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April 11, 2021

Review: ‘Link’s Awakening’ Is More Gorgeous Than Ever After 26 Years, Unlike You

Review: ‘Link’s Awakening’ Is More Gorgeous Than Ever After 26 Years, Unlike You

Review by Andy Holt. Video by Peter Kemme.

April 10, 2021

Couple Tearfully Agrees It’s Time to Main Other People

Couple Tearfully Agrees It’s Time to Main Other People

ROCKVILLE CENTRE, N.Y. — After several years of mastering each others’ subtle quirks, local couple Arjun Irukulapati and Ellen Cervantes have regretfully decided the time…

April 9, 2021

Local Basketball Coach Arrested After Feeding Opposing Star Player Chocolate

Local Basketball Coach Arrested After Feeding Opposing Star Player Chocolate

FERNFIELD, Wash. — Stephen Cobbs, coach of the Spokane Warriors junior high basketball team, has been arrested after killing Fernfield Timberwolves’ star player, Air ‘Buddy’…

April 8, 2021

‘Call of Duty’ Color Blind Mode Excuses You From Duty

‘Call of Duty’ Color Blind Mode Excuses You From Duty

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Activision has spurred a recent controversy in the gaming community with a patch for Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War,…

April 8, 2021

The Top 10 Comments on Hard Drive Articles This Week

The Top 10 Comments on Hard Drive Articles This Week

CAUTION: This column features comments, and commentary that joke at the expense of Elon Musk. If you are sensitive to mockery of Elon Musk, turn…

April 7, 2021

Guy Who Threw Away Box Without Looking Can’t Believe PS5 Didn’t Come With Power Cable

Guy Who Threw Away Box Without Looking Can’t Believe PS5 Didn’t Come With Power Cable

NEW YORK — Scoffing at the disappointing contents of the package he’d just paid $500 for, local man Tyler Lopresti, who just moments ago threw…

April 5, 2021

Here Are All the Porns Coming To Pornhub This Weekend

Here Are All the Porns Coming To Pornhub This Weekend

Well, it looks like we’ll be jackin our knobs and flicking our vaginas once again this weekend! Here’s everything you need to know about what’s…

April 5, 2021

RUMOR: Applebee’s Set to Unveil New Presto Pro Tableside Tablet With Nvidia DLSS and Raytracing

RUMOR: Applebee’s Set to Unveil New Presto Pro Tableside Tablet With Nvidia DLSS and Raytracing

GLENDALE Calif. — According to a massive leak from within Applebee’s, the company is preparing to roll out a new “Pro” model of their popular…

April 4, 2021

Pope Francis to Hold 2021 Easter Vigil in Fortnite

Pope Francis to Hold 2021 Easter Vigil in Fortnite

VATICAN CITY — A spokesman from the Vatican announced today that Pope Francis would be holding this today’s Easter Vigil Mass exclusively in the video…