KYOTO, Japan — Shigeru Miyamoto announced today that in order to make sure he lives up to his highest standards, he will be delaying the orgasm he was to give to his wife, Yasuko Miyamoto.
“This is not a choice I have made lightly,” Miyamoto said, according to those familiar with the situation. “A healthy relationship can take many forms, one of which is helping your partner achieve climax. While I strive to be a very giving lover, I feel that I should delay my wife’s orgasm. After all, a teased orgasm can be a good orgasm, but a rushed one is forever bad.”
Those close to Yasuko Miyamoto say that she was vocally displeased with the announcement of the orgasm’s delay.
“The last time he ‘produced’ one of my orgasms was 2017,” she explained. “I didn’t mind, originally; when he first started bringing his work home, he would turn on noclit and just explore my body, and it was amazing. But as a woman, I have needs not being met. If things don’t get better, I might run off with [head of PlayStation] Hermen Hulst!”
At press time, Miyamoto had sent his wife a high resolution photograph of his flaccid penis, but had no other information on when an erection would be available, saying it’s “in development.”
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