PlayStation executives announced yesterday at their State of Play Presentation that as a company they are not, and will not be, remastering Bloodborne because nobody in their office has been able to beat Father Gascoigne.
“We know the game has quite a few fans who are eagerly awaiting a remaster or PC port. Unfortunately, we just don’t know if it’s any good,” said Hermen Hulst, Head of PlayStation Studios. “We’ve never been able to beat Father Gascoigne. A couple times we whittled him down to half health or so, but then he turned into some sort of werewolf thing and we died pretty quickly after that. We think there might be an alternate way to progress if we defeat the Cleric Beast, but we honestly haven’t been able to do that either.”
The decision to not remaster or port the game also has a financial component, sources confirmed.
Hulst continued, “We just can’t invest the money it would take to remaster a game if we have no idea if 90% of it is any good. Have you finished it? Can you tell me?”
PlayStation Head Jim Ryan explained the decision when asked after the State of Play.
“It’s not all bad news, though,” Ryan said. “I just learned this morning that we definitely still own, and will enforce, the IP. So although you may never get another official Bloodborne release, you can rest assured no one will be allowed to make an unofficial release either.”
At press time, Ryan was seen watching a Bloodborne playthrough on YouTube to see what all the fuss was about.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 31.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adjective used to describe something that is large, heavy, and takes up a lot of space.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“Y”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“K”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“U”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“B”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 816 days straight! So here goes nothing:
In not so surprising news, Vince McMahon has been accused of some truly heinous acts which you can read about here. Turns out when you play an irredeemable piece of human garbage on TV, you may just actually be one. And it also seems like some story lines may have been him telling on himself.
With that in mind, we reached out to Triple H for comment and received these 20 delightful images of 5 time world champ, the king of strong style, Mr. Shinsuke Nakamura. We have a feeling his response was catered to our general vibe and appearance, rather than containing images of wrestlers the company actually wants to push. And boy, did H have us pegged perfectly.
20. Look At That Face
He’s really going for it here, I like to imagine he’s pointing to the prison cell that is hopefully awaiting McMahon.
19. Kinda Looks Like He Stubbed His Toe
I’m sure Shinsuke is just in the middle of his famous elaborate entrance here but it kind of looks like he’s reacting to bumping his little piggies on the ring. This will help me sleep after reading about the horrors of WWE corporate culture.
18. Powerful
He’s really exuding unbridled power here. Just a marvel to look upon this man.
17. Fear Him
I like this one a lot because frankly it’s a little frightening and I’m here for it. The animalistic magnetism is really what helped Nakamura become an all time great wrestler — even if under-used by WWE (a company run by a truly barbaric man).
16. Man of The People
Sure, sometimes he’s a little scary but he’s also beloved. It seems impossible a hero like Shinsuke would work for the villainous McMahon. Though I guess technically he would have been an independent contractor since the WWE doesn’t want to pay for the incredible damage their stars do to themselves in the ring.
15. What Was That Question?
I can’t hear you people are moving things behind me can you speak up?
14. Please Don’t Hurt Me
Shinsuke please! I have a family!
13. Victorious
The pure joy of being the champ is a beautiful sight to behold. Unlike the face of that horrible gremlin man Vince McMahon.
12. Kick to the Head
Maybe if I like Nakamura do this to me I can forget some of the disgusting details of the lawsuit. I don’t want to forget the lawsuit, but boy, some of those details and images.
11. The Classic
A look that never goes outta style.
10. Hmmm
This is a great one because you can color it so many different ways. Did he just smell a fart? See something interesting just outside the ring? Hear what his boss Vince McMahon was up to?
9. Long Live the King
All Hail King Nakamura
8. Showman
He comes to play and you can really tell in pictures like this. Nakamura is never one to skimp out on an entrance and get the people going and for that I salute him.
7. And Don’t You Forget it
He’s a champ through and through and you have to respect him for it. He didn’t become the 5 time world champion for you to just forget about it. Just like how you can’t forget about the lawsuit alleging Vince McMahon would name his white sex toys after white wrestlers and black toys after black wrestlers.
6. In His Natural Habitat
Nakamura thrives in the ring and he’s truly a spectacle to behold when he’s in his element.
5. Nailed it
What can I say but wow! This toy looks exactly like the real deal. Definitely doesn’t look like some forgotten Baldwin brother with some licorice falling off his head.
4. WHAT!?!
I’m just as shocked as you buddy. Pretty sure this picture was taken after he saw the leaked McMahon text messages. Oof!
3. Awww
I just feel like he’s proud of me in this one.
2. Had To Do it To ‘Em
We had to admire the signature move. A picture doesn’t quite do it justice but still, perfection.
1. Heavy is The Head
This picture is a lot. So is Shinsuke though. His flair for the dramatic and the theatricality of his whole routine is what makes him one of the best around. I think it’s okay to be a little extra in his case. Definitely not in Vince’s case though dear God. That man is somehow getting extra evil, and he was already well known to be pretty despicable. Thank God the Rock bought and then completely paved over the XFL huh?
