MOSCOW — Former Fox News anchor Tucker Carlson was spotted creating a new quicksave in advance of entering the office of Russian president Vladimir Putin for an interview to be published on his X (formerly Twitter) account.
“This is going to be a complicated interview with a lot of dialogue options,” Carlson said when asked about the quicksave. “And I’ve heard bad things happen to the people that don’t pass his skill checks. Better safe than sorry.”
One of Putin’s bodyguards, who wished to remain anonymous, explained that quicksaving before entering Putin’s office is a common occurrence.
“Sometimes they tell us the stuff we did to them when they messed up, before they managed to quickload,” said the bodyguard. “I can neither confirm nor deny if we would ever commit any of the window-based acts described to us.”
Russian dissident Petri Maradingus was famously recorded as having once accidentally quicksaved when he meant to quickload partway through a meeting with Putin. Unable to correct his faux pas, he died of combination poison/falling damage shortly after.
Putin himself acknowledged the quicksave tradition.
“It’s a bit confusing. When I have guests over, my pockets and desk always seem to be empty by the time they leave, but I never notice anything happening,” said the Russian leader. “I’m not too worried about thieves, though. I’ve got my most perceptive guards walking in fixed patterns around 2 of the entrances to my office, and the key to the third entrance is hidden in a room directly across the hall.”
At press time, Carlson quickloaded back outside the office, muttering to himself “200th try’s the charm” before despondently trudging back in.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 8.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A specific point or area in space, indicating where something is situated or located.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“C”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“P”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 265 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Trouble befell a local wedding this afternoon after guests spotted a known Alan Wake fan slipping the DJ a $100 bill, sources report.
“I wrote it, it’s my fault,” said Sam Poole, Best Man to the groom and longtime friend of the fan in question. “I sent a last-minute email asking if my buddy Remy wanted to come to Emil’s wedding with me, you know, as my plus one. I knew the risks. I knew he had just finished Alan Wake II. I knew he followed Ilkka Villi on Insta. But I still let it happen.”
“Now Remy, he’s a stand-up guy, don’t get me wrong,” continued Poole, who claims to have witnessed the moment his friend palmed a $100 bill to the DJ as part of an awkward handshake. “Kind of introverted, kind of twitchy; a little more Thomas Seine than Tom the Poet, if you get my meaning. I didn’t take him for a big music guy, so I was a little surprised when I saw him sidling up to the DJ with a look of yearning in his eyes so intense I had to immediately reassess Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I remember thinking, what song could possibly be worth $100 anyway? But then, like a jump scare of a bald man screaming at you, it hit me.”
The DJ working the wedding, who goes by the stage name In-Zayne, said he didn’t know what to expect from the guest’s song, but that such requests—along with the welcome tips—are far from unusual.
“‘Herald of Darkness’ sounded like a pretty normal song,” said In-Zayne, admitting he had not watched the 2024 Video Game Awards and in fact did know video games were trying that hard. “I figured, what’s the harm? If it’s three minutes of thrash metal or something, that’s just three minutes out of hours of skillfully curated beats and jams. It couldn’t possibly change the entire trajectory of a wedding party.”
“So I put the song on, and I won’t lie, it’s weird right away,” the DJ continued. “I’m talking three different singers in the first twenty seconds. At one level there seems to be an interview taking place, and above that we have a kind of one-man Greek chorus narrating overtop. Then there’s a lot of extremely specific stuff I can’t parse and some slant rhymes that call into question the very nature of what it means to rhyme. I’d never heard anything quite like it, and I’ve gotten some weird requests over the years. But you know what? It slapped. God damn. It slapped! I was actually sad when the guitar riffs started to fade and I knew this strange music, this spiraling tapestry of a song, was coming to an end. Or rather, that’s the first of three times I thought it ended. The damn thing is thirteen minutes long.”
While initially confused about the song, as well as the biographical information it seemed keen on imparting, sources reported a noticeable shift in opinion from guests by the time the second chorus came around, with many partygoers taking to the dance floor for the first time that afternoon.
