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Unhinged Maniac Rigs NES to Explode If SMB3 Speedrunner Lets Mario Drop Below P-Speed

ORLANDO, Fla. — Sending waves of terror rippling throughout the streamer’s Twitch chat, an unhinged maniac rigged an NES to explode if Super Mario Bros. 3 speedrunner SuperFamiKid let Mario drop below P-Speed, panicked sources confirmed.

“There’s a bomb on the NES. Once Mario reaches P-Speed, the bomb is armed. If he drops below P-Speed, the bomb blows up. What do you do now?” said the ragged, intimidating voice over a payphone call that was being broadcast to the entire Twitch stream. “By the way, for anyone who doesn’t know, P-speed refers to the maximum running speed that Mario can attain, and the name comes from the little P meter at the bottom of the screen. So that’s just a bit of Mario speedrunning history for you. Thanks for having me on the stream, by the way. Really big fan.”

SuperFamiKid reacted to the news calmly and firmly, trying to keep his composure to reassure his chat and maintain the world record pace of his run.

“I just checked underneath the console during that animation I couldn’t skip, and he’s telling the truth. There’s a bomb in here,” said SuperFamiKid, pausing to thank a member of his chat who had just gifted him a Twitch Prime sub. “I need to maintain P-speed at all times now. And you might not know this, but whenever Mario is swimming or climbing, the P-meter doesn’t go down, so I’ll probably use that strat a few times during the run to conserve momentum and also so that I don’t die.”

At press time, SuperFamiKid’s Twitch chat had begun appropriately reacting to the tense situation with a stream of MonkaS emotes.

Check out the newest episode of the Hard Drive podcast where we watch and discuss every episode of 1989’s The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!

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