Brody R Thompson, Author at Hard Drive

Why Moving Back to My Parents’ House Makes My Life a Metroidvania

Posted on January 1, 2023 by Bex Kane

Moving back in with your parents is often described as a step backwards, but maybe it’s more than that. If you put it in the context of a gaming genre I think it’s actually much more than an embarrassing circumstance that I really don’t want to talk about.

Of all the many gameplay genres that have been described, a few stand above the rest as lightning rods for some of the most passionate, yet inconsequential, arguments imaginable. To have an opinion on whether a game is or is not a roguelike, or a soulslike, or an RTS, is to invite the worst kind of terror on yourself.

Now I think we’re just limiting ourselves. Why does it even need to be a game I give a shaky evaluation of just to get death threats about genre? That’s why I’ve come to the conclusion that, ever since I moved back in with my parents, my very life is actually a Metroidvania.

Of course, people’s living situations can change for all sorts of reasons. For example, I was driven out of the place where I was living by an angry mob after expressing my beliefs on what genres Dead Cells should be tagged with.

Finding refuge in my childhood home, I realized how much my new life circumstances made me feel like Samus. After all, I had ventured out from the place where I started my life to a new area (college), obtained new tools and abilities (a degree), and come up against obstacles that required further tools that I didn’t have (a plan to use that degree and the basic ability to support myself).

What could I have done but turn back and see if I could gain some new advantage by exploring the place where I started?

Now, admittedly, I’ve found myself running into a bit of a wall here, but isn’t that just even more evidence? My theory stalling out is just like my current place in life, which is not at all sad and pathetic and only temporary.

Who among us has played a Metroid game without spending hours at a time running in pointless circles looking for a way to progress, only to realize that the stupid bomb block was staring us in the face the whole time?

I mean, I don’t know, maybe you have? Maybe you have a high paying job and a partner who loves you? Your own place perhaps? An ounce of joy in your life? Well either way screw you!

In any case, I’m just running in circles looking for my will to live. Once I find it, I think my next move is to backtrack to college and get my master’s.

Man Drowns During 4D Screening of Avatar 2

Posted on December 31, 2022 by Sean Fallon

SEATTLE — Tragedy struck today at a 4D screening of Avatar: The Way of Water when local man Mitch Edison drowned during one of the movie’s several immersive underwater sequences.

“We pride ourselves on creating a fun, interactive experience,” said Louis Moody, owner of Moody’s Roadside 4D Cinema, Bowling Alley, and Rifle Range. “This is the first time we’ve had a death here in 40 years of 4th dimensional entertainment, though we did see a lot of injuries when we showed that Volcano movie that had Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Heche in it. Lots of burns.”

Director James Cameron commented on the tragedy after hearing about Edison’s death.

“Am I happy a man died watching the movie? Of course not. All death is an affront to Eywa the mother tree,” said Cameron from the set of Avatar 3 or 4 — he wasn’t sure which. “But does this prove we’ve created a truly immersive version of Pandora that could kill a human being? You bet your ass it does. That’s what Avatar is about. These movies will fucking kill you.”

Edison’s family were heartbroken at his death, though they did find it fitting as he was an Avatar superfan.

“Mitch lived and breathed Avatar and the story of the main guy and the woman alien. Was his name Jack? Or John maybe,” said Stacy Edison, Mitch’s widow, who plans to get around to watching the series when she has the time. “He watched the first movie everyday, learned the language and everything. I don’t really get it, but when we died, we did exactly as he asked, which was to put his naked body into the fetal position and leave it by a really big tree. I think he wanted to be absorbed by the tree, but instead some garbage men came by the next day and took him.”

Moody’s Roadside 4D Cinema, Bowling Alley and Rifle Range has been closed since the death, but are hoping to be open in time for Oppenheimer, when the theater will excite viewers by setting off a nuclear explosion.

GTA Online Fooligan Jobs Guide: All Fooligan Jobs & Rewards

Posted on December 30, 2022 by Alex Branagan

The latest of Grand Theft Auto Online’s recent Los Santos Drug Wars content sees the addition of Fooligan jobs, where the player will run odd jobs for new contact Dax. The Fooligan rewards accompanying the December 29 changes have been updated by Rockstar for a limited time only, seemingly in celebration of the upcoming New Year. Here’s everything you need to know on how to complete GTA Online Fooligan jobs and snag this new bunch of rewards, all while raising your very own drug empire.