“I don’t know what it is about that song ‘Herald of Darkness’,” said newlywed Emil Porretta. “Is it the narrative and vocal layers? The unabashed camp? The lyrics that make almost no sense when you see them written down? Whatever it is, it hits like a flare in the mouth. I immediately went to ask the DJ for the artist, but he just shook his head and pointed me to Remy, who was doing toe tap warm-ups and spinning around in medical distress on the dance floor. I tried to help him, but he just kept saying it was ‘The Dance’, that we should all be doing ‘The Dance’. Whatever ‘The Dance’ was, I’ll admit it looked great in this one, extremely specific context, and presumably nowhere else.”
“God, was it really thirteen minutes? Felt like a lifetime,” continued Porretta, stone-cold sober save for the echo of guitar strings reverberating through his blood like Norse lightning. “When it was over, we’d just put it on again. I don’t know how many times it played. We had everyone singing ‘Show me the Champion of Light’, followed by the orgasmic release that comes from ‘I’ll show you the Herald of Darkness’. The wife and I even slow-danced during the sad part where the writer drowns his wife or something, then we all got back to it for the sexy self-aware jazz bit with the snapping toward the end. I have to remember to thank Sam’s buddy Remy. When I first met him I thought he was a little strange, but he’s actually a lot like Alan Wake, you know? Just a lonely, intense guy with drug problems that never get addressed and an outfit like a turducken. I didn’t think it was possible to wear a tweed coat over a parka over a hoodie to a summer wedding, and unless Remy recovers from his heatstroke-induced coma, I have yet to stand corrected.”
At press time, sources confirmed the Alan Wake fan had been successfully roused from a three-day coma using a technique doctors described as “playing that awful ‘I Told You I’m A Psycho’ song on loop” until the patient simply got up and left on his own accord.
Palworld is taking over the gaming world like a bunch of rednecks taking the U.S. Capitol. Why? Because barely legally distinct Pokémon with guns is too good of a concept to ignore. To many, Palworldoffers something that Game Freak has so far refused to give the most profitable franchise on the planet—an upgrade to the Pokémon formula.
While some may claim that it’s the survival gameplay or the cute little copyright violations fighting by your side in real time that makes Palworldsuch a positive iteration of what Game Freak built, we all know the truth. It’s the guns. Sure, the survival mechanics are solid and approachable and it’s fun to have a logging camp filled with Lamb slaves, but the reason Palworld has resonated with so many is because you can have a penguin pal with a rocket launcher.
Do you know what would make storming Team Rocket’s base more fun? If you could do it like 80s Arnold Schwarzenegger in a vaguely South American country. So in light of this revelation, here are the top ten other Nintendo franchises that would be improved if they had guns in them.
10. Kirby
Kirby is everyone’s favorite cute little god killer. His games are fun and wholesome platformers that usually aren’t that difficult. They’re great little palate cleansers. Cozy games that you can run through to feel good. Kirby has the power to absorb the abilities of whoever he gives the big suck to, so why would he even need a gun you ask? Kirby has the power to kill gods, after all. But think of how much more fun the cute and colorful worlds of Kirby would be to float through if they were covered in the crimson residue of the Waddle Dee brains you blew out. Kirby has been through enough, he’s killed countless Eldritch horrors and even saved the Nintendo universe, all through the power of suck. Let’s give him a break and give him a machine gun.
9. Ring Fit Adventure
Ring Fit Adventure tasks you with saving the world from monsters through exercise. Do you know what would be better? If I could use dual-wielded uzis to take my revenge against any monster that makes me do squats.
8. F-Zero
F-Zero is fast. Too fast. But with guns that won’t matter, because I can shoot down all the better racers, cruise to the finish line, and finally win in F-Zero 99. This is the future. Give me a car with a laser gun attached so I can end my thousand-game losing streak.