We love video games. We love playing them, reading about them, and writing about them. This is what motivates us to provide the most deep-cutting factual gaming news on the internet, with no thought of extrinsic reward. We don’t do it for money, fame, or the affections of cosplay models, though of course we get all of that in abundance. We do it because it is our calling. We do it because someone has to.
But sometimes, even we can use a break.
Day in and day out, our lives are focused on video games. We couldn’t imagine doing anything else. But life contains multitudes, and writing about video games all day is like eating pizza for every meal. Sure, pizza is amazing and nutritious, but eventually we want a taco, if only to cleanse our palette so we can go back to enjoying pizza again. And we’re sure, even if you might be too ashamed to admit it, you might be a little tired of reading about video games nonstop, too.
So this article, dear readers, is our taco. Let’s enjoy it together. Let’s take a break from all this video game stuff and talk about something else. Something like pangolins.
First of all, just look at them:
They’re adorable. We definitely picked the right animal for this article. Apparently they are sometimes called scaly anteaters, which is fitting. They look like the Pokemon evolution between an armadillo and an anteater—wait. That doesn’t count as video game talk, because Pokemon is a card game and an anime, not just a video game. We could have been referencing any of those. Doesn’t count. Anyways, moving on.
According to Wikipedia, Pangolins are mammals of the order Pholidota, whatever that means. It kind of sounds like they are members of some knighthood, The Knights of the Order of Pholidota, which sounds really cool. They even have little armor plating on them. They also walk on their back legs with their claw hands raised like little dinosaurs. I could imagine them holding little swords and shields in those claws, marching to battle while epic music plays. Something like the Elder Scrolls soundtrack, particularly the main theme in Skyrim, where the second you heard the horns blasting and the choir chanting you had the indelible urge to slay a dragon, or a troll, or shout a Whiterun guard off the top of the stairs—
Okay, there’s no excuse for that one. Damn! From the rest of this article on you will be convinced you aren’t even reading a video game news site at all. You aren’t reading Hard Drive, you’re reading Hard Pangolin, or Pangolin Drive. The Pangolin Times? We’ll figure out a name. In the meantime, this will be nothing but an informative piece on pangolins starting NOW.
Pangolins can use their claws for defense from predators, but mostly they use them to dig up termites and ants, which they then eat up with their long, straw-like tongues. They live in burrows and hollow trees. They are solitary animals, only meeting to mate, and only raising their young for two years. Seems cruel, but who are we to judge? Sadly, they are the most trafficked mammal in the world, as they are killed for their meat and scales. This, and also deforestation, has led to several species of pangolin having their conservation status as threatened, with some even being on the endangered species list and ahhhhhh we can’t do this! We need to talk about video games! Video games! Elden Ring! Gamers! Layoffs! Cutscenes! Checkpoints! Mountain Dew! Lethal Company! Stick drift! Lag! First Person Shooters! NPCs! Jerma! Sidequests! Jiggle physics! Body odor! Microtransactions! Pokemon with guns! Gaming!
We’re sorry, readers. We don’t know what we were thinking. We’re not cut out for this pangolin news stuff. Clearly video games are what we’re meant to focus on for the rest of our lives. We learned something very valuable about ourselves from this experience. And, not to be hyperbolic, we learned something about life in general. Namely, never branch out. Always stick to what you know. A brutal lesson, but an important one nonetheless.
Thank you for joining us on this little experiment. In our next article we will be back to our usual gaming selves. We’ll leave the pangolin news to the pangolin people.
LONG BEACH, Calif. – Anime fan Trevor Linden, 26, is “in love with the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack,” but has expressed absolutely zero interest to further investigate jazz music, sources confirm.
“When Spike [Spiegel, main character from Cowboy Bebop] is fighting someone and all the trumpets come in like ‘blaow,’ it’s just, like, so badass,” said Linden, showing no curiosity to understand the influences in instrumentation and improvisation from the jazz genre used intentionally by composer Yoko Kanno.
Linden’s girlfriend, Stacy Cedar, 25, has played other jazz records around the apartment for Linden to enjoy or even notice, to no avail.
“I like the show’s music, too, and I thought it would be fun to share stuff that sounds like it,” said Cedar. “But when I put on bebop like Miles Davis, he says it’s ‘boring’ or ‘confusing.’ But “bebop” is literally half the show’s title! Wouldn’t you want to at least try it?”
Experts say Linden’s particular taste is nothing new. California State University musicologist Winston Mark, who has studied jazz for the better part of 25 years, is not surprised to hear of Linden’s apathy.
“Jazz is about throwing away the old and making up something new every time,” said Mark. “The guys we call the masters didn’t want to mimic their masters. So if Trevor likes this particular sound, he wouldn’t wanna move backward in time.
