LOS ANGELES — As the SAG-AFTRA strike continues, actors have voiced their demands to no longer have to learn bullshit fake languages for future television and movie roles.
“I can’t do it anymore,” said Emilia Clarke, who played the role of Daenerys Targaryen in Game of Thrones for eight years. “Learning fucking Dothraki was such a pain and, it turns out, completely useless now that the show is over. I could have spent that time learning French or Mandarin and then at least I’d have something to show for it. Now I just occasionally have dreams where I’m talking Dothraki and I wake up annoyed at how the show ended.”
Clarke wasn’t the only actor to complain about the time and effort involved in learning a made-up language for a project.
“Learning Na’vi for the first Avatar wasn’t the worst thing in the world,” said Zoe Saldana, who stars in the two Avatar films released over a decade apart. “The problem was James Cameron kept saying we were about to shoot the sequel so I needed to keep studying. For 13 years. I’d be studying it on the set of Guardians of the Galaxy while Chris Pratt laughed at me. Do you know what it’s like to be mocked by Chris Pratt? It cuts deep.”
Writers working in Hollywood and elsewhere took offense at these comments.
“How will people know that we’ve created a new world if there’s not a language?” said Winston Owen, a failed fantasy-author-turned-TV-writer. “I spent three years working on my world-building bible for the fantasy world of High Aurora and you all expect me to not create a weird-ass little language for my characters? I spent six months designing a magic system that doesn’t make sense, you can bet your ass my characters will refer to English as the common tongue and then talk a bunch of incomprehensible nonsense that my actors will practice day and fucking night.”
In light of these statements, Disney has confirmed that Star Wars writers will just keep using gibberish or African languages like they did in Return of the Jedi.
Many players that spent the weekend playing Super Mario Bros. Wonder were saddened with the newfound sense of mortality the goombas seem to possess for the first time in the franchise’s history, sources have confirmed.
“I wish the Goombas wouldn’t yell out the name of their wife and kids right before I squished them,” said local gamer Moe Reilly. “It really gives the thing a weight I’m not really looking for in a classic-style Mario game. One second I’m the cutest elephant you’ve ever seen, splashing water around and collecting coins, and the next I’m watching goombas mourn and plead with koopa trooopas to help them dig a grave for their deceased family member. Not a huge fan of that. Don’t get me wrong, I like a lot of the new stuff they added, but the goomba thing is a little far.”
Developers of Super Mario Bros. Wonder said they’d always wished they could imbue the Mario games’ disposable villains with a bit more personality and backstory.
“We’ve been wanting to tell the story of the entire Mushroom Kingdom for a while now,” said Takashi Tezuka, a producer that worked on both Wonder and 1985’s Super Mario Bros. “But obviously the limitations of the NES and SNES kept us from really commenting on the morality that goes with slaughtering hundreds to save your one true love. Once we saw modern games start to experiment with the weight of your actions and things of that nature, we knew it was time to start having the goombas release death rattles.”
Kevin Afghani, the new voice of Mario, said it was a time of many changes to the franchise.
“I know it’s tough to get used to new things,” said the actor that replaced Charles Martinet, who’d voiced the role since 1994 before moving on earlier this year. “So, there’s a new Mario, more dialogue throughout the whole game, some new suits, and now when you replay levels sometimes you will see little gravestones where you stomped on a goomba, and there will be flowers there, and other goombas mourning their lost loved one.”
“You can squish them too,” he added. “It’s great!”
Howdy gamers, welcome to today’s coverage of layoffs in the gaming industry. With era-defining titles like Tears of the Kingdom, Baldur’s Gate 3, and Spider-Man 2 all releasing this year, we’ve not been able to give the rampant, heinous mass layoffs and firings within the industry as much attention as we’d like around here. As such, we’ve been reduced to spinning this wheel we keep in the office to see what gets the limited coverage we’re allotted on the issue. Okay everyone, here’s the saddest part of my week, are you ready? Let’s Spin! That! Wheel!
WHOOOOOOOOOSH
It’s Sony! Sony is the winner!
