Thank God: YouTuber’s Ranking Video Is Strictly Their Opinion

Posted on by Seth Finkelstein

LOS ANGELES — A crisis was averted today after YouTuber IcePlasmaWave assured the audience watching his “Top 10 Metroid Power-Ups” video that the ranking was just his opinion and not a 100% scientifically accurate list of fictional weapons.

“I’m a superfan of the Metroid franchise, and I’ve played these games a ton,” said IcePlasmaWave in the nearly seven-minute preamble to his ranking including a three-minute ad for NordVPN, “I’m going to be analyzing these power-ups based on combat utility, exploration ability, and just on how cool I think they are, so my ranking may be different from the official ranking, the one we all agree is truthful, authoritative, and factual. So don’t come yell at me on Twitter, or blow up my Twitch chat, or try to find me in real life, ok? Don’t fucking SWAT me over this shit.”

IcePlasmaWave continued, mentioning that it was his own life experiences and history with the Metroid games that led him to sort the power-ups based solely on his own point of view, as opposed to the ranking that scholars across the globe agree upon.

“We’ve seen a lot of discussion in the past decade about what it means to tell the truth, and if we as journalists and members of the media have an obligation to act as fact-checkers for our audience,” said USC Associate Professor of Journalism Jill Allerd. “Even on YouTube, it’s important for any sort of public figure to make sure that their viewers know the difference between fact and opinion. I’ll be the first to admit my eyebrow raised when I saw the Grapple Beam ranked fourth when it’s been settled for years that it’s the 7th best power-up in the Metroid Series, but that’s what the disclaimer is there for.” 

The YouTuber’s decision to reveal their bias in making the ranking video headed off days of negative reactions from the public at large, putting many viewers’ minds at ease. 

“I was so ready when I clicked that video to go yell at this guy on Twitter, or blow up his Twitch chat, or try to find him in real life when I saw that video’s title,” said viewer Grant McClure. “Hell, I was even getting ready to kidnap his dog. Then I saw that the whole thing was just their personal opinion and so I decided to just be normal about the whole thing.”

At press time, all hell had broken loose in the comments after IcePlasmaWave encouraged his viewers at the end of the video to let him know their opinions down below

Marvel Snap Conquest Decks Guide: Best Deck For the New Mode

Posted on by Parker Johnson

With the new update, Marvel Snap conquest decks are a must for the new mode. Added in the game’s June 13 update, Conquest is a new way to play Marvel Snap competitively. Because of the new mechanics introduced in this mode, players are going to need to shift their decks and strategies to reflect some of the new rules in this mode.

In the new Conquest mode, players play against others with the system first introduced in the Battle Mode with friends system. Instead of playing for cubes, players start with 10 health. Now, snapping will make players lose more health, with rank cubes not even being a factor. Because of this, it’s important to prioritize using decks that don’t rely on any sort of surprise factor. With that in mind, here are our picks for some of the best Marvel Snap Conquest decks!

Best Conquest Deck: High Evolutionary-Lockjaw

One of the best decks in the current meta, it’s no surprise that the High Evolutionary and his team of heroes with unlocked abilities is a strong pick in the new mode. Lockjaw can help summon your high cost cards quicker. Combine that with the boosting power of Thor, Jane Foster, & Odin, and you’ve got a strong deck that your opponents will have a tough time keeping up with.

  • Wasp
  • Thor
  • Lockjaw
  • High Evolutionary
  • Jubilee
  • Dracula
  • Abomination
  • Jane Foster
  • Doctor Doom
  • The Infinaut
  • Odin
  • Hulk

Iron Patriot Deck

Iron Patriot, one of the best Marvel Snap conquest deck archetypes.

Another Marvel Snap conquest deck making great use of cards with no abilities, Iron Patriot decks can excel in Conquest. Patriot is the crux of the deck, boosting cards to reach higher potential. You can augment Patriot with Onslaught, possibly duplicate his ability with Iron Lad, and hide his ability from being negated with Invisible Woman. Summon plenty of minions to boost with cards like Doctor Doom, Mister Sinister, and Debrii to maximize his boost. The weakness of this deck is still present, with Patriot being the ride-or-die card that is pretty much necessary to win. However, the health bar mechanic adding multiple rounds makes strategic, small 1-cube losses due to bad draw much easier to swallow.