“At least, that’s the most empathetic reason I can think of,” added Mark. “‘Cause otherwise he sounds like a total weeb.”
I find actual play D&D podcasts and shows to be a great way to passively enjoy a game my friends are always apparently too busy to play with me. They’re also a good way for people who haven’t played tabletop games to see what all the fuss is about.
While the games are all fun and entertaining I think what would be much more fun and loads more entertaining is making those who run the games fight for our amusement. People always argue over which dungeon master is best, but there’s only one way to really know: Bloodsport.
Here I’ve ranked a few of my favorites by how good I think their chances would be at winning against the others in pure unadulterated bloody conflict.
9. Austin Walker
I mean, just look at this guy. You just wanna give him a hug and ask him how his current campaign’s going. You’d hate to fight this guy and frankly I think he’d hate to fight you too. Unfortunately for Austin there are no friends at this table, and I feel the other combatants on this list would easily dispatch this teddy bear.
8. Mark Hulmes
The problem with Mark is that they’re British. Nothing wrong with that except when it comes to a brutal battle, the British have never excelled. I worry that Mark would lean on the sort of honorable warfare their people are known for which just won’t stand a chance against the guerilla tactics they may face.
7. Griffin McElroy
As much as I love Griffin as a DM and a comedian, he stands no chance. I think he has enough chaotic energy to outfox a couple people but when it comes to bloodsport this kind boy is not going to last long.
6. Brian Murphy
I really think Murph is a loose cannon who could surprise a lot of people and really be a dark horse. While I think he’d have a tough time defeating some people higher on this list, I think he could last a few rounds of action. Though he would be absolutely crushed by our next combatant.
5. Emily Axford
Emily, who is primarily a player on shows like Not Another D&D Podcast and Dimension 20, also occasionally takes on the role of GM and could absolutely demolish most of the people on this list including her husband, Brian Murphy. She has the killer instincts required to do what she must to survive in a fight to the death.
4. Matthew Mercer
I think Matt Mercer is hiding something from all of us. There’s a darkness inside him that we really only get to see in the villains he plays. One day he just might snap, and if that were to happen in the midst of a bloody camisado with the rest of these fools he just may come out on top. God forbid the fight takes place at high noon — while the rest of them are laughing and making fun of him for the irony of it all, he’ll be sneaking behind them all getting Deadeye ready.
3. Deborah Ann Woll
Also someone who I wouldn’t label specifically as a GM but someone who I think excels at it. You know what else I think she excels out? Ripping out spines from Matthew Mercer’s body! Deborah Ann Woll may be a delightful person but when push comes to shove, she’ll be ready. She probably has special training from being on True Blood and Daredevil. Anyone who has killed on screen has it in them to do it in real life when absolutely necessary.
2. Brennan Lee Mulligan
Now I’ve watched a lot of Dimension 20 and other Dropout.tv content and I generally don’t think Brennan Lee Mulligan could hurt a fly. He’s too nice to slay anyone on this list and if they gave him a bag of almonds he’d probably gobble them up and run away. However, this man is so unbelievably competitive that I don’t know that these setbacks will even matter.
There’s a real wickedness to all of the villains Brennan plays, too, that I think must come from a real place deep inside him. I believe this hidden shadow as well as his drive to win no matter the cost will motivate him to do whatever it takes. Some of you may even be mad he’s not #1 on the list, and hey, as Brennan would say, “Get in the comments!”
1. Aabria Iyengar
I just feel as though Aabria could kill me right now. I think she has that power. None of these so-called ‘dungeon masters’ would stand a chance. She’d identify all of their weaknesses and dispatch them one by one. In a battle royale style combat she would simply wait her turn and strike when the others least expected it. In a one on one setting she would have no problem breaking her opponents will and defeating them without breaking a sweat. On the battlefield she is a cold blooded killer. Also probably a lovely person.
I hope this list settles all debates you may have started with your fellow actual play listeners. If you or one of your friends disagrees or thinks I left someone off this list let me know! But you’re probably wrong and I’m right because I rolled a nat 20 insight while thinking about this list.
David Wilson, father of 3, reportedly stepped on a dualsense controller one of his goddamn sons probably left out after playing Lego Fortnite, yelling sources who pay for all these games anyways and deserve some respect around here, said.
“It wasn’t good at all,” David’s wife Isabelle said, “He didn’t see it all and put all of his weight down on it. I’m always telling the kids to put their toys away. None of them have fessed up to leaving it out but we think it might be Little Franky, he was playing that Lego Fortnite game I think?”
Little Franky tried to avoid the press after the incident, but he was stopped by multiple news outlets for comment.
“I didn’t do anything wrong! Plus even if it was me it was just a regular dualsense controller! It’s not like it was a pro or anything,” he said.