7. 1080 Snowboarding
I don’t actually think this would be better with guns, I just hope that someone makes a rip-off with guns and it spurs Nintendo to make a new one with the money they win in the lawsuit. Please Nintendo, the people yearn for snowboarding games.
6. Pikmin
Pikmin allows you to control an army of little disposable creatures. They’re so cute and harmless and they deserve better defense against the dangers of the world. They deserve guns. After all, if you’re gonna control a little army to do your bidding, you might as well arm them to the teeth. Imagine the chaos and carnage you could reap upon the world with an army of well-armed Pikmin with itchy trigger fingers. Pikmin are completely loyal to Olimar. They’ll do whatever he wants, and it’s time he uses them to get some real change done. Give them some military-grade weaponry and get ready for the Olimar takeover. Pikmin have a pent-up rage inside them for being used and abused. It’s time to harness that into some good-fashioned violence
5. Super Mario Bros.
Mario and Luigi are Italians from Brooklyn; frankly, they should already have guns. By now the Mushroom Kingdom should look like a World War 2 battlefield while the plumbing duo takes care of family business, fuggetaboutit. It would be more humane than the way they currently dispose of their enemies, if we’re being honest. Would you rather be crushed to death by a man high on shrooms after he jumps into the air and slams his ass onto your head or be given the quick and painless death of a bullet to the head? Exactly. I mean, have we ever even seen Mario and Luigi doing any plumbing? I don’t recall. We have, however, seen them violently wreak havoc among the indigenous species of this magical land. Unhinged violence is their natural instinct; let’s give them some guns and see if Bowser wants to continue his kidnapping campaign.
4. Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker
To my knowledge, all video game treasure hunters are required to gun down more people than the population of some small countries. Not only does Captain Toad not gun anyone down, he doesn’t even really engage with his enemies. He avoids them and simply finds the treasure. What an amateur. For Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker to become a true treasure-hunting classic, Toad needs a glock. He must massacre anyone and anything that gets in the way of him finding that treasure.
3. Animal Crossing
Tom Nook is already a mafia boss, so it’s only natural that guns be involved in Nintendo’s life sim series. Someone needs to fight back against his tyrannical rule and the only way to do that is with guns. Beyond that, some of these animals need meat to survive, which means we need to hunt. Let us hunt the villagers that cause trouble, or even just the ones we want to get rid of, to make room for the new ones that we actually want. At the very least let us shoot whichever one of them keeps making that goddamn sea bass joke every time we go fishing.
2. The Legend of Zelda
What did Link go through all that crossbow training for if he wasn’t going to upgrade from his silly little bow to a high powered rifle with armor piercing rounds? Guardians and Zonai constructs have lasers on them. There are missiles in Tears of the Kingdom. You’re telling me that Purah can’t use her science genius to build a gun to make life a little easier for the little twink boy who keeps doing everything himself? He’s earned it, and Ganon has earned a bullet with his name on it. No more Mister Nice Link. Our favorite androgynous hero has been through more than the quiet emo kid who sits at the back of the class. Give him a gun and let him solve Hyrule’s problems once and for all.
1. Mario Party
STEAL MY STAR NOW LITTLE COUSIN TIMMY! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU!
REDMOND, Wash. — As reports of Microsoft potentially bringing games like Hi-Fi Rush and Sea of Thieves to other platforms swirl, it seems like one of their flagship franchises is also headed elsewhere as sources say the Gears of War series will be ported to the Intellivision Amico.
Intellivision president Tommy Tallarico explained more about the partnership in a press release.
“Microsoft and I have had a wonderful relationship ever since I worked on the original Gears of War trilogy creating music and the Lancer sound effects, so for the games to come to Intellivision Amico is really a full circle moment for me,” said Tallarico. “I have the same feeling with this as I did when I summited Everest without an oxygen tank for the third time.”
Tallarico sees this partnership as the next evolution in the Xbox brand.
