MADISON, Wis. — Long time gamer Brett Hansen announced today that games were better before he managed to finally figure out their blatant political themes, according to social media posts.
“Nowadays every game has some hamfisted political theme which I catch on to maybe 200 or 300 hours into the game,” Hansen posted online. “Remember when Helldivers 2 was just about killing bugs? Now I hear it’s also got political stuff.”
Ex-coworkers of Hansen say not being able to detect the main themes in media and elsewhere has been a recurring theme in his life, which he has not detected.
“I worked with Brett at Walmart. Three years in he said, ‘This place was a lot more fun before it was all about making money,’” Dan Saunders, who worked as a cashier along with Hansen, said. “Then he went into this whole diatribe about how he overheard our manager talking about meeting sales goals and that tipped him off to the idea. I was in that meeting. We had it weekly, it was very direct.”
Family said Hansen has struggled with the issue for quite some time.
“He’s a good kid,” Brad Hansen, Brett’s father said. “Not everyone is quick on their feet but we love him. Growing up we’d always watch the Godzilla movies together. I love those memories we have. But the other day he told me he wasn’t going to watch any more of the movies now that they’re about, ‘woke nuclear and environmentalist stuff.’”
At press time Hansen announced that ultimately gaming had just become too steeped in woke ideology, and so instead he plans to turn to some message-free music by the band Rage Against The Machine.