  • Wasp
  • Misty Knight
  • Invisible Woman
  • Mister Sinister
  • Debrii
  • Patriot
  • Mystique
  • Brood
  • Iron Lad
  • Blue Marvel
  • Doctor Doom
  • Onslaught

Alternative Patriot Deck- Marvel Snap Conquest Mode

Very similar to the Iron Patriot deck, but without the still-rare Iron Lad card. Tokens are still a pretty rare currency in Marvel Snap, so series 5 cards are hard to get your hands on. We sub out Doctor Doom for Ultron, since no Iron Lad eliminates the chance of an accidental drone swarm. In addition, we sub out Iron Lad for Dazzler, who can become a 3-cost 8-power card with good use of summon cards.

  • Wasp
  • Misty Knight
  • Invisible Woman
  • Mister Sinister
  • Dazzler
  • Debrii
  • Patriot
  • Mystique
  • Brood
  • Blue Marvel
  • Onslaught
  • Ultron

Sera Control Deck: Best Marvel Snap Conquest Decks

With conquest mode making it easy to eventually see through your opponent’s plans, a counter-heavy deck like Sera Control is a perfect pick for the new competitive mode. Use repeated plays of Kitty Pryde to boost cards like Bishop, Angela, and Hit Monkey to gain power for yourself. Then, use Enchantress, Shang-Chi, and Killmonger to help foil your opponent’s plans. Repeated rounds in this mode give you even more potential to read your enemies, so use predictions to determine when it’s best to boost your own power or hinder the opposition.

  • Nova
  • Kitty Pryde
  • Angela
  • Zabu
  • Mysterio
  • Bishop
  • Killmonger
  • Shang-Chi
  • Enchantress
  • Sera

Those are our picks for some of the best Marvel Snap conquest decks! Still new to the game? Check our beginner tips for Marvel Snap players!

Avatar Fan Requests December 21st, 2029 Off Work

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Following this week’s announcement of the next several Avatar film’s release dates, a fan of the series has requested the day of December 21st, 2029 off of work to catch the premiere of the fourth installment, his manager confirmed. 

“Oh man, I sure hope no one else has requested that day off yet, being so close to the holiday and everything,” said Curtis Chapman, a local line cook as he submitted his request for time off. “I have to see Avatar 4 on opening night. I just have to. I wrote a note in my request that if they really really needed me I could probably work until like the early afternoon on December 21st, 2029, but not too late if at all possible. I want to get there good and early, and I don’t know what the winters are going to be like by then so I don’t know what the drive will be like.”

Senior staff members were surprised to discover an employee requesting a day off six and a half years from now. 

“I’ve never had someone request off so far in advance,” said Carl Mendenhall, general manager of The Olive Garden restaurant where the incident occurred. “I’ll pencil it in, but if Curtis hasn’t done his side work that week, I’m not sure I can give him the whole day off. Maybe he could trade with someone else if or something. That’s a weekend shift in 2029 we’re talking about, after all.” 

Several coworkers have pledged to help Chapman if need be.  

“I told him I’d cover his shift if it came down to it, I know how much it would devastate Curtis to miss opening night of Avatar” said Kyle Shaffer, a coworker of Chapman’s. “But I also told him if I don’t still work here there’s not a lot I can do for him. And the odds of that are good, since no one in the kitchen has worked here for longer than nine months. We’ll see though, I guess.” 

As of press time, Chapman had pre-ordered an extra ticket for the fourth Avatar movie in case he had a kid by then. 

Everything We Know About ‘The Flash’

Posted on by Camden Brazile

The Flash is out in theaters and nobody should watch it. Instead, here’s all the facts you need to know about the new DCEU movie!

Why Is It Called The Flash?

The film is named after the period the movie will be discussed and remembered 

Where Does the Film Premiere?

Ezra Miller plans to debut their blockbuster superhero movie at a special screening in Cell Block D

Which Comic Is the Film Based On?

Jughead #104

Why Are There Two Flashes in the Movie?

Warner Bros executives did not know about nonbinary people and misunderstood what Ezra’s “they/them” pronouns meant.

Will the Film Respect the Dead?

No one could have guessed this would need to be answered, but: no.

Did Michael Keaton Do His Own Stunts?

Keaton trained for four months to pull off the insane scene in the film where he appears in the same room as Ezra Miller

What Movies Should I Watch to Prepare?

Batman (1989), Batman V. Superman, Justice League, and City Slickers 2

Will Ezra Miller Be Returning as The Flash?

This would be a ruinously bad and irresponsible choice for the DCEU, so yes, most likely

GTA Online: San Andreas Mercenaries New Cars & Planes

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

As part of GTA Online San Andreas Mercenaries, Rockstar has released 7 new cars and planes, as well as made 4 previously time-limited vehicles permanent additions to the vehicle catalogs. Here are all of the new and returning vehicles in the latest GTA update.