GTA Online: How to Start and Complete Fooligan Jobs

To get the ball rolling on accepting Fooligan Jobs in GTA Online, you’ll first need to complete the mission: First Dose 1 – Welcome to the Troupe. Doing so will mean you’ll have Dax as a contact on your cellphone. Call him up when you’re ready and request a job.

The five Jobs available are:

Heavy Metal
Liquid Assets
Write-Off
Working Remotely
Crop Dustin’

It’s worth noting you can only complete one job every in-game day, which equates to every 48 minutes in real-time.

All GTA Fooligan Job Rewards

From December 29, 2022, to January 12, 2023, GTA Online players can ring in the New Year in style with some stylish rewards by completing a number of Dax’s Fooligan Jobs.

The rewards for completing Fooligan Jobs and how to get them are as follows:

Ice Vinyl and Ice Vinyl Cut jackets – Complete your first Fooligan Job.
Black and White Bigness Ski masks – Complete 10 Fooligan Jobs
LS Smoking Jacket – Complete 25 Fooligan Jobs
Players who purchase or already own the Acid Lab Equipment Upgrade will receive the Yellow SN Rooster Revere Collar party shirt.

There’s also a bonus GTA$100K reward for players who complete 3 Fooligan Jobs as a Bodyguard or an Associate. Cash and clothing rewards will be deposited within 72 hours of completion, so don’t worry if it doesn’t hit your account immediately.

For more GTA Online guides, check out how to add the elusive Stun Gun weapon to your arsenal, or if you’re looking for something a little more lethal, check out our WM 29 Pistol guide.

League of Legends Patch 13.1 Overview: LoL Patch 13.1 Changes

Posted on December 30, 2022 by Nick Geracie

Riot Games is kicking off 2023 like any other year: a new season that brings a plethora of changes to flagship multiplayer online battle arena League of Legends, a trend that makes an effort to keep the game fresh since its 2009 inception. Season 13’s pre-season patch, Patch 12.22, was released on November 15, 2022, and introduced the player base to what League of Legends would look like in Season 13. And, as usual for Riot, the preseason patch was used to glean more information from the player base regarding the first official patch of the season: LoL Patch 13.1, which drops on January 11, 2023.

The majority of changes to League of Legends were introduced in the pre-season patch of 12.22, but what does 13.1, the first patch of the new season based on the calendar year, hold for players? Let’s take a look at what the official beginning of Season 13 will harken for gamers looking to hit Summoner’s Rift.

LoL Patch 13.1: Jax Midscope Update

As per usual in the pre-season, Patch 12.22 introduced many a change to League of Legends, but in the first official patch of 2023, Jax takes center stage in terms of LoL updates. Jax has been around since the inception of League of Legends, and while he has been the subject of minor adjustments in the past, Season 13 marks his first true rework.

Leap Strike (Q)

AP Ratio: 60% >>> removed

Counter Strike (E)

Damage: 55-155 (+50% bonus AD) physical damage >> 55-175 + 4% max health (+100% AP) magic damage
Damage bonus per attack dodges: 20% of total damage >> 20% of base damage

Grandmaster’s Might (R)

Cooldown: 80s >>> 100 – 80s

Passive:

Damage: 100 / 140 / 180 (+70% AP) >>> 100-150 (+60% AP)

Active:

Bonus Armor: 10 – 40 + 10% bAD and 14 – 22 + 10% bAD per target >>> 25 – 65 + 40% bAD and 15 – 25% + 10% bAD per target
Bonus MR is 75% of Armors Value

New Active:

Jax swings his lantern around him, dealing 150-350 (+100% AP) magic damage to nearby enemies. If he hits a champion he gains 10-40 (+.1 Bonus AD) Armor and Magic Resist, plus 14-22 (+.1 Bonus AD) per champion hit for the next 8 seconds. During this time the passive damage applies every 2nd attack instead of every 3rd.

Aside from stat changes, Jax’s midscope update for 13.1 features a new active for his Ultimate Ability Grandmaster’s Might, and while the removal of the AP ratio from his Leap Strike is an objective loss, the changes to his Counter Strike even things out in terms of his overall damage spread. Crucially, Jax’s changes – specifically, the addition of an Active to his Ultimate – should afford him more options in early game scenarios while not pushing his late game strength over the edge.

