Nervous Sims Can Already Tell Woman Had a Bad Day at Work

SHEILATOWN — A terrified Sims family could tell within moments of interacting with their overlord Sheila Parker that she’d had a bad day at work, sources inside the video game have confirmed. 

“Oh Jesus, she stayed late again, here we go,” said a resident of Parker’s town in The Sims 4, speaking through a Simlish-to-English translator. “It’s happening more and more often these days. She stays and works late, they run her into the ground, and then she comes home and takes it out on us. Looks like I’m gonna be up all night kissing my relatives again. God damn it.” 

Developers of The Sims franchise defended Parker’s demented actions, claiming that the appeal of the series was always partially being able to do things in the game you wouldn’t in real life.

“Look, we’ve all thought about inviting our neighbors over, erecting some walls around them, and then watching them slowly starve to death over the course of days,” said Michael Duke, one of the directors of The Sims 4. “But we don’t act on these things, at least not most of us. As fun as the life management aspects of the series are, that’s merely the easiest part of the game to advertise. It’s been clear since day one that a huge part of this game’s appeal is to take out all of your aggressions and weird social energy out on these adorable people that just want to lead a simple life.”

When asked to comment, Parker reportedly didn’t realize the depths to which her depravity had sunk. 

“Look, they’re my Sims and I’ll do what I want with them,” she said, as she had her character with low cooking skill prepare a Pufferdish dinner for her gathered neighbors, ensuring all attendees of her dinner party would soon be violently ill. “Everyone blows off steam a little differently. Some people play Mario, some play Fortnite, and me, after a long shitty day of work I like to just get on the Sims and see if I can make people’s lives any worse than my own. It’s fun!” 

As of press time, concerned neighbors had reported seeing Parker remove the ladder from her actual swimming pool. 

Marvel’s Midnight Suns Gift Guide: All Favorite Hero Gifts

Marvel’s Midnight Suns comes with a quite robust social simulator aspect, where you can gain better relationships with heroes from all over the Marvel universe. A great way to boost this relationship is by using gifts. However, not all heroes are made equal, so different gifts are better for different heroes. Here are the best gifts for each hero in Marvel’s Midnight Suns, how to get them, & how to use them.

Where to get Gifts in Marvel’s Midnight Suns

Where to find the gift shop in Marvel's Midnight Suns.

By far the easiest way to get gifts in Marvel’s Midnight Suns is via the gift shop. The gift shop will be unlocked in the Abbey after reaching Team Friendship Level 2. The next day, you’ll be able to find the table pictured above right outside The Forge. Here, once a day, you can buy a random gift. As long as you have the Gloss for it, it’s honestly best to just buy one every day to create a stockpile.

There are a couple of other ways to find gifts as well. You can find them on shelves or tables throughout the Abbey, although these ones are a bit tough to find. You can also use Agatha’s cauldron later in the game to craft certain gifts. However, depending on how much time you spend exploring the Abbey, scavenging the materials for them may not be worth it.

Every Hero’s Favorite/Best Gift: Marvel’s Midnight Suns

Just like hangout spots, every hero has gifts that will give that they will “love,” giving maximum friendship XP boosts. Based on your time interacting with the hero to boost their friendship XP, you can probably guess what gifts they’ll love. But just in case you’re a bit unsure, here are some of the best gifts for each hero in Marvel’s Midnight Suns:

  • Blade: The Unauthorized Biography of Captain Marvel
  • Bruce Banner/The Hulk: The Incredible Hulk #181
  • Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel: Candle (Jet Fuel)
  • Doctor Strange: Dealing with Difficult Coworkers
  • Magik: Snack Box (World’s Grossest Candy)
  • Nico Minoru: Dark Beauty: A Gothic Coloring Book
  • Peter Parker/Spider-Man: Music Box (Face it Tiger)
  • Scarlet Witch: Music Box (On the Slopes of Wundagore)
  • Steve Rogers/Captain America: Snack Box (Premium MREs)
  • Tony Stark/Iron Man: Tales of Suspense #39
  • Wolverine: Snack Box (Root Beers of Canada)

Again, these gifts aren’t the only gift you should give a character; far from it! Use the knowledge of these characters that you learn along the journey to maximize your friendship returns from gifts.

How to Use Gifts in Marvel’s Midnight Suns

All heroes' favorite gifts in Marvel's Midnight Suns.

Using gifts in Midnight Suns is a relatively simple task. After a hangout with a hero, you’ll be prompted to choose a gift from your inventory. You can give any hero any gift, or you can choose to not give them one if you don’t have one that fits their personality.