GTA 5 Online San Andreas Mercenaries New Cars & Planes

Grotti Itali GTO Stinger TT sports car for $2,380,000 – with HSW Upgrade (exclusive to PS5 and Xbox Series X|S) and Imani Tech.

Maibatsu MonstroCiti off-road for $1,485,000 – with HSW Upgrade (exclusive to PS5 and Xbox Series X|S) and Imani Tech. It is also free for GTA+ subscribers.

Declasse Walton L35 off-road for $1,670,000.

The Vapid Ratel, another new car in GTA Online San Andreas Mercenaries.

Vapid Ratel off-road for $1,873,000.

Vapid Clique Wagon muscle car for $1,205,000.

F-160 Raiju single-seater fighter jet for $6,855,000.

Mammoth Streamer216 four-seater weaponized propeller plane for $2,238,000

GTA Online Returning Cars

Weeny Issi Rally SUV for $1,835,000 – with HSW Upgrade (exclusive to PS5 and Xbox Series X|S).

Toundra Panthere sports car for $2,170,000.

Karin Hotring Everon, one of the new cars in GTA Online San Andreas Mercenaries.

Karin Hotring Everon sports car for $1,790,000.

Willard Eudora muscle car for $1,250,000.

San Andreas Mercenaries Update GTA Online Mammoth Avenger

The giant Mammoth Avenger can now be bought without having to own a Facility to house it. It can be stored inside a Hangar instead. Additionally the Thruster can be stored inside the Avenger and requested as a support vehicle while in Freemode.

While the selection of vehicles is somewhat paltry and disappointing to the player base, it should be noted that Rockstar drip feeds the introduction of vehicles in DLC updates over several months. So we will likely see many more, including a Buffalo EVX and a weaponized Conada helicopter variant, according to data mining and leaks.

Those are all of the new vehicles, both cars & planes, coming to GTA Online San Andreas Mercenaries. On the other hand, what may annoy players is the removal of nearly 200 vehicles for purchase from the various in-game stores.

Blast From the Past: Remember Overwatch 2?

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

We here at Hard Drive like to take a break from skewering the day’s events once in a while to reflect on a bygone classic from gaming’s past. Please join us today as we take a look at Overwatch 2, a game that may be all but forgotten today, but was actually one of the highest anticipated releases of 2022 if you can believe it. 

Before Blizzard backtracked on its most significant promises and buried its stellar predecessor in the dirt, Overwatch 2 started as merely an idea: What if we just fucked everything right up? 

It was an ambitious idea, but one that the renowned team at Blizzard felt up for. 

“We were a little intimidated at first,” said Blizzard Entertainment president Mike Ybarra. “We’ve never quite fucked something up quite to this level before. Other things here and there, sure. That whole mobile Diablo thing for example. But never once have we fumbled an out of the gate franchise so quickly into its life. After some intense discussions, we decided to proceed with the vision.” 

Thus began an involved development strategy that involved false promises and moving goal posts, a production cycle meant to disorient the average Overwatch as much as possible. 

“Somewhere along the way we realized none of us could remember why we’d decided to botch this whole thing so badly,” said Overwatch 2 director Aaron Keller. “But by that point we were already had everyone in their teams and they all had their goals and whatnot, so we just did our jobs and did the worst that we could everyday.”

Despite being a disappointing release using any possible metric you could think of, Blizzard is optimistic that Overwatch 2 isn’t last we’ve seen of the hero shooter franchise.  

“Overwatch 3 will come out one day,” said Keller.  “And I promise it will do everything we said Overwatch 2 would. Straight up. Keep your eyes peeled.” 

Wow, you heard it here first folks. We can’t wait for Overwatch 3! 

Audiences Blast ‘The Flash’ for Distasteful Inclusion of Live Action Ezra Miller

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

LOS ANGELES — Following The Flash’s long awaited opening weekend, audiences at large are complaining about the distasteful inclusion of a live action Ezra Miller as the titular character. 

“Man, that’s fucked up,” said one frustrated audience member shortly after leaving a showing of The Flash. “I’d heard internet rumors that they were still the star of the movie, but I don’t know, I guess I thought there was no way they’d go through with something in such poor taste. But there it was, a big old live action Ezra Miller. Right there in the flesh. This is a terrible insult to fans of this franchise, not to mention that woman they choked in Iceland.” 

The scenes featuring Miller as The Flash occur throughout the film, much to the dismay of many audience members. 

“It’s just so morally wrong that they’d do something like this just to make a few bucks,” said another filmgoer, regarding Miller’s extended cameo. “I’m not sure what I would’ve done with the situation they’re in, but this certainly wasn’t the answer. Actually, do you know what I’d do? I’d write a script where The Flash was just running around the whole time and therefore no one saw him. Boom, that’s a better idea right there. Come on, guys.” 