Abyssal Adjustments in Patch 13.1

Abyssal Mask is getting an update in Season 13 and the change harkens a return of the item’s component from seasons’ past: Catalyst of Aeons. After a two year absence from League of Legends, Catalyst of Aeons will once again be part of Abyssal Mask’s build path in addition to being part of the build path for Rod of Ages, a health-centric mage items that will also be returning to the game after two seasons absent.

Abyssal Mask	Damage to Mana: 8% >>> 7% Mana to Healing: 20% >>> 25% Max Healing per Cast: 15 >>> 20
Catalyst of Aeons	Damage to Mana: 8% >>> 7% Mana to Healing: 20% >>> 25% Max Healing per Cast: 15 >>> 20
Rod of Ages	Damage to Mana: 8% >>> 7% Mana to Healing: 20% >>> 25% Max Healing per Cast: 15 >>> 20 Bonus MS: 25% >>> 35% Bonus MS duration: 2s >>> 3s MS threshhold: 250 >>> 200

League of Legends experienced a massive shift mid-2022 with the Durability Patch (12.10) which saw average champion durability rise to the highest rate in five seasons. The re-introduction of Rod of Ages and the subsequent ripple effects of the item’s existence – particularly the additional re-introduction of Catalyst of Aeons – should result in a meta that will feature control mages but in a far more diverse array than what was present at the 2022 League of Legends World Championship.

Cosmetic Updates in LoL Patch 13.1

The gameplay updates present in Patch 13.1 aren’t the only changes coming to League of Legends – many champions will be receiving new cosmetic skins to ring in 2023 as well:

Champions Getting Mythmaker Skins in Patch 13.1

Mythmaker Zyra
Mythmaker Galio
Mythmaker Irelia
Mythmaker Sivir
Mythmaker Garen
Mythmaker Sivir Prestige Edition

Patch 13.1: Champions Getting Lunar Gods Skins

Lunar Empress Ashe
Lunar Empress Qiyana
Lunar Emperor Thresh
Lunar Guardian Kha’Zix
Lunar Guardian Malphite

Of all of the skins listed above, Mythmaker Irelia will be a legendary skin, and Mythmaker Sivir will serve as The Battle Mistress’ first ever prestige skin.. In addition, Porcelain Lissandra will be returning to the League of Legends shop with a Prestige Edition on 13.1.

Changes to Ranked in League of Legends Season 13: Mid-Season Reset

LoL Patch 13.1 will be the first patch to go live in Riot Games’ new ranked format for League of Legends, which is headlined by a first-ever mid-season ranked reset. There won’t be a second preseason in the middle of the year, and the second half of the year will not see the game change as dramatically as it does every preseason. “We know this is a huge change, but it’s one we think will help keep leek feeling modern and fun while addressing a few of the pain points we’ve seen over the years,” explained Riot Games Head of Events & Global Marketing Chris “Oberon” Roberts in the Season 13 Roundtable with the media earlier in January.

End of season rewards will now be handed out at the end of each of the two ranked “seasons” and good news is coming for the average League of Legends player – the Victorious skin given out to players who finish gold or higher each year will instead be a skin you get at the end of each of the two ranked runs in 2023 regardless of your ranking. That being said, higher ELO finishes will have access to more rewards, and realistically, more sought-after skins, too.

CoD Modern Warfare 2 Shipment Guide: What is Tier 1 Shipment?

Posted on December 30, 2022 by Samam Hasan

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2’s multiplayer playlist is updated from time to time to freshen up the experience for players. With some unique rules and guidelines, every map feels different and challenging. The recent Modern Warfare 2 multiplayer playlist update included the Tier 1 Shipment playlist. Some players might be confused about what this new playlist is. Here is everything you need to know about Tier 1 Shipment in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

Call of Duty MW2: What is Tier 1 Shipment?

The Shipment map is one of the iconic maps in the CoD franchise, making its first appearance in the legendary Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare in 2007. A modified and realistic version of this 6v6 map has been added to Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. It is a small-sized map that is great for chaotic shootouts and loads of fun. Not to mention, it is definitely fast-paced and requires the utmost focus and skill to win. As such, if players want the core of the Call of Duty series in a small-sized package, Shipment is a great map to play on. And, it even gets better when it is in the Tier 1 Shipment playlist.

A Tier 1 playlist is essentially the Hardcore mode that long-time Call of Duty players are accustomed to. There is minimal HUD in the matches, with only the necessary one showing up. Essential information like the compass or ammo count is not shown here. Death is almost a certainty here as players can die after taking one or two bullets. Friendly fire is also enabled here so you will have to be careful so that you don’t accidentally hit your teammates. In short, the Tier 1 mode provides players with a realistic shooter experience.