Specifically, it appears that Sony’s Visual Arts Service Group are the unfortunate recipients of this week’s spotlight. The internal division of Sony apparently won’t be kept fully intact to celebrate the success of Spider-Man 2, which was just crowned the fastest selling first-party game of all time after its release Friday, just three days before the lay-offs were announced. It would appear that the game’s runaway success just wasn’t the ‘fastest selling first-party Sony game of all time’ enough to keep the team together. What a crazy industry!
Sony hasn’t released an official statement, but after a number of VASG employees posted of their own individual layoffs on social media, the conclusion became somewhat of an assumption.
“I thought it was weird how they had us turn everything in after we finished up for the weekend,” said one recently laid-off developer. “They said they were spraying for earwigs, but now I know the truth. I thought it was weird, ’cause I’ve never seen an earwig in the building before, but I wasn’t about to hassle the earwig guy, you know?”
Sadly, since the wheel landed on Sony, we won’t be able to give the proper press coverage to the recent layoffs at Epic (developer of the wildly popular Fortnite), Roblox (which grossed over two billion dollars last year), EA (seven billion!), Microsoft (just finalized 68 billion deal to acquire Activision Blizzard), or any of the other dozens that have happened this year. Check this space next week, where I spin the wheel again and let you know more depressing details about the withering state of whatever’s left in this cold, withering media landscape.
Okay, look, let’s get something out of the way: we were provided an early code for Ghostrunner 2 for review. We at Hard Drive very rarely get gifted the privilege of early codes for games, probably on account of the Waluigi cum jokes and whatnot. So, when we do get one, I like to put it through its paces and, if it warrants it, write up a little review on it.
The Ghostrunner 2 team worked really hard on a big sequel that introduces a bunch of new features: vehicular combat on a motorcycle, expanded story, and grander boss fights, while still having the main meat being the high-octane action and parkour from the original game. The action is as good as ever, and the parkour feels great. The grounded dash in particular felt much better to use than the first game. New skills and upgrades add extra depth to the gameplay as well, letting you really customize your experience to your liking.
Unfortunately, I didn’t really get far enough to form an opinion about the other new stuff like the motorcycle in GR2 because there’s a roguelike mode in this one, and those are my absolute shit. Maybe the dialogue and all that is grand, but when I booted up my game after a few hours of playtime, I saw a new button: “ROGUERUNNER.EXE.”
I was instantly hooked. There’s a selection of different stages, being designated as either parkour stages or arena stages. You have a set number of lives to start with, and gain either bonus lives or a bonus mod with each section you complete. Work your way through these stages and you’ll be greeted with a “final stage,” a challenging arena that will likely drain away a lot of your accumulated lives as you strategize and learn how to take on the challenge.
After completing this, you’ll be moved on to the next “phase,” where you repeat the process over again three more times to truly beat ROGUERUNNER. Unfortunately, to move onto these next phases, you need to progress the main story. But, I was having too much fun playing the new roguelike mode to want to progress the story more. The only reason I did progress the main story was so I could unlock more roguelike content. After which, I played the roguelike mode again for the rest of the review period. The upgrade cycle was just too damn fun, and the mode is a perfect distillation of what I love about Ghostrunner and first-person action games like this in general.
So yeah, if you’re reading this, Ghostrunner 2 devs, sorry I didn’t review your game. Thanks for the roguelike mode, though. If you spin this off into its own game I will be there day -1.
KYOTO — Following the smash-hit success of their recently released Super Mario Bros Wonder, Nintendo revealed this week that writer and director Joss Whedon was in charge of the quippy dialogue for the game’s talking flower character.
“When trying to appeal to overseas markets, it can be a complicated matter,” explained the game’s director, Shiro Mouri. “Judging by the general tone of movies released in America though, there was no clearer choice for someone to hire for obnoxious and intrusive dialogue than Joss Whedon-san.”
Whedon expressed gratitude at the opportunity afforded to him.
“Soooooo that just happened!” stated Whedon. “Like, these guys from Nintendo show up, ask me if I can some serve up some one-liners for their game, and I’m all like, ‘uhhhhh he’s right behind me, isn’t he?’ They weren’t laughing, but that’s probably because of the cultural and language barrier. Yeah. That’s gotta hurt.”
Mouri elaborated further on the collaboration.
“We kind of wanted to help guide new players,” said Mouri. “And Whedon-san’s tendency to state the extremely obvious made him the perfect candidate. We did make it clear however that players can mute the talking flower if they find him to be a little intrusive, though. I know I did.”