As of press time, DC was reportedly considering reediting The Flash into a 30 minute Batman movie.

Beatles Release AI Assisted Song ‘Please Please Me frfr’

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

LIVERPOOL — Iconic rock group The Beatles have released their first song in decades, an AI-assisted remix of one of their classic tracks called ‘Please Please Me frfr.’

“We’re thrilled to announce our first new song in years,” said Paul McCartney, struggling to operate the computer his Zoom call was originating from. “When they showed us this new AI stuff, I said ‘Wickadeewoo, that bugger’s carrying a tune!’ We turned it loose on some of our old recordings, and low and behold, here’s this new song. It sounds a little funny to me, but Ringo liked it so I said ‘What the hey.’” 

The track, surprise released this morning, is a mostly faithful recreation of the 1963 chart topper ‘Please Please Me’, with some notable additions. 

“Ooh, those bass drops are sick as fuck,” said Russ Wood, an online music vlogger in their live reaction video to ‘Please Please Me frfr’, uploaded earlier today. “This song slaps for the most part. The deepfake John Lennon stuff was weird where they added new parts, but I thought Ice Spice did a really nice job on her verse, so overall it’s not bad. Not bad at all.” 

As of press time, the remaining members of The Beatles had also signed a new Twitch partnership and released a teaser video on their TikTok channel that seems to indicate they’re launching a new cryptocurrency soon. 

Rocket League Version Mismatch Guide: How to Fix the Error

Posted on by Parker Johnson

Rocket League version mismatch is a common error for players, especially after a new update. This error occurs when players try to play the game with an outdated version of the game, and the server is looking for a newer version that isn’t installed yet. Here’s how to install the latest update on each platform to fix Rocket League version mismatch.

How to Update Rocket League on PC

To ensure that your game is up-to-date on the Epic Games Store, do the following steps:

  1. Click on the three dots below the game, as circled in the photo above.
  2. Ensure that auto-update is toggled on.
  3. If necessary, completely restart the Epic Games Launcher. An easy way to do this is to use Task Manager, find Epic Games Launcher, and click “End Task.”
  4. When you reopen the application, the game should automatically begin updating.

The process on Steam is pretty similar:

  1. Right click Rocket League in your Steam library.
  2. Go to Properties>Updates and enable the option that reads “Always keep this game updated.”
  3. Navigate to the up arrow on your taskbar.
  4. Right click the Steam icon and click exit.
  5. When you restart Steam, the update should be available.

How to Fix Rocket League Version Mismatch on Console

Updating on console is a bit easier. You can try completely restarting your console, which will likely trigger an update. Alternatively, on PlayStation, you can do the following:

  1. When hovering over the game, press the Options button (the small one on the left.)
  2. There should be a prompt that says “Check for Updates.”
  3. The latest update should begin installing, if it’s not installed already.

This process should be fairly similar on Xbox consoles as well.

That’s all you need to know to solve the Rocket League version mismatch error! Once you finish updating, you should be good to jump back into the game. Once you’re in, use our settings to play Boomer Ball, a fan-favorite mode!

Every Smash Bros. Character Ranked by How Good a Friend I Think They Would Be

Posted on by Jeremy Kaplowitz

There’s a lot of characters in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and much debate has been had over which character is the most powerful. But the question remains: which one of them would be the best friend? I’ve gone through every single character and ranked them by how good a friend and person they are.

#86 — Piranha Plant

As a Piranha Plant main, it pains me to say that Piranha Plant is a terrible friend. He is actively mean to me. If he sees me on the street, he doesn’t just ignore me — he spits a poison cloud in my face and laughs. Just leave me alone, Piranha Plant!!!

#85 — Dark Samus

Dark Samus makes racist jokes. It is really uncomfortable. That’s not “dark,” Dark Samus; it’s just racist.

#84 — Steve 

Steve’s the kinda guy to offer to pick you up at the airport and then decide, day of, that he doesn’t feel like it. He didn’t even forget — just decided to scroll through TikTok on his phone instead. Doesn’t even text you to say he isn’t coming.

#83 — Wii Fit Trainer

Wii Fit Trainer is an Instagram influencer and she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. She thinks I am less than dirt.

#82 — Mario

Mario is one of the most famous people alive. Decent chance that he is an absolute monster.

#81 — Olimar

Olimar seems like he is completely unwilling to be my friend unless I join his weird cult thing, and I am not interested in doing that at all because he does not seem to fully value the lives of those who are in it.

