - Reduced Org gain (from 10% to 5%)
  • - Chile: Reduced Army attack of Patagonian Giants to 5% (from 10%), defense to 8% (from 10%) and breakthrough to 8% (from 10%)
  • - Chile: Reduced the miners representative building speed (from 10% to 6%) and its max efficiency factor (from 10% to 5%)
  • - Chile: Reduced conservative businessman civilian speed (from 15% to 10%) and its max efficiency factor (from 10% to 5%)
  • - TOA Shared: Reduced the minister of lands and colonizaition non-core-manpower to 4% (from 10%) and 6% (from 15%) from version 2. Increased global building slots gained (from 5% to 15%, and 25% for version 2)
  • - Chile: Reduced Minister of Economy and commerce trade laws cost (from -50% to -25%)
  • - Chile: Reduced defender of araucanian soverighnty factory output (8% from 15%)
  • - Chile: Reduced president of the central bank consumer goods reduction (to -5% from -10%)
  • - TOA: Reduced social economist consumer goods factor reduction (from -15% to -7%)
  • - Chile: Apostlic prefect of Araucania reduced factory output bonus (from 10% to 6%)
  • - Chile: Reduced Emperor Of France and the Americas attack core factor (from 15% to 5%) and core defense (from 20% to 10%), war support (from 15% to 10%), and stability (from 15% to 10%)
  • - Chile: Reduced Carabineros de Chile army core attack (from 10% to 5%) and core defense (from 15% to 7%)
  • - Chile: Reduced Christian Democrat pp gain (from 15% to 10%)
  • - Chile: Reduced Laizzes faire civ construction speed (from 20% to 10%). Reduces law cost reduction (from -50% to -25%)
  • - Chile: Reduced High Quality Nitrate bonus (from 10% attack to 5% attack)
  • - Chile: Utilize Famae Mil reduced by 1
  • - Chile: Reduced Carabineros de Chile Core attack (from 10% to 5%) and core defense (from 15% to 10%)
  • - Chile: Reduced factory output from opressed working class (from 20% to 10%) and consumer goods (from -15% to -10%).
  • - Chile: Reduced Francoist Model Defense (from 10% to 5%) and factory output (from 10% to 5%)
  • - Chile: Reduced Max attack bonus gain from Pan historic rhetoric (from 10% to 6%) and defense (from 10% to 6%)
  • - Chile: Reduced Max attack bonus gain from Pan historic rhetoric (from 10% to 6%) and defense (from 10% to 6%)
  • - Reduced max attack bonus gain from the francoist model (from max 10% attack to max 5% attack) and defense (from max 10% to max 5%)
  • - Shared focus tree: Reduced arty attack gained from heavy Guns industries (from 10% to 5%) and defense (from 15% to 10%). Gives 1 research boost instead of 2
  • - Chile: Spirit of the conquistadors now gives 6% breakthrough instead of 10% attack
  • - Chile: Fascist Theologian gives 8% pp instead of 15%. Other stats unchanged
  • - Chile: Reduced the true enemy factory output gain (from 10% to 5%)
  • - Paraguay: Reduced Flourishing Economy (from 20% output to 15%)

 

##################################
# Gameplay
##################################

  • - Brazil now has updated infantry equipment names and icons.
  • - Added an extra flag for US of Brazil
  • - Added some extra flags for forming the United Kingdom/Empires of Brazil/Portugal and altered an event so that Brazil can now annex Portugal rather than puppet them to form the United Kingdoms.
  • - Changed some icons for Uruguay & Paraguay

 

##################################
# AI
##################################

- AI no longer overwrites other countries' supply node motorization settings

 

##################################

# Modding
##################################

 
  • - Fix bug where on_ruling_party_changed sometimes didn't get the correct old_ideology_token
  • - Adding on_ruling_party_change_immediate on-action as a deprecated and unsafe backwards-compatibility for mods that rely on that behavior

 