Marvel’s Midnight Suns Iron Man Hangouts Guide: All Answers

Marvel’s Midnight Suns has hangout spots & conversation answers that work best with certain heroes, including the egotistical Iron Man. When you aren’t using the game’s card-based combat in tense missions, your custom hero, The Hunter, has the ability to explore and hang out with all kinds of Marvel heroes in the Abbey. This can lead to fun interactions that help flesh out the cast of Midnight Suns.

However, these benefits are more than surface-level dialogue. Increasing friendship level with the heroes can grant a bevy of benefits, including new attacks, stat buffs, & more. With that in mind, here’s the best hangout conversation answers & spots for Tony Stark. We’ll be updating this guide with information as we get it, so keep checking back for updates!

Best Iron Man Hangout Answers in Marvel’s Midnight Suns

Another conversation you can have has to do with the Spark. Tony will ask what you think of it. Respond to this with “I love it! I use it all the time.” Unsurprisingly, boosting Tony’s ego does wonders for your friendship.

In another conversation with Tony Stark, the Hunter will ask him why he names all of his products after himself. Tony will ask the same question back. The maximum friendship XP gain will come from the answer “Responsibility.”

Another possible conversation is initiated by the Hunter asking Tony why he has so much money. Tony calls it a necessary evil, and the best answer is “You don’t seem bothered by the question.”

You can also converse about the Hunter’s death. Tony asks where you end up after being dead. Choose the answer “I don’t remember.” None of the answers give a very definitive answer if you had the same question as Tony, though.

In a different Iron Man conversation, Tony muses on whether the Hunter could be resurrected again. Answer “I hope so. Why?” to get the best result.

Best Iron Man/Tony Stark Hangout Activities – Midnight Suns

In addition to conversation answers, you’ll get base friendship gains from different hangout activities. Here’s some of Iron Man’s friendship gains from each activity to you can share with him:

  • Have a drink: 0 friendship XP (disliked the activity)
  • Working out: +5 friendship XP (liked the activity)
  • Fishing: +5 friendship XP (liked the activity)
  • Playing cards: +7 friendship XP (loved the activity)
  • Pool Lounging: +7 friendship XP (loved the activity)
  • Watching a movie: +5 friendship XP (liked the activity)
  • Deep Conversation: +5 friendship XP (liked the activity)
  • Reading by the fire: +7 friendship XP (loved the activity)

Looking to increase your friendship with other Midnight Suns? Check out our ongoing Blade best hangout spots & conversation answers guide!

The Callisto Protocol: How to Get The Best Early Weapon

The Callisto Protocol can get challenging at certain times, as you will have to face many enemies on your escape from Black Iron Prison. They need to be dealt with properly and for that, you need to get your hands on all the weapons available in the game. One of the earliest weapons you can find in the game is the Skunk Gun. It is a small-sized shotgun that can do quite a bit of damage to enemies if you have proper precision. Not to mention, it is really useful early on in the game. This gun is easy to miss in the game and without it, your life in Black Iron Prison may get a lot more difficult. Here is a guide on where to find the best early weapon, the Skunk Gun, in The Callisto Protocol.

Skunk Gun Location Guide- The Callisto Protocol (Best Early Weapon)

The Skunk Gun can be found in Chapter 3: Aftermath of the main story. After you’ve experienced the elevator crash that will lead you to the basement, you will have to navigate out of it. Just after you get out of the crashed elevator, move forward a little bit and you’ll notice a gate at the right. Unfortunately, the gate is locked as there is no Gate Fuse.

What you need to do is go to the other side of the basement which has a few enemies that you will need to take out. There, you’ll find a Gate Fuse on the ground that you will need to pick up. 

Use the Gate Fuse to find the best early weapon in The Callisto Protocol.

This Gate Fuse will be needed to progress through the chapter by using it on the gate in front of it. But, before doing that, return to the location of the locked gate you saw first after entering the area. Then, use the Gate Fuse to open the gate. After doing that, you’ll have to climb onto the ventilation duct and crawl through to the other side. You will then reach another room on the side and notice the Skunk Gun schematic present. 

After you pick up the schematic, you can’t use the Skunk Gun directly. You will have to find a Reforge and craft the weapon and that will cost you 800 Callisto Credits. After that, The Callisto Protocol‘s best early game weapon is yours!

Call of Duty Warzone 2: How to Unlock the Nuke in Warzone 2.0

Call of Duty Warzone 2.0 launched on November 16th and the community as a whole has been working to discover how to unlock the Nuke for an instant win. It has finally been figured out. However, earning a Nuke is no easy feat and will demand a lot of skill, strategy, and a bit of luck. Here is how to unlock a Nuke in Warzone 2.