According to reports the controller David stepped on was indeed a standard white Dualsense controller for a PS5. Had it been something bigger like a dreamcast or N64 controller he might have done some serious damage to his foot, experts said.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” David said when asked, “These kids are always doing this sort of stuff. Almost makes me want to stop buying them games. I feel like I only have myself to blame.”
David’s Podiatrist, Dr. Brickson warned him that should this accident happen again he could cause permanent damage to his foot.
“Oh I’ve seen it a lot, patients come in here after stepping on all kinds of things their kids have left out,” Dr. Brickson said, “We have a whole wing of our office dedicated to dads who stepped on Lego Rockband Guitar controllers. We do what we can but they are never the same.”
Little Franky was reportedly unavailable for additional comment as his parents had restricted his phone access after he bought $300 worth of V-Bucks with their credit card.
Hard Drive readers, I need your help. When I was young I played hundreds of hours of this one particular game, but for the life of me I cannot remember its name. I’ve searched and searched. I’ve also posted on a subreddit dedicated to this sort of thing and I was unable to get an answer.
As I was telling people about this, they too had memories of games which they couldn’t remember. It was at this moment I knew we had to turn to our community for support.
We need you to help us identify these games. And because a picture is worth a thousand words, we also decided to draw the pieces of the games we remember.
We will update this post with the correct information on each game as the community finds them. Please help.
Free to play, top-down, team space-themed online shooter
When I was young I would always type in “free online multiplayer game.” I wanted to play games with friends from school, but didn’t have the required gaming rig to always play the latest game (or the money to buy them). So free online multiplayer games were my go-to.
One game I spent so many hours in and I just can’t find any proof of it existing. I’m going to do my best to describe it with words and images and I hope someone online can help me. Let’s start with the basics then I’ll get into more detail.
It was a top down shooter.
It was a free online multiplayer game. I’m not sure if you played in the browser or downloaded something.
There were multiple classes to pick from.
It was space themed. You spawned in a spacecraft and then walked into a zone which dropped you on the map.
You could ride a hoverboard to get around on the map. I’m not sure if this was class based or something you found on the map.
The teams were probably 12 vs 12 or maybe a little more.
There were resources on the map, which you could harvest. I want to say one of them was an earth-like resource and another was a toxic-waste-like resource.
There were deployable turrets.
There were some powerful machine gun-type classes or guns, which allowed you to shoot people beyond your field of view. Think: “I know people go around that corner, I’m going to spray up to the corner of my screen and hope I hit them.”
– Matt Saincome
Why were there so many games about terrorizing little guys in our youth? And why did we all play them? But enough moralizing, I need your help.
My brothers and I used to play this free internet game on our family computer where you’re given a 2D space and TONS of different types of ‘sand’ or particles to drop in by selecting them (see selection box at the top of the drawing; maybe it was vertical, maybe it didn’t look anything like this) and holding the left mouse button. The game had stuff like gunpowder, napalm, water, even “fireworks” (which was somehow also a sand!). You or someone else could also use the arrow keys to move around a little stick-figure guy in the space. My brothers and I would often use something like the above setup, with one of us using the mouse to fill the arena with tons of deadly sand stuff and another one frantically running the little guy around to avoid getting exploded, like a World War 1 soldier looking to the ashen skies and praying for a ceasefire that would never come. Man, good times.
Part turn-based, part trap-based. This strange PS1 title has Resident Evil vibes from an isometric perspective. It would start me on a journey through XCOM and Warhammer 40,000 turn-based games, but this is where it all started. It had monster looking creatures that moved in a predictive line, where you had to place spikes and other traps.
Tyler A.
Oh, I Remember the Game Whiplash Perfectly, I Remember Everything About That Day But One Crucial Detail
Contrary to the other entries on this list, I remember the name of the obscure 2003 platformer Whiplash quite well. While you probably forgot it until this very moment, every detail of that game and its humorous cast of characters are forever burnt into memory. I remember everything about the day I came home from GameStop and first popped in the disc. Everything but one crucial detail; I cannot remember the last thing my father said to me before he disappeared that afternoon.
I remember every delightful moment from Crystal Dynamics’ oft-forgotten classic Whiplash. A lightly-crude, cynical twist on the Banjo-Kazooie cartoony platformers that were all too abundant in the previous console generation. The game perfectly satirizes these games whilst simultaneously perfecting everything about the genre, culminating in a damn fun game with a surprisingly honest “animal rights” message that still holds up 20 years later. And while it’s comedic writing never strays from the confines of its T-rating, not quite hitting the rudeness levels of a Conker’s Bad Fur Day, one thing is for certain; I overheard my dad in the next room answer a phone call from his brother before urgently rushing out the door never to return, only briefly popping his head into my room to quickly relay a final fleeting piece of elucidation that I cannot recall.