##################################
# Bugfix
##################################

  • - Added missing text for America Decolonized achievement
  • - Fixed a typo for the DEF name for Nordic Defence council
  • - Fixed a rare crash caused by government in exile eating resources without freeing them
  • - Fixed an issue where the Chilean communist focus "Propose Closer Cooperation" wouldn't properly be able to target your subjects, thus preventing you from annexing the way you were meant to be able to.
  • - Fixed an issue causing the Swedish AI to enable all strategy plans
  • - "Brazil/Argentina makes aggressive moves on Uruguay" event no longer triggers when TOA is disabled
  • - Fixed bugs where research agreements would kick out members for both Argentina and the Soviets
  • - Fixed a bug for the fascist demagogue causing "Fascism on the rise" decisions to appear
  • - Fixed a bug where Argentina would retain wargoal on UK after taking the Falkland and South Georgia islands
  • - Fixed a bunch of local_resources modifiers in state scope that should have been state_resources
  • - An attempt to maintain our neutrality bypasses if you are communist
  • - Added missing flags for America do Sul formable (Brazil focus tree)
  • - Brazil - 'Anuae!' national focus now gives a locked template to prevent an exploit.
  • - Brazil - 'The International Crisis' national focus now sets the game rule 'can send volunteers' for Brazil.
  • - Uruguay: Removed ghost focus in Uruguay
  • - Paraguay: Fixed being able to take Mass Drafts before adopt minority languages
  • - Fixed an issue where Paraguay could join cominterm despite not being allowed to
  • - Generic "join" faction events can no longer be used to bypass "can_join_faction = no" rules
  • - Brazil - AI Brazil will join Allies on historical instead of sometimes ending up in the Comintern.
  • - Removed a character for Argentina which was causing problems with the fascist path.
  • - Removed slot in Nigers impassable terrain. Niger proper now is rural

 

Happy Map Painting!

 

That’s all there is to the rather extensive patch notes for update 1.14.3 on March 21 for Hearts of Iron IV on Steam PC.

Ronda Rousey Shares Sensational Opinion of Vince McMahon

Former WWE Superstar and UFC Champion Ronda Rousey has made some sensational comments about disgraced former WWE owner Vince McMahon.

Our Fight by Ronda Rousey is the second book from the former WWE Women’s Champion, and in it she shares her opinion of McMahon and how he would run the company backstage.

“It’s hard sometimes to know where the evil, unethical, slimeball character of Vince McMahon played out for the cameras ends and the actual questionably ethical, many times sued, and multiple times accused of sexual misconduct Vince McMahon begins” Ronda would state (via SEScoops). “That blurred line between character and reality is a recurring theme within the WWE Universe.”

Ronda Rousey on Vince McMahon

Rousey would also rip into the company’s decision to run shows in Saudi Arabia, writing: “[PLEs are] held in major cities like New York, Los Angeles, and Philadelphia, as well as now twice a year in Saudi Arabia, a nation that restricts the rights of women in a way that I’m certain Vince McMahon wishes he could.”

Beyond that, Rousey would refer to McMahon as the ‘Emperor Palpatine’ of the company.

It’s very unlikely that we’ll ever see Ronda back in the company, but she did praise the current head of WWE creative Triple H, and she has a lot of supporters at the TKO Group, namely those in UFC and the likes of The Rock, so it could happen at some point.

Read More: WWE WrestleMania 40 Night 1 Main Event Confirmed on SmackDown

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling News?

Make sure you check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

Read More – WWE News: John Cena Makes Big Reveal About Feud With The Rock

The Undertaker Talks Wrestling Straight After Owen Hart Tragedy

WWE Legend The Undertaker recently discussed having to wrestle following the tragic in-ring death of Owen Hart back in 1999.

Speaking as part of a Patreon Q&A, the former WWE Champion revealed what it was like wrestling after Owen fell to the ring at Over The Edge 1999 and he even questioned the decision for the show to continue after the unfortunate rigging accident.

“Wow. Man, [it was] such an interesting time period. We’re all grinding, just trying to do the best that we could but trying to process the information that somebody just passed away due to some, whatever, the rigging accident” he began (via SEScoops).

“A guy that you spent tonnes of time with and seen every day for years and you just losing [him]. One minute he’s there and then the next he’s not. Then you have to go out and put the pieces together and try and perform, it was probably one of the most difficult…definitely, mentally one of the toughest days I think I’ve ever had” ‘Taker added.