With Tier 1 Shipment, the stakes are very high. Players will need to use all their experience and skills if they want to come out on top in this chaotic playlist.

Andrew Tate Keeps Interrupting Female Cop Reading Him His Rights

Posted on December 30, 2022 by Camden Brazile

ROMANIA — Media and political personality Andrew Tate’s arrest today was apparently lengthened by Tate repeatedly interrupting the female cop reading him his rights.

“I’m gonna have to stop you right there, babe,” interjected Tate while being handcuffed. “You’re running your mouth right now about how ‘I have the right to an attorney’ or whatever, but you’re just proving my point about modern women. As an alpha male, you should be submitting to me, but society has warped your genetic mindset and made you a callous bitch who wants to lecture me about things like what shoes I should buy you or what human rights I’ve violated. Look, after this whole ‘human trafficking’ thing is over, you want to grab a drink sometime?”

The policewoman arresting Tate, officer Ana-Maria Fischer, explained how Tate’s instinctive intervening comments made the arrest more difficult.

“It took me almost four hours to get through the full list of rights in one go,” Officer Fischer said. “Mr. Tate would hold a finger to my lips and start aggressively bench-pressing or monologuing about the secret to being wealthy while backup officers searched his home for two missing girls. I eventually was only able to get him to listen by insisting that cutting me off was ‘a total cuck move,’ upon which he sat down and diligently listened.”

At press time, Tate reportedly lamented how western society has inflated the self-worth and entitlement of the women he imprisons.

Final Fantasy 7 Crisis Core Genji Equipment Guide: All Locations

Posted on December 30, 2022 by Noah Hunter

The Genji Equipment in Crisis Core Final Fantasy 7 Reunion can be tricky to obtain if you aren’t sure where to look. This equipment is required to earn a distinct achievement, as well as complete the overall SOLDIER Missions achievement. The Genji Equipment is very powerful and can greatly assist you as you fight through missions or some of the difficult summon battles. We’ve got you covered with exactly where every Crisis Core Genji Equipment piece is located, as well as how to obtain it.

How to Get the Genji Armor in Final Fantasy 7 Crisis Core

The Genji Armor is obtained by viewing 100% of the DMW scenes. There are seven characters with DMW scenes, as well as eleven summons with scenes. This is by far the hardest Genji piece to get, as it involves a long period of luck with viewing each scene.

Viewing all the scenes with summons additionally acquires you to obtain each summon. To help your chances of unlocking each scene, you can visit the Research Department QMC +. This shop is obtained in Chapter 10, at Gongaga in a chest. Here, you will be able to buy Materia that aligns with specific characters, and each will allow you to boost their chances of landing in the DMW.

After seeing all the DMW scenes, you will be rewarded with the Genji Armor. To claim this, enter the DMW menu where a pop-up will appear with the Genji Armor. This piece of equipment will give Zack a 99,999 limit on HP, as well as Endure and Regeneration effects.

Genji Gloves – How to Get Genji Equipment in Crisis Core

The Genji Gloves are arguably the easiest piece of Genji equipment to obtain. To find them, you must open M9-6-4, where you will open a specific treasure chest.

Simply locate the treasure chest and open it to receive the Genji Gloves. The Genji Gloves will grant you 99,999 damage limit, as well as a Critical Effect.

How to Get the Genji Shield in Crisis Core

The Genji Shield can be quite tricky to obtain. To earn this item, you must first unlock the Magic Pot through mission 10-2-3. After doing so, you’ll want to head to the mission titled M-7-6-6, where you will be searching for a random encounter with a Magic Pot. This is quite rare, so it might take some time to appear at first.

When it finally does, you will need to follow the following steps to meet its requirements and earn its rewards.

Use Gil Toss. (You can obtain this after completing the mission labeled M4-4-4)
Use Costly Punch. (Found in mission M9-5-4, or M9-5-1 by using Steal on enemies)
Deal a 99,999 Damage Attack. (Very useful to earn Genji Gloves beforehand and utilize these alongside Brutal to deal this damage consistently)
Use Octaslash. (You can help your chances of this by obtaining the Octaslash Materia from the Research Department QMC +, which will boost the likelihood of Octaslash)

After performing the moves listed above, you will be met with the Genji Shield! The Genji Shield will grant you many different abilities, such as Auto Wall, which is a permanent Barrier and MBarrier. Additionally, an ability that prevents all status effects is added with the Genji Shield, as well as the ability to absorb amounts of HP from Fire, Lighting, and Ice elemental attacks.

