#181. Battletanx
December 29, 1998
The 3DO Company
The 3DO Company
$40.79 at Amazon
See how they spelled “tanks?” What else do you need to know? Oh, maybe that the story involves a deadly plague that wipes out 99.9% of the females of the world, leaving the men to duke it out in the streets with tanks. Presumably the first ever game conceived by a five year old going through a breakup, it’s too bad that the game’s redundant locations and missions can’t keep up with the batshit plot of roaming tank gangs and battles over surviving Queen Lords. That’s what they call the ladieeeeees! Fellas, take care of your Queen Lords, you know what I’m saying? This Roland Emmerich movie turned into a game is best played on a permanently sticky juice stained controller and a mother screaming at you about your bedtime. — M. Roebuck
#180. Tom and Jerry in Fists of Furry
November 12, 2000
VIS Interactive
NewKidCo
As Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter’s reigns at the top of the fighting game worlds continued, one Nintendo game dared ask, “What if we took some beloved IP and released a remarkably fun fighting game exclusively on the Nintendo 64?” And alas, Super Smash Bros was born. Do you know something else? They also made a Tom and Jerry game the next year that’s surprisingly fun! Hilarious misdirection of mine aside, Fists of Furry actually shares more DNA with the incredible Power Stone series of games than Smash Bros, with its 3-D levels and focus on environmental weapons. Is it the most polished game on this list? No, not by a long shot. Does it have as many jet skis as Wave Race 64? No, not even close, pal. But darn it, this is a sneaky and fun little game. The exclusion of 4-player is tragic, and kept it from being too high on the list. — M. Roebuck
#179. International Track & Field 2000
June 1, 2000
Konami
Konami
$89.99 on Amazon
Similar to Nagano Winter Olympics ‘98 in that on a technicality I sort of have to recommend this game to certain people, like say, fans of pole vaulting and hurdle jumping, as this game really has the market cornered in certain regards. Unlike Nagano, however, the games here aren’t very fun. The feeling of a track meet is realized fully, in the sense that you spend infinitely more time in the menus, tutorials, replays, and results screens then you actually do swimming or running or vaulting .’ Hurry up and wait,’ would’ve been a snappy subtitle to spice up its generic name. It’s not glaringly bad, and some of the animations are actually quite nice, but there’s not a lot here. If you were a kid itching to play Mario Party, but had been grounded from having fun, International Track & Field 2000 would do quite nicely. — M. Roebuck
#178. Indiana Jones and the Infernal Machine
December 15, 2000
Factor 5
LucasArts
$106.99 on Amazon
This game was meant to be the Nintendo 64’s answer to Tomb Raider, but unfortunately they couldn’t figure out how to give Indy large conical breasts. So instead, they took clear inspiration from the N64 Zelda games. The HUD is nearly identical, including assigning different items to the C-buttons, and enemy combat even uses a similar Z-targeting system. It’s never been more fun to whip snakes to death! There are some nice little details in this game, such as Indy taking off his hat to swim and putting it back on upon submerging– like a true gentleman.
After the success of GoldenEye, a lot of publishers were hoping to catch that same lightning in a bottle by adapting successful movie properties into video games. The difference here though is that Indiana Jones and the Infernal Machine is a wholly original story. LucasArts chose to devise a new plot instead of directly adapting Temple of Doom or something. In hindsight that was probably a smart move to set itself apart from its contemporaries and to not be compared so closely with the source material. But at the end of the day, you’re better off just watching the movies instead of hearing a Harrison Ford sound-a-like randomly churn out one liners and catchphrases. — K. Podas
#177. NHL Breakaway ‘99
November 30, 1998
Iguana West
Acclaim
It’s easy to make fun of those that are critical of sports games being too similar year in and year out, but much like Wayne Gretzky’s run of games that he single handedly programmed for the system, Breakaway is very guilty of this. Of course you can’t reinvent the puck every year, but so many elements are identical, down to the menus and pre-game skatearounds, that it’s hard not to notice. In 1998, this was a slap in the face to anyone that had spent 60 bucks on last year’s game. In 2023, it’s the slightly superior version of Breakaway that has marginally better opponent AI and the good goddamn sense to put Steve Yzerman on the cover. — M. Roebuck
#176. Mickey’s Speedway USA
November 13, 2000
Rare
Nintendo
$36.99 on Amazon
When you think of N64 racing games developed by Rare, well, you probably think of something else. But there was also Mickey’s Speedway USA! There’s a reason Mickey doesn’t take first. It’s because this game, like most Disney products, is safe and boring. You get a perfectly serviceable kart racer that is fun enough to get a few laps in, and then immediately forget about afterwards. The lack of imagination on display is quite noticeable. Instead of racing around iconic Disney locations, you get Indianapolis, Seattle, and Oregon. It’s fine, but when you have so many other options, why settle for fine? I doubt any other than the most Disney of adults would choose this over the gluttonous amount of kart racers at your disposal, both now and back when it came out. — G. Porter
#175. NBA Live 2000
October 29, 1999
NuFX
EA Sports
$14.99 on Amazon
A year in the lab makes Live 2000 better than ‘99 by a predictably thin margin. The second and last installment of the franchise on the 64 adds a noticeable improvement to the flow of games and introduces Michael Jordan as a playable character for the first time. It’s a little bit better than the year before. I have a working theory that NBA Live 2001 in turn is a little more fun than this one. It is not on the Nintendo 64, however, so I will never know. I am not allowed. — M. Roebuck
#174. Tetrisphere
August 11, 1997
H20 Entertainment
Nintendo
$39.99 on Amazon
Tetrisphere is not a game you should attempt to play while drunk. I will repeat that: TETRISPHERE IS NOT A GAME YOU SHOULD ATTEMPT TO PLAY WHILE DRUNK!!!
