June 22, 2022 Elon Musk’s Daughter Tells Him She Will Be Cutting Family Member Headcount by 10% Elon Musk’s Daughter Tells Him She Will Be Cutting Family Member Headcount by 10% SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk’s 18-year-old daughter, who recently came out as transgender, alerted him to impending family member cuts via a curt email, sources…
June 20, 2022 Disheveled Mario Reveals Those Coins of His Are Worthless Disheveled Mario Reveals Those Coins of His Are Worthless MUSHROOM KINGDOM — A filthy and penniless Mario Mario made a public plea for charity this morning, revealing that the iconic coins he’s been collecting…
June 20, 2022 Remote Worker Takes Time Out of Busy Day to Respond to Work Emails Remote Worker Takes Time Out of Busy Day to Respond to Work Emails SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Quickly shuffling around events in his calendar to accommodate the chore, remote office worker Darren McCurdy was reportedly able to find time…
June 20, 2022 Mom Writes Friend Code on Child’s Arm In Case Any Kidnappers Want to Play Mario Kart Mom Writes Friend Code on Child’s Arm In Case Any Kidnappers Want to Play Mario Kart SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Local mom Leah Reynolds reportedly wrote her Nintendo Switch Friend Code on her son Cody’s arm before their recent trip to the…
June 19, 2022 Charlie Kaufman to Direct MCU Sequel Where Ant-Man Battles Crippling Loneliness Charlie Kaufman to Direct MCU Sequel Where Ant-Man Battles Crippling Loneliness LOS ANGELES — The Marvel Cinematic Universe has just announced its latest auteur director in the wake of Sam Raimi’s Doctor Strange in the Multiverse…
June 19, 2022 Neurotic AI Becomes Too Self Aware Neurotic AI Becomes Too Self Aware WASHINGTON — In a potentially groundbreaking development, an artificial intelligence developed by the Department of Defense has reportedly become “too self aware” and is now…
June 17, 2022 “You Guys Talkin’ About Gorn?” Asks Roommate Who’s Always Trying to Get You to Play Gorn “You Guys Talkin’ About Gorn?” Asks Roommate Who’s Always Trying to Get You to Play Gorn GREEN BAY, Wis. — For the third time this week, Gus, your roommate that insists 2019’s virtual reality gladiator combat simulator Gorn was the game…
June 17, 2022 Game You Spent 27 Hours Downloading Sucks Ass Game You Spent 27 Hours Downloading Sucks Ass NEW ORLEANS — A Knight’s Wish, the ambitious RPG that you spent over an actual day downloading, actually kind of sucks cock, sources have confirmed. …
June 17, 2022 Shigeru Miyamoto Clearly Just Pretending to Like Luigi’s Hand-Crafted Father’s Day Card Shigeru Miyamoto Clearly Just Pretending to Like Luigi’s Hand-Crafted Father’s Day Card KYOTO, Japan — Legendary game designer Shigeru Miyamoto reportedly had a less than enthusiastic reaction this Father’s Day when being presented with a homemade card…