Where to Get the Genji Helm

The Genji Helm is acquired through a simple purchase, though it might take you a while to gather the funds. To purchase this Genji item, you must gather 1,000,000 Gil. The Helm is available for purchase in the Net Shop Shade, which is obtained by completing the mission titled M9-5-4.

This Genji item has great effects for MP and AP. By equipping the Genji Helm, your MP and AP moves will cost 0 every time. Additionally, Libra will always be active.

Deciphering the Origins of Matt From Wii Sports

Posted on December 29, 2022 by Brad Waters

Matt. A renowned man of mystery, an all-powerful athlete unlike any other on Wuhu Island. He has terrorised players and families alike in Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort, and can often even be seen in the crowds of the very sporting events he dominates. Is he mocking the player? Studying them? Intimidating them?

No one knows, much like no one knows where he came from, what his motivations are, and what he’s up to today. Except me. I know these things.

And today, I, Fudj, the great Video Game Detective am going to present my case. Join me, as we decipher the origins of Matt from Wii Sports.

Andrew Tate Thankful to Finally Be Free From Oppressive Women

Posted on December 29, 2022 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

ROMANIA — Kickboxer and media personality Andrew Tate announced that he was happy to finally be in an all-male environment free from the oppression of women now that he is locked away in a Romanian prison, according to those familiar with the situation.

“There’s literally nothing harder than being a man. You can’t have feelings at all because you’re expected not to talk about it. And if these stupid women would just shut the fuck up for a second, they’d see how much we’re hurting,” Tate said in his weird accent while being put behind bars, allegedly for human trafficking. “I’m thankful to be able to finally enter the all-male environment I’ve dreamed of going to my whole life. I’m literally not allowed to see women now, and it’s great. I just wish people like Greta Thunberg could see how much damage their body-shaming does when they say stuff like ‘small penis energy,’ but these disgustingly ugly bitches just don’t get it.”

“Everywhere we go, they oppress us, and that’s why it’s our duty to keep pushing them down,” Tate explained, before forcibly being stopped from talking due to his criminal activity.

At press time, a spokesperson for Tate explained that, in an attempt to fight the cruel words Thunberg had said to him, that the kickboxer was opening up a charity specifically for men afflicted with small penises, who are currently behind bars in a Romanian prison and also bald.

Filmmaker Honored for Opportunity to Take Beloved Video Game Franchise and Adapt It Into Something Not for Dumb Little Babies

Posted on December 29, 2022 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

LOS ANGELES — A Hollywood director is reportedly excited to bring critically-acclaimed video game Prisoners to the big screen in a way that’s not for dumb little babies, according to those familiar with the situation.

“Prisoners is such a terrific game that so many people loved — it won Game of the Year in 2019 and was hailed by many as the first of its kind to truly be considered art. And that’s why I’m excited to make it into something that adults can enjoy,” explained director Ronald Turner. “It’s a really exciting time for video games! Prisoners is great, and it expertly explores the complex issues surrounding the United States justice system, but because it’s just a bunch of pixels on a screen, it could only ever truly be understood by pimply childish nerds. Now that the characters of the game are going to be portrayed by actual human actors, it’s the kind of pixels on the same screen that grown-ups will appreciate.”

“We’re really excited to see what we can do with the story too,” Turner said. “I haven’t played the game, but I’ve been briefed on its characters, plot, and themes, and I’m excited to force them into a script I wrote for a slightly similar movie I’ve been trying to get made for ten years.”

Longtime Prisoners fans are gearing up for the film’s release in 2024.

“Time and time again, I’ve gotten really excited about an adaptation of something I love, only to discover that the person doing the adaptation didn’t actually really get what made the original property good, and was just looking for an easy IP to attach themselves to,” said gamer Siena Wong. “But I’m really excited for Prisoners! I think the movie is gonna be super faithful.”

“I’ve put something like 500 hours into Prisoners and I expect every inch of this movie to be identical to the game,” said fan Addie Levine. “To me, movie and television adaptations are about taking the source material and perfectly recreating it in a new medium with surgical precision. Anything less than that, and I pull out the online harassment.”

At press time, Turner revealed that, in an attempt to keep the movie PG-13 to increase its potential box office draw, he would be removing much of the violence of the original story.