The Undertaker questions massive WWE decision

‘Taker would then question the decision from Vince McMahon for the PPV event to continue after Owen fell to his death:

“If you go back and you watch the footage of that, you can see it on everybody’s face. There’s just a huge element to the match and everything that’s going on.

“You can just tell that no one really wanted to be out there. Like I said, it’s still very raw and you’re processing this information, but you also are trying to entertain these people. You lived by that motto back then ‘The show must go on.’ I just don’t know that that was the right thing to do” Undertaker added.

Read More: WWE WrestleMania 40 Night 1 Main Event Confirmed on SmackDown

Hard Drive Does Pro Wrestling News?

Make sure you check out more of the content we have via our Minus World section and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans!

Read More – WWE News: John Cena Makes Big Reveal About Feud With The Rock

Every Single Vampire Survivors Weapon Ranked by How Much It Makes My Eyes Hurt

Vampire Survivors does the one thing I wish most games would do – be fun. It truly appeals to my ADHD and lack of delayed gratification through a simple gameplay loop: Making numbers go up really fast and having a bunch of pretty colors. There are a vast number of weapons, evolutions, and unions available. However, most of these weapons not only hurt enemies but also my eyes as I get one step closer to aging into a husk of the person I once was.

Here at Hard Drive, we don’t just report real news — we also perform real science. Being an ethical, data-driven, and factual gamer journalist involves immersing the self into the scientific method. Unfortunately, this is one experiment you shouldn’t replicate.

#76 – Pentagram / Gorgeous Moon

The author has declined to comment on this due to being unable to evolve this weapon beyond level one. It may not hurt my eyes but it hurts my soul to subject myself to this.

#75 – Laurel / Crimson Shroud

A defensive weapon? How oxymoronic. I’m not going to use this.

#74 – Garlic

Boring to the eyes. Pleasant with some chicken parmesan.

#73 – Soul Eater

It’s still boring and is not a topping for chicken parmesan.

#72 – Mille Bolle Blu

The bubbles fly off screen before they have a chance to harm me.

#71 – Flash Arrow

You will only hurt yourself in trying to make this thing useful.

#70 – Bracelet / Bi-Bracelet / Tri-Bracelet

Maybe it’s my fault for playing on Moonglow just because it’s the easiest level but being barely able to see my projectiles doesn’t hurt my eyes. I’m really starting to wonder when the pain comes.

#69 – Heaven Sword

Put on some vaporwave (okay, maybe just those slowed “vaporwave” edits of Bee Gees on YouTube) and watch the magic. It’s almost like the time I did shrooms except without the existential crisis. This right here, this is nice.

#68 – Magic Wand

It’s actually harder to try and watch the projectiles hit something. You may not strain your eyes but you will hurt your own feelings failing multiple runs trying to limit break this absolute disgrace to wizards everywhere.

#67 – Boo Roo Boolle

These bubbles don’t hurt me. They don’t hurt my foes either. What a waste of potential.

#66 – Clock Lancet

Boring. Inoffensive. That is until you give it Blood Astronomia.

#65 – Knife

Stabs enemies, doesn’t stab my sight.

#64 – Four Seasons

Bubbles. Leaves. Is that Chinese? Man, this shit ain’t nothing to me.

#63 – Godai Shuffle

I can still see. That means within the confines of this scientific experiment, this weapon sucks.

#62 – Axe

Like many other weapons so far, this is disappointing. Where’s the pain? Where’s the science? All these years of watching MythBusters and I haven’t applied it to my life.

#61 – Mirage Robe

Now you see me. Now you see more of me.

#60 – 108 Bocce

Do you like looking at balls? You might like femboys.

#59 – Cherry Bomb

Update from the author: It is 12:04am. The ADHD meds have kicked in. I am locked in. My mind is clear and my sight is unaffected.

(Please do not play video games while taking certain medications if you have a history of medication-related seizures. If you are on a new medication that lowers your seizure threshold, please contact your physician right away if you feel adverse side effects. Game safely, my friends.)

#58 – Bone

Spooky scary skeletons and bones all on my screen.

#57 – Lightning Ring

At some point, the lightning just goes off the screen so I can’t say anything bad about this for my sight.

#56 – J’Odore

Now you see more of me. Now you see me coming after you.

#55 – Fire Wand

I’ve watched a stoned teenager at a grindcore show cast a larger fireball than this with a can of hairspray.