Also contrary to the other entries, I’ve spent the last 18 years since then honing my skills as an artist, not in the subject of landscape or still-life, but purely to render the scene above of Whiplash’s unlikely animal-duo, Spanx and Redmond, as they appeared on my Spongebob CRT TV the moment my father imparted his final words to me. Praying that, just maybe, through a manner not dissimilar to hypnosis, I may illustrate the exact moment in time. Breaking through the walls of sense memory and thereby easing the trauma that locked my father’s last testaments away within the folds of my mind.
Some 3D Platformer Where You Played As An Anthropomorphic Animal
Real Name: Still Unknown
It was some sort of weird animal, the more I think about it, it might have even been a made-up animal like a combination of a kangaroo and a badger or some crazy Australian thing. He was like a wacky stoner type who was always just trying to chill on the beach and blaze it up but when trouble came calling he got hopped up on the good stuff and went wild. He could jump on enemies and spin attack them, sometimes he rode other animals. He had a sister who furries would probably describe as hot. Actually, maybe he was a cat. Bubsy? Possibly but I’m not sure, I think it started with a B. Anyway, his arch nemesis was a tiny metrosexual scientist with a big Lego head. I think his name was Dr. Nefarious or something. What I do know for a fact is that my picture is 100% what the main character looks like, it’s what I remember in the most vivid detail so please just tell me who he is and what the game was called.
The only bullet hell I’ve sunk time into was on a Mac in 2004, and I have no idea what it was called. I do remember it had a futuristic vibe and the name started with an “A,” or maybe an “M”? Sorry, I know that’s probably not going to conjure any memories. I can tell you that you controlled a small silvery-green ship that hovered over various biomes, shooting lasers at incoming ships and dropping energy bombs on ground targets. Oh, and there were floating coins! Silver and gold coins would show up after destroying enemy bases—that should narrow things down, right? Right?
Look, I’m aware this isn’t much to go on, but to the sole Mac gamer who’s read this far please let me know if you recall anything that looks similar to the picture above. I’m pretty sure there was a sort of inventory or console always shown on one side of the play area, and the sound effects were metallic and industrial. I think the game might’ve come free with some Macally gamepad that practically hurt to use—ringing any bells? Please, someone help me put this to rest.
Ian Guyette
Game About Guy That Solves Block Puzzles/Murders Family
Real Name: Still Unknown
Okay, bear with me. There’s a skeleton man/thesaurus with a laser sword arm that works for a squid. His dad throws him into a pool and he eats his brothers. After he learns how to swim he can set his laser sword on fire, but he has to learn how to do that again in every sequel. He’s very chatty for a man with no mouth. He’s all powerful but doors are very difficult for him to open.
Travis Madole
Cool Mech Game That May Have Been Exclusive to PlayStation Demo Disc
Real Name: Still Unknown
When the original PlayStation was first released 86 years ago, I had this demo disc with a game where you played as a weird little crab-like mech that could climb walls like Spider-Man, and shoot people like Spider-Man if Spider-Man’s webs were bullets. I think there were two levels in the demo: one where you had to go around this pretty big industrial area blasting robots and dock workers (presumably very evil ones who wanted to unionize or something), and then a big indoor boss fight against a straight-up Metal Gear. For some reason I want to say maybe it was a Ghost In The Shell game, but none of the robots looked anything like Scarlett Johannson so I might be wrong about that. Anyway, I’ve never seen or heard about this game since and am now unsure whether it ever existed, or if even at that age I was escaping into vivid hallucinations to avoid dealing with the real world.
Simon Bower
Some RPG Where The Main Character Had Some Weird Sword
Real Name: Still Unknown
I don’t remember too much but it was a kinda typical RPG where you and your friends travel around to try and stop the big bad. I heard it has gotten a remaster on more modern consoles in the past few years but still cannot remember the exact name. It was primarily a PlayStation game with a story that was a bit confusing at times but not bad. There was one scene in it that shocked me as a kid where a party member dies right in front of the protagonist. There was also a part where the protagonist is having some issues with his memory but after waking from some coma they get better. I also heard a character from it got added to Super Smash Bros. It happened kinda recently as well but I’m not too big on fighting games so don’t own it and can’t check. Sure I could probably google it but I think this method is much easier. I made a drawing of this one character I had a difficult time fighting, with a really cool theme.If anyone has any idea what this could be please let me know I kinda wanna give it another playthrough for some good ol’ nostalgia.
Myles Conlon
RTS Deck Building Game With a Card Auction House
Real Name: Still Unknown
I played this game religiously for a few months around 2010, give or take (I played on a PC in a computer nook in our kitchen and said nook was built at the end of 2008). It was a real-time strategy deck building game where you either had to get your troops or whatever from the start to some end goal on the map. There might have been defensive rounds, too, I don’t remember. Kind of like a cross between Command & Conquer and Hearthstone.
You had to build a card deck before the game started and would use those cards to deploy fighters, strategic structures like things to generate energy so you could deploy more fighters, etc. I think one structure was a water generator or something. You could have archers, warriors, monsters, you know, the classic stuff like that. So there was strategy involved – what low-cost cards should I play in the early game and how can I build energy to allow me to deploy my more powerful units later?
