PALO ALTO, Calif. — Medical corporate giant BioloGen is paving the way for network security by doing away with boring alphanumeric passwords and replacing them with cute puzzle games employees must solve.
“Traditionally, unlocking your computer is a dull, forgetful experience,” said Pete Levine, BioloGen’s new Chief Technology Officer (CTO). “I want our employees to start their day with something to get the juices flowing, thereby increasing daily productivity.”
This kind of innovation is what the public has come to expect from BioloGen.
“Everyday our employees are working on the next big thing: developing weapons, discovering new elements, seeing what happens when a person touches those elements,” said President and CEO of BioloGen. “It is of the utmost importance that we protect these innovations with more than just a simple passcode someone will probably write down on a post-it-note.”
However, some employees expressed dissatisfaction with the change.
“This blows. I don’t have fifteen minutes every morning to match colored circles and squares in a straight line. God forbid I get up from my desk for a second and have to do it all over again when I get back,” said Adam Evans, Associate Program Manager at Biologen. “Also, the difficulty here is bonkers. Wouldn’t it make sense for those higher in the company to require a more elaborate puzzle? But no, instead they based it on how far you sit from the entrance and since I’m all the way over by the break room, I get fucked.”
At press time, Biologen had abandoned the building due to no one being able to log into their PCs. Wayward scavengers had begun moving in and were reporting that these computer puzzles were a nice change of pace from their daily loops of fighting each other off on the inside, sources confirm.
Like this article? Check out our podcast! The Hard Drive Podcast is available on all podcast apps.