#54 – Prismatic Missile

I may be wrong to consider how much strain these weapon animations by themselves put onto my eyes. Accessibility in video games is great. Just don’t go limit breaking six weapons at the same time or else you’ll regret it.

#53 – Infinite Corridor

Blood Astronomia has been taken from me. I am starting to believe that there will be more emotional damage than visual damage by the end of this article. My life is a series of disappointments of my own creation.

#52 – Song of Mana

“But El Gimpador, you’re using one of the arcanas that give Song of Mana the solar system! That’s not the true weapon!”

Well, yeah. Looking at a sparking rectangle is boring and I am purposefully trying to deteriorate my sight for science. I think I get a say in how I do it.

Skewed results? Inaccurate testing? Outliers? I’m not trying to pass my AP Statistics final again. I’m experimenting.

#51 – Glass Fandango

I write this in an effort to seek pain, yet I find none. Pain seems to come only when I do not ask for it.

#50 – Whip

The only way to make this better is if there was a mod to put in the Johnny Test whip sound effect. Does anybody remember Johnny Test? Is this what getting old feels like?

#49 – King Bible

Funny enough, this goes so fast that your eyes don’t have enough time to focus and give you a headache. This isn’t that bad.

#48 – Unholy Vespers

It’s the King Bible going through an edgy phase. Lame.

#47 – Eskizzibur

My eyes are fine. No rizz from the skizz. Do better.

#46 – Phas3r

The devs somehow knew I was subjecting myself to torture and decided to update the game and add more weapons to the mix. Jokes on you, I’ve 100% this game three times for the achievements! I’m almost immune to this pain!

#45 – Bloody Tear

This is just a kinkier whip. Wait… is there a tier list on the kinkiness of whips? Will I be ashamed if I research this? I think my eyes may hurt more from reading the godforsaken articles that have that answer.

#44 – Vento Sacro

It’s the whip but cool instead of kinky. It’ll only fire in the direction the user is facing so it’s easier on the eyes.

#43 – Shadow Servant

I’d make a statement about how this geometric shape is on a flag, that flag is in current world events, and also a statement about the snakes emanating from this shape. Those snakes are representative of evils done in the name of ideology. Much like how a certain government years ago took a certain symbol and associated it with genocide. Many years later, this certain government uses this shape and it will also be associated with genocide. History repeats itself. But that’s a political analogy, and video games aren’t political.

#42 – Thousand Edge

Turbo mode has been activated.

#41 – Santa Water

Turns out limit breaking this weapon also breaks the animations. I’m at a loss for words instead of a loss of sight.

#40 – Phieraggi

Admittedly, the pulsating glow is not a strain on the eyes. The only thing painful is the sound effect of this thing firing off.

#39 – Fuwafuwaloo

How the hell do you even pronounce this? Am I developing dyslexia? More questions unanswered. All I know is that I never want to see this word ever again.

#38 – Shadow Pinion

Gotta go fast. Gotta go so fast you don’t have time to look at it.

#37 – Legionnaire

With every limit break, my shadow form will one day take over the screen. By that time, I will be a corpse without eyes to harm.

#36 – La Robba

If wrestling has taught me anything, it’s that anything can be a weapon. The Vampire Survivors Ikea Catalog Of Death proves it.

#35 – Carrello

Is it one minecart? Is it six? I can’t tell anymore due to how fast they are all moving. I have lost the ability to count but my vision remains intact.

#34 – Pako Battilar

You’re telling me I can have my own swarm of bats? You’re also telling me that limit breaking said bats makes them go at mach speed? I love video games.

#33 – Mazo Familiar

Too many bats. I have made a serious mistake.

#32 – Greatest Jubilee

Fireworks are only cool in Jackass and professional wrestling. The lasers? Who cares?

#31 – Valkyrie Turner

Gotta go even faster.

#30 – Holy Wand

Holy shit. There is so much bouncing around.

#29 – Phiera Der Tuphello / Eight The Sparrow

Okay so I may be bending the rules a bit by doing these weapons together. So what? Using these two at once should be required by law. You know why?

They’re guns. They shoot red, white, and blue.