There was also a card auction house where you could buy and sell cards to improve your deck. That’s where I thrived. I had a notepad where I kept a ledger of what cards I bought and for how much so that I could know what I needed to sell them for to make a profit. I wheeled and dealed to build up my in-game bankroll so that I never needed to spend real money to get powerful cards. At times, I was honestly a little ashamed of how involved I got in the game’s economy, especially when I had children to take care of. Sorry, sweetie, Daddy is about to get his 38th mana boost card or something for a tremendous price.
And there was a real-time chat on the game’s website, where I would often find generous players giving away cards through trivia contests and what-not. I took full advantage of that. It was a fun game and I really enjoyed playing the marketplace, but I can’t for the life of me remember what in the hell the game was called.
Dan Katz
Crawling the Dungeons of my Memory
Real Name: Haven
Admittedly this might not be in the spirit of the theme because I do remember this game’s name. It was called Haven, and I saw my father playing it on the PC in the 90s. But there’s almost no trace of the game’s existence anymore, a completely unrelated recent game also called “Haven” that makes Googling it near-impossible, and a lone MobyGames page as the only proof I can find that the game wasn’t just some weird childhood hallucination. It was a super-primitive dungeon-crawling RPG where you explored a bunch of square rooms fighting monsters (or at least having text boxes narrate combat to you) and collecting gems and food. The icon for food was a giant chicken leg, which for some reason was extremely funny to me as a kid and probably why I remember it at all. I have no idea where this game came from or if it’s available anywhere, legally or otherwise. Even if I could find it, it’d be unlikely to thrill me in a world of modern RPGs, but at least I can remind people it existed. Thanks for the chicken legs, Haven.
That GameCube Fantasy Game That’s Actually About Skittles
Real Name: Still Unknown
With one glance at this game’s box art, I was deceived. It was captivating, it was dark, it was orange. Can you imagine my surprise when the opening CG cinematic played? I witnessed the main character – whose name I have also forgotten – stumbling across a mystical circular artifact, colored orange with a white “S” labeled on top of it. My young mind was blown. The thought of using Spider-Man’s mighty powers with an orange flavor was nearly too much for my two year-old brain to handle. But then, right as the game was finished fulfilling its promises, I made the mistake of asking a short, ugly, green goblin what this orange power was. I was right about the orange flavor, and yet so wrong about all else.
The six rainbow artifacts I was quested to collect had nothing to do with Spider-Man at all! It was at this point that I lost my patience with the game and forcefully unplugged the GameCube, never to be turned on again. That night, the game faded from my mind as I dreamt of an orange Spider-Man. Every memory of this game now felt like a bad dream you vaguely remember when you wake up. That is, all but one word from it.
Skittles.
That cursed word has never left my head, and now, many years later, I am ready to relive this tragic moment of my life. I must repair my broken memories. I must stop that word which plagues my vocabulary. I must learn the name of this game. Can you help me on this quest?
David Fisher
Shrouded Figure in Red Glow
All I remember is I was in a dark cave. There was a thunderous rolling sound in the blackness like a train was passing. I saw this small speck of light that was quickly growing. I soon realized that it wasn’t actually growing, but getting closer. As the light approached its warm yellow glow gradually morphed into a hellish red, and I heard the sound of a million wailing children. I felt fear deep in my bones and knew I needed to run, but I was frozen in place, unable to move. All I could do was watch the red glow get closer and closer. The rolling and wailing louder and louder. I closed my eyes and screamed, but was met with silence. The noise had stopped. I opened my eyes and I was surrounded by the red light. The red. The red. It felt so cold and I knew I wasn’t alone. I turned (was turned?) around and towering above me was a hulking figure shrouded in shadows. I could not make out eyes or nose or face, just emptiness, like I was looking into a void. The figure raised its hand and pointed at me, and in my mind I heard it speak a language I did not know. I did not know it, but I understood it. How is that possible? It spoke into me the dark truth of the universe.
That was where the game ended. I don’t remember what the case looked like or what console it was on. I played it while I was in college, so it had to have been available on PS3. To be clear, I did a lot of experimenting in college, so I’m not entirely sure if it was a video game I played or a bad DMT episode. Actually, now that I think about it, it was definitely a bad DMT episode. Nevermind.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 30.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A verb that means to force someone to leave a place, group, or organization, typically as a result of a decision or directive.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“P”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“X”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 299 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Going through these games really made me reflect on who I was and who I am now. Please know, I’ve changed. No one is perfect, but what we had was close. Come back. I realize where I went wrong. I can be the man you wanted me to. Going back and looking at these games again made me realize how much I missed you. I know you only ever played games to appease me but now my life is nothing without you and those sessions. Each game made me miss you more. I’m so broken without you so I changed the list to be about how much each game makes me miss you. I only hope you will read this and consider coming back. I can see via social media that you and the tall, handsome French Canadian man you left me for seem to be on a break. Please, I beg you. Give me one more chance.