At press time, it was reported that many gamers were continuing to hear the flower’s quips and commentary even when their system was in sleep mode.
Looking to switch characters in Marvel’s Spider Man 2? We’ve got you covered with our guide on how to switch between Miles & Peter in Spider-Man 2!
One of the biggest selling points in the new Spider-Man game was the ability to switch between two Spider-Men with their own unique sets of abilities. Insomniac Games did a great job making both characters feel very unique. Because of this, it’s only natural that players will likely develop a preference for either Miles Morales or Peter Parker, whether it’s because of their personality or combat capability. Here’s what you need to know to change characters in Spider-Man 2.
How to Switch Characters in Spider Man 2 PS5
Changing characters in Spider-Man 2 is pretty easy! To swap between Peter & Miles, swipe left on your touchpad to open the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man app. From there, hold the square button to switch your current character. You’ll instantly be taken to wherever the other hero currently is! This swapping can be helpful to know when you need to accomplish character-specific missions or challenges, including visiting Aunt May’s grave as Peter.
There are, though, a few instances where you can’t switch between the Spiders. During missions, you’ll almost always be greeted with a message reading “Can’t open FNSM app,” which means you can’t access the app and, subsequently, can’t switch characters. There are also, without spoiling too much, certain situations in the main scenario that will make you unable to switch characters for a while, even in the open world. In both of those situations, the solution is to simply progress and the problem will eventually solve itself!
That’s all you need to know about switching characters in Marvel’s Spider-Man 2! If you’re missing another mechanic, here’s what you need to know about how to fast travel in Spider-Man 2.
I have had so much fun on my big vacation to the Mushroom Kingdom. I saw all the sights: Princess Peach’s Castle, Toad Town, Mario Kart Stadium, and I even took the ferry to Yoshi’s Island! Yup, it’s been a blast, but all good things must come to an end. Time to head to the airport… oh no! How am I going to get all these power-ups I bought through security? Let’s see which ones have the best chance of getting past the Toads working TSA. Yeah, they have TSA in the Mushroom Kingdom. Nobody said it was perfect!
#35 — Cannon Box
This is a gun.
#34 — Poison Mushroom
You know those stories you read about cops saying they have to go to the hospital or need medical leave because they simply touched fentanyl? What if that was real.
#33 — Drill Mushroom and Spin Drill
I think anything that will allow you to punch a hole in the bottom of the plane is a non-starter.
#32 — Hammer Suit
“Excuse me sir, would you like to explain why you have several dozen hammers and a bulletproof suit in your bag?”
#31 — Super Star
Airport security loves things that are rapidly glowing and moving around, right?
#30 — Fire Flower
It’s a bad sign for TSA when they grab your bag and it’s very warm.
#29 — Bee Mushroom
They don’t allow you to have bees in here.
#28 — Cloud Flower
They won’t even let you have half a bottle of Dr. Pepper in your bag, I can’t imagine they’ll let you take concentrated water vapor through.
#27 — Bubble Flower
You could maybe get away with this though if you can get it to fit in a Ziploc bag.
#26 — Ice Skate
Ok, I’m breaking kayfabe here for a second because I really want to know. Can you bring ice skates as carry-ons? They’re basically shoes with knives.
#25 — P-Wing
I hope disembodied animal parts are a cause for concern for security, just on a moral level. Like, what’s next, a dog’s leg? “Come on through.”
#24 — Propeller Box and Mushroom
I think you’d have a lot of trouble getting these to fit in the bin. Also, blades. But hey, if the plane goes down, you could at least kinda… hover back down to safety.
#23 — Wonder Flower
We have not invented an x-ray machine powerful enough to capture what the fuck is going on with a Wonder Flower.
#22 — Elephant Fruit
They have those gruesome posters to dissuade poaching for a reason, you know.
#21 — Rock Mushroom
Just do yourself a favor and check this. You don’t want to be carrying around a giant rock anyway.
#20 — Spring Mushroom
This is going to be one of those things where there’s nothing on paper saying that you can’t take this, but the guy wants to feel powerful so he makes up a reason you can’t take it on the plane.