#28 – Peachone

Everyone knows birds aren’t real. This agent of the state needs Twilight Requiem in order to be considered half useful. The psychological torture of the surveillance state is almost comparable to the pain of the bird beams hitting my retinas.

#27 – Ebony Wings

As much as I want to say Goth Bird is better in every way, I still cannot lose sight that this abomination is a government drone. The purple and black does not flashbang me like Peachone did. However, this flying Hot Topic surveillance camera’s attacks take up the whole damn screen.

#26 – Millionaire

I’m squinting to try and look at these sparkles. The harder I concentrate, the worse my headache gets. You win this time, game.

#25 – Thunder Loop

Blue light exposure can cause serious damage to the eyes. I am currently watching lights pulse every 2 seconds. Not as bad as other weapons on this list but definitely not fun to watch.

#24 – Mannajja

I broke the solar system and stared too long into the sparking circles. I have seen gods, mathematics, and the fifth dimension. I now know what it means to be a Tool fan.

#23 – Hellfire

NOW THAT’S A FIREBALL LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH MY GOD THERE’S SO MUCH FLYING AROUND!

#22 – Celestial Voulge

There are many weapons in this game that project blue light at you. This one does it. Rapidly.

#21 – La Borra

Someone please help me. I am stuck in this realm. Get me out of here.

#20 – Summon Night

I have escaped La Borra but I have been banished to the Shadow Realm within ten minutes.

#19 – Echo Night

I broke the Shadow Realm in eleven minutes. I cannot be contained.

#18 – Night Sword

Annoying.

#17 – Muramasa

Annoying but with more red.

#16 – Gatti Amari

I hate the smoke clouds that take up the whole damn screen. I want to look at the cute pixel cats.

#15 – Victory Sword / Sole Solution

This shit ain’t nothing to me man. I’m huffing dust off the Hubble Telescope. I had moon rocks in the bong before Neil Armstrong hotboxed the Apollo. Call me Yuri Gagarin the way I get higher before anybody else. We’re smoking the universal constant that inspired Einstein’s equations. Shit = nothing(2me)

#14 – Death Spiral

A weapon that performs its own namesake. I am getting a headache as everything spins.

#13 – Silver Wind

I really hope the evolution doesn’t go faster. I’m already dizzy.

#12 – Vicious Hunger

There are no cute pixel cats. My day is ruined.

#11 – Festive Winds

I dry heaved.

#10 – Ophion

After speaking out against that shape from earlier in the list, I have been bombed into the Ultra Shadow Realm. I have also been labeled as anti-shapetic. Censorship of independent journalism is a tragedy.

#9 – Vandalier

Two government drones fuse into one. The military industrial complex has gone too far.

Holy shit it shoots rainbows. Maybe I was wrong. This drone is an ally.

#8 – Luminaire

I am staring into sacred geometry. I feel the knowledge pass through the wavelengths of light. I see the limitless expanses of our world. I see the rising cost of my energy bill. I see the rising cost of healthcare as I debate whether or not to get my eyes checked out.

#7 – Party Popper

These are not the party poppers you’re thinking about.

#6 – SpellString / SpellStream / SpellStrike / SpellStrom

Admit it, you only care about SpellStrom. It’s okay, I feel the same way. Keep staring into the screen until the RNG lets you level up the three separate weapons to max level before joining them. You cannot spell patience without pa_i_n____.

#5 – Runetracer

If you look hard enough, you’ll see Nonagon Infinity.

#4 – NO FUTURE

There is no future in which I want to look at this again.

Honorable Mention – All of the Among Us Weapons

I do not wish to be reminded of a game I didn’t play because I had no friends at the time to play it with. It hurts to look at, because it hurts me.

#3 – Cross

Jesus Christ wouldn’t have come back a second time if this was the kind of cross he was nailed to.

#2 – Photonstorm

I’ve had lasers at goth clubs beam directly into my eyes. That was less painful than looking at this. My conspiracy that the devs somehow knew and wanted to torture me further has validation through this single weapon.

#1 – Celestial Dusting

Ten seconds in and I can already tell this will be atrocious. Five minutes in and I’m already looking at my workplace insurance package for vision care.

Oh who am I kidding? I’m American. I can’t afford it even if my job covers it.

Fun fact: El Gimpador is in his early-mid 20s.