15. Snipperclips
Such a cute little puzzle game this is. This was the first game I ever convinced Samantha to play with me. We had just started going out and were still learning about each other. She didn’t care for video games, she was a bookworm. But I told her about how this was a puzzle game and wasn’t just mindless. Playing as two cute little paper creatures, cutting and pasting each other to solve the puzzles. She was so good at this because of how smart she is. That’s one of the things I loved about her. We barely had to even work together because she came up with the solutions so fast. Looking back on this I can’t help but smile as I remember the laughter as I struggled with some of the puzzles and she would tease me about being better than me at my own hobby. Oh, what I would give to be this happy again. I don’t think I’ll ever experience it again unless you come back to me Sam.
14. Cuphead
I tried to warn her about Cuphead. She saw me playing and thought it looked cute. I tried to explain that it wasn’t the type of game she would enjoy as a non-gamer. She got mad at me for trying to shut her out and ignore her. We both lost our temper that day and said some things we shouldn’t have. Maybe I should have been easier on her since I knew how difficult it would be for her. I should have never told you to “git gud.” Looking back now I see the error of my ways. Looking back on our time with Cuphead it just reminds me how much I screwed up. If I could do it all over again I would. I’m not the same man I was when we played this, please just give me another chance. I’ll be so much more patient, the whole thing was a mistake, I realize that now.
13. Knack 2
What a fun time this was. The sound of her laughter as she button-mashed is tattooed in my brain. I miss that sound so much. She didn’t really know what she was doing but that made it so much more fun. This is a fairly simple game but that’s why it was such a good time. She didn’t need to be good at video games or understand them to play. She liked the art style. It was a bit frustrating when I tried to explain to her how to play but eventually told her to just mash the buttons and we had such a lovely time playing after that. It wasn’t anything special, it was a rainy day and we had nowhere to go. Nowadays when it’s rainy and I have nowhere to go I just sit alone in my home and play something zoned out. I miss having someone to spend those rainy days with. I miss having Samantha to spend those rainy days with. Please Sam, remember Knack 2, we can be that again.
12. Crash Bandicoot 4
Crash Bandicoot 4 doesn’t offer co-op in the traditional sense. It features a Pass ‘N Play mode. Every time you die, you pass the control and it tallies each player’s death count and score. Maybe that’s where the trouble started. I’m good at video games so there were long stretches where she didn’t get to play. She cheered me on at first but she enjoyed what she played and got restless the longer I played. I should have picked up on it but I was so in the zone. If I was as mature then as I am now I would have died on purpose to give her more turns and the nice day we were having wouldn’t have devolved into arguments about how selfish I am and never cared about her needs. But while I am ashamed at how I neglected her, I also can’t help but look back fondly on how she was cheering me on while I was navigating difficult levels. It’s nice to have someone to support you. I miss that so much and I promise if you come back Sam, I’ll give you that ten-fold.
11. Overcooked
We never should have played this. Every problem in our relationship came out during and in part because of this game. It was fun for a few levels and then it became a war zone. Maybe it was always going to end and Overcooked just provided the perfect moment. Maybe she was always destined to end up in the arms of that French Canadian Foux Du Fafa instead of mine. I look back on Overcooked and see pain, the bullet to the head of my happiness. But it also gives me flashes of the whole relationship, it gives me perspective. If it was always meant to end, I wouldn’t have changed a thing, expect playing Overcooked of course. This game represents everything that was wrong in our relationship but it also reminds me of everything that was good. We can try again. I promise, things can be good again. Don’t let a stupid cooking game be our sunset.
10. Portal 2
Remember how much fun you had with this Sam? Remember how good you felt when you figured out the solutions before me? Remember how much we laughed at the jokes in the game? I bet you never had times like this with the Lurch you left me for. I know none of the various totally real romances I’ve had since you left could compare to our time with Portal 2.
9. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
She didn’t know what she was doing and it was so cute. She was just mashing the controller but the look of determination on her face remains one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. It’s impossible for me to play this without remembering that face and thinking about what I lost when she walked out on me. She performed an Up Special to my heart that I’ve yet to recover from. I didn’t even let her win this when we played she won fair and square because I was so entranced by her beauty that I wasn’t paying attention to the game. This was the only time we played Smash but it was the first of many times that we did Smash (298 times to be exact).
8. Mario Party Superstars
I’m so sorry Samantha, I didn’t mean anything I said in the heat of the moment and I know you didn’t either.
7. Unravel 2
This is a 2D Platformer where you have to work together and think about where you are relative to each other because if you stray too far you’ll run out of yarn. Well, Samantha, you strayed too far from me and now I’m out of yarn.
