January 17, 2022 Employees Urged to Keep Working After T-Virus Exposure Unless They Have Giant Eyeball Growing Out of Their Shoulder Employees Urged to Keep Working After T-Virus Exposure Unless They Have Giant Eyeball Growing Out of Their Shoulder RACCOON CITY — The Raccoon City Health Department (RCHD) recently advised employees exposed to the rapidly spreading T-Virus to continue reporting for work, unless their…
January 11, 2022 Gamer Who Just Bought ‘Pokémon Shining Pearl’ Suddenly Really Concerned About Going Outside During Omicron Gamer Who Just Bought ‘Pokémon Shining Pearl’ Suddenly Really Concerned About Going Outside During Omicron CHARLOTTE, N.C. — In the weeks since buying Pokémon Shining Pearl for the Nintendo Switch, local gamer Calvin Palmer has expressed increasing concern about leaving…
December 22, 2021 SneezeCon 2021 Cancelled SneezeCon 2021 Cancelled PHOENIX — After hoping they’d be able to resume their annual gathering celebrating sneezing and the various subcultures surrounding it, the organizers of SneezeCon 2021…
September 5, 2021 Backyard Baseball Season Called Off After Pablo Tests Positive for COVID-19 Backyard Baseball Season Called Off After Pablo Tests Positive for COVID-19 ERNIE’S HOUSE — A positive COVID test for league superstar Pablo Sanchez has resulted in the entire 2021-22 Backyard Baseball season being called off, sources…
August 31, 2021 Untitled Goose Game Village Still at 0% Vaccinated Untitled Goose Game Village Still at 0% Vaccinated UNTITLED VILLAGE — As vaccination rates continue to climb nationwide due to expanded eligibility and availability, local vaccination numbers have unfortunately remained steady at 0%,…
August 9, 2021 Real Life Suicide Squad Goes to Movie Theater Unvaccinated Real Life Suicide Squad Goes to Movie Theater Unvaccinated MADISON, Wisc. — A group of seven misfit friends excited to see movies in theaters again, despite not being vaccinated, have formed Suicide Squad of…
July 4, 2021 Unvaccinated Muscle-Child Going for Glass Cannon Build Unvaccinated Muscle-Child Going for Glass Cannon Build MADISCON, Wisc. — 9-year-old muscle child Toby Burrows will reportedly avoid receiving his COVID-19 vaccine in order to achieve a glass cannon build, according to…
June 26, 2021 Universal Confirms ‘COVID-19’ Will Join the Family in Fast & Furious 10 After Being Villain of F9 Universal Confirms ‘COVID-19’ Will Join the Family in Fast & Furious 10 After Being Villain of F9 UNIVERSAL CITY, Calif. — Universal Pictures has confirmed that the 10th film in the “Fast Saga” will prominently feature the COVID-19 pandemic as part of…
May 13, 2021 Earth 616 Residents Wary of New Vaccine Developed by Team of Brilliant Scientists Earth 616 Residents Wary of New Vaccine Developed by Team of Brilliant Scientists NEW YORK — Residents of Earth 616’s New York City are reportedly wary of a new COVID-19 vaccine that was created by the top scientists…