How to Unlock a Nuke in Warzone 2

Unlocking a Nuke in Warzone 2.0 rewards players with an instant win, but doing so is a multi-match challenge that only the most skilled and coordinated teams will be able to do. There are two main steps to unlocking a Nuke.

Win 5 Warzone 2.0 Matches in a Row

Already, this is a daunting and essentially unachievable task for the majority of Call of Duty players. Just winning one Warzone 2.0 match is a big ask, but winning 5 in a row is crazy! This will require a lot of skill, coordination, and luck. But, once you have your five wins, you are ready for the actual task of unlocking the Nuke.

Complete the Champions Quest

How to complete the champion's quest to unlock a nuke in Warzone 2.

At the start of your 6th match, a pop up will inform you that the Champions Quest has been initiated. Open your Tac-Map to find a golden Warzone logo, this is where you can collect the contract to begin the Champions Quest.

Once collected, four areas will be marked on your map. After a short amount of time, one of the four areas will be marked with a nuclear symbol. Head to this area to collect the nuclear material, this will mark the next area to visit. You’ll need to do this three times in total. Collecting each material will add a negative effect to your entire team. These effects include: marking your team on the map for all enemies, causing radiation damage over time, and a counter UAV for your minimap.

With all three materials collected, a new area will eventually be marked on your map. Once again denoted with a nuclear symbol, you’ll need to head to the area and deposit each of the three materials at the marker. This will arm the Nuke and begin a defense sequence. Similar to Search and Destroy, you’ll need to protect your Nuke for two minutes, while being marked for everyone and during an ongoing jailbreak.

After the two minutes expire, assuming you have somehow done all of this and survived all of the enemies chasing after you, your Nuke will explode. This instantly ends the match and awards your team with a win. You’ll even get a special end cutscene and some very rare cosmetics for your incredible achievement!

Marvel’s Midnight Suns: How To Use Havens & Where to Find Them

Marvel’s Midnight Suns is a card-based superhero management simulator. Players spend as much – if not more – time attending team-building social events as they do punching anonymous gunmen in the face. Even if you’re not into relationship dynamics, they’re essential here: raising “Friendship Level” provides huge benefits for individual characters as well as team-wide bonuses. One of the tools in a Midnight Sun’s relationship arsenal are Havens, but they come with a hefty disclaimer: they can only be used once, and each hero can only use one. Don’t be scared of wasting resources: here’s how to use Havens in Midnight Suns.

How Havens Work & Where They Are (Marvel’s Midnight Suns)

haven tutorial

Havens are sort of like consumable, one-time-use items to boost one hero’s Friendship Level. They’re found around the Abbey grounds, and look like swirling pools of blue energy. “Finding” one with a button press adds it to your list of available Havens – but again, it only works once.

A Haven use is basically the same as a “Hangout”. Hangouts occur regularly after missions. One or more heroes will have a glowing indicator over them, and the player can choose one to hang out with that night. Besides the character-building lore, there are three Friendship Level bonuses possible from Hangouts:

  • Activity bonus. This is five points for most activities, but a hero’s favorite activities are worth seven.
  • Conversation bonus. This can be anything from zero to two extra points, based on your response during the accompanying dialogue section.
  • Gift bonus. This depends on the rarity of the gift and its suitability for the recipient. Read the item details for hints on who to gift.

The ideal Hangout is nine points, plus gift bonus. Early on, that’s nearly a whole Friendship Level on its own.

Hangouts are powerful but random. They’re not always available, and when they are, they don’t always correspond with your favorite hero. That’s where Havens come in. Using a Haven is like triggering a Hangout at will. Conversations at Havens are also stronger than at regular Hangouts. The discussion topics are different, but their possible point values are doubled. Picking the right options can earn you eleven points!

Using Havens In Midnight Suns

midnight suns spider-man france
“le spide”

Since Midnight Suns Havens are extremely limited, their most efficient use is to treat them as an optimal Hangout. Wait to use them until you have a good hero-specific gift, and until you know what their preferred activity might be. Alternately, you can use them when you want a hero’s Friendship Level to increase right away to prepare for a hard fight they’ll be joining.

One essential difference between a Hangout and a Haven is the choice of activity. For Hangouts, the hero will offer three possible activities. With Havens, however, you’re choosing from every Haven activity you’ve found, and you can choose poorly. The greatest waste of a Haven is to make a hero do an activity they dislike: this lowers the activity bonus from five to zero! Saving before use keeps you from squandering Havens.