6. Super Mario 3D World
This was the happiest we ever were. It was the happiest I ever was. She loved playing as Cat Peach although she didn’t appreciate all my Furry jokes. It wasn’t too difficult for her for the most part and when it did get hard I was there to get us through. We had so many laughs as we worked together and also threw each other off of stages. Sometimes by accident and sometimes on purpose. We were good, life was good. I wish life could be good again. This game makes me nostalgic for the times we had and for the times we never did.
5. Lego Star Wars The Skywalker Saga
We never actually played this together. By the time this came out, she had left me for Baguette Boy but I know she would have loved it. She loved Star Wars, it was one of the few nerdy things she liked. I played this alone and the whole time I could only think about her. How much I missed her, how much more it would have been if I could have played it with her. Maybe she played it with Frenchy and had a good time. If she did I know she would have had a better time with me. He’s not as funny as me, there’s simply no way. We would have had such a good time with this if she hadn’t given up on our love. There’s still time though, we’re still relatively young, there’s time for a second chance. Samantha, only you can build the minikit of my heart.
4. Sackboy: A Big Adventure
She cared more about dressing up her character than playing through the actual levels but that didn’t bother me. Her enthusiasm was so attractive. She was more into this than almost any other game we played because she loved how cute it was and putting costumes together. She really loved the music levels. Sometimes she got so into it that she would play some levels without me while I went to the bathroom. It felt so good to share my hobby with someone I love and to see them enjoying it. Playing this is when I realized I was in love. That’s all this makes me think about now. I can’t play it anymore because I just break down thinking about that feeling. Of loving someone, of truly loving someone, and for them to leave you for a French Canadian who’s not even that much better looking than you. May never love again, I’ll certainly never love anyone as much as Samantha, and this game is a constant reminder of that. I enjoy this game but all it does now is remind me what an empty husk I am with Samantha. It used to fill me with joy but all it does now is fill me with a deep yearning I may never overcome.
3. It Takes Two
This is such a cute, ingenious co-op 3D platformer full of imaginative levels and mechanics. I thought it would bring us closer and help us figure out some of our problems. It did for a time. We had grown distant. She was becoming bored with me and feeling trapped and I was finding more and more things I didn’t like about her. But I convinced her to play and for a time things were feeling like they used to. We were communicating, we were working together, we were laughing like we used to. Then came the stuffed elephant scene. That’s when it started to fall apart. She didn’t like it. I thought it was a bit much as well but I could see the humor in it. That was the first argument but we kept playing and the more we played the more she identified with the problems the couple in the game were having.
Except we didn’t have a magic Spanish book to help us. We played till the end of the game, it wasn’t all bad but it was clear things weren’t the same between us and never would be again. I can’t play this game with anyone else without thinking about Samantha. All the things I said but shouldn’t have and all the things I never said but should have. I can’t help but see me and her in the characters but we never got our happy ending. I know it’s all my fault, I know I can’t go back in time to fix things but if she could just see me now and the man I’ve become. Samantha, please, if you’re reading this, let’s give it another chance.
2. Mario Kart 8 Deluxe
That blue shell, that damn blue shell. I’m so sorry for what I did to you Samantha. I didn’t think it was a serious thing, but I see now that it hurt you..
1. Stardew Valley
We had a nice life in Stardew Valley. It was the kind of life I imagined we could have in real life. I haven’t touched our farm since she left but sometimes I log on and look at it just to feel something. It could have been us – it was us. Stardew Valley used to represent blissful young love. Now it just represents lives not lived. What was and what could have been.
Maybe I’ve never been truly happy but there was a time when I wasn’t sad and that’s when I was with you, playing Stardew Valley. All that’s left now is an abandoned farm, a virtual time capsule to the last time I felt anything, the last time I felt alive. Samantha, I can give you the life you’ve always wanted. I couldn’t then but I can now. We always imagined ourselves in Stardew Valley and that was a dream that was doomed to failure but we can still have a life that carries the same feeling we had playing.
Please, I can’t stand that all I have left of you is this virtual farm. I can’t stand that all I have left of my own will to exist as anything more than a specter moving through life till the lights shut off is this farm. This farm, frozen in time because you decided there was someone better. Come back, I beg you. If not for me and not for us then for our farm and all the little 16-bit citizens whose lives can’t move on because you decided that yours could.
I don’t remember too much but it was a kinda typical RPG where you and your friends travel around to try and stop the big bad. I heard it has gotten a remaster on more modern consoles in the past few years but still cannot remember the exact name. It was primarily a PlayStation game with a story that was a bit confusing at times but not bad. There was one scene in it that shocked me as a kid where a party member dies right in front of the protagonist. There was also a part where the protagonist is having some issues with his memory but after waking from some coma they get better. I also heard a character from it got added to Super Smash Bros. It happened kinda recently as well but I’m not too big on fighting games so don’t own it and can’t check. Sure I could probably google it but I think this method is much easier. I made a drawing of this one character I had a difficult time fighting, with a really cool theme.