“I’ve worked on more games than anyone in history, so I know a thing or two about the follies of the industry. It’s just like I said in one of my episodes of MTV Cribs: when everybody plays, we all win. From a business standpoint it just makes sense for Microsoft due to the sheer number of non-gamer, family friendly, budget smartphone-like retro console gamers out there that will be playing the Amico.”
Microsoft Gaming CEO Phil Spencer said he’s not concerned that the Amico still has no release date.
“If I was scared of the word ‘eventually’ I wouldn’t be the head of Xbox. That’s our bread and butter and why we think this partnership makes so much sense,” said Spencer. “Tallarico showed me some truly incredible financial projections. I can’t wait!”
Industry experts were split on whether or not consumers would benefit from the deal.
“On one hand, the console was supposed to be family friendly and this game is anything but that,” said Daniel Hank, a professor of consumer electronics at UCLA. “But on the other hand, I pre-ordered the Amico and don’t want to say anything that will make it less likely to show up. Can you remove me from this article?”
At press time, Tallarico was drafting a press release to celebrate the thousands of active Gears of War players on the Amico.
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple recently released the Apple Vision Pro, a technological breakthrough that’s already revolutionizing the way Americans meet their untimely demise.
“Our product has completely changed the way Americans die in Teslas,” said Greg Joswiak, Apple’s senior vice president of marketing, in an in-store demo. “No longer will people simply burn alive or watch helplessly as their car drives itself into the side of an overpass. We see the potential for more.”
Joswiak then detailed specific ways the Apple Vision Pro can enhance the experience of not paying attention while driving.
“Imagine, you’re halfway through watching Killers Of The Flower Moon in full 4K on your Apple Vision Pro. Leonardo DiCaprio is eating a plate of very sweet dumplings, the image is crystal clear and you’re thinking to yourself: ‘this movie seems like it’s going to be long’ – when, suddenly, you remember you’re actually behind the wheel of one of Elon Musk’s famous death machines. Now you’re going 65 miles per hour when the computer randomly kicks out of autopilot. You go to grab the steering wheel, but it’s weirdly shaped and you’re wearing a VR headset, so you can’t find it,” explains Joswiak. “These are the types of deaths our team’s been working on for months.”
The Apple Vision Pro currently costs $3,499, and Teslas start at $48,000. That’s a high price for a death you could basically get from looking at your phone. Luckily, this new spatial computing hardware is more than just a home cinema; Apple recently announced they have over 600 new apps you can use recklessly while driving.
Eric Yuan, founder of Zoom, was excited to announce that his company was one of the first to get involved with the project:
“If you’re going to video call someone while wearing a VR headset and driving, we want you to do it on Zoom,” Yuan explained. “We’ve made sure to develop our Apple Vision Pro app to provide the best experience possible, and that means filling as much of your view with whoever you’re calling as possible, even if you’re driving.”
Of course, critics are quick to point out the Apple Vision Pro’s downsides – the bugs, the privacy risks, the way you look while wearing it – but there’s one thing they can all agree on: there’s no better way to die in a Tesla.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 7.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A preposition that denotes the period following a certain moment or event.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“R”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“F”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 265 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 6.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A pronoun, as well as an interrogative word that is used to introduce a clause that provides additional information about a noun.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“H”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“C”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“I”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“H”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“W”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 555 days straight! So here goes nothing:
CHICAGO – Friends of Chicago gamer Brandon Proski, avid collector of horny video game and anime statues, have staged an intervention following his latest purchase of a statue depicting Street Fighter’s Chun Li mid-squat.
“I was on my way back from meeting my dealer, mentally rearranging my display shelf to make room for Chun Li, when I noticed all of my friends’ cars outside my building,” Proski said. “I didn’t think I had a problem. I guess they saw it differently.”
Amanda Smith, Proski’s ex-girlfriend, says the collection began while they were together and was the catalyst for the dissolution of their romantic relationship, though they have remained friends.