Either way, you don’t need to stress out too much. Marvel’s Midnight Suns is built to be a lot more accessible than your average XCOM. Thanks to Hangouts and other relationship builders, your team’s Friendship Level is raising all the time, and there’s no time crunch that requires the player to boost it quickly. Taking Captain Marvel fishing (which she hates) won’t force you into a bad ending or softlocked save file. It’s worth playing the game naturally rather than min-maxing. You might find yourself getting deeper into Abbey life that way.

I’ll understand, though, if you reload your save to avoid that plus-zero activity score.

Let Me Mention a Bunch of Random Video Games So You Morons Think I’m Gonna Make Movies Out of Them

What’s up, lowlifes? It’s me, renowned old man, horror film director, and master of cheap tricks John Carpenter. Are you ready for another one of my classic teases? You know the drill by now, I’m sure. It’s time for me to step into an interview, mention a bunch of miscellaneous video games I’ve been playing in my retirement, then vaguely allude to the idea that I possibly would maybe like to adapt a film version of one of them at some point in the future while you cats all lose your heads about it. I might even mention games I haven’t played, and I’ll just say I’ve heard of them to tease you! The important thing is that my name gets jumbled up with them in the big SEO machine, of course, and I think I’m about ready to get started. Alright folks, here we go. Journos, on your marks! Get those article-writing fingers ready, I’m gonna make it real easy for you to wring a few listicles out of my game ramblings!

Let me rattle off a few classics first: Sonic the Hedgehog, Fallout, and of course, Dead Space. Boy, isn’t it something to hear those words bounce around in your head associated with my name? Can you imagine my voice saying them? What a nice thought that is, your old pal John making a scary alien picture again starring Isaac from Dead Space. You’d like that wouldn’t you? Keep dreaming, sucker. Moving on.

Let’s get a bit more recent in this section. How about that Vampire Survivors thing? I made a movie about vampires, there’s some dots worth connecting there. Hell, I’d say that alone is reason enough for you to wildly presume I would make a Vampire Survivors film. Never mind the licensing, script development, and financiers – all that is a bunch of malarkey! If there’s one thing people think they know about the entertainment industry, it’s that loose, vaguely plausible connections in viral headlines that trend online for a week are all you need to make a movie! Bunch of morons.

Just gonna throw caution to the wind here: anyone remember Buck Bumble? I’d just love to make that into a picture. I can see it now, it’ll be like the bugs from Prince of Darkness crossed with Big Trouble in Little China. If only I had a script! Say, if you’ve got one kicking around, just send it to me. I’m famous, I’ve got money, I can make anything happen. Fire it off to NotInAMillionYearsYouIdiot@blowme.com. My people will call your people.

Oh, here’s a curveball: Metal Gear Solid. Wouldn’t that just be a regular mindfuck? Wouldn’t that just get that ol’ Luc Besson’s panties all in a twist? Picture an Instagram post with one ominous photo of me, Kurt Russel, and that Hideo Kojima fella in a boardroom, all smiles, shaking hands, and then BLAMMO — none of us will ever mention it again. Let me tell you, I loved my time making pictures, but nothing would bring me more pleasure than to see you fucking rubes do backflips over that one.

Well, that’s all she wrote this time, kids. Sorry to disappoint everyone that was hoping I’d mention Marvel and Scorsese by the time I was done here, but I’ll leave that to the commenters to speculate about. Time for me to watch the Lakers and smoke weed in my house ‘til I die. Sayonara, assholes!

Gamer Disappointed in Real Life Gulag

UNKNOWN LOCATION — A devoted Call of Duty: Warzone fan that’s been kidnapped by terrorists found the conditions of their gulag to be underwhelming, incoming reports have confirmed. 

“If you have received this letter, please know that I am doing okay,” read a letter from Dave Krebs, the recently abducted gamer, that he was allowed to send to his family. “I am routinely tortured, deprived of food and water, and there have been virtually no chances to fight for my chances to regain freedom. In short, this gulag experience is yet another reminder that sometimes the media we consume gives us a warped perception of the way the world really is.” 

“One day they electrocuted me for hours,” the letter continued. “It was just like that part in Grand Theft Auto 5! Interesting that despite our differences we have so much in common and seem to play the same video games.”

Friends and family of Krebs’ were happy to hear he was alive and well, but saddened to hear of his disillusioning accommodations. 

“Poor guy, he must be so disappointed,” said Ruth Krebs, Dave’s mother. “Not only to be subjected to the horrors of being a prisoner, but to also have to realize in such a harsh way that a lot of his favorite movies and games have misled him about the true horrors of warfare. Is he not coming home? I’m gonna turn his room into an office if he’s not coming home.” 

