KENTFIELD, Calif. — Local lifelong Resident Evil fan Scott Josephs, 32, has baffled researchers for years by having the scarcity mindset of a dustbowl farmer in the early 20th century, despite growing up in an affluent California suburb, sources confirmed.
“I’m just making sure we’re well-prepared!” insisted Josephs showing off his pantry that was stocked like open war was being waged a block away. “You never know when you will suddenly be out of food, weapons, or ink for your typewriter, you know? Best to just hang on to as much as you can at all costs and only use it when you’re sure it’s absolutely necessary. I’ve been this way ever since I was a kid, not really sure why.”
A breakthrough occurred when Scott’s mother Peggy off-handedly mentioned that he’d play early Resident Evil games on trips to his grandparents’ house.
“He once complained all week about not having enough ammo to kill a Tyrant,” she said. “Survival-horror’s never been my thing, I assumed he was just listening to his grandpa’s war stories. Come to think of it though, He did always finish his RPGs with 20 megalixers in his inventory. Maybe we should have explained that good video games are generally tuned so the player can progress naturally and that hoarding can create unnecessary challenge and lead to an unsatisfying final battle. It’s probably too late now, I suppose.”
Josephs is skeptical that his exposure to Resident Evil games has given him a scarcity mindset.
“I mean, yes, I was young and stupid, throwing out handgun ammo like it was candy at Halloween and yes, I had a panic attack and used all my magnum ammo on those spiders,” he said. “And after spending an entire afternoon being dismembered by an unstoppable murder nightmare that I never got closure by defeating, I may have taken more stock of what we needed around the house. But I think people just like to have answers more than they like asking questions.”
These days, Josephs can be found in YouTube and Twitch chat claiming that people playing modern survival horror games are “already dead,” anytime they miss a single shot and “have no idea what they’re doing,” anytime they don’t consult a walkthrough for each step of their first playthrough of a game.
“I’m very well-adjusted,” Josephs insisted as he purchased a 25-pound tub of flavorless gruel from an anti-government militia’s website.