#19 — Boo Mushroom
This thing is cursed and radiating evil but I don’t think there’s anything they can do to keep you from bringing it on the plane.
#18— Power Balloon
I’ve been in a lot of lines at the Orlando International Airport where children are devastated they can’t take their Mickey balloons through. Just try not to cry in front of security in case it doesn’t work out, all right?
#17 — Boomerang Flower
It’s not a weapon, it’s an ornamental centerpiece!
#16 — Blue and Green Shells
I think these will be ok, just don’t drop them while trying to repack your bag and send them flying all over the place. Green ones bounce side to side, blue ones attack the pilot.
#15 — Frog Suit
We’re getting into the “animal costume” section of the list where I don’t think security will keep you from having this, but they’re definitely opening your bag to take a look.
#14 — Ice Flower
It’s cold enough that it probably won’t even register on their monitors.
#13 — Super Leaf
If you’re going to Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, DC, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Nevada, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, Virginia or Washington, you’re fine. Anywhere else? Maybe stuff it a little deeper in your bag, just in case.
#12 — Penguin Suit
This one is going to be a bitch to try to fold back up after they open your bag.
#11 — Super Mushroom
This one can really go either way. If it’s really busy, you’re probably fine. Just don’t eat it on the plane unless you sprung for the extra legroom.
Should be all good for domestic flights, just make sure to declare it with customs if you’re going international.
#9 — Mega Mushroom
No way this fits in the overhead compartment. You’ll get it through security and have to check it at the gate
#8 — Tanooki Suit
Maybe the most overtly sexual of the animal costumes. TSA will be making fun of you in the break room later. Not trying to yuck anyone’s yum but c’mon. They’re TSA.
#7 — Kuribo’s Shoe
As long as you take it off before going through the metal detector, they will not care.
#6 — Wing Cap/Metal Cap/Vanish Cap
Same goes for hats.
#5 — Cape Feather
This is prime material for your backpack’s smaller pockets. You could also stick it in your wallet and it’d be fine, probably.
#4 — Super Acorn
If you want to carry a bunch of acorns in your bag, go ahead. You do you.
#3 — Super Bell
You’re just bringing home a present for a very special little guy who’s been waiting very patiently for their parents to get home.
#2 — Double Cherry
Take it from a guy who often buys a pack of Haribo Double Cherries at the airport, you’ll have no issues here.
#1 — Mini Mushroom
Throw this in your bag and you might even have trouble finding it when you get home. Enjoy one on me, why dontcha!
Want to get the best Miles Morales skills in Spider-Man 2‘s skill tree? With 62 Skills in three separate skill trees to choose from in Marvel’s Spider-Man 2, you might be a little undecided about which ones to go for at first. This Spider-Man 2 guide will shortlist the best Skills from the 17 that are exclusive to Miles Morales, as well as some from the 26 skills in the tree that is shared with Peter Parker.
Venom Jump: Best Early Miles Morales Skills
Getting enemies airborne is always a good move, and this skill is how you can accomplish that with Miles, while also deploying Venom Stun.
Venom Smash: Jolt
Double down on the tactic of keeping enemies up in the air like a juggler, with this upgrade to Miles’ standard Venom Smash.
Chain Lightning: Power Overwhelming
Miles’ Chain Lightning bolts doubles its targets to six with this skill upgrade, making it an excellent choice for area of effect crowd control.
Spider-Man 2 Miles Morales Skill Tree: Bio-Siphon
Since you’ll be Venom Stunning enemies a lot through use of both Venom Jump and Venom Smash, this skill will synergize nicely. Recharge your abilities by smacking enemies around some more while they’re stunned.
Bounce Up: Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 Best Shared Skills
Not only does this skill have great combo potential, it also allows you to remain airborne for as long as you can keep the rhythm going. This means that you can stay well above the fray when faced with a throng of enemies. It is also a very feasible tactic versus brute enemies.
Leap Off Bounce
An upgrade to Bounce Up, this skill will give you even more air time, as you use an airborne enemy to propel yourself up while still bouncing them off of the ground.
Combo Resupply
Since you’ll be using enemies like yo-yos with the Bounce Up skill, you might as well take advantage of this skill to get free Gadget shots from all those combos.