Call of Duty developers defended the liberties taken with the franchise. 

“Look, we never said these games were completely accurate,” said Randy Shore, a lead designer on the Warzone series. “We have 150-player free-for-alls with shrinking safety zone circles, and part of that involves a gulag mechanic that gives players a chance to earn their way back in. It’s just a video game. It’s not like we sent people to real gulags to have them do research, we just made shit up.” 

“[Activision CEO and president] Bobby [Kotick] wanted to send some of us to one,” he continued. “But then he got busy sexually harassing someone and luckily it never came up again.”

As of press time, Krebs had written a second letter explaining that zombies had overrun the gulag in waves. 

Billionaire Pledges to End World Hunger Games Franchise Hiatus

SAN FRANCISCO — Tech billionaire and one of the richest men in the world, Benson Clairmont, pledged to solidify his legacy as a philanthropist by pumping massive amounts of money into ending the world Hunger Games franchise hiatus.

“It breaks my heart to stand by when I see so many people who are starving for this. I’m ready to man up and use my vast wealth and resources to feed this need for as long as it takes, no matter the cost,” boasted the 56-year-old tycoon. “I’ve taken so much over the course of my life, but now it’s time to give back and nourish the souls of people in even the most Hunger Games-barren areas of the world.”

The Hunger Games author Suzanne Collins confirmed that she is on board with the philanthropic endeavor.

“He made it explicitly clear that the protagonist in the new books is to be named ‘Clenson Bairmont’ and that he should have ‘tons of amazing cowgirl and reverse cowgirl sex’ with Katniss, whom he kept referring to as ‘Jennifer Lawrence,’” the award-winning author explained. “But how can I make someone who is so socioeconomically tone deaf, someone so symbolically wrong with both this world and Panem, be portrayed in any way except as a true-to-life monster? $100 million per book. That’s how.”

Spokesperson for charity Hungry Lives Matter, Bill Kemp, rode waves of different emotions after the announcement.

“Our charity which aims to create food equity by feeding anyone who is hungry, not just those in need, was absolutely thrilled when we heard of Mr. Clairmonts great endeavor to meet hunger needs in the world,” said Kemp while handing out bags of food to a group of local investment bankers. “Then we were confused when we realized it had to do with books and movies. But we quickly remembered he’s an incredible visionary whose genius may not be immediately apparent to smaller minds so obviously now we can’t wait for us all to gluttonously feast our eyes on whatever the fruits of his historic generosity.”

At press time, Clairmont’s team additionally announced a multi-million dollar initiative to bring the “peace in the middle east“ parting phrase back into style.

Overwatch 2: Everything We Know About Season 3

Overwatch 2 promises an experience with more frequent releases and action-packed content than the original could have ever offered, with a new season set to drop every nine weeks. We can’t help but wonder when Season 3 will take the spotlight. What exciting new content might it offer?

Everything We Know About Overwatch 2 Season 3

Everything we know that's coming to Overwatch 2 Season 3.

Overwatch 2 promises three to four new maps and heroes every year, with seasons every nine weeks that alternate between releasing one and the other. The official Overwatch 2 content roadmap promises plenty of fresh cosmetics like hero skins and sprays, as well as new modes and battle passes which will be included in each update.

Season 3 of Overwatch 2 will be the first of 2023, and naturally will be getting heaps of new refreshing content and a pleasant surprise. According to commercial lead John Spector, we’ll be seeing the release of a new support hero. In his own words, the character will play a “more solid support” style—refreshing news from a game whose player base notoriously favors DPS and Tank Roles.

In fact, lead hero designer Alec Dawson stated that his team is focusing on creating great new support-type heroes, so that queue times to play Tank and DPS roles aren’t so dramatic, which has been an ongoing issue since the first Overwatch.

That leaves many wondering, when can we expect season 3 to make its debut so that we can test out this new, unnamed support hero?

It definitely won’t be in 2022, as a nine-week duration from season 2’s December 6th launch places us at a February 7th end date. It’s incredibly likely that this date will also mark the start of season 3.

One massive development that will set Overwatch 2 apart from its predecessor is the promise of cooperative story missions against AI opponents. These missions have been delayed but are set to release in 2023. It’s certainly possible that season 3 could have this long-asked-for experience waiting for us. 

It’s tough to say exactly what we’ll find behind the curtain of Season 3, but it’s very likely to include seasonal and themed content, something many live service games share in common. That means that some Valentine’s Day content could make an appearance, as well as a return of the Overwatch Archives event. 

If Season 3’s predicted start date of February 7th holds true, then we can expect it to end on April 11th, 2023, which will also bring about a brand new season.