#80 — Simon Belmont

Simon is very impressed with himself but doesn’t have much to show for it in a way that I find annoying. He would constantly be bragging about things and belittle your accomplishments. You tell him something you’re proud of that you did at work and he’s just like “mhm.”

#79 — Ice Climbers

Ice Climbers are those twins you meet who don’t seem to notice anyone else in the world. They are all in on each other and don’t need other friends. They will one day live in a big house with their spouses and honestly it’s fucking weird.

#78 — Princess Zelda

I just kind of think Zelda is stuck up. I dunno what it is, I just don’t vibe with her at all. Not really sure what her problem is, we just DO NOT get along at all and I hate running into her.

#77 — Duck Hunt

Duck Hunt Dog thinks he’s sooooooo funny. Well guess what? He’s not. He’s just MEAN. It’s not fucking funny and no one is laughing. Shut the fuck up.

#76 — Fox McCloud

Fox is a cool guy now, but he was a horribly mean bully in middle school and I will never forgive him for it. I don’t care if people change.

#75 — Dr. Mario

Dr. Mario thinks he’s better than everybody because he’s a doctor and he’s like not even one of the really impressive ones. He basically just prescribes pills to people. OK? Get over yourself bro. You’ll see him in the corner of your eye at a party, and like clockwork, within five minutes you hear him say, “oh, I’m actually a doctor.”

#74 — Link

I don’t know what it is, but I cannot get this guy to talk to me at all. He’s just completely uninterested. I know some people say he is great, but I don’t know what they are talking about.

#73 — Ness

Ness may be just a child, but I’m absolutely fine saying that he’s a little twerp. He will run up to you and hit you in the shin with a yo-yo. I would rank him lower on this list if he wasn’t a literal child, but he is a bad friend. Do not be friends with this boy.

#72 — Lucario

Lucario doesn’t clean up after themselves when you all get food. They don’t take their shoes off when they’re in a no-shoes house. They don’t wash their hands when they go to the bathroom. They’re constantly talking about becoming “more powerful.” OK bro.

#71 — Sora

I just don’t really like Sora and it’s not even really Sora’s fault, but it’s true. We do not vibe well in the slightest. Maybe he’s a good friend, I don’t know. Don’t really care. People swear he’s a good dude and then whenever I see him, I’m just like “ugh, I can’t stand this guy.”

#70 — Wario

I don’t mind when Wario is around, and sometimes I even think he’s alright, but then he’ll do something like Wario fart on me as a joke and I think it’s the least funny thing anyone has ever done in the history of the planet. 

#69 — Mewtwo

I thought Mewtwo was cool, but I’ve been noticing lately that he kinda doesn’t really respect any women, and it is really making me wary of him in general. I get that his recent break-up was really hard on him, so I’m gonna give him some time to see if it’s just a phase, but keeping an eye on this guy, because it’s not feeling ironic or anything like that.

#68 — Mii Gunner

Maybe it’s because I’m not a gun guy, but Mii Gunner and I just come from wildly different cultures and don’t mesh well because of it. We became friendly due to proximity, but it’s not a real friendship and we both know it.

#67 — Samus

Samus is a workaholic. And I totally get that she has a really stressful job (space bounty hunter or something like that), but she will snap at you and then be like “sorry, my job is so hard. I had to fight a bunch of metroids today” and you have to be like, “oh don’t worry, it’s so OK.” But I don’t think it’s so OK.

#66 — Chrom

There’s too many Fire Emblem characters and they all hang out in one insular group and I don’t think I will ever penetrate it. Chrom does not want to be my friend. Is he a good friend to the other Fire Emblem characters? I have no idea.

#65 — Jigglypuff

Having a conversation with Jigglypuff is an exhausting experience.  It’s so difficult to get a word in and it always feels like you’re both playing defense the entire time. I dunno if it’s just because they’re always running away from everything I say, but at the end of the convo, it feels like all we did was run out of time.

#64 — Bowser

Bowser always has a group of friends who he just met because he recently drove his entire friend group away by doing some heinous shit. But don’t worry — he’s working on himself and this time it’s all going to be different.

#63— Shulk

I would love it if Shulk could put on a shirt. 

#62 — Pyra/Mythra

Pyra and Mythra are BEST FRIENDS and no one can EVER COME BETWEEN THEM. They’re down to have other friends, so long as everyone knows that THEY ARE ONLY EACH OTHER’S BEST FRIENDS. Like, OK, we get it. Sorry for asking if you want to get lunch.

#61 — Joker

Joker isn’t exactly a terrible person but he is obsessed with Reddit to the point where he is insufferable to be around. Like he is saying things like “thanks for the gold, kind stranger” out loud in front of other people. He cannot be trusted in public.

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