The game mechanics, while not impossible to figure out sober, take a lot of trial and error for those unfamiliar. So, if you’ve just slugged back your ninth Jägerbomb of the evening then you can forget about it. Thank fuck I didn’t have this game as an uncoordinated kid or the number of smashed controllers in the house would have tripled. If you are not a child or a blacked out adult, though, this game is okay. Ain’t got shit on Tetris, though. — J. Knapp
#173. Rally Challenge 2000
June 30, 2000
Genki
SouthPeak Games
$59.99 on Amazon
Rally Challenge 2000 generates most of its appeal by aping its ancestral arcade counterpart, Sega Rally Championship — it is not an exaggeration to call it a clone, given its arcade-style handling, simplified co-driver notes, and overall look and feel. It is a clean, average, and fairly pleasant ride that lacks some of the smoothness and dynamism of its predecessor, but is largely competent on its own merits.
The tracks in the game, as is rally tradition, are in various countries throughout the globe. The game’s take on Australia, the first course, is laughably simple, with just a far-reaching path of mud dotted by some vaguely tropical foliage. It’s particularly funny in contrast with the second course, which takes place in Spain, and features a far more robust cityscape. They could have at least added a single pity kangaroo in the background to give Australia some semblance of environmental dignity. Alas, Rally Challenge 2000 does not give you the option to floor it and mow down Kangaroo Jack. Perhaps it would have a more distinct identity of its own, had it dared to make some more interesting choices. — L. Fisher
#172. Knockout Kings 2000
October 12, 1999
Black Ops Entertainment
EA Sports
$27.19 on Amazon
This is a decent sports title that fails to live up to the grandeur that is its Wii Sports counterpart. There isn’t much here that’s exciting in this day and age unless you’re an avid fan of boxing history, as the roster for Knockout Kings 2000 is actually really impressive. The greatest thing about the game, however, is watching someone lose. I don’t mean beating your best bud in PvP, no, I mean watching your virtual boxer lose. The game uses that “steadily watch the fighters get their eyes swollen shut” damage indicator on their faces that EA would later polish to near grotesque levels in the Fight Night titles. The loser also has to get up and slowly walk all the way across the ring back to their corner, head down in absolute shame/pain with every horrible decision they’ve ever made flashing before their very eyes. That’s the sort of existential dread that Wii Sports Boxing could never replicate. — W. Quant
#171. Aero Fighters Assault
November 21, 1997
Paradigm Entertainment
Vic Tokai
$27.99 on Amazon
It can be really difficult to separate nostalgia from genuine critical assessment. I remember borrowing Aero Fighters Assault from my cousin around the year 1999, and to this day I haven’t given it back. I really enjoy this unique entry in the Nintendo 64’s catalog, but this fighter jet sim is also plagued with issues. The graphics are blocky and muddy, while the speed of it gives the impression of floating through a bowl of crab bisque instead of conveying speed while soaring through the skies. And don’t get me started on the repetitive voice acting cues. “Da svidania! Da svidania! Da svidania!” Uggh. Let’s just hope my cousin doesn’t charge late fees. — J. Danek
#170. NBA Courtside 2
November 8, 1999
Left Field Productions
Nintendo
$39.99 on Amazon
Tweaked gameplay and innovations like multiple seasons are nice additions to the original, but a needlessly complicated free throw system that asks you to look at two things on the screen at once keeps this game from floating too high in the crowded pack of NBA games. I’m sorry, am I doing a dead eye duel in Red Dead Redemption or trying to convert an and-one with Gary Payton? I’m told Kobe Bryant did the mocap for this game, which sure, I’ll take everyone’s word for. I refuse to believe Kobe did the mocap of players bouncing the ball up to their damn neck as they move the ball upcourt. I think they let a fourth grader do that. — M. Roebuck
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