“We used to make fun of the type of people who would buy those things. Then one day he showed me a tweet from Wario64 that had a coupon code to get a discount on a 2B statue, and that was how it began,” Smith said. “Nier is one of his favorite games, and I believed him when he told me it would be a one-time thing. You know, just to see how it felt to have one. And, well, now we’re staging an intervention for him so you tell me how you think it’s going.”
What began as a “one-time thing” quickly escalated into something far more serious, friends and family confirmed.
“I remember when I found his stash,” Smith recalled, “I was cleaning out a closet and opened a box labeled ‘DVDs’ that I didn’t remember being in there before. I’ve never seen so many suggestively posed and scantily clad women in my life, and I used to work at Hooters. That was when our relationship began to dissolve. He told me it was under control, he would only look at them sometimes, and he could quit collecting them whenever he wanted,” Smith said, holding back tears. “That was the first time he lied to me about his habit, but it wasn’t the last.”
Longtime friend of Mr. Proski, Patrick O’Connell says things haven’t been the same between them since his friend started his collection.
“I remember a time when Brandon would have laughed in the face of the person who tried to tell him this is what the future had in store for him. Funny world,” O’Connell said. “He had it all: an amazing girlfriend, a steady job he loved, and a supportive family. And he threw it all away, for what? A room full of plastic cleavage? It’s just a tremendous waste of a life that had nothing but potential, and I hope this intervention can get him back on the right path.”
Mr. Proski put on a brave face after the intervention concluded and his friends left his apartment with boxes full of his statues, which he agreed to sell or donate.
“I didn’t realize how much my collection was impacting the people around me. When I started missing appointments and dates because I had to get to a store at opening or be online when a new set dropped, I told myself it was no big deal, that I was basically just collecting art. And isn’t the preservation of art a noble and good thing?” Proski said. “But when you are going through something like that you make all kinds of excuses for yourself. I know that now. I won’t make the same mistake again. Will we, 2B?”
After much negotiating, Proski’s friends agreed he could keep his first statue since it wasn’t nearly as tasteless as those that came after, and as he pointed out. “What’s the harm in one?”
As of press time Bill Proski had managed to stay clean for two weeks, but relapsed when Amiami held a fire sale. Reports are he uses the box his 1:1 Nami statue was shipped in as one of the only pieces of furniture in his apartment.
Everything has become more expensive, but have salaries kept up? Of course not. Don’t worry! We’ve found 5 ways you can make over $1000 a week from the comfort of your own home! All thanks to our comment section.
5. Become a Steam Trader
Based on the screenshot above, you’re probably thinking “2 bucks per year is nowhere close to $1000 a week!” That’s correct. Much like the claims made in our comment section, maybe not every entry on this list is legitimate. Who knows, you may get lucky and Steam cards for Dota 2 could skyrocket.
4. Make $8750 Only Working 12 Hours a Week
Let’s do some quick math. $8750 a week, 52 weeks in a year, that’s earnings of $455,000 a year! Who could pass that up? Plus, BizWork1.Com’s long time neighbor is making an estimated $15,000 a week. A week. Mr. or Ms. sa49 must be onto something. You’d be stupid not to copy and open their user name.
3. Make $8750 Only Working 12 Hours a Week
You might think this is the same as entry 4, but that one referenced sa49 as the genius making $15,000 for about 20 hours of work for seven days. This entry is for xb-24, who also makes $15,000 for about 20 hours of work for seven days. If TWO long time neighbors are making that kind of money, it has to be legit.
2. Make $162/hour Telecommuting
Two back-to-back commenters making, honest to goodness, $162/hour? That can’t be made up. That’s the kind of rate executives make and these two captains of industry of Richjobz.com and worksful.com are kind enough to share their knowledge with the masses. Both comments are edited, so you know they took the time to carefully proofread and make sure their information was correct. Don’t pass this up.
1. Make DOUBLE $162/hour Telecommuting
$324/hour telecommuting!?!? Unfortunately, we’ll never know how this is done. Whatever private villa Smask is working from, we wish them the best in their endeavors. We can only dream of being so lucky.
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