Parry Disarm
With a number of tough enemies now also armed with melee weapons like swords and axes, this upgrade to the standard Parry’s stagger will also disarm them long enough for you to wrap things up with attacks of your own. Do note that enemies can and will pick up their weapons if given the chance to do so.
Those are all the best skills in both Miles Morales’ exclusive skill tree and the one shared with Peter Parker. Now check out our recommendations for best skills for Peter Parker, as well as the location of Aunt May’s grave.
Looking to get the best Peter Parker skills in his Spider-Man 2 skill tree? With 62 Skills in three distinct skill trees to choose from in Marvel’s Spider-Man 2, you might be a little confused about which ones to go for at first. This Spider-Man 2 guide will shortlist the best Skills from the 19 that are exclusive to Peter Parker, as well as some from the 26 skills in the tree that is shared with Miles Morales.
Spider Shock: Best Early Peter Parker Skills In Spider-Man 2
An area of effect attack that will shock enemies with electrified web lines. This is great as a stun maneuver, affording you the opportunity to wrap things up without too much opposition.
Spider Shock Overload
The upgraded Spider Shock will chain further on to more enemies and is especially useful for crowd control of much larger groups.
Symbiote Yank: Empowered
While the standard Symbiote Yank limits you to three enemies initially, this upgrade skill jacks that up as much as threefold, stunning and damaging them heavily.
Symbiote Punch: Symbiote Slam
While Bounce up from the shared skill tree works effectively on brute enemies too, it’s good to have an additional attack that can be utilized on them, like this upgraded Symbiote Punch skill specifically targeted at brutes.
Bounce Up: Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 Best Shared Skills
Not only does this skill have great combo potential, it also allows you to remain airborne for as long as you can keep the rhythm going. This means that you can stay well above the fray when faced with a throng of enemies. It is also a very feasible tactic versus brute enemies.
Leap Off Bounce
An upgrade to Bounce Up, this skill will give you even more air time, as you use an airborne enemy to propel yourself up while still bouncing them off of the ground.
Combo Resupply
Since you’ll be using enemies like yo-yos with the Bounce Up skill, you might as well take advantage of this skill to get free Gadget shots from all those combos.
Parry Disarm
With a number of tough enemies now also armed with melee weapons like swords and axes, this upgrade to the standard Parry’s stagger will also disarm them long enough for you to wrap things up with attacks of your own. Do note that enemies can and will pick up their weapons if given the chance to do so.
Those are all the best skills in both Peter Parker’s skill tree and the one shared with Miles Morales. Now check out our recommendations for best skills for Miles Morales, as well as the location of Aunt May’s grave.
THE KINGDOM OF ANCIENTIA — To prevent adventurers from just walking into their houses and heal themselves from all their injuries by sleeping in their beds, residents in Waltdrop Village have invoked their third amendment rights, which grant them the right to deny any soldier from forcibly living in one’s home.
“Listen, we’re just a small little farming community, removed from most of society, right next to the legendary cave holding the Crystal of Chaos,” said the village carrot farmer who organized everybody in the village together to assert their rights. “We all know the King himself sends these moochers to come down to the cave to get the Crystal for the glory of the kingdom and all that nonsense; it’s time we assert our constitutional rights and keep them out of our homes!” Many Waltdrop villagers echoed these sentiments; however, some members of the village were supportive of invoking third amendment rights for other reasons. “Oh, don’t get me wrong; I want soldiers to come into where I live; I don’t even have a bed here!” stated the local shopkeeper. “But my store is just packed with potions and tents adventurers can use to rest, and if demand for my goods happens to increase, who am I to complain?” Despite the overwhelming support from within the village, many heroes were upset at this news, claiming that the villagers didn’t understand the stakes involved.
“Okay, maybe it’s a small inconvenience when somebody just breaks into your house and jumps into your bed, and sure, maybe every hero says they’ll be the one to get it,” said the self-described Hero of Light. “But according to the King, obtaining this crystal will restore peace to the world. Trust me; once we get this Crystal of Chaos and hand it off to the King’s royal advisor, order will return to this realm! You’ll be happy I crashed in your bed.” At press time, many adventurers, afraid that more villages might invoke their third amendment rights, have gone on side quests to buy homes of their own as an investment, which in turn has caused the cost of homes in the kingdom to skyrocket.
