HUNTINGTON, W.Va. — Optimistic Reddit user DonaldDank72 recently posted a comment detailing extensive advice on how to save yourself from drowning on a three-year-old post asking for help on the subject, hopeful sources confirm.
“I always try to help out when I can,” DonaldDank72 said about the ten-paragraph-long explanation on how to not drown. “At first, I wasn’t sure if I should comment. It was a pretty old post. But then I realized, hey, maybe he could still be out there flailing around in the ocean, which you should never do! I know quite a bit about drowning, specifically what to do to avoid it. So if he’s out there, I just hope that my comment was able to aid him in his time of need. If it did, I really hope he gives that comment some gold. I think I deserve that much.”
One of the subreddit’s moderators, SpunkMeisterFlash, added some of his own perspective on the situation.
“Oh yeah, we all knew that OP was basically dead when we saw that post. It was marked as urgent and in it, he said he needed some quick advice right now,” said the moderator. “I’m not sure how helpful it will be to the OP, but I’ll leave the post up for now in case that comment could help someone else who’s drowning in the future.”
Browsing DonaldDank72’s comment history showcases his desire to help other Redditors by offering them extremely late advice.
“I love helping people, it’s what I do best,” he said while typing on his computer. “Like last week, I wrote a comment on how to survive a bear attack. That post was only a couple of months old, so I’m sure my help was appreciated. Right now I’m helping a woman that was caught in the Texas snowstorm. One good deed every day, right?”
At press time, DonaldDank72 had navigated back to /r/OhGodPleaseHelpImDying, sorted by “New”, and scrolled all the way to the bottom to find more posts to reply to.
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